Joe Redifer's Super-Awesome Reviews!!!!

[George Foreman]

Originally Posted by Joe Redifer

Yes. If you like JB Harold, you'll like Phoenix Wright. Oh, you weren't born when the TurboGrafx-16/PC Engine existed? OK then if you like most RPGs you'll like Phoenix Wright. There's just none of that constant battling and leveling up and shopping. But like regular RPGs it is hard to just turn around and play it again right away. But once enough time passes and you don't have everything memorized any more, then it will be fun again.

I just started Phantasy Star III and I'm wondering if it is worth it to buy a Master System to play the first Phantasy Star.

[Joe Redifer]

Definitely. But you can also play it on the Genesis via a power base converter... if you have a Genesis 1. If you have a Genesis 2 you'll have to disassemble it (the PBC, not the Genesis) to fit.

[George Foreman]

Originally Posted by Joe Redifer

Definitely. But you can also play it on the Genesis via a power base converter... if you have a Genesis 1. If you have a Genesis 2 you'll have to disassemble it (the PBC, not the Genesis) to fit.

Any difference between playing on a Master System and playing with the power base converter?

[Joe Redifer]

None.

[Joe Redifer]

Hotel Dusk - Room 215
9/10
Nintendo DS


The box artwork isn't as good as the game's.

It's games like Hotel Dusk which make me cherish my Nintendo DS even more. I have heard many people talk about some other DS game called "Touch Detective" when referring to this game. I'm not sure why as I looked up Touch Detective and it looked like some sort of lame furry alien adventure. This is nothing of the sort. This game is good. Sure, it can be called a "point and click" type of game, but it is much better than The Manhole (Mac, PC Engine CD).


This is the first time the word "idiot" appears in a Nintendo game.
And pothead Louis sure seems happy about being called an idiot.

Story: 8/10
The writing in this game is superb. Characters are very human and have realistic dialog. The game takes place in the fabled year of 1979 in a hotel. That's right, it takes place BEFORE Shenmue. The story can seem a bit slow to unfold, but it is worth it. The amount of coincidences are a bit crazy, however this is a fictional game. That means there are actually NO coincidences. It's like a good book, but unlike books Hotel Dusk requires thought and at least some mild brainpower. I really like the main character, Kyle Hyde. I'm not sure how there could be a sequel to this game, but I like the character & the way he interacts with everything and I'd like to see more games of this style with him in the future.


Here's what it looks like as you wander around the hotel. Yay!

Graphics: 9/10
This game uses a graphic and animation style that is exactly like A-HA's "Take on Me" music video from the 80's. It doesn't get much cooler than that, I say. Each character has many animations and crap like that. Worry not as there are polygons in this game. Most gamers these days can't live without polygons, so they have been included to ensure your survival. However the polygons here are worse than a slightly-below-average Sega Saturn polygon game. But beggars can't be choosers, and I know you're begging for some hot polygon action.


You can write yourself notes so you don't forget things, that is if you actually know
how to write. Well, do you? Most people only know how to type or hw 2 txt lol.

Sound: 7/10
The tunes were provided by T's Music and most are very good and appropriate and all that crap. There are a few that are average/dull. I wish A-HA would have provided the music instead. But then my brain would be confused because A-HA did not exist in 1979, so I'd get the 80's music video feel for a game that took place in 1979. Maybe the Bee Gees should have done the music. There are a few sound effects in this game as well. The game is in stereo, believe it or not. Did stereo exist in 1979?


Kyle Hyde likes to quiz himself at the end of each chapter.
If you get ANY question wrong, all save files are deleted and the
DS refuses to power back up for at least three days!

Gameplay: 9/10
This game really draws you in. Very addictive. You can play with the touch screen, pad/buttons or both. I recommend the touch screen. It also has setups for both right and left handers. Of course I played in right-handed mode since I am not a criminal. There are many minigames/puzzles to solve and even a bowling game that completely destroys Wii Bowling. One thing I really like is the ability to write notes in the notebook. I also like the multiple save slots (Phoenix Wright are you listening?). There is no way to get completely stuck in this game. If the story is not advancing, it is because you are doing something wrong and/or are not very skilled at life. It's not that the game is not super easy or anything. In fact I bet you'll see the Game Over screen more than once in your journey. Some people complain that the text advances too slow. I really didn't find this to be a problem. But once you've read a certain block of text, you can really speed through it the second time. After you beat the game and start again (from the same save slot) almost all of the text really flies by superfast as a result. But like most games that have a story, it's best to only play it once every few years or so. It could be a bit tough to turn around and play it right away again unless you're just trying to fill in holes in the story that you didn't realize the first time around. Unfortunately there is no way to unlock the arcade version of Golden Axe in this game, which really is quite odd.


There are many little minigames spread throughout. Yay again!

Wrap up:
I like this game and you should, too. Expect to spend between 17 and 20 hours your first time through. The language in this game is not geared towards kids, and I am glad to see that Nintendo is finally starting to grow up. A definite worthwhile purchase.

[Icarus4578]

My brother traded back four games (including Zelda TP!) and got this game. I'll have to try my brother's copy. That is, considering he didn't already sell it back.

[Joe Redifer]

Buy a game for $50, trade it in for a value of $7.50. Your brother is most definitely not a smart man.

[Icarus4578]

I believe he got back more than what Hotel Dusk is retailing for, but then it's his decision to make. He buys a lot of games but only keeps a few.

Joe, I have the perfect request review. Download this w/ the patch and the other thingie. It's the Streets of Rage remake (maybe you're already aware) ~ http://www.bombergames.net/sorr.htm
It's actually pretty good.

[Joe Redifer]

I've played that and I dunno. The best thing about it is the music. But I don't review PC games.

[Icarus4578]

Oh, that's too bad. I'll review it right now.

Streets of Rage Remake - PC - Rating 7
It's pretty fun.

There you go.

[Joe Redifer]

Wii Play
5/10
Nintendo Wii


The game comes in an actual DVD
case you can put on your shelf with
your other games, unlike Wii Sports.

Here I am with a review of the most eagerly awaited game of the decade, Wii Play! This is also my first review for the Wii system. This really isn't a game on it's own, but actually just a bit of software that happens to come with a Wii Remote. I wanted a second Wii Remote and the Wii Play version is just $10 more, so I figured "Why the hell not, god damn it?!" Plus, stand-alone Wii Remotes sell out fast, but not Wii Play! It is easy to get and each store has thousands upon thousands of copies.


"Shooting Range" is not as cool as Sega's "Gangster Town" or "Missile Defense 3D".

Graphics: 3/10
The graphics pretty much suck ass. There are a lot of Miis in the game, and Miis look like dogshit. I can't get my Mii to even remotely resemble what I might look like since the options for hairstyles and facial features are so limited. But Nintendo thrives on being limited. At least the graphics are 16:9 and 480p, but like all Wii games in 480p, it's jaggy-city. For some reason even the Gamecube had less jaggies. What's up with that?

Sound: 2/10
I don't think there is much sound in this game. Certainly nothing noteworthy. There might be some title screen music and some victory music and some such bullshit. You'll hate it.


This is "Laser Hockey" or "Wii Pong". It is pretty cool. Pong rules!

Gameplay: 5/10
The game presents itself as an instruction manual for the Wii Remote. There are 9 little games you can play, some of them are actually worthwhile. Let's take a look at each and every god damn one of them!

-SHOOTING RANGE:
This wannabe light gun game is OK. Instead of shooting at living creatures, you shoot at things like balloons and cans. Nintendo hates it when anything dies, so shooting living things is a definite no-no. Fucking pansies. In order to appease Duck Hunt fans, a duck will fly by every once in awhile. But animal rights activists will be happy because they are super tough to hit. I have a feeling that everyone who works at Nintendo is a woman or an effeminate male. A REAL man would be shooting things that are cool to shoot at, like people. Also the Wii Remote is super-sensitive and that makes it tougher than playing with a real light gun. Michael J. Fox would have a bitch of a time with this game. Unlike a real light gun, you are forced to use an onscreen cursor.

-FIND MII:
This is possibly the lamest event that I have ever participated in. All you do is find the two Miis that match, the Mii you are using, or the Mii(s) that don't have doubles. That's it. You have a time limit. Anyone who likes this game also likes a hot spiky vibrator spinning up their ass.

-TABLE TENNIS:
Fucking gay. Just look at the limp-wristed way the paddles are held. Jesus Motherfucking Christ. The goal here is just to see how many times you can hit the ball. You can't win. All you do is move the paddle left and right. That's it. Burning diarrhea is more fun.

-POSE MII:
Here bubbles are falling. Yes, bubbles! Each bubble has a silhouette of a Mii in a certain pose. You must take your insipid little Mii and make it match the pose and place it over the bubble to keep it from falling. If a bubble falls off of the screen, you die. God damn retarded, I say. This is further proof that no real men work at Nintendo.

-LASER HOCKEY:
This is probably one of the best games on here. But it really should be called "WiiPong" because that's what it is. But I imagine Nintendo simply couldn't afford to license the name "Pong". Who could? Anyway it plays just like Pong except you can twist the remote to angle your thingy and whatnot. It's really cool with two players. The graphics try to have a "Geometry Wars Advanced" (Xbox360) look to them with neon glow and whatnot. They even tried to have a techno soundtrack like Geometry Wars. Obviously they failed.

-BILLIARDS:
This isn't too bad, and in fact it's kind of fun. I don't really understand the game of pool/billiards in real life and never really cared for it. You are required to hit the "target ball" first on every shot for some fucked up communist reason. You use the remote kind of like a cue stick, but it isn't very responsive. I feel like I have to move the remote from my back wall all the way across the room to my TV just to thrust it forward. Not as good as Side Pocket.

-FISHING:
More fun than real fishing, but still extraordinarily gay, just like your dad and his brother. At least you don't have to sit on your ass for hours on end doing absolutely nothing waiting to get a nibble. In real life, fishing is the only "sport" that can make golf look like an action-packed thrill-a-minute adventure ride. You dip your hook in the water (without any bait) and the nanosecond you get a bite, the thrust upwards and the fish is yours. If you catch a small fish points are deducted and the game shuts off without saving.

-CHARGE!:
In this game you ride a knitted cow in an effort to rid the world of scarecrows while occasionally jumping over hurdles that are out to ruin your world. I do not like the "rotate forward" method of applying acceleration. It feels so unnatural. But I guess the bitches at Nintendo couldn't think of anything better. I could have. You tilt the remote left and right to turn and hop up to hop up. Unfortunately the remote has zero resistance and no center axis so steering also feels unnatural and if you want to go straight you must hold the damn thing perfectly level. Hard to do when it doesn't recenter itself like a real steering wheel or, I dunno, an analog or even a d-pad. That's right, traditional controls destroy the Wii Remote when it comes to driving.

-TANKS!
This is also one of the best games on here, and the only one to use the nunchuck (why the living fuck do they call it a "nunchuck"? Anybody know? It should be called the "Cock" because that's how you grab it). You can also play it with the Wii Remote by itself if you are a crappy human being. Anyway, drive around with the ANALog thumbstick and point the remote to aim your turret. You can shoot and drop mines. It kicks ass with two or more players. It's even really fun playing by yourself with your Wii (LOLOLOL haven't heard that one before I bet LOLOLOLOLOL!!!) According to the manual, only white people are allowed to play.


You can achieve medals. That is the only incentive to keep playing in one player mode.

Wrap Up:
This game costs $10. Is it worth it? Yeah, I don't see why not, especially if your family ever plays with you and your Wii. Also, the box, manual and all included literature is in many different languages like games in the UK. It seems Nintendo is trying to be the first in the US to do this. This sucks ass, and there is no need for it!

[Seraph]

When did you get a Wii??? I was thinking about making Monkey Ball:BB my next review.

Good Wii Play Review. I havent gotten it myself yet, as I really have no need for another controller. If they were asking full price for the game I would say hell no, but since its only $10 why not.

I really want to try lazer pong.

[Icarus4578]

I'll never buy this game, but....

Originally Posted by Joe Redifer

(why the living fuck do they call it a "nunchuck"? Anybody know? It should be called the "Cock" because that's how you grab it)

Quote of the month.

[Northeastmonk]

Is it worth getting the add-ons for? lol? I saw the add ons on attack of the show.

And speaking of trade-in value. I saw Sneak King and the other Burger King 360 games selling for 7.50 used. I paid 3.50. How the heck did they go up in price. I thew all mine away. Dang. I should of traded them in.

[cosmoblues]

Originally Posted by Northeastmonk

I saw Sneak King and the other Burger King 360 games selling for 7.50 used. I paid 3.50. How the heck did they go up in price. I thew all mine away. Dang. I should of traded them in.

It's the King, man, why even question the staying power of such an Adonis-like demigod? And you had the audacity to get rid of them? That's equivalent to shunning the King himself, and adopting false idols, such as the Noid, or that annoying Hamburgler; you go burn in Hell.