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Old 08-30-2005, 08:20 PM   #676
gearhound
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joe, review gradius V or i will suicide bomb your review thread. you don't want that...
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Old 08-30-2005, 08:26 PM   #677
Joe Redifer
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Didn't I already review that? I thought I did. Maybe I just read Icarus' review and thought it was mine or something.
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Old 08-30-2005, 09:20 PM   #678
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hah... no, you have not reviewed it.
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Old 08-31-2005, 07:53 AM   #679
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Vicviper
Prince Paper has a kingdom to rule when the King dies so he will never receive a paycheck. He sits on piles of gold and jewels and has 50 people going all over the world buying him games and slaves and pretty white women. Paper reminds me of the prince in Katamari. Not the story line but the way he looks. Just like paper.
Oh and just because nobody answered your $5 question doesn't mean they don't read your full reviews.
Why did you have to say that and show me how jinx I am for not being a prince and not living in a kingdom.
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Old 08-31-2005, 01:44 PM   #680
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paper, you take things too seriously.
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Old 09-02-2005, 07:36 PM   #681
Joe Redifer
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Nintendogs
7/10
Nintendo DS


It is almost embarrasing having a box like this
sitting on my shelf. It makes me less of a man.


Nintendogs really isn't much of a game, but nonetheless I found myself spending quite a bit of time with it... in bursts. You can only really play for short bursts, and then suddenly there is nothing to do but wait. So here we go with the review!

Graphics: 7/10
The dogs look and behave (mostly) like dogs. The graphics and animation is well done. But dogs are the only things that move in this game. The backgrounds are alright. As you are taking your dog for a walk, the background scenery dissolves into a different scene as you go. You ALWAYS walk to the right no matter what. This game has no sense of direction. I was a little disappointed in the dog poop... it's not as dark brown as it should be and there are no flies that circle it. Oh well. Also, everything in the game from your house to outdoor parks seem to have some weird kind of white barrier all around the ground. What the hell?


You can pet your dog anywhere, you can even rub its
genitals and it LOVES it and wants more! Seriously!


Sound: 5/10
The sound and music is really nothing special at all. Dogs bark constantly. You can record your own voice and if you link up with another Nintendogs owner wirelessly then your voice will be played out loud on the other person's DS, so be sure to say something nasty and vulgar! I was also disappointed in the lack of little farting sounds as the dog takes a huge dump on the sidewalk.


Look at the white dude with the black cap. Fellow
forum member Vicviper thinks that guy is a man of color,
but he's not. I have three dogs all with different names,
but they all seem to have the same name as his duck.


Gameplay: 7/10
Nintendogs, as mentioned above, is good in short bursts. If you already have a dog or more than one dog, you can feed and bathe them, take them for a walk, and enter contests. The problem is that you can only take them for a walk once every half hour (real time) and only enter them in 3 contests per day (real days). It uses the DS's internal clock, so I guess you could cheat if you wanted to by setting the clock way ahead. While going for a walk, your already-housetrained puppy pees and poops, and the map marks everywhere it pees for some reason which I can't understand. The poop leaves no marks, just like real life. Your dog will bring you presents like boots, hats, sticks, and dildos. You can sell them for some money. Speaking of that your character has NO JOB WHATSOEVER and the puppies are your sole source of income. You win money by winning contests and selling presents. Otherwise you will starve to death and you will all die. Yes, you are a slacker. The disc competition (re: Frisbee) is fun. The agility and obedience trials are really boring and not much worth playing. You can play in the park with other dogs, but they get in the way. When on walks, your dog can meet up with other dogs and fall in love (it doesn't matter if the other dog is a boy or a girl, Nintendo promotes homosexuality in a BIG way here.) This makes your dog happy but won't make you any more money so screw it. No homo-lovin' for my dog unless I get some $$$ from it! There is also a wireless mode which you can enable to hook up with other Nintendog owners, unlocking breeds and whatnot. I put my DS into wireless mode and carried it all throughout downtown Denver last Wednesday and I didn't meet anybody. Oh well. You can also unlock breed just by kicking ass and getting a high score at the game. You can teach your dogs tricks, but that is boring and completely pointless unless you want to enter the obedience trials. The game seems to have LOADING TIME for some reason, and the conversations between the two morons at the competitions in painfully slow and cannot be skipped. All breeds are unlockable in every version of the game, and I have already unlocked two breeds because I kick ass at playing this game.


You can tell where your dog has peed by all of the blue
"spots" on the map on the top screen. What purpose this
serves is beyond my comprehension. You can also go to
the secondhand shop and buy used dog food.


Wrap up:
Nintendogs is a good diversion away from real games, but it can't captivate you for hours on end, only in short bursts.
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Old 09-02-2005, 07:54 PM   #682
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joe actually reviewed nintendogs. way to go! unfortunately, i won't be reviewing it. your review was pretty funny as always.
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Old 09-02-2005, 08:37 PM   #683
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Great review! Have you played Advance Wars: DS?
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Old 09-02-2005, 09:05 PM   #684
Joe Redifer
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No, I'm not really into the strategery games like that and that one game on the Saturn, Dragon Wars or something like that?
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Old 09-02-2005, 09:07 PM   #685
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Joe Redifer
Your dog will bring you presents like boots, hats, sticks, and dildos. You can sell them for some money. Speaking of that your character has NO JOB WHATSOEVER and the puppies are your sole source of income. You win money by winning contests and selling presents. Otherwise you will starve to death and you will all die. Yes, you are a slacker.
Hah, basicaly the dog is a magical genie type mutt who can materialize objects out of no where, or maybe his ass, and gives them to you as presents, you of course do the most sensible thing and give away his presents that he magicaly pooped or dug out of the ground for you with all his love, all for money. Hilarious. I never understood why some of those dogs had presents in the screenshots I've seen until now.
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Old 09-02-2005, 09:22 PM   #686
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i especially like how joe points out the flaws in the game. you know, like the lack of pooping sound effects and the lack of real-life dog poop.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Joe Redifer
No, I'm not really into the strategery games like that and that one game on the Saturn, Dragon Wars or something like that?
dragon force? have you played it? i have been meaning to pick it up. i watched my friend play it years ago and it looked awesome.
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Old 09-02-2005, 09:27 PM   #687
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Yeah Dragon Force. I rented the Saturn version and wasn't too impressed. I played the recently released PS2 version and I was like "WTF?" so I deleted it.
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Old 09-02-2005, 09:30 PM   #688
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where did you get it?

'cause i don't think it's coming to n. america.
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Old 09-02-2005, 11:20 PM   #689
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I hate strategy games too(except Advance Wars).
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Old 09-03-2005, 12:41 AM   #690
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Well Joe's dog and my dog met tonight. One of Joe's three dogs gave me a Luigi hat for a present. I was impressed. So was my dog. My dog gave him a white boot. Joe wasn't impressed. The game is a fun diversion and since Joe actually is enjoying this game I let him borrow Animal Crossing. Do you think I will get it back? I hope. Now that I have Castlevania DS I will be spending more time with that than my dog. But no worries I won't let it starve to death.
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