PDA

View Full Version : Games You Will Never Play


SuperAngelo64
07-14-2006, 12:29 AM
Alright, well I decided to take a poke at this whole 'reviews' thing. Who knows, you might learn something! =0! Also, since it's hard finding free hosting for certain audio files, links for "music" will actually be links to .swf files uploaded to free swf hosting.


I will be updating this section everytime I am horribly bored or feel like it.

SuperAngelo64
07-14-2006, 12:54 AM
http://img226.imageshack.us/img226/3543/donaldcart0fn.png
Donald Land
Developer: Data East
Console: Famicom/NES
Year: 1987

For those of you thinking; 'Oh hey, that looks an awful lot like Ronald McDonald' go slap yourself in the face. This is "Donald McDonald", the mascot for Japan's chain of McDonald's restaurants. Sure they look the same, hang out with the same friends, and are owned by the same franchise.. but when you dig down deep enough you realize that they have a different name. And isn't that what really matters?


In this land with many magical and perilous places such as "Hometown World" and "Forest Land World". There should be no question as to why Donald McDonald is armed with an unlimited supply of red bombs to demolish any foes that cross his path. Just take a look at the ferocious beasts one encounters in McDonald World.

http://img152.imageshack.us/img152/6820/gopherhead9pe.png
Suffocating Gopher Head
http://img152.imageshack.us/img152/9756/lizardthing5gx.png
Suffocating Stupid Lizard
http://img160.imageshack.us/img160/6079/balloon0qt.png
Suffocating Balloon Thing
http://img142.imageshack.us/img142/2707/bird4wt.png
Muppets
http://img226.imageshack.us/img226/8137/skullthing5qy.png
Floating Dinosaur Skull With Bloody Fangs

Donald must battle these foes in order to save his friends who have all been captured at the same time. One might wonder how all of them could be taken hostage at once; the clear answer is 'Tear Gas, and lot's of it'. So now we have to think.. who would do something so evil as to raid McDonald Land, tear gas it's citizens, and then throw them in jail? Easy; evil versions of the hostages! Since they have no names I will refer them with a prefix of "Wa". Wagrimace, Wahamburglar,Wapirate..guy.., and the rest are the bosses you must face! Once you've freed your friends they grant you with a jovial "Thank you", all besides Birdie who replies with "I Love you!".. God.. keep your pants on bitch!


http://img226.imageshack.us/img226/9007/battlewagrimace6te.png
Epic Wagrimace battle


At the end of each stage you somehow end up in front of some smiling idiot behind a counter who wants to sell you McDonalds food. You start to reach for your wallet to appease this grinning solicitor when you realize, 'I don't need to pay with money! I can pay with square blocks with pictures of hamburgers on them that I've accumulated while blowing up animals!'. Obviously this was a successful publicity stunt pulled by corporate fat-cats to reel people into McDonalds. It won't be long until blocks with burgers on them litter the streets of our very hometown. You're walking home from work, pick up a few and think nothing of it. You then proceed with the daily practice of fighting the Doppelganger of your girlfriend who has her held hostage. After you drop the nug like a bad habit with a few colorful explosives, your girlfriend comes to thank you.. then just as you're about to get some action (I mean like garter belt with stockings, "But I want to wear the bunny ears this time' action) you black out and wake up in McDonalds... you rub your eyes and you see a smug smile trying to cheat you out've your precious blocks with pictures of hamburgers on them! **** that!!

http://img226.imageshack.us/img226/1958/keepsmiling0fx.png
Grinning hussie.

Graphics: C
The graphics are not bad, but they're not good. They're typical of a Data East game. How can one tell if one is playing a Data East game? First, look at the game you are playing. Is this game Robocop? Robocop 2? Robocop 3? If not, you may infact NOT be playing a Data East game, so be sure to run a second test and press "Pause". If you hear a sound effect like a robot from a 60's movie starting up, you are indeed playing a Data East game. There are alot've issues with transparency effects.. especially since I can't seem to find them. Also alot've 'repeated' textures start to look grainy when you have them covering half the screen.

http://img226.imageshack.us/img226/6237/graphics2cq.png
Bob Ross would be proud

Sound: B ((Click here for some music samples)) (http://img146.imageshack.us/my.php?image=donaldtracks9ok.swf) (Sound was kind've rickety since I couldn't rip or obtain the .nsf files). I'm not going to lie to you, the music in this game is nice. It's probably the only reason I kept playing it. Alot've the tunes seem very jazz influenced, especially the songs for the forest and "Hometown World". It always seems that really obscure japanese games have awesome music, this game is a paragon of that rule. But still, even the smooth sounding beat of blips and beeps jamming out a jazzy tune doesn't really override the giant creepy tree faces.

http://img110.imageshack.us/img110/3416/donald5oa.png
If a creepy-faced tree falls in a forest does anyone hear the 8-bit jazz music?


Quality: D+
This game is obviously lacking in quality. Donald McDonald is not Robocop and he can jump, to Data East that = problem. If a sprite is capable of movement, it becomes an object.. and in McDonald world all objects share the same traits. If you spot a cat floating in a tree and wagging it's tail, you can run and jump on it. If you happen to catch a glimpse of a butterfly not too far away, hurry up and go run and jump on it! You can also jump on your own projectiles if you have enough McSkillz.

http://img226.imageshack.us/img226/3172/wadonald9ez.png
Wadonald about to feel my McSkillz

Overall: C+
This game can actually be fun if it's 2am, the internet just went out and your sister is being a bitch in the other room hogging up the phone talking to her boyfriend. But hey, not that it matters, since you'd actually need friends to call had you got a hold of it OOOOOSNAPWUTNOW LOLOLOL. McOwned.

But for those of you who have ever wanted to go on an epic quest to save McDonald's mascots and throw red explosives at wildlife minding their own business, then man do I have some news for you!

http://img114.imageshack.us/img114/3354/anhero2tk.png
You are an hero!!!


First word that comes to mind: McCheese!!!11111

Seraph
07-14-2006, 02:03 AM
http://img226.imageshack.us/img226/9007/battlewagrimace6te.png
Epic Wagrimace battleWaGrimace, I love it.

spider-prime
07-14-2006, 02:13 AM
Games that Seraph will never play - Every game on the PS2. :P :)

Seraph
07-14-2006, 02:19 AM
Ok spider I understand if you like trying to push my buttons, but at least have the decency to keep that crap out of somebodys review thread.

spider-prime
07-14-2006, 03:15 AM
NEVER! You get pissed off easier then Amishnazi! Your a troll mine!

burpingcat
07-14-2006, 07:12 AM
I lol'd.

Anyway, do you think Donald McDonald is Ronald McDonald's father? This game might be about Donald McDonald's struggle to flee his twisted nightmare dimension and reach America Land World, so that his son might live to be free.

SuperAngelo64
07-14-2006, 07:21 AM
I lol'd.

Anyway, do you think Donald McDonald is Ronald McDonald's father? This game might be about Donald McDonald's struggle to flee his twisted nightmare dimension and reach America Land World, so that his son might live to be free.

You've said too much. I would expect the Yakuza to break through your door at any moment.

Alexander
07-14-2006, 11:40 AM
An utter delight to all five senses.

MarionetteKazuk
07-14-2006, 01:32 PM
Donald McDonald was his orginal name, then the souless bastards changed it to rOnald. I tell you some people. ( o\ _ /o )

justin_credible
07-14-2006, 01:42 PM
Donald McDonald used to feud with his brother, Arnold McDonald. In a bloody fight to the death Donald killed Arnold with a chainsaw. It was brutal.

Kiryu1985
07-14-2006, 02:08 PM
I know I shouldn't do this since its your thread and all...but I don't want to start my own thread, I'll just post this once: The game you probably never played before is:

http://www.gamefaqs.com/console/nes/data/580601.html
Wily and Light no Rock Board: That's Paradise:

http://img104.imageshack.us/img104/2987/datejun109img600x4501146996871.jpg
http://img68.imageshack.us/img68/9301/datejun109img600x4501146996876.jpg

kininku buster
07-14-2006, 05:19 PM
I saw the Japanese McDonalds commerical and the only thing that comes to mind is "WTF was that about?".

SuperAngelo64
07-14-2006, 05:28 PM
Rock Board is horrible, I've played it and totally forgot about it.. hmm.. maybe I should do a write up for that one.

(Just to give everyone an idea.. it's like a really not-fun version of Mario Party with Megaman/Rockman characters for the Famicom/NES)

I saw the Japanese McDonalds commerical and the only thing that comes to mind is "WTF was that about?".

A hot japanese chick eating a buger composed of shrimp tightly packed into a crispy patty. That's like the meaning of life.

spider-prime
07-14-2006, 08:34 PM
Donald McDonald used to feud with his brother, Arnold McDonald. In a bloody fight to the death Donald killed Arnold with a chainsaw. It was brutal.


I know kids who used to spread lies like that all the time.

One time it was actually true.... Barney the Dinosaur WAS beating up his brother outside of the school grounds.... it was a guy at his kid's birthday in the suit....

SuperAngelo64
10-03-2006, 09:01 AM
I'm going to make another 'review' tomorrow.

No, this post doesn't have any purpose, it's just a shameless bump.

Kiryu1985
10-03-2006, 02:29 PM
Since your post dissapointed me, I'll give a recomendation on a game that you will not WANT to play...EVER:

SFII: The Official PC Version
http://www.scary-crayon.com/games/sf2pc/

They have a download link for the game somewhere so you can see the crap in action for yourself.

B.B. Gambini
10-03-2006, 04:12 PM
Games that Seraph will never play - Every game on the PS2. :P :)


Ok spider I understand if you like trying to push my buttons, but at least have the decency to keep that crap out of somebodys review thread.


:lol: :lol: :lol:

stop being a bitch seraph

Seraph
10-03-2006, 06:37 PM
I cant help it if im always the center of attention.

George Foreman
10-03-2006, 10:22 PM
Donald Land was a pretty decent game. I remember playing through it(using save states) after nes-player did a Feature about McDonald's after Supersize Me came out.

Kiryu1985
10-10-2006, 01:50 PM
I'm going to make another 'review' tomorrow.


Since today is finally tommorow, and you have posted NOTHING, I'll recomend another game:

Sweet Home: http://www.rpgclassics.com/shrines/nes/sweethome/info.shtml
Its a 1989 NES Resident Evil, not many people played and many will never play it since it was in japanese, even when it has been translated, so go ahead and try it out.
http://img347.imageshack.us/img347/292/sensyadouimg600x4501126002999l.jpg

Ryan_Robert
10-21-2006, 01:35 AM
What the hell, buddy... are Japanese people on crack...?!

SuperAngelo64
02-01-2007, 01:02 PM
I've cleaned up the way I do reviews. I'm doing each section in alternating colors so it seems like it's less boring to read!!

I'm using a letter grade system. (No I'm not copying Seraph! In fact I'm the one who told him to use letter grades!!!111one).

I added "First word that comes to mind" so it can work with every game and not just McDonalds.

SuperAngelo64
02-01-2007, 01:04 PM
http://img151.imageshack.us/img151/6517/rakugafvh3.jpg
Rakuga Kids
Developer: Konami
Console: Nintendo 64
Year: 1998





Now we all know that the Nintendo 64 is not known for it's selection of fighting games. And any fighting games featured on the N64 were probably utter shit. But a bit of a unique game emerges from the shit, an amazing game, one you just don't forget. I'm talking about Rakuga Kids.


In a time when games with cartoony 'hand-drawn' sprites were popular (i.e. Parappa the Rapper) it seemed logical to some japanese executive to make a game in this style about children's crayon drawings beating the fucking shit out've eachother. You have your typical things children aspire to be...

http://img172.imageshack.us/img172/2374/cowboytc3.png
A Cowboy

http://img294.imageshack.us/img294/5250/astronauthr3.png
An Astronaut

http://img142.imageshack.us/img142/6523/chickengirlpf8.png
A Chicken girl witch thing

There is really no point to the game other than that. You basically choose a kid and their drawings will just start throwing down. I wish they did shit like that when I was a kid, I'm totally the kind've person who would draw something for the sole purpose of creating it to kick whatever the guy next to me is drawing's ass. You just keep beating shit until you get the to final boss named "George" who is some pedo with sunglasses who hangs around children to color alongside them. Wow.


Now before I go on I'm just going to say there's only one reason I hold this game highly. That reason.. is BearTank.

http://img299.imageshack.us/img299/7743/beartankfuckyeszr5.png
You see this in an alley and you run home.

Yes you heard that right, Bear fucking Tank. A bear and a tank, which is apparently the creation of a little girl named 'Clione'. If I ever have kids, I hope mine are atleast half as cool as Clione for inventing BearTank.


Graphics: B

For a game that is supposed to look like shitty scribbles I guess it's kind've hard to judge. But all the spritework, while 'pixely' looking in still screens, is incredibly fluid in motion. This is an N64 game afterall, you can't expect much. I always found it cool how styles that purposely look like they're made by children (Yoshi's Island) end up looking the best. Maybe it's because you set your expectations lower, or maybe it's because you feel this game was actually created by a child and don't want to hurt the kid's feelings. Any kid who can draw like these punks in Rakuga Kids is probably in 2nd grade, so rest assure you're not hurting anyone's feelings.


http://img267.imageshack.us/img267/1889/grandhallgd3.png
I don't really know what's going on here and I was the one playing the fucking game.

Sound: A+

"The sound effects are top quality and really go well with the game", ok, we got the technical shit that get nerds sprung out've the way. Now onto shit that people who aren't complete fuckwads care about; the music. The music in this game fucking rocks. It's all Electric guitar crap that totally doesn't fit the game at all. Some of the most hardcore music on the N64 was played while an ABC robot kicks the shit out've an astronaut. Yes!

http://img267.imageshack.us/img267/3168/robotbl6.png
C-A-R spells "Back the fuck off, bitch!".



Quality: B-

Alright so, this game doesn't play like Marvel vs. Capcom. Hell, it doesn't even play like Shaq Fu, but it's still pretty damn fun. The controls are similar to pretty much any fighting game, taking advantage of the N64's C buttons like a.. well actually I'm not going to type that out. There are of course, like every fighting game after Street Fighter Alpha, SUPER COOL COMBOS!! Here's a SUPER COMBO of BearTank shaking a SpaceshipElephant's trunk. How does this attack the enemy? Fuck if I know, this shit is genius! Actually I take back that Shaq Fu comment...

http://img393.imageshack.us/img393/3246/beartank2ar4.jpg
Obviously an epic friendship.


Overall: B

It's a fun game, and there are cyborg animals and awesome music and ghost dogs. I mean what more do you really want in a game? Well come to think of it I guess a Panda dressed like a Matador would've been kinda cool..

http://img178.imageshack.us/img178/7241/matadorpandaam0.png
I can dream can't I?



First word that comes to mind: Rox!


ProTip: BearTank makes a cameo in the japanese version of Castlevania: Circle of the Moon. You can actually transform into BearTank.

Reality
02-02-2007, 01:38 AM
Haha man. I didn't even know this game existed. Its so weird. Great review though.

ModestMouse
02-02-2007, 01:59 AM
Console: Nintendo 64
Year: 1987
What?

Soba
02-02-2007, 02:21 AM
Wow, I didn't realize they made N64 games all the way back in 1987! Amazing!

SuperAngelo64
02-02-2007, 03:35 AM
Fixed.

Icarus4578
02-02-2007, 03:43 AM
I never heard of this game. And you say it kicks ass. Figures that it didn't make its way Stateside. But I loved the review. Best quote ~ "I don't really know what's going on here and I was the one playing the fucking game." That ruled. :thumb-up:

Seraph
02-02-2007, 11:38 AM
What the crap???

Why would the japanese even make a game like this. You would have to be insane to buy it. There must be some insane collison detection for this game to work.

I like ElephantShip more than BearTank.

SuperAngelo64
02-02-2007, 12:30 PM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=agMt0vKn6-8&mode=related&search=

This a clip from the PAL version, it plays pretty decently, but not amazingly.

Icarus4578
02-02-2007, 11:05 PM
Although MB rules prohibit me from linking to it, the ROM for this game is available.

George Foreman
03-05-2007, 03:50 PM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=agMt0vKn6-8&mode=related&search=

This a clip from the PAL version, it plays pretty decently, but not amazingly.

That actually looks like fun.

foxhunt99
11-26-2007, 04:27 PM
Just about any Nintendo games, can't stand any of them. Except advanced wars.

Nindalf
11-26-2007, 04:59 PM
Just about any Nintendo games, can't stand any of them. Except advanced wars.

great post.

Kiryu1985
11-26-2007, 07:34 PM
A game you probablly never played is:

http://image.com.com/gamespot/images/bigboxshots/3/585643_83237_front.jpg
http://image.com.com/gamespot/images/bigboxshots/3/585643_83237_back.jpg
http://ui25.gamefaqs.com/1720/gfs_3197_2_1.jpg

its a must play for Vagrant Story fans, since all you do is push boxes around

Paper exe
11-26-2007, 07:47 PM
I played that game to death. I never liked it but still used to play it not the less. I remember it having a good song, but not sure. There was one thing good about it that makes me play it for a second or two not sure what it was, probably a good song though.

Sk8_or_DIE
11-26-2007, 08:26 PM
Looks like a poor man's "Lolo".

Any way ... The BOXXLE-ART looks great, heh.

Alexander
11-26-2007, 09:11 PM
I have that on my calculator.

NES4EVER
11-27-2007, 01:35 AM
A game you'll never play.

http://image.com.com/gamespot/images/bigboxshots/6/915746_front.jpg

One of the funniest video reviews I've ever seen on Gamespot was for this horrible game (which I sadly own and wasted $5.00 on)

Video Review (http://www.gamespot.com/video/915746/6073202/robocop-video-review)

SuperAngelo64
11-27-2007, 06:03 AM
Shame. Robocop for NES was awesome.

Vegetto
11-27-2007, 06:09 AM
Robocop on the NES scared the crap out of me as a kid, when u died or got gameover it showed him like in pieces or somthin.

I stopped playing it because of that

Escaflowne2001
11-27-2007, 11:13 AM
One of the funniest video reviews I've ever seen on Gamespot was for this horrible game (which I sadly own and wasted $5.00 on)

Yeah, I stopped playing that aswell it was pretty damn awful.. I only thing I really remember was the giant rat you had to fight in the sewer on the first level. :haha:

Vicviper
11-27-2007, 06:35 PM
lol, I have Boxxle on my Genesis but it's called Shove it! I think graphically the GB version and the Genesis version are identical!

SuperAngelo64
12-25-2013, 08:31 AM
Since today is finally tommorow, and you have posted NOTHING, I'll recomend another game:

Sweet Home: http://www.rpgclassics.com/shrines/nes/sweethome/info.shtml
Its a 1989 NES Resident Evil, not many people played and many will never play it since it was in japanese, even when it has been translated, so go ahead and try it out.
http://img347.imageshack.us/img347/292/sensyadouimg600x4501126002999l.jpg

So, I recently discovered 'Sweet Home'. It's essentially Capcom dabbling with the horror-genre before they settled on Biohazard/Resident Evil.

I remember I'd heard of this game once before and couldn't put my finger on where. Well, this is where.

Kiryu1985
04-20-2014, 02:41 AM
It's a cool game

spider-prime
04-20-2014, 04:22 AM
Games I will never play is Shenmue 3.

SuperAngelo64
05-27-2014, 08:43 AM
Was this really bumped?