View Full Version : Nindalf's reviews

02-09-2006, 06:38 PM
I'm bored, so thought I'd try some reviewing. I don't know how often I update(if ever), but we'll see.

All reviews are very biased and poorly written. They consist of half-assed thoughts with no coherency. They are by no means objective.


EDIT: Also, if reviews contain pictures, they haven't been taken by me. I just Googled them because I'm too lazy to do it myself.

02-09-2006, 06:38 PM
Broken Sword: The Shadow of the Templars (PC)

Broken Sword: The Shadow of the Templars (Also known Circle of Blood) is a classic adventure game, released in 1996 by Virgin Interactive. It's also extremely underrated, because people are too dumb to install games on their PC, let alone play a game that requires actual thinking.

Poor guy's walking to his death...

You are George Stobbart and at the beginning of the game you find yourself sitting outside a cafe in Paris, enjoying a nice drink. Jazz is playing, romance in the air, when you observe a man with a briefcase rush inside the cafe. Soon after a scary looking clown enters the said cafe. Not a particularly scary clown, but scary like all the clowns. Before you know it, the clown is running away from the cafe with the old man's brief case. And before you can say "Oi! What's going on in here?", the whole place blows up. The murderous cloud blew up the cafe with a bomb hidden in a evil clownish musical instrument. And so the story begins.

At the beginning of the game your goal is to find out what the clown took and why he killed the man from who he stole it. As the story advances, you learn how deep the storyline really is. Few games can match the brilliance of Shadow of the Templars' intense plot that is just enchanted with great writing and dialogue. The game has a great sense of an international adventure, Ala Indiana Jones. During the game you play in Ireland, France and Spain, on top of some other places, and each one feels new and different. I probably should talk about the story more, but either you have played the game and know already, or you haven't played it and therefore doesn't deserve to know. Shame on you.

Being an adventure game, perhaps the most important part of the game is its puzzles. Few adventure game handles these as well as Broken Sword. It manages to keep almost a perfect balance, not so annoyingly fucking hard you have to consult walkthroughs every second, or at all if you have any patience, but still not so easy your blind retard cousin on ritalin could pass it.

The graphics are very impressive for a game released in 1996, and due to its great style it is still beautiful to look at today. The voice acting and music are also top notch!
George in Spain

Overall Broken Sword: The Shadow of the Templars is one of the finest examples of how an adventure game should made. The historical (and religious) plot is extremely intriguing and keeps interest up until the very end, its puzzles are well done and the characters are very likeable and interesting. A gem that should be played by any self-respecting gamer.

This game gets the perfect possible score, 5 TEMPLARS OUT THE POSSIBLE 5
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02-09-2006, 06:47 PM
........your literally insane.

Dont forget to place an index on your first post so we dont have to dig through pages to look something up.

And very good review of broken sword. Reminds me of Kings Quest games mixed with Dragons Lair

02-09-2006, 06:50 PM
Yeah, I would hate it if I weren't able to find my 3 reviews.

02-09-2006, 06:53 PM
you only have 1, i counted!!!

02-09-2006, 06:55 PM

02-10-2006, 03:24 AM
What a coincidence! I'm reviewing the GBA version of Shadows of the Templar. Small world huh?

02-10-2006, 04:31 AM
Serpah, don't ruin this wonderful thread!

Awesome review Paasivirta.

Paper exe
02-10-2006, 06:21 AM
Review Super Mario Bros 3.

02-10-2006, 06:23 AM
What a coincidence! I'm reviewing the GBA version of Shadows of the Templar. Small world huh?

That review better not be better than mine.

Review Super Mario Bros 3.

If I keep reviewing, I'm sure it'll be coming up at some point.

02-14-2006, 11:19 AM
Rome: Total War (PC)

Released in 2004, Rome: Total War is the latest instalment in the popular Total War series (I'm not counting expansions, because those are just developers' evil scheme to charge money for glorified patches).

Map Overview

Total War series has always been a mix of real time and turn based strategy and Rome is no exception. Most of the game happens on world map. Player can do all kinds of boring stuff like set taxes and build building and units. And that's pretty much it. You will also move your units on the map if you want to attack or just move them for the sake of moving. That sounded much better in my head.

If you attack someone, or they attack you, you can choose whether you want to fight yourself or do you want the computer to generate the outcome. I discovered that you win almost every time if you let the computer fight, unless you're fighting against an army 5 times bigger with better units. Gay or awesome? You decide.

What sucks most about the battle system is how they handled the war at sea. I stopped building boats because it's so fucking annoying. Unlike in the battles at land, you cannot fight the battle yourself. You can only let the computer fight it. After a couple dozen of times it became really retarded. You always get a pop-up saying "YOUR SHIP IS UNDER ATTACK!! WHAT WILL YOU DOOO!?" GEE, I GUESS I'LL LET THE COMPUTER HANDLE THIS ONE!

The actual battles you actually get to fight are very impressive. In some ways a battle between two small armies is just as entertaining as a clash between two huge ones.

City attack. Or defense. Whatever.

The balance of units is very well done, except I didn't like the archers much. They're great when defending and all, but they're really stupid. When enemy is really far away, they naturally aim to the air and the arrows rain down on the enemy. But you'd think that when an enemy army is charging at you (especially when they're on horses), you'd STOP SHOOTING TO THE FUCKING SKY and aim DIRECTLY AT THE ENEMIES CLOSING IN! Retarded! But other than the dumb archers, the combat is really fun and sometimes makes you think you're really a masterful commander. I of course am one for real, but this game would make all you delusional people think you are too.

Riders attacking spear men. Duh.

One of the small faults of the game is commanding of cities. There really is no way of putting pissed of cities in order without waiting for the rebellion. And when a major city is suddenly occupied by a nearly thousand rebels, it's no easy feat winning it back. But this brings up another point where this game shines. Defending cities(And attacking them) is perhaps the best part of the game. Especially when you have tons of archers on the walls(who in this case can't really mess it up by aiming to hell) is great to see the invaders bring up ladders and siege towers as they are firing at you with catapults. Awesomeness.

Brits attacking a major city. They'll probably die. Brits suck in this game

Diplomacy also plays part in Rome. Sometimes it's better to form alliances with your enemies so you can concentrate on fighting others. Also forming trade agreements and trying to make other factions to pay you is a good way to pay for the armies that will destroy them. Different Factions are also very different. Rome is of course the most advanced and their legions are the best in the game, and my favorites. Galls and Germans are like cave people and Brits are a bunch of William Wallace wanna-bes. You get the point.

Overall this is the best game in the Total War series and should be played by all. One of the best strategy games ever.

Rome: Total War deserves a very impressive score, 5 AND A HALF CAESARS OUT THE POSSIBLE 6

02-14-2006, 03:57 PM
hmmm......interesting review thread. I like the style of reviews. I like how you pander to nobody but yourself. I commend you for this.

02-14-2006, 04:25 PM
I interpret that as "You're awesome".

I thank thee.

Joe Redifer
02-14-2006, 07:20 PM
Ha ha Nindalf uses the super-crappy Magicbox default as his forum skin. "OLD School" looks way better. As Paper would say, "Everyone know this".

02-15-2006, 06:25 AM
Old school is absolutely hideous. I refuse to use it.

02-15-2006, 07:28 AM
old school looks like piss, I say Ceasar Heads should be worth more than templar's !!!

02-15-2006, 11:38 AM
5 Templars = 6 Caesars. I don't make up the rules in math, I just follow them.

02-16-2006, 06:29 AM
Double Dragon II: The Revenge (NES)

Double Dragon II is the best game in the Double Dragon series that I have played, which makes it a fact. The main character Billy's girlfriend get murdered and he naturally wants revenge. So goes out killing (possibly with his brother if you play multiplayer).

Billy doing some fighting. What a twist.

So the story obviously isn't the pinnacle of video game plots, but that doesn't matter. Where this game truly shines is gameplay and replay value. I don't know how many times I have beaten this game, but it never gets old. The level design is absolutely brilliant, especially the helicopter, park and the train. The fighting itself is so awesome. There is just something special about grabbing some thugs and kneeing them in the face and tossing them to a river. You may also be able to trace back some reasons to this game why I became the annoying little sadist you all know and love today.

Enemies are also refreshingly different. At first they seem pretty much the same, expect different enemies carry different weapons at times. But the greatness of enemies is revealed when you get to those big guys who beat the crap out if you if you don't knock them out quick or those green Ninjas with sticks. They beat you up harder than an old guy with a walking cane you almost ran over will beat your car.

Billy doing some more fighting. This time with his brother Jimmy!

For a NES game, Double Dragon II was graphically quite impressive. I really liked the backgrounds. And that's pretty much it. At least the last time I checked people can look at pictures by themselves.

Controls unfortunately were quite flawed. I especially never really liked how you're supposed to make the SUPER KNEE KICK. SUPER KNEE KICK deserves to be written in all caps because it is so awesome. One hit from that bad boy and you could say good night to your enemies. You can see Jimmy(The red guy) performing that move in the picture above. But I guess something that awesome needs to be complicated. Except it's not really complicated complicated, but the fact that you have to be crouched to perform it. And a game where there's no crouching button makes it pretty dumb. Also, I found jumping to be a huge pain. Luckily there wasn't that much platforming in the game, probably because the developers realized the controls sucked. But most of the time when fighting the controls were decent enough to knee ugly women and hippies in the face without distraction.

Other than the last boss, the boss fights were mostly one big guy, or in some cases several big guys. I particularly liked the first boss, some kind of a fat bondage fan at a rooftop. It was quite rewarding throwing him off the building. The use of weapons was very well done. The fact that the weapons were quite rare and didn't last that long made them feel special and very useful. Of course because they disappeared so soon they really weren't that useful, but they did a great job at creating an illusion of usefulness.

The best part about the game is the multiplayer. Co-op was absolutely brilliant, and sometimes it was equally fun fighting against each other. Nice way to make the game a little easier was beating up the other player and thus getting his lives. Although it wasn't that necessary, because the game wasn't that hard, despite occasional challenges. Most of my lives were lost in those damn platforming bits.

The Train, one of the best levels

Overall Double Dragon II is the best Beat 'Em Up ever made and has amazing replay value and fun factor. One of the best games ever.

Double Dragon II: The Revenge gets an amazing score, 3 SCOTT WOLVES OUT OF THE POSSIBLE 3

02-16-2006, 07:45 PM
I love that DD game, I still have the orginal, think I'll go download the rom

02-16-2006, 08:41 PM
Nice review, it was pretty funny. Fix that linked image though!

02-17-2006, 08:28 AM
Nice review, it was pretty funny. Fix that linked image though!

Hmm, which image can't you see? I still see them all.

02-17-2006, 09:28 AM
That's the craziest looking fight scene which I've ever seen in my days. I don't remember DDII having this much graphic power.

02-17-2006, 03:05 PM
it's the third image down, it a big text image warning about linking images instead of hosting them and something about goatse.

02-17-2006, 03:14 PM
I hosted the image at Photobucket. Did I get the right one?

Joe Redifer
02-17-2006, 03:20 PM
Looks fixed t' me.

02-17-2006, 06:49 PM
Yep, good job.

02-18-2006, 08:41 PM
yeah, the platforming in DD2 was a real pain. i remember my grandfather purchased this game for me when i was 15 or 16. he paid 49.99 for it and i was profoundly excited.

you forgot to mention how awesome the music is!

you could actually perform the super knee kick by pressing both the A & B buttons together, but do it with an A to B motion really quick. also, the super uppercut could be performed right when you get up, too. and the massive "POW" that you heard was nice and loud. it let you know that you just knocked the **** out of someone.

02-19-2006, 08:28 AM
My reviews are not in-depth. I don't plan them so I usually look over stuff like "music" or "amount of Mario" that still could have a crucial influence in the final score.

And to be honest, I never really got the hang of the knee kick. I thought you had to press something when you was getting up. I preferred beating people up the traditional way anyway.

And Icarus, now I see that hideous picture. Care to edit it out? It's bothering me. I fear Goatse.

02-19-2006, 08:39 AM
Why certainly. :cool guy:

02-19-2006, 08:41 AM
Thank you kindly, good Sir.

03-03-2006, 11:36 PM
And to be honest, I never really got the hang of the knee kick. I thought you had to press something when you was getting up. I preferred beating people up the traditional way anyway.

yeah, when you get up, press A and you do a super suppercut. if you mash the A and B button the right way, you'll perform the super knee kick.

great fucking game, btw.

but no double dragon game is better than the original arcade. i beat that game on 1 quarter one time... what an awesome game. maybe one day it will get ported in all its glorious perfection on the DS or the GBA or maybe in some arcade collection... when i first heard of double dragon adv. i thought it was the arcade port :crying:

03-04-2006, 11:11 AM
With one quarter? I'd pay to see that!

03-04-2006, 01:23 PM
When you guys say the super knee kick, do you then mean the cyclone kick? Which is kind of like Ruy and Kens hurricane kick.


03-04-2006, 01:26 PM
I mean the one the red guy does in this picture:

03-04-2006, 01:33 PM
Yeah I saw and read that, just got a bit confused, as I can't say I remember having pulled that one off. I do remember the super uppercut and the cyclone kick.

Awesome game though, probably the best DD game ever.

03-04-2006, 10:39 PM
With one quarter? I'd pay to see that!

mostly pounded ass with the great and all-powerful elbow. i'd throw in some knee to head crunches and stuff like that, but when you face the big guys like abobo, you better lay the smack down with elbos.

nindalf, why not review double dragon III NES? that's a good one, too; it also has fantastic music.

03-05-2006, 08:55 AM
Because I sucked at that game. :(

03-05-2006, 03:45 PM
Broken Sword is so far the best game reviewed here.

03-05-2006, 10:47 PM
Broken Sword is so far the best game reviewed here.

who asked you, alucard?

just kidding...

i'm going with double dragon II as the best game reviewed here. man, i have so many fond memories of that game...