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Old 07-08-2007, 12:29 AM   #1283
Joe Redifer
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Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Denver, Colorado
Posts: 20,149
Double Dragon II: The Revenge
Nintendo Entertainment System

I remember looking at the magazine ads for
this game and thinking that chick neeeded
a good boning. Damn I was pathetic!

After Double Dragon 1 sold well, Acclaim decided to shaft Tradwest who somehow was able to release the first game for the NES and release it themselves. I've never played the arcade version, so I have no idea how this compares, but I do know that this allows two players... AT THE SAME TIME! This is almost unheard of in an NES game, and the biggest complaint about the first game was that it was single player only... at least on the NES it was. Lucky Sega players had a two player version because they were awesome and bought and SMS. But unlucky Sega players never saw the sequel. There was a Double Dragon 2 on the Genesis, but it was complete ass.

This game is so fast that the bad guys actually RUN!
Maybe this game uses Blast Processing™?

Story: 0/10
Who cares? Games like these don't need stories. Just play to the end and try and beat it. Unless I'm getting fucked by the big-titted bitch in real life after I save her in the game, then it doesn't matter. But an ongoing story is included because the developers thought we'd care. How wrong they were.

The guy from Terminator 2 has stolen your whore and
now it's up to you to get her squeezable ass back!

Graphics: 6/10
Not bad for the NES, but I've seen the system do much better as well. Your character's arm will often flicker for no good reason even when he's the only thing on the screen. Weak! And the score/status bar at the botom of the screen occupies a rather large chunk of the available space. Some scenes like the Death Forest look fairly pleasant. Hooray!

The game shows off how blazingly fast it is when you
fight these two girls/guys/whatever they are. You
are far too slow to deal with them, and you can't
even move up or down on the screen.

Sound: 7/10
Good NES stuff here. The first stage music is especially cool. It's way better than Guns 'n Roses. Hell, most things are! Many other stages have ever-so-slightly above average tunes, but there are a few memorable ones here and there, and nothing sucks. Sound effects are average. You can leave your subwoofer off for this one.

I bet back when this game came out, people praised
this scene where you get sucked towards the open
door as pure genius. Actually there is an easy
way to get past it. The abobos have hair here.

Gameplay: 7/10
The first time you play the game, you'll be saying things like "WTF? These controlz r messed up lol!" The B button always attacks to the left no matter which way you are facing, and the A button to the right. Once you get past this quirkiness the game controls are fairly easy. Like the first game, both buttons pressed together jump. The gameplay is at a much faster pace than the first game, and for that I am extremely thankful because part 1 was slower than.... ummm... uhhh.... my brain at trying to think of a humorous quip to go here. The weapons are mostly useless since they disappear when different enemies appear onscreen. Some parts of the game are extremely frustrating, like jumping across the river in the god damned Death Forest, and there is no way to continue that I know of! Ug. Anyway it's a good diversion unless you have a better beat 'em up to play like Streets of Rage 1 or 2.

This stage reminds me of stage 3 in the first game, graphically.
I like how the health bars change colors depending on the stage.

Wrap up:
I hear that the PC Engine/TurboGrafx-16 version of this game shits all over this version due to its superior awesomeness and god-like power of the system. I'd like to try it. But for now this version will do.
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