View Full Version : Low Blow reviews (Lost92)

04-07-2007, 06:24 PM
Sice I can't seem to find my last thread, I'll be making a new one and this time, I'm reviewing Grindhouse, one part at a time.

Machete: With a great imigration back plot, you would think this movie had it all, action, horror, romance, comedy, but then you are treated a cliche backstabbing and an absurd revenge story. I had high hopes but this trailer left wanting less, a lot less. review: 3 crotch shots out of 5

Planet Terror: I thought this was going to be an all action and no bone story but I was surprised. I loved the love triangle between Dakota, Tammy and Doc Block(lesbian love) and I was shocked by the little boys death. I was in Glee with JT's and the sherrif's relationship. Quentin played a great role with a not so great looking package but I give hime props. Those mexican babysitters really brought home the enchilladas. I only have one gripe, and that is the open ended ending. I loved the subtlety of Jungle Julia's death and was that Sayid from LOST? Kudos to Rodriguez. Review 0 crotch shots out of 5.

Don't: I got to say, the plot is stupid, the characters are crap, the house is just boring but the presentation is just the biggest surprise ever. Don't do this, Don't do that, its fun, and totally Grindhouse. Review: 2 crotch shots out of 5

Were Women of the S.S.: With a dark and surprising back story, you would expect a great reason for Werewolfs but instead, your left with more to be desired. Nicholas Cage needs some more face time in the trailer and what does his character have to do with anything? Review: 4 crotch shots out of 5.

Thanksgiving: quete possibly the best trailer in the bunch, it combines sexuality with horror and just a spice of comedy. A masterpiece of crap. Enjoy! Review: 0 crotch shots out of 5.

Death Proof: The underdog of the films reminds everyone of the good ol days where Tarantino's movie was full of talk, a spicy amount of talk. While this movie is enjoyable, you are left begging for the end when you watch this in the middle of the night. It would be a great benefit if this was first. Kurt Russel plays a tough guy who kills Rosa McGrowan early on in the film and while he acts like a badass, he cries and yells at the sight of hime being shot by one of his victims. His second round of victims are his true match and he wasn't expecting it. With a bittersweet ending with a pleasurable fun factor, its a true Tarantino film. Review: 1 crotch shot out of 5.

04-09-2007, 01:28 AM
Hey kid, Grindhouse is rated R. Did mamma buy your ticket?

Joe Redifer
04-09-2007, 05:23 PM
I have changed the name of your thread since each member can have one review thread with many different reviews in it. You can review games, movies, books, cars, paint, whatever. Your thread was named as if it was for a single review.

If you'd prefer a different name for your thread, please PM me.

04-09-2007, 06:23 PM
Hey kid, Grindhouse is rated R. Did mamma buy your ticket?

she did buy his tickets. XD :P

P.S. i still think grindhouse looks stupid

Paper exe
04-09-2007, 06:31 PM
Hey kid, Grindhouse is rated R. Did mamma buy your ticket?
I believe he is just lost!

04-09-2007, 09:52 PM
Yeah, I'll think of a different name for the review when I find my original thread, thanx for the pointer. Pikachief, shutup, you don't know me and you don't even care. Soba, not to be rude, but what does your question have to do with anything? Can I watch a damn movie

Paper exe
04-10-2007, 05:56 AM
to me you say "shut up", but to Soba you say "not to be rude"!? You sure have double stander!

Joe Redifer
04-10-2007, 12:04 PM
He didn't say anything to you Paper, unless you are Pikachief.

Paper exe
04-10-2007, 02:15 PM
......I feel guilty now!1! :(

04-10-2007, 06:50 PM
Its ok, I forgive you, =) Well I think this is the end of this discussion, I don't want this to go any further

04-11-2007, 12:48 PM
Hobo with a shotgun is actually playing in Canadian theatres. :(

edit: which i meant to say is one of the fan made fake trailers that won for the grindhouse contest

07-05-2007, 02:50 AM
LOw Blow Reviews Brothers in Arms DS:

So I bought BIA and well I was skeptic about it, the game is a huge step in the right direction. The game has decent graphics but its really difficult to take long range shots. The action is fast paced and the levels are linear(which is a good thing, cause you'd get lost). Your teamates really have decent AI and they do cover you a lot, but I have to say, the AI could be better. The enemies are hidden everywhere and they seem to come out of nowhere.While the story isnt compelling, you wont miss it, cause its just full of action. This is one of my favorite games 4 the DS.

BIA: 1 crotch shot out of 5

07-30-2007, 07:14 PM
The Simpsons Movie:

I've grown up with the simpsons series and I faintly recall the last two episodes of the Tracey Ullman Series. I've been told by my parents not to watch filth like The simpsons but I kept faithful. Even in its 18th less than magical season, I've stayed true to Springfield for years. But now its time for the simpsons movie and I am very excited to give this review. I walked in with high hopes and usually when I have high hopes, they are met with shameful displays but maybe times are looking up. I dont mean to spoil the plot for any of the unfortunate ones who didnt see the movie but I may not be able to contain myself. The movie is funny, and I dont mean that stupid funny in FAMILY GUY, no, this is grade A, Alta Dena class stuff. Nothing feels out of place, everything falls right into the simpsons universe. The animation is just brilliant with just enough 3D to keep it up to date. And the acting, its an epic tale of good and evil. What am I kidding, its just great. I have one gripe and that is that we dont see enough of the rest of springfield and I think thats the flaw in the series nowadays, it used to be about the family interacting with their town but now it just focuses on the family and their are plenty of sitcoms for that. Anyways, that minor flaw isnt enough for me to hate this movie and I pray to spongebob that we get a sequel.

0 Krotch Shots out of 5

09-04-2007, 11:03 PM
I've been taking my time to fully appreciate the work of art that is Metroid Prime 3, not quite done yet, but What I've experienced so far is just astonishing.

A quick History lesson: Metroid Prime 3 is the third installment of the higly acclaimed Metroid Prime series and was originally planned to be a launch title for the Wii in November of 2006. It was eventually pushed back to the summer, then dated for August 20th and then pushed back a week to August 27th. This is done to polish the game to the utmost performance as seen in the Legend Of Zelda Twilight Princess( which we waited an entire year for) and MP3 has produced the same results. The graphics are beautiful and I mean, beautiful. Every world can be distinguished and none of the level designs are repettitive. The voice acting is crisp and done well. The story is revealed a lot through animations instead of being explained whats going on and that adds an artistic impression. But let me Delve a little deeper.

Graphics: The best on the Wii so far ( not really that difficult in the first place.) The textures are crisp and well detailed and the bloom lighting creates a great atmosphere for the game. Everything just shines with polish and the wait has definetly been worth it.

VO: I usually support Nintendo's policy on no voice acting but This is the best VO you can hear anywhere. Metroid deserves the VO treatment just as much as StarFox. Its just amazing experience but most of the story can be obtained by scanning items.

Gameplay: Probally the most worked on since the delay. Since the beginning, MP3 was criticized for having unresponsive and repittitive controls but since their delay, they have fixed most of the bugs and created a rock solid experience. I love the controls but when you point up, the camera kinda goes wonky and the little reticle for aiming often gets lost in the colorful backgrounds. Another gripe I've had with the series since Metroid Prime Hunters is the stupid doors that dont open right a lot of times so when u try to make a quick escape, youre stuck waiting for the f*king door to open!!!!!!!!!!!

Story: Its a metroid game and that means its told usually by expressions and actions and MP3 follows through with that. Its like a work of art to watch it. Beautiful and deep with intense action.

OVERALL: Not perfect but just totally awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

1 Crotch shot out of 5