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Old 11-27-2004, 11:27 PM   #123
Joe Redifer
Joe Redifer's Avatar
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Denver, Colorado
Posts: 20,109
Feel the Magic XY XX
Nintendo DS

You know you'd do her.

It's the same exact romantic story you hear all the time. Boy sees girl. Boy develops instant crush on girl. Boy must win over the girl's affections. Boy touches angry bull stampede. Boy defeats bees. Boy climbs through snake. Boy gets girl. It's your typical love story that you read about in romance novels and Sega made it into a really cool light gun game to the Nintendo DS system! OK it's not really a light gun game, but in many ways it acts like one, except that you use a stylus instead of a goofy-looking gray Nintendo gun. Sega's Light Phaser was much cooler than Nintendo's Zapper. But then again you'd expect that, because it's Sega. Duh! But rarely in this game do you use anything EXCEPT the touch screen to control the game. It's basically a bunch of minigames in one and is, by far, the best launch game available for the DS. I also think it's the ONLY original launch game, being as everyone's already played Super Mario 64, John Madden, etc etc. Yay Sega!

Story: 5/10
Who cares?

The object of your affection has the weirdest fetish.
She likes it when you touch the scorpions but hates it if you accidentally touch her.

Graphics: 7/10
The graphics are pretty good in a simple way. There is no facial detail in the game, and the 3D graphics are kind of Saturn-y, if even that. But what is there definitely works well. There is nothing in the game that will amaze your eyeballs, and nothing that will disappoint them, either. I do kind of like the visual style, and I feel that it definitely works for this type of game. Unfortunately there isn't any slow down or flicker to whine about. Damn.

You must blow on the touch screen in order to
get the boat to your bitch and rescue her snatch!

Sound: 8/10
I have to admit that the DS has some pretty good sound capabilities, definitely better than what was typically heard from the N64. Not much in the way of sound effects here except the pansie-ass screams and crys of the dude you are in charge of. He is a true sissy, just like you. The music is kooky-crazy Japanese nuttiness of very high quality, and it works for this bizarre game. The stereo effect works amazingly well coming from the DS speakers. There is quite a bit of voice in the game as well, all pronounced with heavy Japanese accents to add to the nutiness. For instance during the stage called Nightmare 3, the voice will say "Night-Mare tree!" Everyone in the US should change the way they speak so that they sound like this game.

Between rounds 3 and 4 is BREAK TIME!
Touch the picture!

Gameplay: 8/10
The entire game is controlled via the touchscreen. You will never have to press any other buttons except when you are zooming back and forth in the ?ber-pointless "Mania" mode. Actions include rubbing goldfish that are stuck in some moron's stomach up and out of his throat, typing numbers on a keypad to open moron's parachutes, running over innocent and helpless human beings jogging down the road and then slinging those human beings into an enemy vehicle, holding your bitch's hand and "defeating" bees that fly around, touching stampeding bulls to calm them down (works in real life, too. Try it!), and much, much more. You even get to yell at your bitch to get her attention. The problem is you have to yell over a loud band. I recommend that you play this scene at someplace very crowded. People will think you are retarded for yelling at your DS, but that's OK... people think you are retarded anyway, trust me. There's always something creative to do and it's always kooky-crazy. Once you finish a stage in story mode, it opens up for play in Memories mode. There are 18 "scenes" and multiple stages per scene, except for the "love" scenes where you rub your girl (yeah) or the "boss" scenes where you fight the evil fat boss (this game teaches you that ALL fat people are evil, no exceptions). When you play the scenes in "memories" mode, you get up to 10 stages per scene, (5 stages from normal Story mode, 5 stages from hard mode). It's also really fun because any idiot who knows how to hold a stylus can play. In other words, you can let your family play this!!! They will laugh at all of the complete Japanese wackiness this game offers. And your mom will really like the "love" scenes where you rub your girlfriend! She'll ask your friends to do it to her in real life! Woo hoo!

Touch all of the bulls to calm them down!
Just like in real life!

Wrap up
Leave it to Sega to once again have the best software available for any given system. A must own if you have a DS!
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