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Old 02-14-2006, 09:28 PM   #982
Joe Redifer
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Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Denver, Colorado
Posts: 20,144
True Swing Golf
Nintendo DS

Ha ha notice the super clever inclusion of the stylus ha ha!

First of all let me express how surprised I am that you're actually reading a review about a golf game. You must really be bored. In real life, golf is a game for codgers who hate exercise or things that move too quickly (which might confuse their slow brain). Golf is similar to sitting on the porch watching the lawn grow, or maybe croquet. But videogame golf is actually fun! You can get through 18 holes in less than 5 years, it requires strategy and even less exercise than the real "sport". That makes golf games a winner in my book.

Look at those trees! Am I watching an HDTV broadcast?

Graphics: 4/10
Ewwwwwww!!! These graphics can be quite nasty, full of very large pixels, chunky polygons and low resolution textures. Just look at the screenshots. Go on, look! The ball flight camera is pretty cool, as are the pre-hole fly-bys. But what ruin these things are how the polygons are redrawn again and again as they get closer. They go from worse to bad to kind of bad. At least the game has hills (well kind of), and the graphics of the bottom screen are decent when you swing the club and all that crap. One big problem is that you can see the marker for the hole when you are putting, but sometimes you can't see the hole itself. The marker floats above where the hole is, so you have to guess how far down it really is. Suck!

This game reminds me of a combination of other golf games.
Which ones, you ask? Who cares?!!

Sound: 7/10
Unfortunately Iron Maiden backed out of this project at the last minute, and the producers tried to get Paul McCartney, but he didn't need any weed money that month so he declined. The music is generally pleasant just like it is in real golf. There is an unseen crowd of about 16 people that clap when you do something neat. These people are not the sharpest tacks on the planet though. Say that you're putting for albatross or eagle like I always do. Your putt gets closer and closer to the hole, and then misses it by less than an inch! It takes the crowd about 4 or 5 seconds to go "Awwww!!" In real golf the crowd is usually in sync with the actual putt.

As you can tell by the Japanese katakana, I did not take my own
pictures for this review. That's why I hate reviewing DS games.

Gameplay: 7/10
First off I must say that it is really fun swinging the clubs with the touch screen. It works pretty well and you don't mess up like you think you would. Selecting your shot distance and landing target is also quite fun and easy. If you rub your stylus on the bottom screen overhead map, the top 3D view of the course automatically follows where you touch. That's pretty damn cool, I say! You can buy new clubs and balls and lots of stupid stuff like that. The putting is pretty cool once you get used to it (after maybe 2 or 3 holes). It is super easy to judge the green thanks to a line showing exactly the route your ball will take. The only thing that makes putting difficult is the lack of the hole on certain occasions like I described elsewhere. You can add a bit of spin to the ball before the swing which seems to help, or you can use a special power up (like a "super shot" that glows, etc) if you've earned it, which doesn't seem to do much as far as I can tell. I find this unrealistic because in real golf the power ups do so much more. The Championship mode is pretty cool and that's how you earn money, but it can get really hard really fast. In the upper levels you'll find that the wind rarely blows slower than 10 miles per hour, which is completely retarded. I like how sometimes you are playing a hole, let's say hole #13, and everything is bright and sunny... has been for the 12 previous holes as well. Then on hole #14 you are playing in a downpour (and of course music can't play during rain. That's impossible). Hole #15 everything is sunny and dry as a bone again. This can happen often. I understand that it is realistic for golfers to play in the rain since golfers are born and bred to be morons, but what is NOT realistic about this game is that the golfer is never, ever struck by lightning and killed. It happens all the time in real life and it sure would make this game more fun!

Now whack that ball like a mofo!

Wrap up:
This is BY FAR the best golf game yet on the Nintendo DS portable video game system. It is made by T&E Soft, makers of nothing but golf games (and Super Hydlide for the Genesis), but distributed in the US by Nintendo. For some reason the MSRP on this game is $35, which is awfully high for a Nintendo-released game. Those whores. Oh yeah, this game has wireless multi-play as well, which is cool. But no online. Who cares? Also, I liked the Japanese name of this game (Touch Golf) much better than the American. This game does not involve any true swings of any sort.
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