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Old 01-02-2005, 10:29 PM   #293
Joe Redifer
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Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Denver, Colorado
Posts: 20,149
Altered Beast: Guardian of the Realms
GameBoy Advance

If you see this box, immediately run away.

Eeewwwwwww!!!! That's the first thing that comes to my mind when I think about my time playing the GameBoy Advance version of Altered Beast. This 8MB (64 megs) game was made by 3d6 Games. I have never heard of them before, and hopefully I'll never hear of them again. This game is bad and totally rapes what is known as Altered Beast.

You can PUNISH your naughty GBA by making it run this game.

Graphics: 3/10
Let's start off with the good news. There is parallax scrolling, and lots of it. In fact there are usually 4 layers at any given time. The front-most layer can even get in front of you and obscure your view which is super-enjoyable. There is also some scaling and rotation. Now for the bad news: EVERYTHING ELSE! Everything is computer generated and digitized, giving the entire game the same exact look and feel as Donkey Kong Country on the SNES. Donkey Kong Country had absolutely horrible graphics, even for its time. And so does this. It looks grainy as all hell and the character design is among the worst I've ever seen! Just look at these pictures and see for yourself how goofy everything looks. On top of that, the animation is completely laughable. What happened?! I bet this game was made in the USA. It sure looks like it.

After 20 minutes, you finally turn into a beast.

Sound: 3/10
Well, all of the voices from the arcade are here, even the "Never give up" when you continue. They are newly recorded voices, but they sound great. There are also lot of other vocal effects and whatnot. The regular sound effects didn't strike me as anything special at all, and the music never ever gets good. In fact it remains pretty quiet, like the arcade. But that doesn't hide the fact that it sucks.

OK... Ummm... I'm not really sure what to say about that
werewolf. Looks like something out of a Scooby Doo mystery. While
you're at it, check out the lame first boss he is attacking.

Gameplay: 2/10
I think the designers may have played the real Altered Beast once about 10 years before making this game. It works in a similar way; get power ups to become a beast and fight a boss. But there are also tons of other power ups that you can get that last for a limited amount of time as well. The stages are incredibly long and it takes forever to turn into the beast. There are no white wolves to look out for, unfortunately. The bosses look horrible and seem to be based on Greek myths or something else just as ridiculous. They are nowhere near as cool as the bosses in the regular Altered Beast which were based on death and coolness. Once you beat the boss you get a key to the next stage. And there are a ton of stages! You can also repeat stages if you didn't find the talisman. Talk about boring! I don't want to be searching for specific items while playing Altered Beast. The game moves extremely fast, and you can even get an adrenalin power up that makes you move at hyper-speed, literally taking less than a seond to walk from one side of the screen to the other. The game offers no excitement, no fun, and no encouragement to continue playing for any reason.

Your dude looks like a boxer now.

Wrap up:
If you are prone to contemplating suicide, DO NOT PLAY THIS GAME!

And thus ends my Altered Beast Spectacular Blowout!
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