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Old 04-13-2006, 05:59 PM   #1
Alexander
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Xander's Insensitive Opinions

I play a lot of games, but I don't always enjoy them. I will only review games that I've either completed or spent a reasonable amount of time with and enough to know the quality of. My rating scale is as follows:



I'll post my review of Kingdom Hearts II first.
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Old 04-13-2006, 07:08 PM   #2
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sweet yet it stings with insensitivity... bring on the kh 2 review!
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Old 04-13-2006, 08:10 PM   #3
Joe Redifer
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I disagree with your first review.
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Old 04-13-2006, 08:42 PM   #4
Alexander
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Kingdom Hearts II


The box art is pretty cool and better than what SE usually pumps out.

So it's finally arrived! The first installment of Kingdom Hearts sold more copies than every game on the Dreamcast put together, so we all knew a sequel was coming (especially after the giveaway at the ending.) Does it live up to the expectations set by the first one? Yes. But is that a good thing? Read on and find out!

Graphics: 8/10 To be quite honest, the visuals of KH II kick a substantial amount of ass. It probably pushes the PS2 to its limits, but I wouldn't really know. The framerate remains extremely stable, so that's good. All the Disney characters look and move just like they do in the movies, which fans will appreciate. Unfortunately, since most of the characters are ripped straight from Final Fantasy and Disney, the designs are very unoriginal. The enemies you face are mostly rehashed from the first one or look like some kind of Final Fantasy rejects. The heartless are more or less all the same, but the new "Nobodies" vary significantly, even if they all sort of look stupid. The animation in battle is drastically improved from the original game, and it's actually fun to watch, although because you'll be using the same attacks over and over, it gets boring rather quickly. The beginning and end of the game are told in craptastic FMV that Square is known for, but it looks more like PS1-era CG than current-gen. Or next-gen. Which gen is it?


I do believe this is one of the first screenshots released. Very sharp and unaltered.

Sound: 5/10 The game starts off terribly in the sound department. Once you choose "New Game," you're treated to an earsplitting J-Pop tune with no sense of pace or rhythm and a terrible, creaky, shitty, adolescent girl voice. It's completely terrible. Luckily, it's the only vocal song in the game. Phew! The rest of the game is made up of more crappy elevator music and repetitive techno. In the Little Mermaid world, all the characters sing remixes of the already lame Under the Sea song and some other one which slips my mind and most likely yours. It's all voice acted pretty well which is the only reason it gets any points at all in this category. Actually, the voices are done extremely well. I was going to give it a 4, but I decided against it just because of the voices. I think the kid from the Sixth Sense plays Sora and some guy from Seventh Heaven does Riku. Riku's such a girly name. Then again, so is Sora. Speaking of Sora, you'll hear him shout the most annoying things over and over and over during battle. "Hah-yeah! C'mon! Back off!" over and over. Worthless.

The Pirates of the Caribbean world is completely out of place. Also, it's really sucky.

Gameplay: 6/10 Some games require a walkthrough to figure out how to play them the first time through. Kingdom Hearts II IS NOT THAT GAME. Here's the formula: Run forward, mash X X X X X a few hundred times, watch a cutscene, repeat. There is no exploration and no need to vary any kind of combat strategy. There is next to no difficulty on Standard mode, although I hear Proud is a bit better. There isn't much game to the game. You can jump (although it feels really cheap) and block and later even glide, but gliding and blocking are completely unnecessary and actually make battling harder. Every level is as linear as possible. Even if you want to explore, it won't let you. It'll give you one of those lame-ass "I don't think I should go this way" prompts because it thinks you suck at life and don't know where to go. Actually, it's probably right in your case. The only reason I ever encountered these screens is because I wanted to be as thorough as possible to make sure I wasn't missing out on something worthwhile. Clearly I was not.

Story: 5/10 I won't lie. The story is very interesting. I like the idea of the hearts and stuff. It's cool. However, this game assumes that you have played and completed Kingdom Hearts: Chain of Memories (which I hear is one major shitfest) and that is something I don't
intend to do. So right off the bat, most people are going to be confused. But that's okay, because there is only about 2 hours of actual story in this game. That's right. The beginning and the ending. After you gain control of Sora, you travel through meaningless Disney world after meaningless Disney world (none of which contribute to the story in any way.) Every once in a while, you'll get a cutscene with Final Fantasy characters which has nothing to do with the plot. At the end, the plot continues from where it left off 20 or so hours before and comes to a worthless halt with a stupid cliffhanger ending which makes no sense because all the loose ends were definitely tied up. So what, I didn't get the good ending. I'm sure it sucked too. Anyway, the story is good but nearly nonexistent.

Overall: 6/10 It's a pretty good game that somehow manages to be fun throughout the whole thing. You never really feel rewarded because all the enemies level up as you do similarly to Final Fantasy VIII but a little different. The story is better read on Gamefaqs or something.

Worth a rental.

Last edited by Xander; 04-20-2006 at 08:51 AM.
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Old 04-13-2006, 08:44 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Joe Redifer
I disagree with your first review.
You might notice that my reviews look a little like yours. It's only because I really like reading yours and I think they flow better than most of the review threads. I especially like the pictures, so I used that as well.

Hope you don't mind.
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Old 04-14-2006, 08:38 AM   #6
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Yeah, 'specially seeing as all I see are red x's.
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Old 04-14-2006, 09:17 AM   #7
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how are your reviews going to show the promised insensitivity?
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Old 04-14-2006, 10:45 AM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Icarus4578
Yeah, 'specially seeing as all I see are red x's.
Yeah...it's been doing that. It will stay up for two hours or so and then go back down. I guess I'll just imageshack it.
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Old 04-14-2006, 03:37 PM   #9
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Quote:
The Pirates of the Caribbean world is completely out of place. Also, it's really sucky.
That idea was brilliant. Being in the real world was the main idea and why they made it.
Quote:
more crappy
Ohh please the music in pretty nice and far from being creepy. Don?t tell me you are one of those people who think video games music sucks and voice acting and sound effects are the most impoartent part!?


You should have chosen hard in the first place. I cannot judge, because I never triad normal or easy especially when there are higher difficulty. I can say for sure the game isn't a button masher, especially because when you hit the boss or even some enemies they attack back which means you simply cannot button mash your way. Also boss after getting a lot of hits some of them get berserk and you cannot harm him and have to avoid it's attacks. Add to that the stage that you complaint about enemies can hardly die with just using attack.

Also putting the whole new enemy type (Nobodies) and the new heartless it will end up having good amount of new enemies.

Main point I strongly against your review on Kingdom hearts 2
Hay, did I hit your sensitive side!?
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Old 04-14-2006, 04:28 PM   #10
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In response to Paper Exe...

1: If I didn't care about music, I wouldn't have rated it so low.

2: I chose standard because it is generally the most balanced of all difficulties. It gives you what the developers had in mind to begin with.

3: Pirates of the Caribbean didn't fit with the rest of the game at all. It was a bad decision on the developers' part and the only reason they included it was to bring in the fangirls.

4: I tried for 20 minutes to die in the last area before I actually did. That was without touching anything. The game is the very defintion of button mashing.

5: Most of the enemies looked really similar, but you're right, the Nobodies were much more interesting than the Heartless.
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Old 04-14-2006, 07:09 PM   #11
Joe Redifer
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#1 - It's nice to know that Paper is still around.

#2 - I don't mind if you immitate the format of my reviews at all. I take it as a compliment.
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Old 04-14-2006, 10:32 PM   #12
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that was actually my format... you ripped me off. i will take your head now.
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Old 04-15-2006, 04:25 AM   #13
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Nice review :cool guy:
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Old 04-15-2006, 05:06 AM   #14
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good format Xander, and I love your rating scale (cause its the same as mine).

although you just HAD to review KH2! I crave this game so badly.
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Old 04-15-2006, 08:24 AM   #15
Alexander
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Quote:
Originally Posted by seraph830
good format Xander, and I love your rating scale (cause its the same as mine).

although you just HAD to review KH2! I crave this game so badly.
Good, I recommend it. Especially if you liked the first one. Later this week I'll be reviewing both Axelay and Beatmania for SNES and PS2 respectively.
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