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Stalin
10-03-2005, 12:53 AM
Saw this on another board:

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so
much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have
never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into
bed.

Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel
like it, I just want you to hold me."

I said "WHAT??!! What was that?!"

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...
"You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me
to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look
by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in
the bedroom?"

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with
her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big
unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on
several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to
take so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to
compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We
went onto the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond
earrings. Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was
one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because
she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play
tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey."
She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.
Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all
dear, let's go to the cashier."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel
like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled
WHAT?"

I then said "honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're
just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy
your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she
was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and
not for the things I buy you?"

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either.

Vegetto
10-03-2005, 01:03 AM
or for a long long long time, from her at least

that was good though

Daniel4802
10-03-2005, 01:56 AM
That was truely priceless. She got wtf pwnzored.

[M]egaman Ver.6
10-03-2005, 02:08 AM
Hookers.

:cool guy:

burpingcat
10-03-2005, 02:13 AM
wait, wait, wait, wait just a minute....

what's a tennis bracelet?

edit: i google'd it and i still don't understand

Keits
10-03-2005, 02:16 AM
LOL! That was a great read. Thanks!

Drunken Savior
10-03-2005, 02:23 AM
I would never go out with a woman who didn't enjoy sex all the time.

Bitch got put in her place good!

Keits
10-03-2005, 03:24 AM
I would never go out with a woman who didn't enjoy sex all the time.

Bitch got put in her place good!

Honestly, I don't blame some women for not enjoying sex. If their partner is terrible at it, then what desire could remain once things become routine?

The way our society makes sex seem like a forbiden treasure to young males, I wouldnt be surprised if there was a LARGE percentage of premature ejaculators in our population (at least pre-age 20).

Drunken Savior
10-03-2005, 03:34 AM
I blame them. If your sex gets stale, it's time to bounce out of there. Part of love is loving to please the person you love. Keep an open mind.

Heh, you'd be amazed at the number of premature ejaculators. If you prematurely shoot, I recommend learning new tricks to supplement. I mean Gene Simmons new tricks.

camac
10-03-2005, 07:19 AM
Haha that was hilarious, and here I was expecting a wholesome moral or something.

Reality
10-03-2005, 08:43 AM
Man, I wonder if they found his body yet.

justin_credible
10-03-2005, 08:48 AM
I turned my virgin girlfriend into someone who wants it all the time. Seriously she buys expensive lingerie all the time and wears it just for me.

It has to be because I am like Don Juan lover.

....or maybe she doesn't know any better just because she hasn't tried anyone else. Damn.

Paper exe
10-03-2005, 09:41 AM
Shame on all of you!!!!!11!

Magnus
10-03-2005, 09:52 AM
Shame on all of you!!!!!11!
http://www.filefarmer.com/luelinksdotorg/owls/iseewhat3ag.jpg

Vicviper
10-03-2005, 10:00 AM
Oh Snap! man vs. girl. man wins

The only reason women are like this is because they believe EVERYTHING they hear and read from shows like Oprah, Dr. Phil, The View, etc... Shows like this are the downfall of man.

Nem
10-03-2005, 01:02 PM
I just feel like :lol:
Touch?! Id say :D

Beam
10-03-2005, 01:17 PM
sounds kinda like something that i did once. :evilsmile

Seraph
10-03-2005, 01:20 PM
That guy made a weak arguement. It would have been more effective if he had related it back to sex. like "if you cant meet my phisical needs as a man, then i wont meet your shopping needs as a woman"

but i do agree what the girl did the first night was wrong. women have insane power over men and they need to realize it. you dont get passionate with a man and then just flip him off like a light switch.

but then agian, you could use the arguement, but its our job as men to make the first step. its not "ill satisfy your woman needs after i get sex" its the other way around.

being a virgin (make fun of me i dont care) ive always wondered about sex from a womans points of view. Some sources say they enjoy it just like men, other sources make it seem like its just a "favor" a woman does for a man to get what she wants.

Nindalf
10-03-2005, 02:15 PM
http://www.archerdigital.com/kuramu/junk/owlned.jpg

Stalin
10-03-2005, 03:20 PM
owlned! thats a good one.

Following Papers incentive, I think I will follow his "all text in colour" trend. Yes we have been foolish for not making use of much of our visual abilities, shame on you all.

Yeah, pretty much my thoughts on it is that it was pretty damn funny. You know, I'm a man of moral stature but I see nothing wrong with that. As far as I can tell it's just poking fun at the gender roles we have in place in our scioety. Is accepted that the role of the girlfriend is to provide sexual pleasure for her boyfriend or girlfriend but this assumption isn't true. Now granted in many (if not most) situations the whole agreement of dating is loosly based upon the idea of there being sexual pleasure involved but none the less the asumption that there will be sex everynight is not fair.

How ever, also involved in this funny little tale is the expectation that the man is to provide the funds in the relationship and to a degree must "earn" love, so to speak. This of course, like the last one, is a crock.At anyrate, soical satire, people acting like jerks or just plain old not being serious, this I thought, was a funny story you would all enjoy.Except Paper, who is insulted by any mention of sex, which is just plain silly. Sex is one of the most basic ideas in our exsistance, you can't fight it so you might as well imbrace it!

welshfreak
10-03-2005, 03:26 PM
my eyes!!!! my eyes! Burning.......... :sweat:

Paper exe
10-03-2005, 03:31 PM
Actually, I think it looks good.
Except Paper, who is insulted by any mention of sex, which is just plain silly. Sex is one of the most basic ideas in our exsistance, you can't fight it so you might as well imbrace it!
Who said? I am not against a married man/woman having sex with there wife/husband.

Stalin
10-03-2005, 04:01 PM
Right, well I get great pleasure from my penis and I don't get any pleasure from the idea of being married, so I'm just going to keep having sex then and this marrage idea can crash and burn.

Vegetto
10-04-2005, 02:13 AM
I turned my virgin girlfriend into someone who wants it all the time. Seriously she buys expensive lingerie all the time and wears it just for me.

It has to be because I am like Don Juan lover.

....or maybe she doesn't know any better just because she hasn't tried anyone else. Damn.


dude....your frickin lucky...

I cry now

SavedFromSin
10-04-2005, 02:18 AM
Haha that was hilarious, and here I was expecting a wholesome moral or something.

Shame on all of you!!!!!11!

You should of not posted so soon Camac.