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Old 05-01-2008, 03:44 AM   #1462
Joe Redifer
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Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Denver, Colorado
Posts: 20,148
Mario Kart Wii
Nintendo Wii

Nintendo is marketing the fact that you can
use the wheel instead of the gameplay itself.

OK, I think that maybe, just maybe Nintendo is whoring out Mario just a wee bit too much. Isn't everyone sick of him yet? Neither he nor any of his friends/siblings/babies/alter egos/enemies are likable in any respect whatsoever. Even Sesame Street characters are geared more towards adults than this. Seriously, he's in nearly every damn game Nintendo makes... unless it is a Zelda game. Nintendo doesn't make Metroid so that doesn't count. Perhaps everyone else is getting sick of him as well, because this appears to be the least-anticipated Mario Kart game ever. Most people don't express any interest in it, and it has received generally average reviews. Anyway, to the game:

Just another Mario Kart game.

Graphics: 4/10
The graphics are pretty much dogshit with only a few exceptions. They really don't look any better than the Gamecube edition which itself was extremely lacking. Some of the retro courses have an extremely blocky look, they didn't even try to make them look much better at all. The graphics are also very jaggy with extremely simple textures and a polygon count low enough that the Sega Saturn could probably run this game (with poorer textures, of course). Tree trunks are 4-sided blocks! At least the colors are generally pretty nice.

Online, opponents are automatically picked for you and their geographical.
location is shown. You can join friends, though. And no, that is not me.

Sound: 3/10
None of the music is memorable or good. All of the character voices are annoying (again, even Sesame Street is more mature and less annoying). There is nothing special here at all. I am surprised they even made an effort to make the game in stereo. Play with the sound off and put on your own music, you will enjoy it much more, guaranteed.

You get "VR Points", whatever the hell those are, at the end of each online race.

Gameplay: 6/10
Since I have fully grown testicles, there is no way I am playing with the included Fisher Price steering wheel that was built for 4-year-old hands. Fortunately there are other control options available. You can hold the nunchuck in one hand and the wand thing in the other and use this combination to play. I tried this and it wasn't bad. But you can also use a Gamecube controller which is even better. Unfortunately you can't remap the buttons to a more comfortable setup since Nintendo is always behind the curve. You can do tricks and wheelies to gain a mini boost and keep repeating them over and over to gain boost after boost. But Mario Kart really isn't about racing... it's about cheating. All of the cheat items are random, so the outcome of any given race is random as well, at least in multiplayer. You can go from first to last is a matter of seconds due to cheats, and you can go from last to first in the same amount of time if you happen to have the right cheat.

Nintendo finally got an online mode that works, but it is still far inferior to that of Sony and Microsoft. You are not allowed to communicate except with pre-selected phrases that Nintendo has chosen for you. This makes everyone else seem pretty lifeless. Online mode is a bit more challenging than the computer because everyone is alive, but other than that it feels exactly like you are playing the CPU. As a result, online mode isn't that great and you can't really earn anything other than a score.

The game gives you all of the old cheats and probably some new ones as well (I can't tell, they all seem the same to me). As always the banana is the cheat you really want to get because it is so frickin' awesome! It's a good thing fantastically amazing thing you'll get it nearly every other time!!!!!! Half the tracks are new, the other half are reruns from older games due to Nintendo's laziness. Some of them are cool, some of them are mediocre. There are also battle modes with balloons and other such nonsense. There really isn't much to say about this game except that Nintendo did not give it very much attention or effort. Compared to games that cost $10 more like Burnout Paradise and given that they offer at least 200 times the amount of stuff/detail that this game does, it kind of feels like a rip off even at $50.

Motorcycles are now part of the game. Wheelies can help a bit on straightaways.
They are easy to do, along with tricks to get a boost, on the Gamecube Nintendo pad.

Wrap up:
At least it's better than the Gamecube Nintendo Mario Kart. There are lots of tracks, so that is cool. But when it comes down to it, this game doesn't offer much, was cheaply made without much effort and offers little replayability. A half-assed effort to be sure with graphics that looked good 8 years ago.
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