Joe Redifer's Super-Awesome Reviews!!!! - Page 54

Joe Redifer · 10-17-2005, 06:00 AM

Herzog Zwei
9/10
Sega Genesis

US box on left, and Japanese box on right. Japanese box is much cooler.

What we have here is the very first real time strategy (RTS) game. Ever. Games like Command and Conquer, World of Warcraft and countless others owe their very existence to Herzog Zwei. The biggest difference between those PC games and Herzog Zwei is that Herzog is actually fun!

When this title screen first popped up on my Sega Genesis back in
1989, I simply couldn't believe how realistic it looked. I was floored.

Graphics: 6/10
Even for 1989 Herzog's graphics weren't the best you could find on the Genesis. There was no multi-layered scrolling, no scaling, none of that stuff. But don't get me wrong, the graphics aren't bad at all. There is a lot of variety in the eight different maps and all of the sprites are well drawn and animate smoothly. Your ship rotates nicely and the transformation into the walking mech looks really cool. Infantry soldiers spurt blood when they are killed, even though I think they are supposed to be robots built to order. Maybe they just use human blood as fuel. I just hope that my forces don't use African blood for fuel because I don't want my machines to have AIDS!

Fly around as a plane, shoot things, deploy your units, spy on neighbors.

Sound: 8/10
Musically this may be one of TechnoSoft's worst Genesis games ever. But TechnoSoft's worst is usually far better than most companies best. So needless to say that the music is outstanding. You would think that with some stages lasting up to a half an hour or even more that the music would get repetitive and start to drive you nuts. It actually doesn't... for the most part. The sounds are mostly standard Genesis fare but they are unique in the sense that you use them to listen to determine what the enemy is doing. This can be very helpful when playing in the single player mode where you can't always see the enemy. The game is in stereo and only complete losers who deserve SARS play it in mono.

While at the base you log onto the internet and order your troops online.
After a few seconds they are delivered right to your door and ready to go!

Gameplay: 9/10
This game kicks ass, simply put. Instead of just being in charge of the army that is trying to destroy the opposition's base, you get to fly around yourself and can even transform into a mech and destroy enemy units, fight with the enemy commander, pick up and move your units, take over enemy bases, you name it. You have a limited amount of money and fuel which always increases 100% of the time except when it doesn't. You order the construction of a variety of units and give them orders. In a few seconds, your units are built and ready for you to pick them up, fly them around and deploy them wherever you see fit. You use infantry to conquer mini bases so you don't have as far to fly around when trying to destroy the main enemy base, which is the goal of each stage. You can command your units to do many different things such as direct attack on a main base, wait for enemies while protecting your main base, refuel and resupply other units, and a whole bunch of other nonsense which is way too far above the cerebral capabilities of people who read my reviews. The game moves at a very fast pace and makes conventional RTS games look like they were made for slow, retarded children. There is no leveling up required. This game never gets old. It has a 2 player split screen (vertical) mode which is a blast with someone else who knows how to play. No online mode or LAN mode though, which is quite surprising. Even though I love this game, I have no desire to play other RTS games because I know they cannot live up to Herzog Zwei. Oh, and let's not forget that this is a CONSOLE game. An old console game. People say that consoles can't adequately handle RTS games, and here is the 16-bit Sega Genesis owning their 2005 ass in 1989. Eat it, fools.

Transform into a running mech and destroy the units which are
guarding the enemy base. Now bring in some tanks for the win!

Wrap up:
The first and best RTS game ever. Way ahead of its time. You need to try it to experience what a REAL RTS game is. I always used to rent the Japanese version of this game from a local store here where this one guy with a mustache worked, and I once rented the US version as well. The only differences are that the US instruction manual is in English and the US version has horrible box art that may loosen your stool. It is for this reason I chose to purchase the Japanese version as all the in-game text is EXACTLY like the US version. Now go back in time and buy hundreds of copies of this game so it makes a huge dent in the sales charts and they make a sequel! My plan can't fail! And you'll be happy to know that the mustache guy has upgraded to a full blown goatee, and of course he loves him some Herzog!

camac · 10-17-2005, 07:20 AM

Holy crap, I remeber this game, it was awesome. I had been trying to figure out what it was since I haven't played it in years, couldn't remeber the name of it for the life of me. How useful.

Vicviper · 10-17-2005, 10:19 AM

Dude, I know that mustache guy that you speak of. He once tried to sell me a fake Rolex and marry me to another man in the same breath. WEIRD!! The lesson I learned is Never trust a man with a mustache. mess you up!

Yeah Herzog kicks ass! I remember not beating it in 1989 but I remember I was a caddy at a local country club and I had that title name stuck in my head. As I was carrying golf bags I just kept saying "Herzog Zwei" "Herzog Zwei" over and over and over again. strange.

I imagine in 1989 Nin was still sucking his moms teet. And now look at him an owl lover.

Paper exe · 10-17-2005, 11:30 AM

Quote:

I just hope that my forces don't use African blood for fuel because I don't want my machines to have AIDS!

I think this is pretty harsh Joe. Show some respect to people.

camac · 10-17-2005, 01:54 PM

Haha its obviously a joke in refrence to the growing Aids epidemic in Africa. He was being political and smart! You can take a joke, right paper?

Paper exe · 10-17-2005, 01:56 PM

Depends on my Mod.

Joe Redifer · 10-17-2005, 02:02 PM

I will BAN you if you do not laugh at my joke. It is a fact that Africa has the highest cases of AIDS per capita. I'm not being harsh at all.

Agamum · 10-17-2005, 08:37 PM

---------shakes head---------

not funny Joe

Joe Redifer · 10-17-2005, 09:16 PM

You say that because you have AIDS. Now go buy a life.

Why aren't any of you whining about my SARS joke? It's just as deadly and kills you quicker! Is joking about SARS OK? You people make me sick. Seriously, grow a personality.

Agamum · 10-17-2005, 09:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Joe Redifer

You say that because you have AIDS. Now go buy a life.

Why aren't any of you whining about my SARS joke? It's just as deadly and kills you quicker! Is joking about SARS OK? You people make me sick. Seriously, grow a personality.

you missunderstand I wasnt shaking my head at your joke I was shaking my head at the lose usage of the word BAN just the clerify

Joe Redifer · 10-17-2005, 09:26 PM

I BAN at will!

Agamum · 10-17-2005, 09:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Joe Redifer

I BAN at will!

1:you ban nothing but the wind

2:relavence

3: 2
4: 2
5: 2

6 : y should I care

Joe Redifer · 10-17-2005, 09:39 PM

How about I BAN you for a half hour to give you a reason to care! here goes!

MarionetteKazuk · 10-17-2005, 10:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Joe Redifer

How about I BAN you for a half hour to give you a reason to care! here goes!

Half hour? Joe joe joe, where has your ruthlessness gone? I remember back in the day when you would ban people for days at a time just for fun, now you've gone soft. Wunna show your true style I dare ya to ban yourself!!! There!

I BAN at will!
Bologna (boloney).

LanceCalvis · 10-18-2005, 01:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MarionetteKazuk

Half hour? Joe joe joe, where has your ruthlessness gone? I remember back in the day when you would ban people for days at a time just for fun, now you've gone soft. Wunna show your true style I dare ya to ban yourself!!! There!

I BAN at will!
Bologna (boloney).

I've read alot of your post and I have to say your the most interesting debater on this forum. You get my vote on who makes the best debates.

10-17-2005, 08:37 PM	#803
Agamum Registered User Join Date: Aug 2005 Posts: 185	---------shakes head--------- not funny Joe __________________ (Legend of Zelda) -The Ringer- you wanta dance just ask

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10-17-2005, 06:00 AM	#796
Joe Redifer Olé! Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Denver, Colorado Posts: 20,144	Herzog Zwei 9/10 Sega Genesis US box on left, and Japanese box on right. Japanese box is much cooler. What we have here is the very first real time strategy (RTS) game. Ever. Games like Command and Conquer, World of Warcraft and countless others owe their very existence to Herzog Zwei. The biggest difference between those PC games and Herzog Zwei is that Herzog is actually fun! When this title screen first popped up on my Sega Genesis back in 1989, I simply couldn't believe how realistic it looked. I was floored. Graphics: 6/10 Even for 1989 Herzog's graphics weren't the best you could find on the Genesis. There was no multi-layered scrolling, no scaling, none of that stuff. But don't get me wrong, the graphics aren't bad at all. There is a lot of variety in the eight different maps and all of the sprites are well drawn and animate smoothly. Your ship rotates nicely and the transformation into the walking mech looks really cool. Infantry soldiers spurt blood when they are killed, even though I think they are supposed to be robots built to order. Maybe they just use human blood as fuel. I just hope that my forces don't use African blood for fuel because I don't want my machines to have AIDS! Fly around as a plane, shoot things, deploy your units, spy on neighbors. Sound: 8/10 Musically this may be one of TechnoSoft's worst Genesis games ever. But TechnoSoft's worst is usually far better than most companies best. So needless to say that the music is outstanding. You would think that with some stages lasting up to a half an hour or even more that the music would get repetitive and start to drive you nuts. It actually doesn't... for the most part. The sounds are mostly standard Genesis fare but they are unique in the sense that you use them to listen to determine what the enemy is doing. This can be very helpful when playing in the single player mode where you can't always see the enemy. The game is in stereo and only complete losers who deserve SARS play it in mono. While at the base you log onto the internet and order your troops online. After a few seconds they are delivered right to your door and ready to go! Gameplay: 9/10 This game kicks ass, simply put. Instead of just being in charge of the army that is trying to destroy the opposition's base, you get to fly around yourself and can even transform into a mech and destroy enemy units, fight with the enemy commander, pick up and move your units, take over enemy bases, you name it. You have a limited amount of money and fuel which always increases 100% of the time except when it doesn't. You order the construction of a variety of units and give them orders. In a few seconds, your units are built and ready for you to pick them up, fly them around and deploy them wherever you see fit. You use infantry to conquer mini bases so you don't have as far to fly around when trying to destroy the main enemy base, which is the goal of each stage. You can command your units to do many different things such as direct attack on a main base, wait for enemies while protecting your main base, refuel and resupply other units, and a whole bunch of other nonsense which is way too far above the cerebral capabilities of people who read my reviews. The game moves at a very fast pace and makes conventional RTS games look like they were made for slow, retarded children. There is no leveling up required. This game never gets old. It has a 2 player split screen (vertical) mode which is a blast with someone else who knows how to play. No online mode or LAN mode though, which is quite surprising. Even though I love this game, I have no desire to play other RTS games because I know they cannot live up to Herzog Zwei. Oh, and let's not forget that this is a CONSOLE game. An old console game. People say that consoles can't adequately handle RTS games, and here is the 16-bit Sega Genesis owning their 2005 ass in 1989. Eat it, fools. Transform into a running mech and destroy the units which are guarding the enemy base. Now bring in some tanks for the win! Wrap up: The first and best RTS game ever. Way ahead of its time. You need to try it to experience what a REAL RTS game is. I always used to rent the Japanese version of this game from a local store here where this one guy with a mustache worked, and I once rented the US version as well. The only differences are that the US instruction manual is in English and the US version has horrible box art that may loosen your stool. It is for this reason I chose to purchase the Japanese version as all the in-game text is EXACTLY like the US version. Now go back in time and buy hundreds of copies of this game so it makes a huge dent in the sales charts and they make a sequel! My plan can't fail! And you'll be happy to know that the mustache guy has upgraded to a full blown goatee, and of course he loves him some Herzog!

10-17-2005, 07:20 AM	#797
camac I feel so good. Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: FL Posts: 3,549	Holy crap, I remeber this game, it was awesome. I had been trying to figure out what it was since I haven't played it in years, couldn't remeber the name of it for the life of me. How useful.

10-17-2005, 10:19 AM	#798
Vicviper Hello handsome! Join Date: Apr 2002 Location: Denver, CO Posts: 3,081	Dude, I know that mustache guy that you speak of. He once tried to sell me a fake Rolex and marry me to another man in the same breath. WEIRD!! The lesson I learned is Never trust a man with a mustache. mess you up! Yeah Herzog kicks ass! I remember not beating it in 1989 but I remember I was a caddy at a local country club and I had that title name stuck in my head. As I was carrying golf bags I just kept saying "Herzog Zwei" "Herzog Zwei" over and over and over again. strange. I imagine in 1989 Nin was still sucking his moms teet. And now look at him an owl lover.

10-17-2005, 01:54 PM	#800
camac I feel so good. Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: FL Posts: 3,549	Haha its obviously a joke in refrence to the growing Aids epidemic in Africa. He was being political and smart! You can take a joke, right paper?

10-17-2005, 01:56 PM	#801
Paper exe Pwnd Join Date: Aug 2004 Posts: 9,118	Depends on my Mod.

10-17-2005, 02:02 PM	#802
Joe Redifer Olé! Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Denver, Colorado Posts: 20,144	I will BAN you if you do not laugh at my joke. It is a fact that Africa has the highest cases of AIDS per capita. I'm not being harsh at all.

10-17-2005, 09:16 PM	#804
Joe Redifer Olé! Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Denver, Colorado Posts: 20,144	You say that because you have AIDS. Now go buy a life. Why aren't any of you whining about my SARS joke? It's just as deadly and kills you quicker! Is joking about SARS OK? You people make me sick. Seriously, grow a personality.

10-17-2005, 09:26 PM	#806
Joe Redifer Olé! Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Denver, Colorado Posts: 20,144	I BAN at will!

10-17-2005, 09:39 PM	#808
Joe Redifer Olé! Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Denver, Colorado Posts: 20,144	How about I BAN you for a half hour to give you a reason to care! here goes!