View Full Version : Man comes from year 2256! Busted for insider trading!

12-05-2003, 01:13 PM
F'cking moron! :lol:

Wednesday March 19, 2003


NEW YORK -- Federal investigators have arrested an enigmatic Wall Street wiz on insider-trading charges -- and incredibly, he claims to be a time-traveler from the year 2256!

Sources at the Security and Exchange Commission confirm that 44-year-old Andrew Carlssin offered the bizarre explanation for his uncanny success in the stock market after being led off in handcuffs on January 28.

"We don't believe this guy's story -- he's either a lunatic or a pathological liar," says an SEC insider.

"But the fact is, with an initial investment of only $800, in two weeks' time he had a portfolio valued at over $350 million. Every trade he made capitalized on unexpected business developments, which simply can't be pure luck.

"The only way he could pull it off is with illegal inside information. He's going to sit in a jail cell on Rikers Island until he agrees to give up his sources."

The past year of nose-diving stock prices has left most investors crying in their beer. So when Carlssin made a flurry of 126 high-risk trades and came out the winner every time, it raised the eyebrows of Wall Street watchdogs.

"If a company's stock rose due to a merger or technological breakthrough that was supposed to be secret, Mr. Carlssin somehow knew about it in advance," says the SEC source close to the hush-hush, ongoing investigation.

When investigators hauled Carlssin in for questioning, they got more than they bargained for: A mind-boggling four-hour confession.

Carlssin declared that he had traveled back in time from over 200 years in the future, when it is common knowledge that our era experienced one of the worst stock plunges in history. Yet anyone armed with knowledge of the handful of stocks destined to go through the roof could make a fortune.

"It was just too tempting to resist," Carlssin allegedly said in his videotaped confession. "I had planned to make it look natural, you know, lose a little here and there so it doesn't look too perfect. But I just got caught in the moment."

In a bid for leniency, Carlssin has reportedly offered to divulge "historical facts" such as the whereabouts of Osama Bin Laden and a cure for AIDS.

All he wants is to be allowed to return to the future in his "time craft."

However, he refuses to reveal the location of the machine or discuss how it works, supposedly out of fear the technology could "fall into the wrong hands."

Officials are quite confident the "time-traveler's" claims are bogus. Yet the SEC source admits, "No one can find any record of any Andrew Carlssin existing anywhere before December 2002."

Weekly World News will continue to follow this story as it unfolds. Keep watching for further developments.



12-05-2003, 01:22 PM
hahahah I laugh if it was true, stranger stuff can happen hehehe

12-05-2003, 01:45 PM
my dogs ate my homework!!!!!!1111111111 :o

discomfort wings
12-05-2003, 02:14 PM
Someone ask him if Nintendo had failed in the next round.

12-05-2003, 02:22 PM
Wasn't there a T.V serie that went this way?! The name was "The newspaper" or something. Eh why do I care the serie sucks and this guy is screwed..now there's a happy ending.

12-05-2003, 03:03 PM
Early Edition I think it was called. And maybe they should just agree with the guy and say 'Where is Bin Laden and what si the cure for Aids' and then see how far his little game goes. If he amazingly gives proper info, chalk it up to whatever you want and get those two problems sorted!

12-05-2003, 03:05 PM
ahhh I remember when World Weekly News reported the Bat Boy

hahahaha I loved that

12-05-2003, 03:05 PM
That serie Owned! That cat was like teh 1337 hax0r!!11!

You could ask a turkey where Bin Laden is and it would get you closer than anything those freaks in US goverment comes up with...

Joe Redifer
12-05-2003, 03:48 PM
Damn time travellers ruining everything! He could have made up his name, though. Of course if someone actually did find a way to make time travel work, no one in the past would ever believe him. But why would everyone from the future just happen to know the cure for AIDS and the whereabouts of Osama? I sure as hell don't know cures for diseases they had 200 years ago and the whereabouts of their most wanted. If I went back 200 years ago I'd just say "you people are boring." and try to get away.

12-05-2003, 04:45 PM
NEW YORK -- Federal investigators have arrested an enigmatic Wall Street wiz on insider-trading charges -- and incredibly, he claims to be a time-traveler from the year 2256!


"We don't believe this guy's story -- he's either a lunatic or a pathological liar," says an SEC insider.


Originally posted by spider-prime
hahahah I laugh if it was true, stranger stuff can happen hehehe

ok....give us an example.

12-05-2003, 04:48 PM
Mammots, those things were freaking unbelieveable!

... And Gearhound just ended up on the ignore list!!

12-05-2003, 05:04 PM
why? i wasn't making fun of you for posting it. i was making fun of the stupid reporter.

12-05-2003, 05:49 PM
Originally posted by gearhound

ok....give us an example.

plus I said can happen, didn't say it did but since you ask :D

apparently the Government hired some scientists to make super powers from comic books, so expect Spidey and super man to going though the sky like walking very soon

I'm serious about that, its a actual thing people are talking about

it was on the news before too haha, there have been reports in new york that some people saw someone flying

but nobody believes it and just passed it off as the guy's nuts

just like the reports (this actually happened too and its still unexplained) of the Mothman being outside people's houses stalking them, just walking back and forth outside their house

and then back in the 80's, the devil visited this city during the night and in 20 mins it was gone, when people went outside, there were hoof footprints all over the city, even on people's roofs, and its still unexplained to this day

but some people have being trying to prove it was fake for years now

and then theres spring heel jack, back in the 1800's this guy used to rob houses and places and then when the police chased him, he just jump over a 20 foot gate and make his get away

how the hell? some people actually believe he was the devil back then

then theres people who actually believe they were abduted by Aliens, and the weird part from these people are, these people lived across the world and went to each other over night when they were all taken by aliens and the next morning, they found weird bumps in their arms, so when they got them x rayed, it was a little weird metal ball in their arms, so they removed it by surgery, and they still can't prove what it is

I saw that on the discovery channel, I'm intrested in weird super natural stuff

and this is a weird ghost sightings

at this one haunted house, there was a little girl looking out the window
so the camera man took a picture

but when they took the photo to get anylised, they took out all the light in the photo and where the girl's face and head were after the light was taken out, it showed a skull :8):

and photo experts are still trying to show that the photo is fake but can't

and one time in Mexico, during the Day of the Dead, EVERYONE in the street saw 15 lights flying across the sky

and the city reported they weren't doing it for the festival, and the lights were hovering moving at various speeds back and forth, and to this day its still unclear what that was, cause after 3 hours they left outta nowhere like they moved at light speed

if you've seen the movie signs, and you remember that part in the movie, its where they got the idea for that part in the movie

lots of weird stuff indeed weird, strange things have happen but people pass it off has nothing

12-06-2003, 04:10 AM
Originally posted by gearhound
why? i wasn't making fun of you for posting it. i was making fun of the stupid reporter.

He's banning everyone who has a christmas avatar. I think Santa stole his cookies and didn't leave any presents. :D

12-06-2003, 09:36 AM
At least he thought out his story if he spent four hours telling it.

12-06-2003, 10:08 AM
yeah if his story never changes its completey straight without messing up with whats he saying

he is neither a really good liar, or he is ...from...the...FUTURE EEEEK

12-06-2003, 09:27 PM
hahahaha xD awww all he wants is to be allowed to return to the future in his time craft. :P

how careless of him though :P i mean hell, don't make it so damned obvious.

12-12-2003, 12:53 AM
Time to reveal all the suckers...

Its False people (http://www.snopes.com/humor/iftrue/insider.htm)

12-12-2003, 10:37 AM
well you don't have to call us morons magnus hehe

but yeah I figured as much, but it would be neat it if it was true

12-12-2003, 10:47 AM
Hey I fell for it too, so im just as much a moron. I was pissed off at the time when I posted that. But your right. Consider it edited.

12-15-2003, 04:22 AM
Spider-Prime, I'm also fascinated by weird stuff like the stuff you mentioned. Ever heard about the boy that was captured running with a pack of wolves with hair all over his body? He could keep up with the wolves running on all fours at around 30-40 MPH. When they captured him they put him in a room and tried to talk to him but all he did was ignore everybody and eventually escaped, never to be seen again. Ever hear about that one? I heard about that story about the New Jersey Devil leaving the hoove-prints on people's roofs. They were afraid to go outside because there was an f'n DRAGON-LIKE CREATURE flying around terrorizing their estates. That is mind-numbing to even think about happening!

12-15-2003, 11:19 AM
I heard about that one on this old show Sightings, man thats crazy

man I would love to actually see one of these weird sightings everyone sees

but I would love to see Ghosts more then anything, I just found a bookstore that had a shiotload of books I was like ooooo SWEETTT! :D