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Old 07-13-2006, 11:29 PM   #1
SuperAngelo64
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Games You Will Never Play

Alright, well I decided to take a poke at this whole 'reviews' thing. Who knows, you might learn something! =0! Also, since it's hard finding free hosting for certain audio files, links for "music" will actually be links to .swf files uploaded to free swf hosting.


I will be updating this section everytime I am horribly bored or feel like it.
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Old 07-13-2006, 11:54 PM   #2
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Donald Land
Developer: Data East
Console: Famicom/NES
Year: 1987

For those of you thinking; 'Oh hey, that looks an awful lot like Ronald McDonald' go slap yourself in the face. This is "Donald McDonald", the mascot for Japan's chain of McDonald's restaurants. Sure they look the same, hang out with the same friends, and are owned by the same franchise.. but when you dig down deep enough you realize that they have a different name. And isn't that what really matters?


In this land with many magical and perilous places such as "Hometown World" and "Forest Land World". There should be no question as to why Donald McDonald is armed with an unlimited supply of red bombs to demolish any foes that cross his path. Just take a look at the ferocious beasts one encounters in McDonald World.


Suffocating Gopher Head

Suffocating Stupid Lizard

Suffocating Balloon Thing

Muppets

Floating Dinosaur Skull With Bloody Fangs

Donald must battle these foes in order to save his friends who have all been captured at the same time. One might wonder how all of them could be taken hostage at once; the clear answer is 'Tear Gas, and lot's of it'. So now we have to think.. who would do something so evil as to raid McDonald Land, tear gas it's citizens, and then throw them in jail? Easy; evil versions of the hostages! Since they have no names I will refer them with a prefix of "Wa". Wagrimace, Wahamburglar,Wapirate..guy.., and the rest are the bosses you must face! Once you've freed your friends they grant you with a jovial "Thank you", all besides Birdie who replies with "I Love you!".. God.. keep your pants on bitch!



Epic Wagrimace battle


At the end of each stage you somehow end up in front of some smiling idiot behind a counter who wants to sell you McDonalds food. You start to reach for your wallet to appease this grinning solicitor when you realize, 'I don't need to pay with money! I can pay with square blocks with pictures of hamburgers on them that I've accumulated while blowing up animals!'. Obviously this was a successful publicity stunt pulled by corporate fat-cats to reel people into McDonalds. It won't be long until blocks with burgers on them litter the streets of our very hometown. You're walking home from work, pick up a few and think nothing of it. You then proceed with the daily practice of fighting the Doppelganger of your girlfriend who has her held hostage. After you drop the nug like a bad habit with a few colorful explosives, your girlfriend comes to thank you.. then just as you're about to get some action (I mean like garter belt with stockings, "But I want to wear the bunny ears this time' action) you black out and wake up in McDonalds... you rub your eyes and you see a smug smile trying to cheat you out've your precious blocks with pictures of hamburgers on them! **** that!!


Grinning hussie.


Graphics: C
The graphics are not bad, but they're not good. They're typical of a Data East game. How can one tell if one is playing a Data East game? First, look at the game you are playing. Is this game Robocop? Robocop 2? Robocop 3? If not, you may infact NOT be playing a Data East game, so be sure to run a second test and press "Pause". If you hear a sound effect like a robot from a 60's movie starting up, you are indeed playing a Data East game. There are alot've issues with transparency effects.. especially since I can't seem to find them. Also alot've 'repeated' textures start to look grainy when you have them covering half the screen.


Bob Ross would be proud


Sound: B ((Click here for some music samples)) (Sound was kind've rickety since I couldn't rip or obtain the .nsf files). I'm not going to lie to you, the music in this game is nice. It's probably the only reason I kept playing it. Alot've the tunes seem very jazz influenced, especially the songs for the forest and "Hometown World". It always seems that really obscure japanese games have awesome music, this game is a paragon of that rule. But still, even the smooth sounding beat of blips and beeps jamming out a jazzy tune doesn't really override the giant creepy tree faces.


If a creepy-faced tree falls in a forest does anyone hear the 8-bit jazz music?



Quality: D+
This game is obviously lacking in quality. Donald McDonald is not Robocop and he can jump, to Data East that = problem. If a sprite is capable of movement, it becomes an object.. and in McDonald world all objects share the same traits. If you spot a cat floating in a tree and wagging it's tail, you can run and jump on it. If you happen to catch a glimpse of a butterfly not too far away, hurry up and go run and jump on it! You can also jump on your own projectiles if you have enough McSkillz.


Wadonald about to feel my McSkillz


Overall: C+
This game can actually be fun if it's 2am, the internet just went out and your sister is being a bitch in the other room hogging up the phone talking to her boyfriend. But hey, not that it matters, since you'd actually need friends to call had you got a hold of it OOOOOSNAPWUTNOW LOLOLOL. McOwned.

But for those of you who have ever wanted to go on an epic quest to save McDonald's mascots and throw red explosives at wildlife minding their own business, then man do I have some news for you!


You are an hero!!!



First word that comes to mind: McCheese!!!11111

Last edited by SuperAngelo64; 10-17-2007 at 07:51 AM.
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Old 07-14-2006, 01:03 AM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PaladinAngelo

Epic Wagrimace battle
WaGrimace, I love it.
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Old 07-14-2006, 01:13 AM   #4
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Games that Seraph will never play - Every game on the PS2.
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Old 07-14-2006, 01:19 AM   #5
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Ok spider I understand if you like trying to push my buttons, but at least have the decency to keep that crap out of somebodys review thread.
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Old 07-14-2006, 02:15 AM   #6
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Old 07-14-2006, 06:12 AM   #7
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I lol'd.

Anyway, do you think Donald McDonald is Ronald McDonald's father? This game might be about Donald McDonald's struggle to flee his twisted nightmare dimension and reach America Land World, so that his son might live to be free.
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Old 07-14-2006, 06:21 AM   #8
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Quote:
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I lol'd.

Anyway, do you think Donald McDonald is Ronald McDonald's father? This game might be about Donald McDonald's struggle to flee his twisted nightmare dimension and reach America Land World, so that his son might live to be free.
You've said too much. I would expect the Yakuza to break through your door at any moment.
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Old 07-14-2006, 10:40 AM   #9
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An utter delight to all five senses.
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Old 07-14-2006, 12:32 PM   #10
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Donald McDonald was his orginal name, then the souless bastards changed it to rOnald. I tell you some people. ( o\ _ /o )
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Old 07-14-2006, 12:42 PM   #11
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Donald McDonald used to feud with his brother, Arnold McDonald. In a bloody fight to the death Donald killed Arnold with a chainsaw. It was brutal.
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Old 07-14-2006, 01:08 PM   #12
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I know I shouldn't do this since its your thread and all...but I don't want to start my own thread, I'll just post this once: The game you probably never played before is:

http://www.gamefaqs.com/console/nes/data/580601.html
Wily and Light no Rock Board: That's Paradise:


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Old 07-14-2006, 04:19 PM   #13
kininku buster
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I saw the Japanese McDonalds commerical and the only thing that comes to mind is "WTF was that about?".
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Old 07-14-2006, 04:28 PM   #14
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Rock Board is horrible, I've played it and totally forgot about it.. hmm.. maybe I should do a write up for that one.

(Just to give everyone an idea.. it's like a really not-fun version of Mario Party with Megaman/Rockman characters for the Famicom/NES)

Quote:
Originally Posted by kininku buster
I saw the Japanese McDonalds commerical and the only thing that comes to mind is "WTF was that about?".
A hot japanese chick eating a buger composed of shrimp tightly packed into a crispy patty. That's like the meaning of life.

Last edited by PaladinAngelo; 07-14-2006 at 04:31 PM.
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Old 07-14-2006, 07:34 PM   #15
spider-prime
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Quote:
Originally Posted by justin_credible
Donald McDonald used to feud with his brother, Arnold McDonald. In a bloody fight to the death Donald killed Arnold with a chainsaw. It was brutal.

I know kids who used to spread lies like that all the time.

One time it was actually true.... Barney the Dinosaur WAS beating up his brother outside of the school grounds.... it was a guy at his kid's birthday in the suit....
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