Joe Redifer's Super-Awesome Reviews!!!! - Page 43

MarionetteKazuk · 08-06-2005, 12:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by George Foreman

Hey Joe, can you review Toy Commander??

I have that game for DC. I thought it was entertaining. I like how you can drive around and shoot random things such as eggs. And somehow and apple can catch on fire by firing at it a couple of times

George Foreman · 08-06-2005, 07:46 PM

Toy Commander was great. Not only could you shoot at things but, you could knock stuff over to use in coverage in multiplayer.

Joe Redifer · 08-13-2005, 02:55 AM

Road Avenger
7/10
Sega CD

Cool artwork, bad packaging.

Back in 1985, Data East made a Laser Disc game called Road Blaster, though they had to change it to "Road Avenger" in the US to avoid confusion with Atari Games' "Road Blasters" which had nowhere near the crazy amount of fun and hilarity this game has. Anyway Road Avenger is probably the best full motion video game ever made, and most definitely the best cartoon Laser Disc game ever. It stomps all over the likes of Dragon's Lair with it's coolness (though Dragon's Lair does remain #2). The minimalist company Wolfteam sought fit to bring this game to the Mega CD along with a few other Japanese LD games, and Renovation released it in the US for the Sega CD.

Sulu announces that this game is from Wolfteam.

Story: 9/10
For absolutely no reason whatsoever, a gigantic group of thugs decide to start trashing everything in town on a particular day. Of course this is the day that you just married your super-fine whore. As you and your new whore-bride are driving to the No-Tell Motel, the thugs cause you to crash your car, killing your new wife. And now you are PISSED! You walk back to your garage and get your other car, and by God you will cause as much destruction as humanly possible all over the city! Tales of revenge are always fantastic!

Everyone tries to stop you. EVERYONE! Even
lowly workers who are simply building roads.

This fuel tanker tips over for NO REASON other
than to try and kill you with the explosion.

Graphics: 8/10
This is a hard category to rate. On one hand, the graphics are very grainy and don't have a high frame-per-second rate, and they don't fill the entire screen. On the other hand you have the style of the artwork, which is completely awesome. There are so many crazy scenarios in this game that I originally captured 72 different screenshots as I played through for this review. I wanted to show them all! But then I narrowed it down to about 30 or so, then 22, then 11, and finally to the screens you see here. It was a tough choice, I tell ya! This game is great even just to watch.

At the end of a stage, you often turn around and
admire the death and destruction you've caused.
Burn, baby, BURN!!

Sound: 7/10
The sound is pretty darn cool, with sparse music provided by Motoi Sakuraba of those Tales games. The stereo effect is very cool but the sound is a bit fuzzy since it has to share the bitstream with the digital video. It doesn't sound quite as clean or as impressive as Cobra Command did. But it gets the job done. The Genesis makes sounds when an icon appears onscreen indicating what you should press. These noises are pretty loud in comparison with the rest of the sound. Fortunately if you have a Genesis 1 and a Sega CD 1 and you have them hooked up the correct way, then you can just lower the volume slider on the Genesis a little bit and everything balances out perfectly.

You'll drive through hotels with zero regard for innocent
bystanders. That is what makes this game so great!

The intro song to the game by J-Walk (who the hell is that?) is hilarious, mostly because it is largely unintelligible. In fact, I offer $5 to anyone who can correctly decipher the lyrics! It doesn't count if you find them online (and I will find out, as I will Google your lyrics and variations of them). If you want to try for the free $5, I have recorded a 7.2 MB Quicktime video of the intro which you can DOWNLOAD HERE to listen to and watch. If you don't want to try, then at least you can be amused and entertained. **note: offer has long since expired**

One of at least FOUR helicopters that you must destroy.
If you time it right, you can make the helicopter crash
into the building and destroy that as well!

Gameplay: 7/10
There really isn't much in the way of gameplay here. You turn left or right when prompted or put on the turbo or brake. That's basically it. But still, it is crazy fun due to the rambunctious action which is going on nonstop. It is awesome! I've played though this game many times and each time I do I have loads of fun and laugh. Some of the scenarios, like driving on a pier, driving in the sewers (which just happen to be densely populated with traffic of all sorts, even a Lamborghini), to flying off of a building are so over the top that you just can't help but love this game. It is a must have for the Sega CD, that's for sure.

Even the farmers gang up to kill you!

No one is safe from your rampage. NO ONE!!!!

Wrap up:
A great game that makes use of video. You don't hear that too often. A highly enjoyable game for the Sega Mega CD.

rubbersoul · 08-13-2005, 04:07 AM

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!

Alexander · 08-13-2005, 11:11 PM

I would expect no more from someone with a rubber soul.

Great review, Joe.

rubbersoul · 08-13-2005, 11:14 PM

A wonderful inside joke that only Joe and I will laugh upon. But yeah, great review.

Icarus4578 · 08-14-2005, 08:06 AM

As you own most every Sega CD title, Joe, what do you think of Time Gal?

"Time shhhtop!"

Joe Redifer · 08-14-2005, 08:08 AM

Time Gal sucks!

Icarus4578 · 08-14-2005, 08:16 AM

I remember renting it. I thought it was pretty funny. Do you have a favorite Sega CD game? Mine is probably Shining Force CD or Dark Wizard (I love strategy games).

Joe Redifer · 08-14-2005, 07:27 PM

Ummm, not that I know of. I'd have to get back to you on that.

I take it that nobody wants the free $5?

SpaceManSpiff · 08-15-2005, 03:37 AM

Im gonna survive (sounds like revive?). Where I hide on the road. Ive got nowhere to hide. Im gonna use a weapon, weapon?. Make it feel like burning road..(something, something).. Oh im gonna make it...

Thats about all I got and I know that most of what I have isnt right but thats what it sounded like.

ryanwho · 08-15-2005, 01:30 PM

"Virtua Quest-7"
mmm, yeah I stopped reading right there. Divide that by two, then multiply it by zero. Then divide the zero by two and set it on fire.

Joe Redifer · 08-15-2005, 02:41 PM

Have you even played the game for more than 10 minutes? Obviously since you stopped reading right there, you don't care to read what's right with the game.

ALttP · 08-15-2005, 02:50 PM

Question: Did you rate We Love Katamari lower than Katamari Damacy because it felt like an expansion pack?

Joe Redifer · 08-17-2005, 05:43 AM

Yes, mostly. And the music wasn't as good.

Anyway only one person tried to win the $5 (I would have paid, too!). Disappointing. I honestly don't think people read the full text of my reviews, and that proves it. Anyway here are the full, correct lyrics courtesy of Karen Safran at Renovation:

"The Road Avenger"
English version
Written by King Reguyth
Music by J Walk

I know I'm gonna revive
When I am on the road
I've got nowhere to hide
When I am on the road

There's no use in wondering what
Made you feel like parting from me then, girl
How many more tears must I shed
So as to melt the frigid wall of time

So I'm gonna break it
Have no fear on the road
You know I'm sure to make it
No matter what's on the road

I know too well it's very hard
It's just barking for the silver moon
But I don't care how long it takes
As long as she lights up my way in the gloom

Until the very moment
When I see you again
I'll keep speeding along the road to the sun
The burning sun!

Hear the roars of my car
I'm nearly 'round the bend
Searching for the love that we did share
There's no one who can stop me now

Nobody gets the $5. Contest over.

More Road Avenger trivia. Did you know that Road Avenger attempted to corrupt the minds of society? IT'S TRUE!!! Check out the packaging below:

Can you feel your hormones raging and the desire to commit evil acts which will send you to HELL? Well check out the enlarged picture below to find out why:

OMG! OMG!!

08-13-2005, 02:55 AM	#633
Joe Redifer Olé! Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Denver, Colorado Posts: 20,147	Road Avenger 7/10 Sega CD Cool artwork, bad packaging. Back in 1985, Data East made a Laser Disc game called Road Blaster, though they had to change it to "Road Avenger" in the US to avoid confusion with Atari Games' "Road Blasters" which had nowhere near the crazy amount of fun and hilarity this game has. Anyway Road Avenger is probably the best full motion video game ever made, and most definitely the best cartoon Laser Disc game ever. It stomps all over the likes of Dragon's Lair with it's coolness (though Dragon's Lair does remain #2). The minimalist company Wolfteam sought fit to bring this game to the Mega CD along with a few other Japanese LD games, and Renovation released it in the US for the Sega CD. Sulu announces that this game is from Wolfteam. Story: 9/10 For absolutely no reason whatsoever, a gigantic group of thugs decide to start trashing everything in town on a particular day. Of course this is the day that you just married your super-fine whore. As you and your new whore-bride are driving to the No-Tell Motel, the thugs cause you to crash your car, killing your new wife. And now you are PISSED! You walk back to your garage and get your other car, and by God you will cause as much destruction as humanly possible all over the city! Tales of revenge are always fantastic! Everyone tries to stop you. EVERYONE! Even lowly workers who are simply building roads. This fuel tanker tips over for NO REASON other than to try and kill you with the explosion. Graphics: 8/10 This is a hard category to rate. On one hand, the graphics are very grainy and don't have a high frame-per-second rate, and they don't fill the entire screen. On the other hand you have the style of the artwork, which is completely awesome. There are so many crazy scenarios in this game that I originally captured 72 different screenshots as I played through for this review. I wanted to show them all! But then I narrowed it down to about 30 or so, then 22, then 11, and finally to the screens you see here. It was a tough choice, I tell ya! This game is great even just to watch. At the end of a stage, you often turn around and admire the death and destruction you've caused. Burn, baby, BURN!! Sound: 7/10 The sound is pretty darn cool, with sparse music provided by Motoi Sakuraba of those Tales games. The stereo effect is very cool but the sound is a bit fuzzy since it has to share the bitstream with the digital video. It doesn't sound quite as clean or as impressive as Cobra Command did. But it gets the job done. The Genesis makes sounds when an icon appears onscreen indicating what you should press. These noises are pretty loud in comparison with the rest of the sound. Fortunately if you have a Genesis 1 and a Sega CD 1 and you have them hooked up the correct way, then you can just lower the volume slider on the Genesis a little bit and everything balances out perfectly. You'll drive through hotels with zero regard for innocent bystanders. That is what makes this game so great! The intro song to the game by J-Walk (who the hell is that?) is hilarious, mostly because it is largely unintelligible. In fact, I offer $5 to anyone who can correctly decipher the lyrics! It doesn't count if you find them online (and I will find out, as I will Google your lyrics and variations of them). If you want to try for the free $5, I have recorded a 7.2 MB Quicktime video of the intro which you can DOWNLOAD HERE to listen to and watch. If you don't want to try, then at least you can be amused and entertained. note: offer has long since expired One of at least FOUR helicopters that you must destroy. If you time it right, you can make the helicopter crash into the building and destroy that as well! Gameplay: 7/10 There really isn't much in the way of gameplay here. You turn left or right when prompted or put on the turbo or brake. That's basically it. But still, it is crazy fun due to the rambunctious action which is going on nonstop. It is awesome! I've played though this game many times and each time I do I have loads of fun and laugh. Some of the scenarios, like driving on a pier, driving in the sewers (which just happen to be densely populated with traffic of all sorts, even a Lamborghini), to flying off of a building are so over the top that you just can't help but love this game. It is a must have for the Sega CD, that's for sure. Even the farmers gang up to kill you! No one is safe from your rampage. NO ONE!!!! Wrap up: A great game that makes use of video. You don't hear that too often. A highly enjoyable game for the Sega Mega CD. Last edited by Joe Redifer; 08-17-2005 at 10:01 PM.

08-14-2005, 08:06 AM	#637
Icarus4578 Deal with it. Join Date: Jan 2003 Posts: 12,548	As you own most every Sega CD title, Joe, what do you think of Time Gal? "Time shhhtop!" __________________ Turn on the difference.

08-14-2005, 08:16 AM	#639
Icarus4578 Deal with it. Join Date: Jan 2003 Posts: 12,548	I remember renting it. I thought it was pretty funny. Do you have a favorite Sega CD game? Mine is probably Shining Force CD or Dark Wizard (I love strategy games). __________________ Turn on the difference.

08-15-2005, 03:37 AM	#641
SpaceManSpiff Spiff to the Rescue!! Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: Washington State Posts: 3,635	Im gonna survive (sounds like revive?). Where I hide on the road. Ive got nowhere to hide. Im gonna use a weapon, weapon?. Make it feel like burning road..(something, something).. Oh im gonna make it... Thats about all I got and I know that most of what I have isnt right but thats what it sounded like. __________________ Steam, Xbox Live, PSN, and Apple Gamecenter: xSpacemanspiff

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08-06-2005, 07:46 PM	#632
George Foreman Registered User Join Date: Jul 2005 Posts: 982	Toy Commander was great. Not only could you shoot at things but, you could knock stuff over to use in coverage in multiplayer.

08-13-2005, 04:07 AM	#634
rubbersoul Registered User Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Denver, Colorado Posts: 162	zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!

08-13-2005, 11:11 PM	#635
Alexander I speak with codes. Join Date: Nov 2004 Posts: 6,235	I would expect no more from someone with a rubber soul. Great review, Joe.

08-13-2005, 11:14 PM	#636
rubbersoul Registered User Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Denver, Colorado Posts: 162	A wonderful inside joke that only Joe and I will laugh upon. But yeah, great review.

08-14-2005, 08:08 AM	#638
Joe Redifer Olé! Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Denver, Colorado Posts: 20,147	Time Gal sucks!

08-14-2005, 07:27 PM	#640
Joe Redifer Olé! Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Denver, Colorado Posts: 20,147	Ummm, not that I know of. I'd have to get back to you on that. I take it that nobody wants the free $5?

08-15-2005, 01:30 PM	#642
ryanwho Banned Join Date: Aug 2005 Posts: 744	"Virtua Quest-7" mmm, yeah I stopped reading right there. Divide that by two, then multiply it by zero. Then divide the zero by two and set it on fire.

08-15-2005, 02:41 PM	#643
Joe Redifer Olé! Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Denver, Colorado Posts: 20,147	Have you even played the game for more than 10 minutes? Obviously since you stopped reading right there, you don't care to read what's right with the game.

08-15-2005, 02:50 PM	#644
ALttP Atomic Betty fanboy Join Date: Feb 2005 Posts: 349	Question: Did you rate We Love Katamari lower than Katamari Damacy because it felt like an expansion pack?

08-17-2005, 05:43 AM	#645
Joe Redifer Olé! Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Denver, Colorado Posts: 20,147	Yes, mostly. And the music wasn't as good. Anyway only one person tried to win the $5 (I would have paid, too!). Disappointing. I honestly don't think people read the full text of my reviews, and that proves it. Anyway here are the full, correct lyrics courtesy of Karen Safran at Renovation: "The Road Avenger" English version Written by King Reguyth Music by J Walk I know I'm gonna revive When I am on the road I've got nowhere to hide When I am on the road There's no use in wondering what Made you feel like parting from me then, girl How many more tears must I shed So as to melt the frigid wall of time So I'm gonna break it Have no fear on the road You know I'm sure to make it No matter what's on the road I know too well it's very hard It's just barking for the silver moon But I don't care how long it takes As long as she lights up my way in the gloom Until the very moment When I see you again I'll keep speeding along the road to the sun The burning sun! Hear the roars of my car I'm nearly 'round the bend Searching for the love that we did share There's no one who can stop me now Nobody gets the $5. Contest over. More Road Avenger trivia. Did you know that Road Avenger attempted to corrupt the minds of society? IT'S TRUE!!! Check out the packaging below: Can you feel your hormones raging and the desire to commit evil acts which will send you to HELL? Well check out the enlarged picture below to find out why: OMG! OMG!!