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Old 01-17-2003, 07:06 PM   #16
Deal with it.
Icarus4578's Avatar
Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 12,550
A baaad, BAAAAAAAD game

Bad Street Brawler - NES - Rating 0
When I first put BSB into my NES system I had high expectations. After all, this game is made by Mattel, a company notorious with high-quality, finely crafted game titles. I hadn't seen this game before and this was well after I had been spoiled by such game classics as Gunstar Heroes, Axelay, and, of course, MC Kids.
I hope you can see the sarcasm spewing from every sentence. When I first started up SMS the first thing I saw was mortifying - a horrendous drawing of some skinny teenage punk kid with blond hair and shades on, meant to look 'tough' but about as threatening as Barney - although psychologically Barney is not one to mess with. After all, he has quite a fierce weapon of torture and mayhem in his song-crafting which, although comparable to someone like Cannibal Corpse (which might put somebody into a rage), Barney music is a hate crime, a form of the most vile punishment which has been used as a means of torture to people who drove around blasting music too loud in their cars, and I'm not even kidding.
I took the game out and threw it against the wall... and who knows? Perhaps I shed a tear or two.
Later, when I put it in to see if it still worked (unfortunately for me, Mattel made this game to last), it still did and that was the beginning of what would later turn into many recurring nightmares where I'd wake up screaming in a pool of sweat, "TURN THE POWER OFF!!!!" I pressed start and the suffering began. There stood the Bad Street Brawler and I was in full control of him. Too bad for me. Some of the most awful visuals that ever devastated me are to be found in this game. I walked around attacking the stupidest looking baddies in existence. The music wasn't making things any better either. This was torture along the likes of Sunday Funday. Perhaps the coolest move ever in a game, there's a button on the system itself called 'power' and if you press that the suffering ends. I pressed it, and it was all over. The pain had left my body and I relaxed, and reflected on life's many ignored pleasures, sitting by a quiet window with the evening breeze making its way through the tree hollows...

Last edited by Icarus4578; 05-09-2004 at 02:24 AM.
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