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Old 11-03-2005, 08:35 PM   #856
gearhound
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nice review of dawn of sorrow joe :cool guy:
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Old 11-05-2005, 11:15 PM   #857
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Originally Posted by Nindalf
It's SavedFromSin's favorite game. Don't be so mean.
Uh, no. Why did you even play it Joe? You should of just said the game sucked and gave it a 1/10.
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Old 11-06-2005, 12:07 AM   #858
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I cannot resist a game about the Bible no more than I could resist a game about contracting and spreading AIDS. I must make fun of it. In order to make fun of its sorry ass I must actually play it.
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Old 11-06-2005, 06:36 AM   #859
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Truly great reviews, I don't think I have had this much fun reading reviews since I accidently discovered that there were reviews at classicgaming.com a few years ago.

Keep up the good work.
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Old 11-06-2005, 07:52 AM   #860
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Originally Posted by Joe Redifer
It's not as good as Twisted for the 3DO which itself sucked ass.
Blasphemy! Twisted was great fun when playing with a bunch of people.
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Old 11-15-2005, 04:12 AM   #861
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Sega Dreamcast
6/10
Game System Review


The box may make the system look colorful, but the actual thing
is a boring WHITE color, like the Playstation. It is the first US Sega
console that wasn't black. The only way to get a black Dreamcast is
to buy the super-crappy Sega Sports Edition DC. Ug.


The Sega Dreamcast launched in the USA on 9-9-99. I was one of the people who stood in a very long line at Electronics Boutique just before midnight to get mine. And got it I did along with Soul Calibur and Sonic Adventure. All of the other launch games were crap, including Hydro Thunder and that Acclaim Rumble boxing game, whatever it was called. Yes, Acclaim really sucks tremendous amounts of ass no matter what they do. I hope they get AIDS. Anyway I got home, hooked everything up and enjoyed my new system. It was cool. Except for that controller and that damn VMU. And a bunch of other things. To put is short, the Dreamcast is the least Sega-ish Sega system by far. And it is the only Sega system that I really don't give a rat's ass about.


Here is my Dreamcast playing a neat videogame.

Graphics: 8/10
For its day, the graphics on the Dreamcast were pretty good. One thing I noticed right away and has bothered me forever is how many games seem to extensively blur the floor about 10 feet ahead of you and beyond. This can be seen to great extent in Sonic Adventure and many similar games. It looks like ass and I want to wipe it, but I can't! But the Dreamcast really showed off its graphic prowess with Shenmue 1 and 2 as well as Daytona USA. There were some other good looking games (like Virtua Tennis and Samba de Amigo) and many, many average looking games (like Speed Devils and Hydro Thunder). One thing that is nice is that just about each and every game is in 480p, something not even the more powerful PlayStation 2 can boast. About 10 or so games were in 16:9 widescreen as well. Colors were good and true polygonal transparency finally came to a Sega system. A Dreamcast hooked up to a VGA monitor (or even a progressive scan television) is truly a sight to behold.


Here is the ass view of my Dreamcast playing a neat videogame.

Sound: 7/10
While about a dozen or so Dreamcast games had really good music, it was not unusual to hear highly compressed sound effects and even music in its games due to the extremely limited storage media. This is heard to great effect in Shenmue where the voices are all extremely compressed and the music even more so. And speaking of sound, the Dreamcast has to be the loudest system ever. Whenever the laser moves to a different part of the disc my neighbors across the street complain because their ears are bleeding. The police have been called a few times when I was playing a game like Vampire Chronicles which loads like there's no tomorrow. They almost shot my Dreamcast on sight but I promised to turn it off. Even when the system is on and idle, the fan is pretty loud. Even if the Dreamcast had superb audio capabilities and no compressed sounds, you wouldn't be able to appreciate them because of all the noise the system itself makes. In short, this system is annoying whenever it is turned on.


The much-ballyhooed Broadband Adaptor.
Why this is so sought after is completely
beyond my comprehension.


Gameplay: 6/10
There really aren't too many interesting Dreamcast games. It feels more like a Playstation system with its massive amounts of junk software and lack of a distinct personality. The controllers are the worst ever conceived. They took the analog controller from the Saturn into a design meeting and held it up. Then they said "We want to use this controller for our upcoming Dreamcast system, but we know that the system will kind of suck. So we would like to make the controller as awful as possible since we're all drunk right now. Any ideas on how to take this controller and make it suck extremely bad?" The worst ideas obviously won. They removed two buttons for NO REASON WHATSOEVER, made the rest teeny tiny and made the analog pad feel as cheap and as uncomfortable as possible with extremely hard plastic. They made the D-pad a simple cross that hurts your thumb and feels lame. They made the wire come out from the BOTTOM of the controller which is a definite no-no in controller design. Then somebody had an extremely bad idea and designed the Visual Memory Unit, or VMU.

The VMU is a completely useless gimmick. It acts as an extremely low-capacity memory card with a screen. On that screen usually resides the title of whatever game you are playing along with some cute animated graphics. Who cares about this crap? I care about what's on the damn screen, not on this little crappy LCD screen beveled into my horrible controller! Oh man was this thing a bad idea. Not only could it only store a handful of save files, it also used TWO lithium batteries that only lasted about 3 or 4 weeks. After that you get an extremely long and annoying beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep whever you turn on your Dreamcast. Gay gay gay! So what were the batteries for? So you could power the thing up without the Dreamcast and play pathetically lame "minigames" on them or transfer game saves without the Dreamcast (which was a BITCH to do!) The big deal at the time was to be able to use the VMU to pick plays in football games so your opponent can not see what you choose. Well sports games do not count as real videogames so this argument is useless, just like anyone who actually likes the VMU. The VMU is an extremely lame idea and I hope the people who thought it up get AIDS on their face and SARS on their genitals! Morons.


Here is a shot of the controller and various VMUs. If not for these items
right here, the Dreamcast would have been a MUCH better system.


The Dreamcast had four controller ports, but this means nothing to me as I find that split-screen gaming sucks ass, and I will not stand for it. The Dreamcast also came with a modem to play games online. About a year later the first online game came out, and it sucked balls because it was Chu Chu Rocket. Then later Seganet launched and it was OK. It was extremely laggy and being cut off was the norm. When the Dreamcast was just about to die they released the broadband adaptor. I had just gotten DSL at that time (that's all that was available and that is my excuse for choosing DSL) and I thought I was great so I had to get the BBA. I got it and played lots of Quake III. I didn't notice much difference because everyone else was on dial up modems because they were horrible human beings. There were like 5 or so other games that supported the BBA. Phantasy Star Online supported it, but you had to hack your save file because Sega sucked ass when they programmed that game (Sonic Team has sucked ass since then, except for Feel the Magic on the DS). Playing videogames online is boring and gets old quick. God damn I've gotta sell that BBA on eBay.

Anyway there were some amazing games on the Dreamcast like Shenmue 1 and 2, which are two of my favorite games EVER. There was also the original (and still the best) Soul Calibur, Daytona USA, Typing of the Dead, Ikaruga, Confidential Mission (a Virtua Cop spinoff) and a few other good games. The rest were mediocre or crap. The only game I don't have that I want is Virtua Fighter 3 and that is only for completeness' sake. Otherwise when I see used Dreamcast games in a store my eyes quickly glide past them in hopes of finding something for another system that actually might be worth having. When I think of the Dreamcast, I get bored and quickly try to think of something else.


I'm surprised that the Pepsi, Mountain Dew, and Taco Bell
logos weren't included on the front of the machine.


Wrap up:
I am a huge Sega fanboy and I think that the Sega Dreamcast is a huge disappointment of a system that is barely worth owning. I am also a videogame collector and I have no collection ambitions for this system. If it weren't for Shenmue and Daytona, I'd hate the system with a ton of passion. Sega abandoned the system early on. Maybe if they hadn't they'd have one or two more good games. Then again probably not. This is not the Sega I know. This is the crappy Sega. There are a few things about the DC that are neat or endearing, like being able to use the Saturn controller for fighting games (thank you Jesus, you crazy middle-easterner you) but the system is almost as generic as the original Playstation.

Last edited by Joe Redifer; 11-15-2005 at 04:28 AM.
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Old 11-15-2005, 04:31 AM   #862
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What about Sonic Adventure 1 & 2, Jet Grind Radio, the 2-d vs fighting games, Skies of Arcadia, Soul Calibur and Street Fighter 3!!!!!!!11ONE1!
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Old 11-15-2005, 04:36 AM   #863
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Quote:
Originally Posted by justin_credible
What about Sonic Adventure 1 & 2
Already mentioned part 1, part 2 was pretty much crap.

Quote:
Originally Posted by justin_credible
Jet Grind Radio
Crap.

Quote:
Originally Posted by justin_credible
the 2-d vs fighting games
Cool with the Saturn pad, but the music in Marvel vs Capcom 2 sucked ass. Gawd awful. And only 4 usable buttons??? Also all of the fighting games except Guilty Gear (which is VERY overrated) used very low resolution sprites and looked like crap.

Quote:
Originally Posted by justin_credible
Skies of Arcadia
Gets old fast.

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Originally Posted by justin_credible
Soul Calibur
Already mentioned this one.

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Originally Posted by justin_credible
and Street Fighter 3!
Kind of crappy. Presented in an extremely low resolution.
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Old 11-15-2005, 04:50 AM   #864
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and Chu Chu Rocket owns!
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Old 11-15-2005, 05:06 AM   #865
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Joe slams the fanfavorite Dreamcast! Ow! You made a lot of good points there too.
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Old 11-15-2005, 05:39 AM   #866
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The Dreamcast must automatically get a 10 because it has the best version of Ikaruga on it. And it also has BorderDown, Zero Gunner 2, Mars Matrix, and Sakura Taisen 3 & 4. :bigsmile:

I wish you could play sakura taisen 3 in english. If you did, you wouldn't call the VMU useless.

PS-Skies of Arcadia rules!
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Old 11-15-2005, 06:50 AM   #867
Joe Redifer
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Quote:
The Dreamcast must automatically get a 10 because it has the best version of Ikaruga on it.
Nah. That game isn't THAT great, and I love shooters. It is simply "neat and fun".

Quote:
And it also has BorderDown, Zero Gunner 2, Mars Matrix
Who cares? Those shooters have crappy music and shooters with bad music is like Mario without his mustache. Also, vertical shooters have had their day. Horizontal shooters are better (much).

Quote:
and Sakura Taisen 3 & 4.
Sounds like a game which only a complete nerd with super acne would play. I bet it has lots of anime girls, right? I also bet there is a song with female Japanese lyrics, right? Gay.

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PS-Skies of Arcadia rules!
No it doesn't.
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Old 11-15-2005, 07:21 AM   #868
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Joe Redifer

Who cares? Those shooters have crappy music and shooters with bad music is like Mario without his mustache. Also, vertical shooters have had their day. Horizontal shooters are better (much).
Who cares? Yeah, you really "love shooters". First of all, anyone who plays a shmup for the music is not a real shmup fan, and they are usually people who suck horribly at the genre. I assume you fall into this category. You can buy the stupid soundtrack and listen to it in your room, you don't need a game for that. The gameplay is what matters, and those games have it in spades. Of course you have to PLAY them to figure that out, not just pop in the disc and go to the sound test.

Also, BorderDown is a hori. So obviously you never played it (from the context you seem to think all the shmups I mentioned are verts). Way to make blanket opinions on games you've never played!! It also has great music, in case you care.
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Old 11-15-2005, 08:16 AM   #869
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I think its just that time of the month for Joe! System was brilliant. Games were brilliant. Joe is anti-brilliant.
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Old 11-15-2005, 08:30 AM   #870
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wow, I thought everyone loved that goofy thing. I couldn't stand it myself, sold it a couple of months after I bought it.
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