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Old 07-17-2009, 05:53 PM   #11
Joe Redifer
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Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Denver, Colorado
Posts: 20,149
Welcome to Joe Redifer's Super-Awesome Quick Takes™!! These are mini-reviews which do not feature a score, are described only briefly and are not divided up into different categories like graphics and gameplay, etc. Tons of pics aren't shown and I just ramble off the top of my head what I am currently thinking about any particular game. Many different games will be featured in each Quick Take™ post. Only the extreme power of the internet could dare make this possible!

Tiger Woods PGA Tour 10 (featuring Wii Motion Plus)
Nintendo Wii

Tiger Woods is always ready to whore himself out.

I just had to try out this game because of the much-heralded Motion-Plus™ technology which brings 100% precision and reduces lag (the onscreen character moves before YOU move, that's how much lag it gets rid of). To be honest, I didn't notice any difference or improvements between this and other, similar games on the Wii. To be fair, I did not try it back-to-back without the Motion-Plus dongle. Either way I can't feel the weight of the club so swinging isn't very life-like. I also can't really judge the depth very well when putting and I always hit it too hard. The disc golf mode is kind of fun, but again I can't feel the weight of the Frisbee so I can't judge how "hard" I need to swing/throw the thing. The graphics seem inferior to the Gamecube versions of Tiger Woods from what I remember, except that this is in 16:9.

House of the Dead: Overkill
Nintendo Wii

Cussing improves everything.

What the hell is this? A classic Sega franchise returns, but this time it brings lots and lots of cussin' because that's what Sega fans want (they do a lot of cussing themselves these days over how much worse Sega has become). Actually, I am surprised that the Wii even possesses the ability to cuss. This game tries to be a Quentin Tarantino flick (think: Death Proof) by putting a shitty film scratch filter over the entire game and the like. I guess videogames are prone to film damage caused by incompetent projectionists. The black character in the game says "Motherfucker" a lot since I guess that's what black people do. The game is just like any House of the Dead for the most part except that the camera is always swinging around to and fro for no reason and some of the bosses life bars are waaaaay too long. So are the levels, damn! This game aims at people who don't own a Wii, so it is no surprise that it isn't a best-seller.

North and South
Nintendo Entertainment System

In the real game, a lazy Mexican is sleeping in the left
corner, but this picture I found on the web curiously
has him edited out and only the Pueblo hut remains.
I am not making this up!

This is like a weird-ass strategy game with some really crappy platforming thrown in occasionally. The goal of the game seems to be to call railroad trains which pay you for no reason. You then buy slaves errr I mean troops to fight for your cause. The North always wins because that's how it happened in history. Occasionally there is a screen with tiny Atari 2600-esque graphics that is supposed to be a battlefield and you run over their men with your horses. That's how the war was won. That's what they taught in History classes around the world. Quite a weird game that I had never heard of. But then again it was made by Infrogrames, a company whose mission statement prohibits them from making bad games. It's all about the mission statement!

Alien Soldier
Sega Genesis

As always, the "US" version has the best box art!

This game never came to the US and it is a real shame, but you can get it on Wii's Virtual Console. It seems really tough at first even on "SUPEREASY" difficulty. But once you get the hang of the Zero Teleportation move (re: dash) then it becomes no harder than any other normal game of the time and quite fun. It's essentially a boss-fest with lots of graphical tricks. Made by Treasure who previously had given us the luscious Gunstar Heroes and Dynamite Headdy, this continues with their intense action platforming style of games. "Now is the time to the 68000 heart on fire" says the title screen verbatim. I am glad I picked this one up.

Galactic Attack
Sega Saturn

If they're not from Earth, they deserve to die.

Released in the Saturn's first year or so, little did I know even after I had played the game a couple of times that this would be one of the better games available for the system, especially in the USA. Also known as Layer Section, this game is quite a fun vertical shooter that does just about everything you could ask for from the genre. What's more is that you can play it in Arcade/Sideways/TATE mode. This allows you to tilt your TV on its side for "the arcade experience" or play it as a weird horizontal shooter. "So what?" you may ask, "Lots of shooters for many different systems have this mode!" That is true. But this game's graphics improve noticeably when played in this mode. Not only is there more detail due to being full screen, but there are extra layers of scrolling and other effects that do not exist in the scaled-down vertical mode the game defaults to as well. This game is much better than Layer Section 2 aka Raystorm. I just never found polygon graphics in shooting games very appealing for some reason (some exceptions do apply).

Playstation 3

This game could use more actual ghost-busting.

I downloaded the demo for this game a few days ago and I am not very impressed. The game tries to be much too complex. The first thing the game has you do is walk around with a PKE meter. B-O-R-I-N-G!!!! What is this, a Ghostbusters simulation or a fuckin' game? I don't need to do everything a real Ghostbuster would do. I just wanna run around bustin' ghosts! But every single button on the controller is assigned a different, strange function and that needlessly complicates everything. Anyway, I used my PKE meter to wander around and finally came across a spot where a ghost was. It burst out and ran away. Now I must use my PKE meter again to find it which is about as much fun counting individual granules of sand on the world's biggest beach. Fuck this. DELETE! The Genesis version remains the best and ONLY good Ghostbusters game.

Out Run Online Arcade
Xbox 360

Limited, but still worth it. Don't expect a simulation!

This game is available in the Xbox Live Arcade section for download. It is a very stripped down version of Out Run Coast 2 Coast which existed on the PS2 and OG Xbox (OG stands for Original Gangsta because the Xbox was just that... gangsta. And gangs are super way cool and full of fantastic individuals who are trying their best to be all they can be, succeed in life and contribute to the world in a positive way). Anyway, the game only has a few different modes and the sound quality is very poor. The graphics haven't really been upgraded much if at all from the OG Xbox versions. But the game is still great fun and recommended if you don't have it on the PS2 and/or OG Xbox. Keep in mind that you only get 15 different stages instead of the 30 different ones in Coast 2 Coast. Gimpy, but cool. I expected more and got less, but only because I was used to the console versions.

Rambo III
Sega Master System

The game is better than the movie!
But that's not saying much, really.

Rambo III was the worst of all the Rambo movies and his game isn't too hot, either. Actually it isn't too bad until you reach the last stage. Mainly it is an Operation Wolf rip off which actually has music. It requires the sexy Sega Light Phaser to play (no crosshair option provided, as was the case with gun games back then). The game is pretty fun with nice graphics and sound. Digitized shots of Stallone himself between stages shows off how mega powerful the SMS was. At the time it was soooo awesome to see graphics like that. Anyway, you get up to the last stage which seems to put you on a jeep or something in a first person perspective. You are driving forward (or maybe backwards?) and shooting Russian helicopters. Each chopper takes multiple hits to bring down with your Sega Light Phaser (Rambo's weapon of choice). And there are a ton of choppers on the screen at once! Even with rapid fire turned on, I could not bring down the choppers fast enough to survive getting hit by all of the rest of them. I am confident that no ending was programmed in to the game because it is impossible to get to!
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