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Old 09-03-2005, 12:52 AM   #691
Joe Redifer
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Yes you will, especially all that time you spend drawing on the screen in Castlevania DS. Where you able to see how I drew my name on YOUR Castlevania DS?
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Old 09-03-2005, 04:20 AM   #692
Sinful Sam
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You guys have Castlevania DS! I expect a review soon Joe.
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Old 09-03-2005, 11:12 AM   #693
MarionetteKazuk
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You can tell where your dog has peed by all of the blue
"spots" on the map on the top screen. What purpose this
serves is beyond my comprehension. You can also go to
the secondhand shop and buy used dog food.

I think the spots or so if another person has nintendogs on their ds and their dog sniffs around where your dog pissed then it'll do like any normal dog and overwrite(lol) their piss.
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Old 09-03-2005, 01:00 PM   #694
Joe Redifer
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But when our dogs meet, they don't go for a walk in each other's cities, they stay in one room. My spots remain, no new ones appeared.
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Old 09-03-2005, 01:44 PM   #695
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Gradius V
8/10
Playstation 2


When I asked for "Gradius V" at my local Gamestop,
they thought I wanted "Gladius" instead. Morons.


Wow, the 2D shooter sure has come a long way! Unlike the completely uninspired R-Type Final, Gradius V blows us away with great graphics, good sound, and a fun game. It's amazing what all those elements can do together, eh? My biggest gripe about Gradius V is that it comes on a CD and cannot be loaded to the PS2 hard drive. Anybody with a brain knows that Sony electronics with moving parts tend to break down rather quickly, so I don't like having my drive spin this game nor the laser read it. Sony is a horrible manufacturer. If only I could play this from my hard drive I would be even happier. For now my PS2 still works fine, though. But you KNOW that won't last, even with my reduced drive and laser usage. I hope Sony gets AIDS.


This part of stage 1 is an homage to Gradius II, which
none of you losers probably ever played. For shame.


Graphics: 9/10
These are, by far, the best graphics ever in a shooter. Tons of color, animation, items moving around on screen at once in many different directions, detail, etc etc etc. The graphics here are nothing short of outstanding, and the designers use it to their advantage to cram as much stuff onscreen as possible in order to kick your ass. The aliens in this game seriously do not want you to win! They must be guarding the secret of where Jimmy Hoffa is buried or something. Of course since this game is from Konami, we are not treated to progressive scan (480p) or 16:9 widescreen. Konami hates gamers who have good TVs. Apparently so does Treasure, who programmed the game. Seriously though, Konami is still living back in the Playstation 1 days when it comes to taking advantage of the television set. This game could have easily supported at least 480p, and probably widescreen as well. Can you imagine how awesome that would have been (and how many game magazines would not have even noticed)?


Stage 4 is my favorite stage. It reminds me of what
happens to my innards after I eat a spicy hot burrito!


Sound: 7/10
The sound effects are good. Nothing spectacular but certainly not disappointing. The music is very good, though NOWHERE NEAR as good as Gradius III on the SNES (arcade Gradius III sounded like ass). This game has very little melody. It's mostly futuristic techno by Hitoshi Sakimoto, who is not exactly known for captivating music. But he does OK, even if he can't hold a melody. Welcome to the future, and the future is techno! Amazingly, the optical out port of the PS2 works for this game. It didn't in Gradius 3 and 4. No Dolby Digital or DTS is happening here, but that's all right. Sometimes after I go diarrhea, I must use excess amounts of toilet paper which can clog the drain, and that in itself is quite exciting.


This boss is easy. Anyone who can't beat it on their
first try without dying probably has giant anal warts.


Gameplay: 8/10
It plays like a Gradius game, only this game gives you much more control over what you can do with your options, and it actually enhances game play. Another thing that most definitely enhances gameplay is the fact that you reappear right where you die instead of getting set back to a certain point like inferior games. That alone increased my enjoyment of this game tenfold. You can turn that feature off if you hate good gameplay, though. But the game is hard enough as it is. Even Jesus Christ Hisself could not beat this game without continuing many times, and Jesus ROCKS as side-scrolling shooters! But although this game is tough, it actually makes you want to keep playing, as you get an additional credit for every hour you play (no you can't leave it on pause, you have to actually play) which enables you to get even further in combination with practice. Genius! When playing other games that are hard just for the sake of being hard like Ninja Gaiden, my attitude was "Screw this, who cares anyway?" but with Gradius V it's "More more more more I can do it!!!" There is no real ending to this game as you'll just start from level 1 again once you beat it. There is one point in the game where the Vicviper (the ship in the game not the fellow forum member) comes back from the future to help you, and then later in the game you play the Vicviper from the future. OMG! Fanboys everywhere will faint over this incredible plot twist.


This rotating stage of green goo is a BITCH!
Not even the SNES Mode 7 could dare handle this stage!


Wrap up:
A great shooter that is probably one of the best games in existence on the Playstation 2 platform. Yes, it kicks the hell out of Grand Theft Auto, Gran Turismo, Final Fantasy (any of 'em) and even Jak and Daxter. If you like any of those games I just mentioned, well then you had better like Gradius V even more or else you are a typical wannabe loser. You are no different than anyone else on the internet. Please commit suicide. Thank you.
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Old 09-03-2005, 02:10 PM   #696
Paper exe
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I own the Japan version of Gradius 3 and 4 for PS2.
Quote:
Konami hates gamers who have good TVs.
I think they just care about people like me who never even seen a wide TV and doubt that there is a wide TV in the world.

Last edited by Paper exe; 09-03-2005 at 02:19 PM.
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Old 09-03-2005, 05:38 PM   #697
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Paper, have you heard the saying "ignorance is bliss"? This is why you enjoy your current TV. If you played a proper game on a wide screen TV you would probably get a boner and never want to go back.

I creamed in my jeans when I was able to play the VicViper. I also did when I saw the VicViper in ZOE2.
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Old 09-03-2005, 06:10 PM   #698
gearhound
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freakin' sweet review, joe. it is also about time!

have you heard the soundtrack for vagrant story? i know you have tactics... but i think that sakimoto is a damn fine composer even if he doesn't use too much melody.
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Old 09-03-2005, 07:00 PM   #699
Joe Redifer
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That's the thing, I'm kind of partial to melody (re: actual music). But Gradius V had some good stuff. I remember being bored by the other OST's you mention.

And Paper, if the game was in 16:9 widescreen and/or 480p, it's not like you couldn't play it the same exact way you do now. Crazy how that works, eh?
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Old 09-03-2005, 07:14 PM   #700
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yes, i love me some melodies. actually, there are a few in VS and FFT.
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Old 09-03-2005, 07:15 PM   #701
Joe Redifer
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Perhaps so, it's been forever since I listened.
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Old 09-04-2005, 05:11 AM   #702
Paper exe
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Joe Redifer

And Paper, if the game was in 16:9 widescreen and/or 480p, it's not like you couldn't play it the same exact way you do now. Crazy how that works, eh?
But in that way it doesn?t count that I played the game fully and I don't want that to happen.
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Old 09-04-2005, 06:24 AM   #703
Joe Redifer
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So you want games to cater to the lowest common denominator... YOU? Is that what you are saying? That is the most stupid comment I think I have probably ever read.
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Old 09-04-2005, 04:37 PM   #704
Paper exe
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Anyway, Joe, how could you forget reviewing Super Mario Land 3!? I doubt that you actually own the game, but if you do, then can you review it?
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Old 09-04-2005, 05:53 PM   #705
Joe Redifer
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I don't own ANY Gameboy games.
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