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Old 01-07-2005, 05:01 AM   #306
Joe Redifer
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Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Denver, Colorado
Posts: 20,149
Toilet Kids
PC Engine / TurboGrafx-16

How many poo references can you find in the box art?

Apparently the Japanese really, really, really love their poop. Not only did the game Kato & Ken (called "J.J. and Jeff" in the US) have copious amounts of the big greasy which was mostly edited out in the US version, but they decided to base an entire game in the world of a toilet for the PC Engine. Hence we have Toilet Kids, and boy are we ever lucky! A little kid gets up in the middle of the night to crank out the chocolate soft-serve when his toilet suddenly basts him with water, sending him flying high into the air and ultimately landing in the toilet, which sends him to Toilet World. Quite obviously this game will be a shooter since it is based on toilets, and you get a regular shot, a ground shot as well as a charge shot! You must battle your way through 4 tough levels based on the ol' hangin' mud. Hooray for humanity!

Michael Jackson approves of this game.

Graphics: 2/10
You've got basic, simplistic graphics here. Not basic and simple in a Super Mario World or Super Air Zonk sort of way, but in a quite boring way instead. The designers went all out to come up with creatures to fight you, all of which heave a havana at you in some form or another. Much of the enemy fire may not look like brown missles, but believe me it is! Some of the creatures struggle and shake really bad before they release the hounds in your direction, indicating that even in Toilet World there is constipation. Then there are the bears who reach behind themselves and wiggle their arm around back there for a second before horking a loaf. Classic stuff if you love toilet humor like PC Engine owners apparently do.

This game blows the o-ring.

Sound: 2/10
The music is completely unmemorable and simple. There are a few voices in the game that occur when you get or use a special powerup. Nothing impressive at all. I thought I'd be hearing tons and tons of fart sound effects in this game, but no such luck.

Ahh, the great smell of the outdoors!

Gameplay: 1/10
It's a shooter. A vertically scrolling shooter in Toilet World. And it sucks pretty damned badly! There are only 4 short levels, none of which look like the inner workings of a toilet. Instead you get a desert, some woods, and an underwater sea level. Two players can join in the agony.... misery loves company so you might as well play with a friend. The game is actually pretty hard because there is so many little bits of brownie flying around the screen at once. Also the fact that some enemies are on the ground and can't be shot without your bomb dropper adds to the difficulty as well. But the game is definitely NOT worth finishing. Fortunately when you die it doesn't set you back, you just start over right where you got hit. This brings the score all the way up to a "1". This game makes me need to go diarrhea.

Yummy... a chocolate turban!

Wrap up:
This game is a Titanic Turd... it's so big that it breaks in half when you try to flush it.
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