View Full Version : Joe Redifer's Super-Awesome Reviews!!!!

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Joe Redifer
02-19-2006, 10:44 PM
Oh yeah I keep forgetting about that. Hopefully my Gamecube hasn't been crushed flat by the 600lbs of dust that has collected on it. :D

02-20-2006, 11:28 AM
i don't think joe's question was serious, but sarcastic.

there is nothing like owning the original.

Yes, there is: Special Edition versions. It's pretty lame, though, when companies release games and then several months later release the same game with added content. Whenever I purchase a game which I consider 'important', I tend to also get whatever strategy guide is available, or the best one, because it makes it feel more complete.

02-20-2006, 02:32 PM
I asked you to review a genesis game like a month ago lol

Joe Redifer
02-20-2006, 08:38 PM
I did review a Genesis game. A bunch of 'em! Were you referring to Comix Zone? I don't have that one.

Strategy guides are for people who can't beat a game on their own.

02-20-2006, 08:44 PM
I have the strategy guide for Animal Crossing Wild World. But they didn't tell me how I can beat the game. Did I get ripped off? I don't even know how to fight the last boss? I'M SCREWED!!! :(

Joe Redifer
02-20-2006, 08:48 PM
The final boss in Animal Crossing (either version) is a breeze. No strategy guide needed. Even Icarus could beat him on his own!

Drunken Savior
02-20-2006, 09:12 PM
Ooo Joe says Icarus has no skills. He went there, folks.

02-21-2006, 12:43 AM
Yes, there is: Special Edition versions. It's pretty lame, though, when companies release games and then several months later release the same game with added content. Whenever I purchase a game which I consider 'important', I tend to also get whatever strategy guide is available, or the best one, because it makes it feel more complete.

right... like i said there is nothing like owning the original. and special additions on release are cool, and i also agree that re-releasing a game with new content is lame... so is the "greatest hits" box art.

02-21-2006, 03:20 AM
The name of the game is Jewel Master i believe.

Joe Redifer
02-21-2006, 03:25 AM
Oh yeah. Need to purchase that one as well.

"Greatest Hits" box art (or "Players Choice" or whatever) sucks ass! How dare they make special boxes! Just lower the price! What do they hope to gain by changing the boxes to make them look super-lame? if you must have them color-coded, put a special, blue or yellow stripe on the shrinkwrap!

02-21-2006, 09:14 AM
Strategy guides are for people who can't beat a game on their own.

Strategy guides are not for pussies. Whenever I'm going to play through a loooong game, such as Dragon Quest VIII, I'll use it to locate hidden stuff which I might have otherwise missed. I don't feel like playing through a 100 hour game, then finding out I missed out on certain things. Also, I have strategy guides for fighting games just for the artwork. You are simply wrong in your generalization of people who purchase strategy guides. They're nonessential things which are there to provide additional info if you care to use it. But then I suppose you'll see what I mean when I send you a videotape featuring my gaming prowess.

Joe Redifer
02-21-2006, 04:35 PM
That's what GameFAQs is for, sans artwork.

Strategy guides are not for pussies.
Whatever you say, man. Whatever you say.

02-21-2006, 06:57 PM
Oh yeah. Need to purchase that one as well.

"Greatest Hits" box art (or "Players Choice" or whatever) sucks ass! How dare they make special boxes! Just lower the price! What do they hope to gain by changing the boxes to make them look super-lame? if you must have them color-coded, put a special, blue or yellow stripe on the shrinkwrap!

they probably do it because they absolutely must show you that it is indeed a greatest hits or player's choice!!

Drunken Savior
02-21-2006, 07:18 PM

Joe Redifer
02-21-2006, 07:27 PM
But what about games like Virtua Fighter 4: Evolution which come EXCLUSIVELY in GREATEST HITS packaging? Pisses me off. Fortunately my dad purchased that game for me one Christmas from EB, and since EB opens their games, takes them home overnight and brings them back it somehow wound up in a regular Virtua Fighter 4 case. So I have a regular VF4 case with VF4: Evolution inside (with the red banner across the disc). My dad's screw up by shopping at EB (I told him not to do that again) made my pain almost bearable. Almost.

02-21-2006, 09:27 PM
But what about games like Virtua Fighter 4: Evolution which come EXCLUSIVELY in GREATEST HITS packaging? Pisses me off. Fortunately my dad purchased that game for me one Christmas from EB, and since EB opens their games, takes them home overnight and brings them back it somehow wound up in a regular Virtua Fighter 4 case. So I have a regular VF4 case with VF4: Evolution inside (with the red banner across the disc). My dad's screw up by shopping at EB (I told him not to do that again) made my pain almost bearable. Almost.

yeah, i agree... but atleast the box art was cool.... minus the gay greatest hits crap.



02-22-2006, 08:46 AM
Whatever you say, man. Whatever you say.

When I say something, you must agree. Otherwise, I'll have you thrown off to the hell where people are skinned alive! It's that simple!

02-22-2006, 03:11 PM
Strategy guides are for people who can't beat a game on their own.

What are your thoughts on people who buy a new game turn it on and go directly to the options menu and put the game difficulty to easy?

Joe Redifer
02-22-2006, 05:08 PM
I think they should try it on Normal first. Unless there are multiple endings for each difficulty level.

02-23-2006, 01:32 AM
I BEAT ninja gaiden without getting hit

Joe Redifer
02-23-2006, 02:42 AM
I beat Ninja Gaiden without even turning on my TV!

02-23-2006, 11:25 PM
wow, that's pretty good.

Joe Redifer
02-26-2006, 10:36 PM
Super Monkey Ball: Touch & Roll
Nintendo DS

You may wanna pass this game up. Read on.

Instead of making a real Super Monkey Ball 3, Sega has decided to do crappy ports and offshoots. Just like we'll probably never see another real Shenmue, a real Super Monkey Ball 3 seems unlikely at this point, so we must take all of the scraps we can get. The DS version is one such scrap in which you can use the touch screen to control the game. Yee ha.

The bottom screen is completely useless. The bottom left
icon shows your monkey speed. What the hell good is this?

Graphics: 6/10
Many of the stage designs are stolen from the two previous real Super Monkey Ball games. But instead of the nice checkerboard floor from those games, we get what looks like a 1970's disco floor in some levels. It looks pretty bad. There is light source shadowing on many of the floors and I guess that's good. The monkeys are now simple sprites and are not as animated as they are in the Gamecube versions. It moves at a slower framerate which dos not help the control, and the control needs all the help it can get, believe me. The monkeys are now represented as simplified cartoon characters as well. It looks better and moves more quickly than the GameBoy Advance's Super Monkey Ball Jr, but it's not on par with other DS games.

The original stages in this game are pretty fun and
not too tough. There are only 10 stages per level.

Sound: 3/10
What we have here is probably some of the worst music in any videogame ever. It's really, really bad. You will need to turn the sound all the way down. If you like this music, then you are a horrible human being and deserve to die. I give it three points for the following reasons: #1 - The monkey sound effects are all pretty accurate, though the narrator seems absent. But what good are decent sound effects if the music forces you to play with the sound completely off? #2 - the music in "Ice Lolly Land" is actually almost kind of good. Or perhaps it just seems god compared to the rest? That may be the case. #3 - As bad as it is, it could probably be even worse. The GameBoy Advance version sounds much better in every aspect, and it even had the narrator. Maybe the GBA sound hardware is better than the DS? Definitely not, but Sega seems to think so.

Thankfully you can't hear the music in these pics.

Gameplay: 5/10
At first you'll think this game is pretty good. I did. I was surprised at how well it controlled with the d-pad. You can also try to control it using the touch screen, but only do that if you hate to win. The entire area of the touch screen is used, meaning you need to move the stylus or wrist-strap-thingy all the way across the screen to go from extreme left to extreme right. Quick adjustments are impossible when controlling it this way. The touch screen would have been so much better utilized if the game was played on the bottom screen (it's not) and the touch area was only the size of the actual monkey ball. It would be pretty easy to make minute adjustments with the stylus in that scenario. But Sega didn't ask me, so they failed. We're forced to play with the d-pad for the best control. For the first 60 stages or so, it works out pretty well. There are some rehashed stages from the real Super Monkey Ball games, but they don't present much of a problem. But when you get to "Fluctuation" which is near the end of the Ice Lolly Land area you will come up against a brick wall, and that wall is the game's control. This is the same stage as the Expert Floor 4 in the original Super Monkey Ball, a stage that most everyone can get past easily on the Gamecube. And even though there isn't a lens flare in your face on the DS version, it is impossible to traverse to the goal on the last 1/4 of the stage. This stage has absolutely no business being in here. Super Monkey Ball Jr. on the GBA had some rehashed stages, but they were redesigned so you could complete them with the crappy control. Not here. The DS is simply not capable of the fine control that stages like this demand. The original stages in this game don't pose much of a problem because they seem to be designed with the crappy control in mind. But I have to drop the score quite a bit for this blunder, and you need to beat this stage in order to unlock more. I GUARANTEE that you can't get past this stage. This game gives you a 1up for every 10 bananas you collect, and I've tried this stage well over 60 times with no luck. I usually get there with at least 15 lives in tow. Just to make sure it wasn't me, I tried the original Super Monkey Ball on the Gamecube. I beat this level on the first try and then proceeded to beat the entire Expert mode. The minigames/party games are also here, but they kind of suck. Most require the use of the touch screen to play and they are really half-assed in their presentation. We also get a new staff credits game that is even worse than the one in Super Monkey Ball 2. Not only is it longer than the game itself (it feels to be about 5-10 minutes long AT LEAST), it is boring. I recommend pressing L+R+Start+Select the second the credits start to reset the system. Don't worry, your data will be saved.

You shouldn't fall off in this stage. Whoever is playing
here must be using the crappy touch screen control.

Wrap up:
If you like painful music and stage design that doesn't take into account the horrible control, you will LOVE Super Monkey Ball Touch and Roll. Amazingly this was programmed entirely by the Japanese. What happened?

02-26-2006, 11:03 PM
I think that bottom screen would distract me so much that I'd end up killing people randomly with each changing stupid facial expression that retarded monkey makes. I should mention I hate monkeys. Hated them since I was a kid. Why couldnt this game be something different like Super Rhino ball. Rhino's are cool. They could kill you.

George Foreman
02-26-2006, 11:09 PM
Is Super Monkey Ball:T&R as bad as Pac N' Roll?

Joe Redifer
02-26-2006, 11:29 PM
I don't even know what Pac N' Roll is.

Sinful Sam
02-27-2006, 03:18 AM
That is disappointing. I was actually interested in buying this on Saturday. Good thing I bought Chaos Field instead.

Joe Redifer
02-27-2006, 05:42 AM
Isn't Chaos Field that brand new Gamecube game that came out on the Dreamcast like 9 years ago? Wow, the GC is sure reeling in the hits! :)

02-27-2006, 10:19 AM
Wow, the GC is sure reeling in the hits! :)

Is that an allusion to the Steely Dan song 'Reeling In The Years'? :)

George Foreman
03-08-2006, 07:09 PM
George Foreman want Earthbound review now!!! :angry:

Please....... :crying:

Joe Redifer
03-09-2006, 04:30 AM
In order to do that I'd need to borrow the game from fellow forum member Vic Viper who hasn't played it yet along with the $25 strategy guide which will make up for the missing manual (hopefully).

03-09-2006, 12:08 PM
Strategy guides are for people who can't beat a game on their own.

Hoisted by your own pertard. :cool:

Joe Redifer
03-09-2006, 01:33 PM
Yeah like I want to put any effort into game called "Mother 2". The strategy guide will provide a nice quick walkthrough so I can return the game quickly.

03-09-2006, 03:57 PM
So I should let you borrow it so you can breeze through it as fast as you can because in your eyes playing it would be a chore. This in turn would lower your overall score of the game. I'll pass.

Edit: Oh and your not touching my $25 strategy guide. It still has the scratch n' sniff stickers inside that are unscratched. Are you making fun of me for spending $25 on a old strategy guide? You being somewhat of a collector I would think you would understand the nature of a collector and the prices they will pay for certain items they are collecting. :)

Joe Redifer
03-09-2006, 08:07 PM
You got me. I just wanted to scratch and sniff the stickers without you (or anyone else) knowing. :(

Joe Redifer
03-15-2006, 10:05 PM
The Rub Rabbits
Nintendo DS

I prefer the Japanese name for the game:
"Where Do Babies Come From?"

Feel the Magic XY XX, the best DS launch game (by leaps and bounds) is back with a prequel! This time around it is A LOT bigger and is, in fact, one of the biggest DS games yet (rumored to be around 128 megaBYTES or more). Like Feel the Magic this offers a lot of different and fun minigames in which you must first woo the girl and then keep her from forgetting you and a whole bunch of other nonsense. If you liked the first game, you'll love this one as well. If you didn't love the first game, there is something wrong with you and you should be imprisoned forever.

As always, sumo wrestlers impede you on the escalator.

Graphics: 7/10
The graphics are the same style as Feel the Magic, with the silhouette style and the motion captures. Again they seem like Sega Saturn 3D graphics, but that's not a bad thing. The animation is all very smooth and often quite quirky, with goofy animations resulting from the onscreen craziness.

The evil genius girl throws all of her love at you and you must kick it away like a bastard.
Yes, you must hold the DS sideways for this scene. You must hold it upside down for some others.

Sound: 7/10
Very similar to Feel the Magic, but unfortunately everything is now pronounced correctly instead of with the extreme Japanese accent of the first game. I miss that kookiness. The music is mostly good in a crazy way, but a lot of it repeats a bit too often. Be careful about where you play this game, as some of the sounds the girls make sound VERY porn-ish and people around you might want to watch, too! The stereo effect is once again very good. You can unlock a sound test by defeating the game.

The bull stampede is back... sorta. You must also destroy
lots of hearts from the evil girl which can be insanely tough.
Hint: Your DS came with TWO styluses. Think "John Woo Style".

Gameplay: 8/10
Get ready for more silly minigames. While the first game only had 18 different scenarios, this game has 37! There were times when I was thinking that the game was maybe too long, but I'd put it down and come back a day or two later and be back having fun trying to win again. Naturally you try to win the interest of the girl who barely notices you and completely ignore the girl who wants you big time. She ends up being the main enemy of the game as you do not want her love. I think you should do her real quick anyway just to calm her down and she seems quite willing. This game is also a bit harder than the first game. There is actually a way to skip a scene if you are too much of a wimp to get past it, and believe me I was tempted to do that on more than one occasion. But I didn't. There is an easy way to get past any stage. I persevered. I beat the game and I didn't even use a Game Genie. A few scenarios make their way back from the first game, but are reworked slightly and not quite as kooky. There's nothing totally crazy like rubbing goldfish out of some dude's gut. Oh and for the record, I have grown to absolutely HATE blowing on my DS for any reason. I do not like talking to it or screaming at it, either. It's not fun. All DS games need to stop doing this. This game also brings back the pointless "mania" mode and a bunch of other stuff like the ability for two players to make a baby together. I made a baby with myself and it turned out pretty messed up. It also features wireless modes and crap like that. It isn't online, but who gives a f-ck?

Instead of typing numbers to open parachutes, this time
you must blow them off to oblivion with your stinky breath.

Wrap up:
Yet another game that can only be done on the DS. Well worth your money and time. What other game allows you to fight the final boss using only your love? What other game allows you to make a baby with members of the same sex? Lots of great minigames to come back to again and again... if you don't skip anything in the story mode, that is (otherwise they won't be playable in the "Memories" section). Now I await my Wario Ware DS sequel.

03-15-2006, 11:05 PM
Hint: Your DS came with TWO styluses.

lolol octopusses = octopi styluses = styli

03-17-2006, 12:04 AM
agreed. Rub Rabbits is a good sequel to a great game. Once again the DS shows it's true quality.

03-24-2006, 05:02 PM
Hint: Your DS came with TWO styluses. Think "John Woo Style".

LMAO. I'm with Xander on this one. One of your best lines yet! 10/10! :cool guy:

03-27-2006, 09:50 AM
lolol octopusses = octopi styluses = styli

Come again? :???:

George Foreman
03-27-2006, 06:29 PM
I know this is kinda off topic but do you know an easy way to beat Big Ben(the fat dude that breathes fire) in Streets of Rage? I keep on spending about three lives on him every time I face him and wind up with only one or two for the last boss.

Joe Redifer
03-27-2006, 08:32 PM
Is he a boss? Press button "A" to call the magic squad car to launch some napalm on him which will leave you unharmed. Then to jump kicks.

George Foreman
03-27-2006, 08:45 PM
This boss breathes fire so jump kicks only work half the time(the other half leaves you with 50 degree burns) and when you face him in level 8 you can't call the police car.

Anyway I just figured out how to beat him. The game is a hell of alot harder as Adam(the black guy) cause he's the slowest of the three. You had to "sneak behind him by rapidly pressing the direction on the D-pad so that he'd react a second later and then, throw haymakers like Ron Artest at the Palace.

Joe Redifer
03-27-2006, 08:49 PM
There is a law in Japan that all scrolling fighting games MUST have a Karnov character (fat guy who breathes fire) as an enemy.

03-28-2006, 02:34 AM
hows the music in Rub Rabbits joe? Is it well composed? Alot of the time developers will crap out in the music area. I can still hum the tunes to XY/XX because they were so dang memoriable.

i am hoping rub rabbits has some good tunes. is it all still done in nothing but voices?

Joe Redifer
03-28-2006, 03:54 AM
It's similar, but more repetitive. Some tunes return, but the sound designers really seemed to love playing the Can-Can over and over and over again.

03-28-2006, 12:28 PM
So they re-use the main theme of the original?

:sing: "do do do do, do do do do, do do do do, do do do do"
:sing: "Hmmm, Ha-Hmmm, Ha-Hmm-Ha-Hmm-Ha-Hmmmmmmmmmm"
:sing: "Hmmm, Ha-Hmmm, Ha-Hmm, Hmm, Hmmmmmm"

04-06-2006, 09:23 PM
Joe, did you ever complete Phantasy Star Generations II (whatever it's called)? Just curious. (Man, I want that soundtrack.)

Joe Redifer
04-07-2006, 04:24 AM
No, but I powered it up the other day looking for the 3rd town. I hate walking around in Phantasy Star 2's first planet because everything is divided and it sucks trying to get to other towns. I couldn't find the 3rd town.

04-07-2006, 05:44 AM
I could be mistaken but I believe it to be the one you get to before you enter the Bio Lab. That would be after you've completed the first two dungeons in the early region before crossing the (err) pipe and making it to the next area of the continent.

Joe Redifer
04-07-2006, 07:02 PM
The dungeons suck in that game. They take forever and they're in Japanese, making them a pain to play. Plus they're laid out completely different than the real Phantasy Star 2. If someone can mail me a memory card with that town being able to be teleported to, then I can record all of the music.

04-08-2006, 03:48 PM
Well that's ok because Zophar's Domain now has both PS Generation 1 & 2's soundtracks available for download! Oh yesss!! :cool guy:

Joe Redifer
04-08-2006, 06:05 PM
They're good, but not as good as the official arranged versions.

04-09-2006, 07:40 AM
All it does is emulate the PS2 soundboard, so I don't see what could be different. Maybe if you recorded a song from the game and then let me compare.

04-09-2006, 02:31 PM
hey, joe, did you import generations?

04-09-2006, 10:14 PM
I think Joe downloaded it.

Joe Redifer
04-09-2006, 10:53 PM
I imported it to the PS2 hard drive. I'd feel like a fool paying for a Japanese RPG that I know I can't beat without a detailed FAQ.

04-09-2006, 11:12 PM
No reason to disagree. My brother used to be big on importing RPGs, RPGs which he'd oftentimes struggle to beat (thanks in no small part to 'Ganji protection').

Joe Redifer
04-09-2006, 11:22 PM
I'd definitely buy it if it were released in English, however. Ahh, too bad. I don't understand why Japan has to speak Japanese. IT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE!

04-10-2006, 10:47 PM
so you have it in english?

Joe Redifer
04-10-2006, 10:59 PM
Yes. On the Genesis.

04-10-2006, 11:06 PM
i mean generations... i suppose if it's on your ps2 hard drive, it is still in japanese.

Joe Redifer
04-28-2006, 04:33 AM
Twinkle Tale
Sega Genesis

This is the box cover.
Is it displayed on YOUR shelf?

Twinkle Tale was released sometime in the 20th century by WAS Entertainment for the Sega Mega Drive in Japan. It was never released in any other region because Sega wanted to concentrate on locally developed crap-on-a-stick like X-Men and other choppy games. This game is kind of like a shooter or something but not really. It is the prequel to Magician Lord which was released much earlier on the Neo-Geo 16-bit system... or at least that's what I want to believe. Both are rock-hard games (in terms of difficulty, not the boner you will get while playing). If you continue to read my review, you will find more text and even pictures from the game as your reward.

If you go left in stage 1, you fight this stone dude.
If you go right, you fight him and his 2 beer buddies.
Go left.

Graphics: 6/10
The graphics certainly aren't tremendous. There is a lot of dithering due to lazy graphic design as well as a lot of patterned tiles for the same reason. Color is pretty good and the animation is about average. Every once in awhile you'll get a second layer of scrolling or something crazy like that. The bosses are OK to look at. I am getting bored writing about the graphics now so I will stop.

Obviously this is the same lead character that is in Magician Lord (right).
Notice when he is young his shadow is nothing but black vertical stripes.
When he gets older he has no shadow at all because he is far too manly.

Sound: 5/10
Certainly nothing special here, either. Nothing bad, but nothing really memorable. I'm pretty sure it is in stereo but I forget. It doesn't sound as good as Altered Beast or anything. I am getting bored writing about the sound and you are getting bored reading about it.

Level 7 is a vertical shooter that will piss you off.

Gameplay: 6/10
The gameplay is what matters. I bet you have never heard that before. But the gameplay here is fairly good. You get to walk around and choose different paths. The difficulty varies on what path you take. It is less linear than Elemental Master by a long shot, but I still prefer Elemental Master. You should play Elemental Master. It is by TechnoSoft which means it has great music. It is neat. Anyway in Twinkle Tale you get an extra space on your life meter after every two stages. You have, like, three weapons and each has three levels of firepower. You also have a choice of two different super bombs which is really keen. You only have one life and it won't be long before you are staring at the continue screen or maybe a smashed cartridge on the floor. The game is tough, unless you put it on EASY. Then it is easy and even a baby pansie could beat it. But on normal it is tough and it takes a super-masculine man like Macho Man Randy Savage or Tom Arnold to beat it.

Here is the boss of level 1. Sucks to be him, I'm sure.

Wrap up:
Yeah. So, like, this game is really rare and stuff and is good for collectors and the such. I like Magician Lord better, though. And so do you. They should rename this game "Tinkle Tale" and release it on the Nintendo Wii (Haha LOL OMG ROTFLMAO OMG LOL HAHAHAHAHA me so clever!!!) I also want to say that I am very lazy right now.

04-28-2006, 11:01 AM
I've never played this. How come they made games like this, Alien Storm, and others and just passed them up for US release? Instead, we get The Incredible Hulk and Boogerman. How stupid must they be?

04-28-2006, 11:19 PM
Wow. I think this is your laziest review ever. If I owned this game I would give it atleast a 7. More likely an 8. Wait, I do own this game and so therefore it gets an 8. Since you are lazy 2 points are automatically added to the final score since people who aren't lazy would enjoy the game more. Take Nindalf for example. He has to be the laziest member on the MB forums. I imagine he would give this game a 4 at best. lazy sod!

Icarus, it is very annoying trying to reason with ones self why the US never got half the good games it deserved. I get so fed up sometimes that a vein pops out on my head and I have to lay down for a while. It is futile.

Joe Redifer
04-28-2006, 11:35 PM
Brain Age on the DS makes my brain tired. I can only count to 6.

04-29-2006, 12:22 AM
I recommend King of Fighters to any fighting game fan who wants to play another 2D fighter. Capcom vs. SNK adds a lot of flavor and the fighting system in the KOF games is sick. I only really play this series when I go to the arcades, but I plan on owning a copy in the near future. Do you still own a copy from your review?

Joe Redifer
04-29-2006, 12:57 AM
I have a crappy KoF game for the Dreamcast and 2 or 3 for the Saturn. They've always been fairly mediocre compared to Capcom fighters. Capcom is better than SNK. Just imagine if it were the Capcom Neo Geo!

04-29-2006, 01:20 AM
About the NEO-GEO I have seen about 10 Neo-Geo's at our local game store. Since they are an import, why are they so popular in a used and new Game Store?

Joe Redifer
04-29-2006, 05:03 AM
Neo Geos can play games from any region, so it doesn't matter if you get a Japanese unit. Well all of your text and voice will be in Japanese, but nobody cares about stuff like that. If you get a Universe BIOS installed you can switch regions with ease and play Japanese games in Engrish. The Neo Geo has an incredibly rabid following.

04-29-2006, 08:48 AM
Icarus, it is very annoying trying to reason with ones self why the US never got half the good games it deserved. I get so fed up sometimes that a vein pops out on my head and I have to lay down for a while. It is futile

Definitely futile, like trying to reason with people who like rap music -- you know you're right but you just can't win.

04-29-2006, 04:05 PM
king of fighters 2002 and 2003 kick ass. mark of the wolves is good too.

Joe Redifer
04-29-2006, 06:20 PM
The one I have for the DC is Millenium. It is one of my first reviews.

04-29-2006, 06:27 PM
EB Games has KOF for PlayStation. I bet in a month or two they will get rid of it. I'm going to buy it.

04-29-2006, 07:58 PM
Wrap up:
Yeah. So, like, ths game is really rare and stuff and is good for collectors and the such. I like Magician Lord better, though. And so do you. They should rename this game "Tinkle Tale" and release it on the Nintendo Wii (Haha LOL OMG ROTFLMAO OMG LOL HAHAHAHAHA me so clever!!!) I also want to say that I am very lazy right now.

I love your reviews Joe, they make me laugh a bunch. I like how you do the ROFL LOL LMAO thing, picturing doing weird **** like that is too funny.

Joe Redifer
05-02-2006, 05:08 AM
Brain Age
Nintendo DS

After a few days you will literally only play for minutes a day.

Brain Age is supposed 2 make u more better at being smart as u can c it workz. Anyway they say as your brain ages, it gets worse and instead of driving like a something cool and fast, it drives more like a Ford... which is bad. This game is based on theories that say exercising your brain to make it better and more useful as well as improve overall thinking.

Up to four people (like the forum members here at Magic Box) can
have different profiles on the same card. The current brain age is
displayed for all to see. Lower is best. 20 is the best you can get.

Graphics: 2/10
The graphics in this game, of course, are completely minimal. They don't need to be anything special. The game has a little over 4 colors and a polygonal doctor who looks little to nothing like his real life counterpart. The text is clear as are other things, limited only by the LCD technology used in the DS. You can create your own stamps which adds a little flavor to the graphics... I guess.

Sound: 5/10
Not much here, either. No voices or anything. You can touch bicycles, people, trains, rocketships and the like to hear sounds that are associated with them. Freakin' WOW! The game is in stereo despite the fact that you must hold the DS sideways as you play. So you'll hear sound from directly ahead of you and ever-so-slightly above directly ahead of you. The music is adequate and is typical for what you'd expect from a game like this. Dolby Digital 5.1 is not supported. Bad Nintendo. Bad!

The game will randomly ask you to draw certain things for reasons
I have yet to decipher. The game can not tell how or what you draw, so you
are not judged even if you are horrible.

Gameplay: 7/10
The game is pretty fun when trying to solve moronic stuff you learn in the first grade. It never really moves beyond the second grade... well maybe it does if you count Sudoku. The game relies entirely on speed, so errors are counted as seconds added onto your final time. But you can run into problems. Once during the "stroop test" where you're supposed to say outloud the color of the word instead of what the text spells (ex: the correct answer to Yellow is "red"), the color of the word was red, and I said "red" outloud in my perfectly enunciated American non-accent. The screen said "Try Again". Just for fun I said "Orange" (which is not an option for any of the colors at all) and the game marks it correct. That wastes time and lowers my score even though my initial answer was correct. The voice recognition is only a bit shoddy, but the handwriting recognition is REALLY BAD. One test requires you memorize two pages of words and then write them on the screen in a frantic hurry as if you needed to go diarrhea but can only access the toilet after getting all of the words correct. One word was "hive". I kept writing "hive" with my perfect penmanship but the game kept seeing it as HLVX. What the hell? I spent over a minute trying to get this one correct. It has a very difficult time distinguishing between i's and l's as well. Writing the word "lion" proved to be a nightmare. So you get a low score despite being able to remember bunch of words that you never had a chance to write due to time running out. You can always take confidence that you're much better than the game says you are.

The game can even be used by people who are "different" like left-handers as
shown here by fellow forum member Vicviper (a lefty) trying his very best at math.

There are lots of different tests and training activities that can be unlocked either based on time or skill (I haven't really figured that part out yet... seems random). Some of the tests include counting people moving in and out of a house. The final problem in this one has a ton of people moving in and out so fast that guessing is your only option. The screen blurs quite a bit during this. You are rated on your speed, and the ratings go from a person walking (walking speed) to a rocket ship flying through space. obviously, the faster the better. I have never gotten anything but rocketship speed on the syllable count. That, the stroop test, calculations x20, and counting from 1 to 120 are the easiest tests. You also get to read out loud from boring "classics". The poly-doctor LOVES to sneeze over and over blaming his allergies. God damned asswipe. He loves to give the same useless tips over and over and over, like how you can say "Glasses glasses" at the title screen and his poly-head may do something crazy. It's crazy, alright. Say it and his glasses pop up and his mouth opens like he wants to give you a violent blow job. Nasty. The Sudoku portion is really fun. I always get train speed on solving those puzzles. This part of the game is actually kind of addicting for me. Fortunately when you write simple numbers, the game recognizes them pretty well. And this sure beats doing the sudoku puzzles in the newspaper! I haven't quite made it up to the final boss yet, but I have unlocked and solved a few of the advanced puzzles.


Wrap up:
Pretty fun game, if inaccurate at times. It certainly won't damage your brain and most likely will help improve simple fast thinking, but I don't think it will improve overall general thinking like the game suggests. Some of the tips offered by the game may be hazardous to your health, like reading all of the signs and billboards as fast as you can while driving to work and counting the syllables. It also suggests you count the number of strokes while brushing your teeth. Make up your own "strokes" joke here.

05-02-2006, 08:51 AM
It doesn't sound all that fun. I mean it looks like it might be interesting for awhile but it just seems like a novelty. Your Statue of Liberty drawing looks photorealistic! You've got mad drawing skills! I wish I could draw like you.

05-02-2006, 01:42 PM
If anyone believes Joe's brain age is 20 then you would also believe that Nindalf, Alucard and I were all in the same room with Joe using his DS to train our brains.

The daily training starts out rather easy but after time you can open hard modes of some of the games. Like for example the game head count which Joe described as people moving in and out of a house. On the hard mode version people also move in and out of a chimney besides the normal door. I just, yesterday, opened triangle math which is fresh compared to the basic calculations math. I'm looking forward to bringing this to my next family function and testing some family members. I think it would be fairly entertaining.

05-02-2006, 09:08 PM
How you drew your name with the stylus is pretty skillfull, mine would end up something like Nindalfs (not too great, not to be confused or quoted and backfired)

Joe Redifer
05-06-2006, 10:20 PM
OutRun 2006 - Coast 2 Coast

At a glance, the box looks just
like regular OutRun 2.

Yeah! Sega updated their OutRun 2 game. In the arcades, both this game and OutRun 2 used the Chicano arcade board or whatever it is called, which is based on Xbox technology but with a bit more memory here and there. The game changed a few things. For one it doesn't penalize you as much for hitting walls and running off of the road. Another thing that seems to be added are 15 new stages that didn't seem to be there before. Also a few new tunes and whatnot. All for a low price of $29. This review is of the super rare (in the US) Xbox version. Only special people are allowed to have this version.

"Slipstream" is a new feature which can give you a boost of speed. Word.

Story: 38/10
What makes the story better than regular OutRun 2 (http://www.the-magicbox.com/forums/showthread.php?p=149764#post149764) which I only gave a 37/10? The addition of Flagman, of course! Flagman is here to guide you through some obstacles in the Coast to Coast mode. He is also very fat. Everyone loves fat people because they make you feel better about yourself, and rightly so!

You can even race as a baby-blue convertible if you are a girly-man!

Graphics: 9/10
More of an 8.8, really. The graphics are damn near as good as regular OutRun 2, but they removed the anti-aliasing, lowered the texture resolution, and got rid of most the glowing "sheen" and the such. The result is a game that looks fantastic, but a bit more jaggy and muddy than regular OutRun 2. The Playstation 2 version supposedly looks even worse, though I haven't seen it. But with much less video memory, it really can't hope to look as good. The Xbox version almost seems to be based on the PS2 version, which is stupid since the graphics code already existed for an Xbox version. Why waste time porting it? Even so, the Xbox version gets rid of the frame droppage that occurred in one or two spots in regular OutRun 2. The entire game is now silky smooth. The PS2 version supposedly has a few places where the frame rate drops to 30fps. Once again the game supports 16:9 and 480p and the drawing distances are incredible. When you complete a stage, you get a sign to how well you have done... like a flock of birds all flying the same speed as your car is driving (192mph birds?), jets from After Burner, or even an evil dragon from Panzer Dragoon. Kick ass! For some reason your female companion's arms are long enough to be her legs. Looks really awkward.

Let's see... Niagra Falls without a reflection in the water. And to the right,
what is that up near the corner? Why it's the Space Needle! Of course!

Sound: 7/10
The game has the exact same music as regular OutRun 2. Oh sure, it has a few new tunes, a couple of which are actually decent, but most of the new stuff is pretty boring. For some reason the original OutRun arcade tunes are filed under "Remix". You get the same exact Euro-remixes as well. There are no new arrangements of the classic OutRun tunes anywhere here. The Dolby Digital sounds are slightly improved, as you can hear cars that you pass through your surrounds. When you pass large truck-type vehicles it sounds like a... ummm... a weird "bong" type of sound and it occurs when the vehicle is still halfway on the screen. Fools!

New particle effects have been added when you rub against something. It is best
to use a wall or another vehicle to stop from fishtailing after finishing a slide.

Gameplay: 8/10
Pretty much the same as regular OutRun 2 with the differences mentioned in the first paragraph as well as a few new things. First of all is the ability to unlock continuous 15-stage games of both OutRun 2 and OutRun 2 SP (SP is the arcade version of OutRun 2006). These are relly cool, but you'd better use fast car. You also have to buy everything in the game, from new music, to new tracks, to the endings in the arcade mode. And you can only see the endings if you play OutRun in the OutRun2 SP mode which is NOT in the single player mode, even though it is single player. That being said, the menu system isn't as well laid out as regular OutRun 2. In fact it can be kind of confusing at first. And unless you play in the Single Player mode, you can't listen to half of the music that you buy. You can buy super-turbo-charged versions of all the cars now, but to me it just isn't OutRun unless I am using a red Testarossa. What this version doesn't have are the extra tracks from Super GT and Daytona 2 that were in regular OutRun 2. And the back of the box says that you can race on the original OutRun tracks, but they are nowhere in here and I have unlocked everything. The arcade version of OutRun isn't in here, either. But you can play the OutRun 2 tracks with SP rules and cars. Maybe that's what they meant? Who the hell knows? All of those heart challenges are back and they are really tough once again, though not quite as tough as regular OutRun 2. But the meat of the game is still the arcade modes.

Meteors crashing in New York City! Awesome! Or is King Kong taking a massive dump?

This game can be played online. But who gives a rat's ass? Certainly not I. If I'm going to be doing something online, it's gonna be downloading hot porn, not playing videogames with other losers.

Comparison shot. This isn't the best example, but it is a decent one, I suppose.

Wrap up:
The first OutRun 2 was pretty cheap at $39.95. This one is even cheaper at $29.95. Get the Xbox version because it is better. And don't let the fact that the likes of EB/Gamestop and Best Buy don't carry the Xbox version "force" you into buying the PS2 version. The only advantage of the PS2 version is the ability to trade game save data with the PSP version. Out Run is always a good game. Now if someone would kindly donate me a complete copy of OutRun 3D for the Sega Master System, I'd be happy!

05-07-2006, 06:48 AM
I'm pretty disappointed that Sega didn't rearrange the original tunes again, which means no new version of Passing Breeze.... :crying: I'm also surprised that they toned down the system effects; it doesn't look as though there's much added detail or anything.

Have you ever played Super Hang-On? It's pretty fun.

05-07-2006, 01:04 PM
The graphics are damn near as good as regular OutRun 2, but they removed the anti-aliasing, lowered the texture resolution, and got rid of most the glowing "sheen" and the such. The result is a game that looks fantastic, but a bit more jaggy and muddy than regular OutRun 2. The Playstation 2 version supposedly looks even worse, though I haven't seen it

The sheen is alive and well in the PS2 version. I sometimes almost get blinded by street signs because they are so bright. The PS2 version does suffer from lost frame rate. I notice it when there are more then 7 or more cars on screen. Still it's a quality game. I wish I would have been able to find the Xbox version but I was impatient and settled for the PS2 ver.
Just out of curiosity why would somebody own the PS2 version AND the PSP version? Silly waste of money if you ask me.

Joe Redifer
05-07-2006, 07:48 PM
Have you ever played Super Hang-On? It's pretty fun.
Ummm... yeah.

05-08-2006, 11:03 PM
joe, remember when you were going to race me on outrun 2? whatever happened? i think you knew the outcome: me lapping you 2 times :lol:

i wish my xbox didn't break on me.

Joe Redifer
05-09-2006, 01:21 AM
You don't race laps in OutRun. But I gave up Xbox Live anyway. Unnecessary expense.

05-09-2006, 10:21 AM
And now that they've got that whole ad deal going on, it would become more of an annoyance than anything else. Who wants to sign up to a live gaming service in order to become an unsuspecting marketing guinea pig?

Joe Redifer
05-09-2006, 11:37 AM
Screw Xbox Live. I will never sign up for that again! I need to keep watching my credit card bills to make sure they don't sneak a charge in there. I don't trust 'em.

05-09-2006, 03:56 PM
when i had it xbox live i enjoyed it immensely. seriously, it is fun. when i get a 360 in the near future i will be playing again.

Joe Redifer
05-20-2006, 03:33 PM
New Super Mario Bros.
Nintendo DS

Nice, colorful box. I guess Luigi is somewhere in here, too.

"New Super Mario Brothers"? Surely Nintendo could have come up with a better title. What happens when it is sitting on the used shelf at your local crappy game store? What happens when the next Mario game comes out? This game will no longer be "new". And you know there will eventually be another Mario game of some sort for the DS. With titles like this and "Mario 128", Nintendo must be losing some of its creative edge. Regardless, this is a 2D platformer and everyone loves 2D platformers. We need more games of this nature. Pricess Peach/Toadstool/Daisy has gotten her sorry self kidnapped AGAIN! I don't know why Mario keeps rescuing her. She must be some legendary piece of ass. What the hell a plumber is doing in a world of magical creatures and royalty is beyond me. Miyamoto is clearly on LSD.

Mario can get big and smash through things. Yay.

Graphics: 8/10
I really like the graphics here, quite colorful and there are always 3 layers of scrolling. I wish Mario was a 2D sprite rather than a polygon, but you can't have everything. Just when you start to think that the stages are begining to look repetitive, a new stage design pops up with crazy new colorful graphics. Did I mention this game is colorful? If I haven't I really should, because this game looks great. The animation of everything is also well done, from water splashes to other things that I am too lazy to describe.

This game uses both scaling AND rotation
in an attempt to rival the Sega CD!

Sound: 7/10
The music certainly isn't great, but it most definitely is fitting. There are lots of little vocal "chirp" or "chant" type sounds in many of the music tracks, and that kind of gets a bit annoying. If you are homosexual you will probably really like it. Are you homosexual? The game also features the standard Mario voice, with some phrashes stolen from past games as well as new phrases... at least they are new to me. A really nice touch is if you are playing and you close your DS at any time, Mario will say "Goodbye!" right when the DS is closed. When you open it back up you get "It's-a-me, Mario!" which will make you want to hurt him. Mario says other things as well, such as when he completes a stage. I haven't quite deciphered it yet, but it sounds like he's saying "Thanks it so nice uh!" WTF? Speak English, please! Unlike Altered Beast for the Sega Genesis, this game is in stereo.

I wish Bowser would just kill Peach/Toadstool/Daisy. That
way Mario wouldn't try to rescue her and Bowser would win.

Gameplay: 6/10
The gameplay is where the game loses some luster. Although it definitely has its charm, its execution is very poor. For one, the controls are among the worst in all videogamedom. They are sluggish and slippery... it feels like Mario is on ice even when on dry land. Believe it or not there are ice stages where the controls are even worse! And what the hell is the point of a "dash button"? I don't really notice too much difference when it is pressed or not. The underwater levels are so bad that they're not even worth playing at all as you have virtually no control and it takes about a year to get from the beginning to the end of the stage since you move so slowly. Once you get around the incompetent programming of the controls, the game does offer some fun. Collecting all of the giant coins is the main objective of the game, and that allows you to unlock more stages. Other stages you must get to by finding an alternative exit in a previous stage. This does add longevity to the game if you try to unlock everything, and many of the giant coins are extremely tough to obtain. The game itself is fairly easy for the most part, but it needs to be when the controls are this bad, so I don't hold the difficulty against it. One thing that is kind of annoying to me is that I must touch the bottom screen to use my spare item. I can't just press another button like I can on the SNES Super Mario World. The touch screen is far away from the buttons and I must look at the screen to see where to touch. In other words, the touch screen in this game is 100% gimmick. It actually makes the game a bit worse. Also I have yet to figure out the purpose of the red coins.

An albino Kirby is in the game. All albinos are up to no good.

Wrap up:
Not worth the hype, but what Mario game that's been made in the last 8 years has been?

George Foreman
05-20-2006, 05:17 PM
Also I have yet to figure out the purpose of the red coins.

The red coins give you an item depending on what size you are(a mushroom if you are Mario, a fireflower if you are Super Mario, and a 1up mushroom if you are Fire Mario).

If I were reviewing this game I'd probably give it a higher score(like an 8), but I'm too lazy so :P .

05-20-2006, 05:27 PM
I haven't beaten this game yet but for some reason I'm not having near the trouble controlling Mario as you seem to be. The water levels seem to control very much like the first Super Mario Bros where you have to constantly tap the jump button to swim. It takes a bit to get Mario to switch direction but that doesn't seem new.
The music does indeed suck. I do like the music in the castles and ghost houses. Have you noticed that when the human voices chirp in the music all the enemies on screen stutter or do some action along with the chirp?

As this isn't the best 2D Mario game out there I find it to be quite enjoyable and I would much rather play this than any 3D Castlevania or Ratchet and Daxter or Jak and Clank or whatever.
Long live 2D!!!

Joe Redifer
05-20-2006, 05:33 PM
I also like the music in the Houses and Castles. It sucks when you try to get Mario to stop. He slides. Maybe this is because I spent next to no time playing Super Mario Bros 1, which is one of my least favorite games of all time.

George, this game would get an 8 if Mario didn't slide. I have no problem making Mario swim, but controlling his direction and making him turn around is a damn chore, especially with the kamikaze fish.

05-20-2006, 09:34 PM
I pretty much agree with everything you said there. It's very apparent that Nintendo was trying to milk the SMB retro nostalgia, hence the crappy physics. I'm sure if you spent a lot of time playing SMB it'd make sense. I did, but I still agree that SMB is one of my least favorites. There's some things that just do not translate well to the present day.

George Foreman
05-20-2006, 09:59 PM
That might be what I enjoy about the game because the first game was my favorite of the series. However, I agree with you about the underwater levels(so maybe I'd give it a 7).

05-20-2006, 10:06 PM
The control is spot-on with the first NES game and part 3, I just played through both this past week and thing is, you have to get Mario's momentum going to get anywhere.

05-20-2006, 10:19 PM
Do you guys think they could make a Mario 2d game and have it be a classic?
Picture this: 100 levels with original mario levels and bosses! It would be insane. Anyway I might pick this up sometime in the future.

05-21-2006, 01:41 AM
why the crap did they use Browser Jr again? HE SUCKS! I want the koopa kids back! they would have at least made the game 20 times better!

05-21-2006, 10:24 AM
I haven't quite deciphered it yet, but it sounds like he's saying "Thanks it so nice uh!" WTF? Speak English, please!

He's saying "That's a so nice!"

You gave it the same rating I was thinking of giving it. Actually, since our views are about 98% the same on NSMB, I don't feel the need to review it anymore. I've got a bunch of other stuff I want to focus on anyway.

One thing that is kind of annoying to me is that I must touch the bottom screen to use my spare item. I can't just press another button like I can on the SNES Super Mario World. The touch screen is far away from the buttons and I must look at the screen to see where to touch. In other words, the touch screen in this game is 100% gimmick.

So true. In SMW all you needed to do to use an item was press select. I expect better from Nintendo than mere gimmickry like 'touch the world you'd like to go to'. There should've been an extra minigame where you got to kick the crap out of whoever thought of such a stupid idea.

Joe Redifer
05-21-2006, 05:28 PM
Neo Turf Masters
Neo Geo Pocket Color

What? No grimacing millioniare on the cover?
That means it's not from EA! Rejoice!

Ah, Neo Turf Masters, one of the best, if not THE best portable golf game around. According to the manual, it takes place in the year 200X when the world has been divided into 3 blocks. The only way to save the world is by winning a round of golf. It may not have fancy 3D graphics or an angry Tiger Woods on the box, but believe it or not a golf game can be good without those things! Based on the smash arcade hit, you can't go wrong with this fun 16-meg (only 117 megs less than the arcade) game.

Choose from many different players.
Young Hero is the best... always.

Graphics: 7/10
These graphics are more than fine for the Neo Geo Pocket Color. In fact they are pretty good if a bit cartoony. The characters are all super-deformed versions of those found in the mega-popular arcade smash version of the game. It seems that ALL Neo Geo Pocket Color games feature super-deformed characters. It's like the hardware can't run without them or something. As you swing, you get kind of a pseudo 3D view of what lies ahead and it serves its purpose. Once the ball has been hit, you get a smoothly scrolling playfield with well designed and colorful courses. Animation is about what you'd expect and isn't anything to complain about.

When you think "golf", the first thing that
always springs to mind is the Grand Canyon!

Sound: 7/10
There isn't much to the sound effects. A *thwack* here and a *swish* there, all in 8-bit glory. You also get a crowd that sounds like your kitchen faucet. But the music is pretty good, also in 8-bit quality. Each course has it's own theme, and I think I like Japan's the best, though Germany's is pretty good, too. The USA's theme is good but it is definitely the lesser of the three. The music shuts off after you hit da ball for some reason. I plan on writing a letter to my congressman about this as there is simply no reason for it!

You're gonna have to hit the ball REALLY hard
to clear that waterfall way back there. But then
again this is the year 200X and that means
anything is possible. ANYTHING.

Gameplay: 8/10
This game of golf is strangely addicting. It is extremely easy to play and it's always fun to try and outdo yourself since your best stats are saved to the cartridge forever and ever. There are your typical stroke, versus, and championship modes and all of that related horseshit. The only thing that really sucks is that the Neo Geo Pocket Color is not backlit and as a result becomes extremely difficult to play. But at the same time it is very easy to play due to the simple controls. It never gets frustrating but remains challenging. A great time waster and a must in any Neo Geo or Neo Geo Pocket Color owner's collection. A great way to pass the time at work instead of working!

The overhead view. Wheeeee!!!

Wrap up:
No Nike logos, no scowling caublasian man, no EA Sports Trax, no dumbass EA announcers. Can you survive without all that?

05-21-2006, 07:39 PM
Hey Joe, you know what I've noticed about NSMB? If you play with Luigi (hold Left, Right, and A when selecting a save file from the menu) the controls are VASTLY better. Luigi's controls are a lot tighter with way less slide.

Joe Redifer
05-21-2006, 08:05 PM
I just tried it and it is noticeably better, but it still sucks. I don't think Mario games were meant to control well. It's always been kind of a lame series with only two great games (Super Mario World and 64). Sonic is better than Mario and even I think Sonic could be improved.

Actually I take that back, Super Mario 2 was awesome, the US version anyway. But that wasn't even a true Mario game so they accidentally messed up and made it good... NOT ON PURPOSE!

05-22-2006, 01:30 AM
That's weird that Luigi has tighter controls because he is usually the one that's all over the place

05-22-2006, 08:20 AM
Wrap up:
No Nike logos, no scowling caublasian man, no EA Sports Trax, no dumbass EA announcers. Can you survive without all that?

There goes all the enjoyment.

Joe Redifer
05-22-2006, 01:59 PM
Galactic Pinball
Virtual Boy

The Virtual Boy logo is more prominent than the game title,
similar to books where the author's name is huge and
bold and the actual title is nowhere to be found.

Many people say this is one of the best games for the immensely popular Virtual Boy. With 8-mega power backing it up, it could very well be. I don't know if I'd call it "pinball" since for some odd reason you seem to be playing with an air hockey puck instead of an actual ball. Maybe they have yet to invent things that are round in Japan, I dunno. But I don't really think it affects the game so let's get to the review, damn it!

Graphics: 7/10
The 3D effect of the title screen is really cool. The 3D effect of the 4 game boards, not so much. But it isn't bad. The boards look fine and they have minor animations here and there. Sometimes words or other little things will come spinning in and they have a good 3D effect. When you start getting some crazy points the screen will suddenly get REALLY bright and your eyes will bleed, but that's part of the fun. There only seem to be two colors, red and black. The game could have used some blue and green as well to give the player the full spectrum of color. What's next, a game that only displays 4 shades of spinach green? Whoever decided to only include red in this game deserves to be murdered on the highway. Everyone loves murder!

Oh my God hell yeah! You can choose from four spacely
boards OR view the top scores for any individual board!!!

Sound: 8/10
Good music, good stereo effects even without headphones, and voice! Yes, there are actually a few spoken phrases in this game. Unlike The Adventures of Bayou Billy which this game does not appear to be based on, you can actually understand most of the voices! Kenji Yamamoto's music won't piss you off even if you are playing for a long time and the pinpuck sounds are fairly authentic. I had to knock off a point because the voice they used was not Optimus Prime's voice.

Graphics don't get much better than this. Except when they do.

Gameplay: 8/10
It's pinball, what more do you want? It plays like pinball and it does it well. Mario isn't in here but Samus from Metroid is if you do the right stuff on a certain board that may be pictured below. I know it is hard to imagine a Nintendo game without Mario in it, but it is true! Maybe this was another reason why the game's creator was murdered... no Mario. Anyway you can choose from 4, count 'em one, two, three, four different boards! That's 8-mega power for ya. 8 god damn megs! Can you believe it? They even have a board called "Alien". I hate aliens. They're so different, and I hate things that are different from me. Now you may be thinking of a pinball board where you thwack Mexicans importing themselves from Mexico without permission, but it's not that kind of alien. These are space aliens, and they are still illegal! And different. I don't like different. The game also saves your high scores which a lot of Virtual Boy fans make a big deal about, as if it is some kind of amazing technical feat or something. I am glad it saves your scores as it gives the game much replayability. My copy of the game was used, and of course I have defeated all of the previous high scores already.

Red LED's were all the rage back in 1995. So were the Backstreet Boys.

Wrap Up:
Not as good as Devil's Crush on the NEC TurboGrafx-16, but what is? It is still a great pinball game and every system needs a great pinball game. This is better than Osama or whatever that Gamecube game that uses a microphone is called. Too bad they killed the creator of this game.

05-22-2006, 05:07 PM
I think I'm dreaming because I can't believe you own a VB now. I wonder if there are any 2 player games that we can hook up our VBs together and play against each other.

The VB did have some good games besides galactic pinball such as Warioland, Panic Bomber, Golf, Nester's Funky Bowling and V-Tetris. That means almost 50% of the US VB game library is good. Now you tell me where you can find those kind of numbers on another system? Not PS2 or even the NES or Genesis! 50% damn!!!

05-23-2006, 08:18 AM
As I recall, Joe was playing a VB in that DVD right before he ran over your house and attacked you in order to play your Sega UMD, which was cool.

I also have a VB. I've got some bomberman game, tennis, and something else. Haven't touched it in years.

05-23-2006, 01:29 PM
That was my VB he was playing with.............or pretending to play with. I haven't touched mine in years either. I should play again now that my eyes have had plenty of time to correct themselves from the last time I played.

Joe Redifer
05-23-2006, 04:06 PM

05-24-2006, 08:18 AM
You've tried the rest. Now try the BEST! Sega UMD!!!

Joe Redifer
05-24-2006, 05:04 PM
I'll stick with the Sega VMU. It's better.

05-25-2006, 06:02 AM
New Super Mario Bros.


Joe Redifer
06-06-2006, 10:11 PM
Zany Golf
Sega Genesis

Zany Golf, one of the first few games from
EA to come in a paper box. It will also only
work on a launch day Genesis. Unless...

It's miniature golf combined with pool (the game, not the swimming type) combined with things that couldn't be done in the real world. Debuting on the Apple IIGS computer in 1988 and then ported to other crap machines like the Amiga, AtariST and DOS compatible PCs, Zany Golf was the mega-hit sensation of the 80's. Rather than program optimized code for the Sega Genesis version, they simply took the code from the Amiga version, made a few changes here and there and called it a day. Yup, it's a port of a port. I blame Trip Hawkins. He was always about low quality. As a result the Genesis version runs worse than an NES game would.

For whatever reason, a hamburger blocks the hole here.
It has everything except cheese. Oh wait, I see cheese.

Graphics: 3/10
Using a wimpy palette that only allows 16 colors onscreen it does indeed look like an NES game in many ways (with more resolution, of course). It also looks very dithered and grainy. It definitely looks like a game that was programmed outside of Japan in that era (re: poor quality). There isn't much animation, but what it has is done acceptably well. At least the game doesn't run in the Genesis' low resolution mode. What is kind of annoying is that the actual play area only takes up about 2/3 of the screen, making you scroll around just to see where the ball needs to go next. The rest is covered by a useless black border.

The first hole is pretty easy to get a hole-in-one on.
It's even easier to get a hole-in-two.

Sound: 3/10
Some of the musical tunes in here are nice, but it is obvious that they are sloppily implemented. It definitely sounds like a game made outside of Japan, with no use whatsoever of the PSG or PCM sound channels. The original AppleIIGS version took advantage of that machine's 15-voice music synthesizer, which supposedly no other port of the game did. I'd like to hear that version as it probably sounds kind of nice. But the Genesis version is fairly weak.

Before each hole you are kind of told what to do.
Sometimes it is a bit wrong, though. For example,
pressing 'A' repeatedly on the pinball level does
not shake the entire board like it says.

Gameplay: 6/10
At least the game is fun and somewhat addicting. Bouncing the ball off edges to get the prime angle is always fun to try and figure out. You play it like you play pool, shooting the ball from behind. This can be a bit weird at first, but you'll get used to it. There was a hole on the computer version that was removed since the Genesis didn't have a mouse at the time, and a new hole (Knockout Nightmare) was added in its place. It is the 8th hole. It sucks ASS! It is near impossible I say. You knock the ball in the hole, and it pops back out... every single time! WTF? I can't figure it out. Unfortunately you might want to overclock your Genesis because the game runs extremely slow and bogs down to about 1 frame every two seconds in the worst case. It's bad. Very choppy. I can't believe EA let this out for release like this, especially with so very little going on in the game and such a low color mode. This speaks volumes about EA's incompetent programmers. But somehow the game still remains slightly addictive. If you play it on an emulator, it runs at perfect speed for the entire game.

Speaking of the pinball level, here it is!
The slowness can actually be an advantage here.

Wrap Up:
Zany Golf is a good game to have in your collection, but at only 9 holes it may be over too quickly. Well, that is if you can get past hole #8 where one stroke can bounce around for over 15 minutes.

06-06-2006, 11:22 PM
Sports games < Sports

remember the alligator eats the bigger one

06-07-2006, 05:40 AM
Joe ruined my beautiful picture.

06-07-2006, 06:02 AM
Wrap Up:
Zany Golf is a good game to have in your collection, but at only 9 holes it may be over too quickly. Well, that is if you can get past hole #8 where one stroke can bounce around for over 15 minutes.

9 holes? That's three times more fun than my girlfriend can offer!

06-07-2006, 09:43 AM
What the hell is this game? It doesn't look cool. Nowhere near as cool as Grand Theft Auto. I want to be cool.

Joe Redifer
06-07-2006, 10:46 AM
Icarus, there is a hidden hole that you can get to from the 9th level. If you go into the mouse hole in the lower right corner when its eyes are red, you'll be warped to a special level where you murder prostitutes who are also your mom. Trust me it is the epitome of cool.

Nindalf, at least I left the largest frame from your 1MB+ sized image!

Also I finally got past hole 8, and I played the Apple IIGS version via emulation. The sound is so much better, but the graphics are exactly the same... without the slowdown.

06-07-2006, 11:16 AM
Zany Golf was awesome, I remeber having it on my old computer, back when floppy disks really were floppy. ...

Well it seemed awesome to me, but that was years ago. I remeber being entertained by the burger and pinball levels so much. Then being pissed off that real mini golf courses didn't have giant burgers flopping around.

06-07-2006, 03:16 PM
The first time I rented this game was with my high school girlfriend. I never got a hole in one on the game but I did get a hole in one with her. I win!

07-18-2006, 10:07 AM
So I was playing Galaxy Force II for the Genesis the other day and realized that it had some kickass music.

Joe Redifer
07-18-2006, 06:48 PM
Some of the music isn't too bad. I have a few arranged versions somewhere abouts. Too bad the game is kind of dull.

07-19-2006, 10:41 AM
That's awesome! Can you copy them onto disc for me? BTW, I've already completed the new mix CD and I'm also sending you something else for you to play on your PC that's, shall we say, extremely awesome? I'll PM you with the playlist and send the stuff out either today or tomorrow. Of course I'll include Vicviper's copy as well.

07-19-2006, 10:23 PM
Of course I'll include Vicviper's copy as well.


Joe Redifer
07-27-2006, 06:58 AM
Lunar - The Silver Star
Sega CD

The instruction manual was embossed, which
supposedly made it better than other manuals.

Lunar is an original (as far as I know) role playing game (sometimes known as "RPG") for the Sega CD. It was made by Game Arts (famous for Silpheed) and translated by Working Designs. Victor Ireland of Working Designs did some of the translation and threw in some of his own touches to the text. Despite this obvious downturn, the translation turned out pretty good, and so did the game.

In the beginning of the game Luna shows her mad
singing skillz with a song consisting of only one word.

Story: 8/10
The story revolves around a bunch of teenagers. Despite the fact that teenagers don't count as real people, the story is still Lunar's strong point and is very enjoyable for the most part. Alex is the main character and a crapload of other characters will join and desert Alex as often as they possibly can. Alex wants to become a Dragonmaster or some such nonsense and thus the story goes. Reading is required for this game, which explains why it was banned in Arkansas and Alabama.

Phallic symbols sticking out of the
ground will replenish all of your power.

Graphics: 6/10
The graphics run in the Genesis' wimpy low-resolution mode which is a pathetic 256x224. Real games run at 320x224, but not Lunar. Still the colors are decent and everything looks fairly OK. The cut scenes don't have much animation at all, and most TurboGrafx-16 CDs put Lunar to shame with their cut scenes. What the hell? This is from the peeps who did Silpheed? Could have used more Mode 7.

You may think you are looking at a high-powered arcade game or maybe even the Xbox360, but you'd be wrong. This is the raw scaling power
of the Sega CD which will blow you out of your chair and through the back wall with its pure awesomeness. Nothing can prepare you!

Sound: 7/10
The music by Noriyuki Iwadare is pretty good, but as is typical for Iwadare it certainly isn't anything mindblowing. Unlike the Sega CD sequel the music is full CD quality so it has that going for it. The sound effects are produced by the Genesis itself and are VERY loud and scratchy. Fortunately I have a Genesis 1/Sega CD 1 combo which allows me to adjust the sound effects lower to better balance with the music. Genesis 2/CDX/Wondermega/X'Eye/LaserActive/Aiwa CSD-GM1 and emulator users are screwed in this department and must endure the overly loud effects. The voice acting is pretty cheesey and is almost worthy of a Saturday morning cartoon. Almost. Victor Ireland loves his in-game voices to be cheesey. There aren't many voices here, though. The opening song is also cheesey. They should have left it in Japanese.

Here's what the battle scene looks like. Yay!
Damn, those characters are sure powered up!

Gameplay: 8/10
Lunar keeps you involved and coming back again and again. That is good. The battles are handled quite well and are very speedy. Loading is not an issue in this game and happens very quickly. Game Arts "fixed" this in Lunar 2 by making that game move, fight, and load at slower than a snail's pace. It is because of the briskness that my enjoyment of this game increased. Items are easily managed as well as all of that BS. The one thing that really irks me about this game is the amount of characters who constantly join and leave your party. You never get a chance to know them. Once someone learns a great spell that you love using in battle, they split or get sick or something of that nature. By the time the game is over, virtually every character and NPC in the game will have been part of your party at one point. Or so it seems. Just give me a bunch of good characters and let them stick it out with me. Many people complain that the game is too easy and too short. It is a tad easy, but it's fun and lasts many hours, so who cares? I do kind of agree about the length, though. I feel it would have been better if the game were 5 or 10 minutes longer. The ending is fairly mediocre unfortunately, and features a lame voice quip that loser Victor Ireland insisted be put in after the credits. It makes no sense, has zero relevance to anything and certainly isn't humorous. Victor Ireland needs a beating and we should bomb Ireland (the country) just to be sure.

OMG she is teh hotness!!

Wrap Up:
Lunar is a great RPG to play through for the Sega CD. Every Sega CD owner who likes RPGs to any degree should have it. If you like your RPGs to have a brisk pace with little loading, this is for you. Whatever you do, do NOT play Lunar 2 directly after playing this game or you will throw your Sega CD out the window due to that game's slowness and unresponsiveness compared to this game.

07-27-2006, 08:14 AM
Cool, i always wondered what the original Lunar was like. I'm not sure I could stomach it after playing the Playstation remake.

What are you using the term easy relative too? I played SSSC and it was dang hard compared to Final Fantasies or other RPG's.

07-27-2006, 08:17 AM
Nice review! Are you planning on reviewing Lunar 2 next? Lunar is still one of the better RPGs out there. Victor Ireland thinks he's great or something. If you ever bought Lunar 2 for PlayStation and watched the making of disc you'd know what I'm talking about. They try to make their voice actors out as if they're all great. Lunar on Sega CD was one of their best translations; Alundra was perhaps their best.

Joe Redifer
07-27-2006, 03:18 PM
Lunar 2 is too damn hard. I can't past the first part because I am out of herbs and there aren't any towns or shops to get more. The game kind of sucks compared to Lunar 1, but it does have better graphics and cut scenes.

07-28-2006, 08:12 AM
Actually, it's very easy. The Althena statue at Grandpa Gwyn's house completely restores you. Stay in that location and level Hiro up to about 6 or 7. In the Blue Spire you can get herbs from defeated enemies and chests. Also, when Gwyn is in your party, he can restore your health with magic.

Joe Redifer
07-28-2006, 06:06 PM
Yeah I got past that part and now I'm in the woods which is a bloody maze! And the enemies keep calling their friends so soon the screen has about 26 green enemies which all take two hits to defeat, and I only have two guys that can fight (the girl takes off a hit point here and there, she is completely useless). Hiro takes FOREVER to level up. Have you noticed how much slower this game is? For instance, it has to load the battles where the first game did not. The battles are also much, much slower.

07-29-2006, 06:49 AM
There is a slower pace to it, absolutely true. The loading isn't that much longer than the first. Arcus Odyssey for the Saturn has what I'd consider loading issues; you don't even want to know.

Joe Redifer
07-29-2006, 05:23 PM
Loading to (and from) battles in Lunar 2 = 5 or 6 seconds. Loading battles in Lunar 1 = less than 1 second simply because it didn't laod, it just switched screens and music tracks. In the long run Lunar 2 will last hours longer simply because of the loading.

I have Arcus Odyssey and I can't really get into it.

Joe Redifer
07-30-2006, 02:03 AM
One thing I forgot to mention in my review of Lunar is that Luna is Alex's adopted sister. And they are an item. The back of the manual shows them kissing. Let's hear it for adopted sibling love!

Sinful Sam
07-31-2006, 02:17 AM
Ohh snap! This game has everything!

07-31-2006, 01:43 PM
If Luna was my adopted sister id make out with her ;D

Joe Redifer
08-16-2006, 12:32 AM
Lunar 2 - Enternal Blue
Sega CD

You probably should play this game.

Yeah. So, like, I just finished playing Lunar 2. And I figured I'd write up the best review for the game on the 'net. And here it is. I'm sure you already agree that this is the best review of the game. Anyway Lunar 2 takes place after Lunar 1 and that right there is crazy insane. I don't really recommend that you play Lunar 2 immediately after finishing Lunar 1 like I did because it can seem quite a bit slower as a result. Instead give it a week or two before you start on the second adventure. I must also mention that this was the last Working Designs game ever released for the Sega CD. What does that have to do with anything? Absolutely nothing. Is this game better than Dark Castle for the IBM PC? Hell yes. Is it better than Gran Turismo 3 and/or 4? Oh goodness gracious yes.

Some of the mazes will drive you insane with their evil tricks.
Also, since I did not play this game on an emulator, I instead
took pictures of my TV screen with a digital camera.

Story: 8/10
Playing through Lunar 1 is almost a prerequisite before playing this game... it really helps and makes this game's story much more enjoyable as a result. This time the story seems more urgent and catastrophic. It is very, very doomsday-ish. The whole world is going to hell in a handbasket and everybody will die. The situation is indeed quite dire. But in typical Working Designs fashion, all of the characters remain quite chipper and love to joke around. Can the situation really be all that bad when one of the characters keeps saying "Oh, pooh"? All of the protagonist avatars feature a smile even when they are trying to be serious. The game takes place 1,000 years after Lunar 1... or maybe just a few hundred years. It's never really made clear since the game states both. The main character, Hiro, has a tattoo of two green lines on his face for NO REASON! I guess he is trying to be as cool as Ryo from Shenmue (not even close to being possible). Although the game purports to take place on "Lunar", it actually takes place on Earth. This is proven by many things: The picture of the planet at the end of the game clearly features Earth continents, the characters love to mention things like Bill Clinton, Rush, Abba, Barney and other Earthly things. So therefore this game MUST take place on Earth... unless Working Designs screwed up the translation, which they probably did. Speaking of which, the dialog pretty much sucks (once again, typical of Working Designs). I must give them credit since I only found 2 typos in the game, but they try too hard to be funny as often as possible and it really does break the mood of the story.

Here's a typical battle scene for ya. You can't control Lucia, but she'll
help with magic attacks... eventually. For the first part of the game she
likes to defend herself or run away. Thanks a bunch, whore!

Graphics: 7/10
Most of the graphics are definitely better this time out, but they still run at 256x224. There is a bit more color this time and much more animation. No super-blocky scaling, unfortunately. This may piss off some Final Fantasy players, but they'll just have to cope without it. This game also does not use Unreal Engine 3 for some bizarre reason. The Duke Nukem Engine 8 is used instead. But overall there isn't really anything to be displeased with here graphically.

The opening animation features full frontal nudity of Lucia.
Really. Everyone loves full frontal nudity. Rated T for Teen.

Sound: 8/10
The sound effects aren't quite as loud and scratchy this time, but they still aren't anything special. There is a lot more voice in this game than in the previous game. This is good and bad. Good because voices are fun. Bad because the actress for Lucia really, really, really, really, sucks! She sounds like she has the personality of an empty cardboard box. This does kind of hinder the story since it is hard to care about anyone so amazingly dull. Many of the voice actors are from other Working Designs games. Hiro was Van in Cosmic Fantasy 2 (also the main guy in Mansion of Hidden Souls which was not from WD). Pretty much all he says in Lunar 2 is "Lucia.... Lucia..." again and again. He has a few other words but not too many. The music was again done by Noriyuki Iwadare of Warsong fame and this is probably one of his best scores (except for Devil's Crush in which he rocks da hizzouse). It is very well composed and overall way better than Lunar 1. The music when fighting the second form (out of about 90 it seems) of the last boss is so surreal and calm. Unfortunately the music is streamed off of the CD so it sounds a bit muffled like a 3DO game (Guardian War comes to mind). I have to knock the rating down because of this. The Playstation and Saturn version had the same music, only slightly re-arranged... mostly for the worse, though really not by much. Since this game is from Working Designs, that means it also has at least one insanely awful song in it with horrible lyrics. This game is special since it has two horrible songs in it. It seems that they did get a better singer for the 32-bit versions but they still are teh suXorZ.

The ultra-slow overworld map. Your vehicle moves
no faster than you can walk, but protects you
from annoying random battles.

Gameplay: 8/10
If they had kept in everything good about Lunar 1, this game would rank a 9. But they decided to break a few things. First of all the overworld map is tremendously slow. Even when you get the "Starship" Destiny you move slower than a dial-up connection trying to download a two hour uncompressed high definition movie. The Destiny is also horrifically difficult to navigate, constantly getting stuck. They took out the ability to warp directly to towns you've already visited, and that really makes traveling a chore. I can barely remember the names of the towns much less where the hell they are on the gigantic overworld. Also the game has to stop and load every time a battle takes place, and load again when you are done unlike the first Lunar. I'm betting that all of this was done to give you a false sense of the game being longer. And "longer" it is. The battles are a bit slower and the AI a whole lot dumber. But you do have more options in a fight than you did in the first game and you can level up your favorite magics as well... up to level 30. You earn magic experience and can choose what magic and when to upgrade them. It also costs magic experience every time you save. This was a feature Working Designs put in (are you really surprised?) just to piss people off. It gets more expensive to save every time your level goes up. In all honesty I never had a problem saving and the game is pretty generous with magic experience, so overall it really isn't an issue. I love the ability to save anywhere you want. This should be mandatory in ALL RPGs without exception. The game is fun, addicting, and it can be pretty tough at times as well. Another thing I really liked is that once they join your party, most of the characters are with you until the end of the game. I really like that. I also like that the same statue that refills your HP also refills your MP, unlike the first game. Sometimes you must donate $$$, but you'll always have plenty of $$$, just like in real life!

The entire game took me about 38 hours, and that included
powering up to level 99. Hell yeah... might as well kick ass!

Wrap Up:
Lunar 2 is a great RPG and a must for any RPG fan who owns a Sega CD. It is better than part 1 in many ways and worse in many others, so overall it ranks pretty much the same. Definitely worth a playthrough.

08-16-2006, 12:48 AM
I should buy this. Too bad it's so expensive.

08-16-2006, 09:33 AM
Lunar 2 is mad, bad and insane. They don't make RPGs like this anymore. But that aside, I looked in my mailbox and noticed that there was no Galaxy Force II arranged soundtrack in it. Perhaps the mailman hoarded it for himself.

Joe Redifer
08-16-2006, 06:08 PM
There are only like 1 or 2 songs that are arranged. I'll see if I can find them.

08-16-2006, 06:31 PM
Lucia :love: :love: :love: :love: :love:

Joe Redifer
08-16-2006, 08:57 PM
Lucia = bore.

08-17-2006, 02:03 AM
this whole reviewing nonsense reminds me
i said i'd get to making my pointLESS reviews after i got Mother 3!

but i think i'll start 2marow

08-17-2006, 06:27 AM
I wish someone would re-release Lunar 1 and 2 with a new translation that didn't suck.

Victor Ireland can rot in hell.

Joe Redifer
08-17-2006, 03:50 PM
I have never played the PS re-releases. What about them sucks so bad, besides the redone music?

08-17-2006, 03:56 PM
That they were on a Sony platform, of course, silly.

08-17-2006, 04:19 PM
They dont suck at all, and I thought the translations were very enjoyable.

Sinful Sam
08-17-2006, 06:34 PM
The only bad thing I remember from the PS1 remakes was the bad voice acting.

08-21-2006, 07:09 AM
The only bad thing I remember from the PS1 remakes was the bad voice acting.

I think the voice acting came across as bad partly because of the script.

Joe Redifer
08-26-2006, 11:37 PM
Beggar Prince
Sega Genesis

The artwork may be crappy, but I
was stoked just to see that it came
in a plastic clamshell case!!

Beggar Prince is a brand new game released in the US for the Sega Genesis by Super Fighter Team (it also works on PAL Mega Drives). Unike your typical ROM patches which just translate the language and that's it, Beggar Prince was given a full release that includes box, a cartridge that looks like a real Genesis cart with a cartridge lock notch in it (for Mega Drives) and a color instruction manual (very few of these on Sega systems). The box is a plastic clamshell similar to Genesis boxes before Sega of America's paper box cheap-o days, but with a non-textured plastic cover. The manual is printed on very high quality paper as well and even smells new. And who hasn't sniffed a manual of a brand new game at least once? If you haven't then you are mentally deficient and deserve anal herpes. The game costs $40 plus shipping and some other nonsense and has no region protection. Only 600 copies were made and Super Fighter Team had about 15 left at the time of this review.

The game opens with a looooong scene, which you can skip.

Story: 6/10
The story involves an asswipe of a prince who is bored with his crappy life and wants to get some action on the street. So he sneaks out of his castle and sees some beggar dude who looks similar to himself. After a bit of man-lovin' they accidentally put the other's clothes back on. Now everyone thinks the prince is some dipshit beggar. I think this might have something to do with the game's title, but more research is necessary. The real prince can't get back into his castle and the world starts to fall apart. Thus begins your mostly average RPG with annoying random battles, some puzzles and stuff like that. But Beggar Prince isn't 100% average. The story is enough to keep you involved, but it would probably make for a crappy movie.

A typical battle scene with some magic usage. I rarely used
magic because it misses a lot and seemed fairly ineffective.

Graphics: 5/10
Beggar Price is almost average on all graphic counts. This is an unlicensed game so the Taiwanese developers didn't have access to a real Sega development system... and it shows. When the screen starts to fade out, all sprites disappear. The screen scrolls smoothly when going horizontal, but when scrolling vertically it likes to stutter. Some of the screens can look pretty good, but there isn't anything that would have truly impressed gamers even back in 1991. There is a bit of nice line scrolling when the "Amidala" spell is used, however. The enemy sprites have very little animation, though some more than others. I swear that the "Cat Soldier" enemies attack you by unrolling their penises at you and the mummies attack you with toilet paper.

Oooo an ice level! That thing in the lower left will
allow you to save your game. It is supposed to be a
glorious beam of light. Can you tell?

Sound: 4/10
The music in the game is usually below average, but a few of the tunes are almost good. I like the deep bass line that is in part of the boss tune, but the rest of the instruments sound pretty weak. One tune in the pyramid (towards the end) is nice and soothing. And I was surprised to hear a bit of stereo! I didn't know that Taiwan had discovered the space-age technology of stereo yet. The sound effects are OK and there are quite a few digitized sounds. When you attack an enemy they make a sound like a crow cawing... over and over and over. Even the mummies. When you attack a large boss, they respond with something like "Bleccch!!" To be quite honest I usually engaged the MUTE button or listened to music from CD or MD while playing the game.

This scene was confusing. You are supposed to jump off
of the cliff to avoid the boulders. This scene has much slowdown
despite only 5 or 6 rocks being onscreen simultaneously.

Gameplay: 6/10
The gameplay really isn't too bad and can be pretty addicting. The game always doesn't spell out for you what you need to do and ther are a lot of bugs in the game since it was programmed in Taiwan (who care more about getting a product out to make $$$ than releasing something of high quality). There are places you can get stuck eternally if you don't have a certain item, and there is nothing you can do but start over from the beginning unless you have a save from earlier on... if your game actually retains the save files, that is (more on this in a bit). There are no typical shops in this game and no money system. In order to present something to an "NPC" in the game, you must use it while facing them. New weapons and armor are automatically equipped. Your character moves pretty fast which is good, but you will get into a battle every 5 or 6 seconds when wandering in a dungeon or whatnot, and it becomes EXTREMELY annoying. You are just trying to solve a puzzle but keep getting interrupted by those damned enemies! And in fights your character misses A LOT! He seems to miss more and more as he powers up. What the hell? I've seen him miss up to 5 times in a row despite the graphics clearly showing a hit. The battle system is fairly unique. You have a stamina bar and can continue to attack as long as you have stamina left. This is usually 5 regular attacks. Using magic uses up more stamina. The enemy has a shared stamina bar as well. So if you are ambushed by 6 monsters and all 6 are left when their turn starts, only 5 will attack. If only one is left, it will attack you five times before your turn comes up. You always attack first. It was confusing at first but then became acceptable. In towns you can find an empty bed which will completely restore your HP and MP. What is hilarious is that there are random beds in caves and dungeons as well, and your character will just tuck himself in and take a snooze! The game is worth buying just for that. The length of the game is supposedly anywhere between 10 and 20 hours long.

Here you must fight the cactus boss. The graphics here
remind me of the crappy visuals in "Dragon's Revenge", that
awful pinball game that Tengen made themselves.

Wrap Up:
While Beggar Prince is a nice game, there are quite a few caveats you should consider. First is that there are many bugs in this game. I have had the game freeze on me for no reason three times randomly. I have seen the selection menu get screwed up. The game will not allow you to save or load if you have a 32X. Same with a CDX. The game seems to erase save files randomly. This happened to me at the beginning of the game, I opened the cartridge and the battery was slightly out of place. I re-centered it and all was fine until I played for many more hours over the course of two or three days. Then the next day I turned on my Genesis and could no longer select continue because the game erased my saves again for no reason, even though the battery was still secure. This is unacceptable. I am not going to play through all of that again just to have my save file erased, which WILL happen again. I must knock the overall score down one point due to these caveats. The game is well translated but sloppily programmed. Every single thing about it is below average compared to other Genesis games with the exception of being able to replace the save battery yourself and the cartridge having Phillips-style screws instead of those retard-o "gamebit" screws.

08-27-2006, 01:59 AM
wow these reviews just keep getting super-awesomer and super-awesomER!

08-28-2006, 12:28 AM
I love the cat bandits :)

And maybe im wrong, but i could have sworn ive seen a movie like that. anyways, not a bad looking RPG for the genesis.

08-28-2006, 10:47 AM
Who would've thought that a Taiwanese company would release a Genesis game while we're making the transition into consoles three generations older?? And what's with 5 misses in a row? A battery that deletes save files at random? Wow, where do I sign up? :annoyed:

Yeah... When was the last time you played an RPG with dialogue like that?

wow these reviews just keep getting super-awesomer and super-awesomER!

And your nose just keeps getting super-browner and super-brownER.

anyways, not a bad looking RPG for the genesis.

Wanna see a bad RPG for Genesis? Here goes.

Fatal Labyrinth by Sega. What were they thinking?

08-28-2006, 11:33 AM
I was really enjoying this game when I got hit with a horrible bug. I was in the pyramid and thought I had completed and collected everything I needed to move on. I proceeded to exit said pyramid and soon came to find that I still needed a pair of sand boots that were still in the pyramid. Without these boots the player cannot advance the story. I tried and tried and tried to get back into the pyramid but it was useless. So my adventure ended pre mature and I haven't built up the ambition to start all over from the beginning again. :(

Joe Redifer
08-28-2006, 06:52 PM
The sand boots are right by the exit! And they work! Yeah, it is interesting that in most other RPGs if you had tried to exit without them, your character would probably say something like "Perhaps I should look around a bit more before I leave". I am surprised you can't get back in. Does the spinning sand toilet kill you instead of let you in?

08-28-2006, 09:25 PM
The spinning sand toilet becomes part of the background and you can walk right over it or stand on top of it and nothing happens.
I'm wondering if the battery in your cartridge is dead or faulty. I feel you should go to Radio Shack and buy a new one for a very low price.

Joe Redifer
08-28-2006, 10:33 PM
If I wanted a low price why the hell would I go to Radio Shack? Instead I go to Radio Shack for fantastic service by the experts who treat me like a number 1 customer! Anyway the battery is outputting 3.27vdc like it should. I just don't think it was fastened correctly. I super-secured it and saved a game. We'll see if it keeps for a few days/weeks.

If you can walk on top of the sand toilets, couldn't you also walk on top of the sand at the bottom which is what you need to do to progress? TRY IT!

08-29-2006, 11:14 PM
I did try it. Instant death, just like real quick sand.

Joe Redifer
09-26-2006, 04:55 AM
Dead Rising
Xbox 360

The box artwork is a little too busy, but oh well.

Dead Rising is the first "must have" game on the Xbox 360... by far. Pretty much everything else on the console we've all played countless times before with ever-so-slightly inferior graphics. But Dead Rising is not a first person shooter (thank you, black Jesus), it isn't a Tom Clancy game, it isn't Tony Hawk nor is it a sports game. Instead, this is a good game. Capcom had a crazy idea to go ahead and make some good games instead of most of the mundane nonsense we've been dealing with for the past 5 or 6 years or so. Most gamers hate good games. Instead they like Tom Clancy, John Madden and Electronics Boutique/GameStop. This game is for players who like videogames. And what a videogame it is!

Lots of cool stuff to fight with at the hardware store! Spray zombies with a fire extinguisher,
watch them stumble around blindly and take their picture for tons of experience!

Story: 5/10
The story is revealed by playing through the 72 hour mode and solving/being present for all of the cases. Without giving any of the story away, I can tell you that it is about zombies in the fake town of Willamette, Colorado and they all seem to want to gather at the shopping mall where you are trapped. The story itself is rather mundane. It's good enough to make you want to see how it ends, but it's not something you'll remember with fondness. In fact I think the game takes the story a bit too seriously. The story should be more tongue-in-cheek. I think it should have been something like everyone in town was playing a free Tom Clancy game they received in the mail, got bored beyond the limitations of the human body and thus naturally turned into zombies. Or something like that. But no, the game gets a bit preachy instead. Blah. I guess the truth about the effect of Tom Clancy games will never be revealed.

Jessie is teh hawtness. But you know she and Brad must have something going on.
Stereotypes don't come from thin air. Even her boobs are motion captured.

Graphics: 8/10
The graphics are good. Should I go into more detail? OK. The graphics are really good. More? Well remember how the NES, Genesis, SNES etc would all slow down when there were too many sprites onscreen at once? Anything over 70 or so sprites and you'd feel the sluggishness. Well Dead Rising puts a lot more than 70 independent objects on the screen simultaneously with NO SLOWDOWN! I honestly don't think this game could be done on the NES, Genesis, SNES or even the TurboGrafx-16! Now you're playing with power! Get in the car, drive into the "maintenance tunnel" where there must be zombie raves going on because there are literally thousands of them down there. Smash through with your car and they go flying! No slowdown! The textures of the stores in the mall and everything else look fantastic and sharp. There are probably only about 20 or so different zombie models, so you'll be seeing the same ones A LOT. The graphics score goes down one point because of this. The game moves along at a steady 30fps which is fine with me. There really isn't any V-SYNC tearing... except when you are in the car crushing hundreds of zombies and you turn, then you'll see a little bit. The Xbox 360 is absolutely notorious for piss-poor V-SYNC and to see a game that doesn't really have V-SYNC issues is like dinner at Outback Steakhouse for free. Lots of people bitch about the small text because they can't read it without an HDTV. For fun I switched my Xbox 360 resolution to 480i and I could still read the text. It was more difficult but I could make it out. Hold on, the phone is ringing... OK I'm back. It was the Pope. He said that individuals who do not own an HDTV do not count as real people. So there you have it!

Most boss fights are optional. But killing this guy will get you what could be considered the best weapons
in the game. Also just about every non-zombie in the game is a complete psychopath like Adam here.

Sound: 7/10
The sound effects in this game are very, very good. You actually believe you are swinging a sword or running over zombies with a lawnmower. Dolby Digital 5.1 is used and when you swing the camera around it effects what speakers make what noise so you can always tell what is around you. Even the subwoofer is used at some points. The voice acting is very well done for the most part, and the voices believably match each character they represent. There isn't too much music in this game. You do have the quiet mall music which is cool because usually you'd expect something dark and gloomy to bash zombies to. Instead it sounds like you're in a real mall, complete with PA announcements about upcoming mall events. There is boss music and it is OK, but nothing memorable. There are a few songs and they all pretty much suck ass to the extreme. For example the "music" that plays in Leisure Park while the convicts are roaming around is probably some of the worst music in any videogame ever. It includes the brilliant lyrics like "Fat cup of piss" which is what I assume the song is called. The most talented songwriters in the world must have collaborated together for months to come up with such touching lyrics. It makes you want to kill the convicts just so you don't have to listen to that nonsense any more, but they respawn and bring their crappy music back with them. It is songs like this that make me hate rap. The sound score goes down a point because of this song. The end credits song isn't bad, though. I am surprised that Rob Zombie's "Dragula" isn't in the game, especially since it was written and performed by a real zombie!

Head to the maintenance tunnel for some true zombie massacre. But if your vehicle breaks
down, then you are in it pretty deep. For fun, try to fight your way out bare-fisted.

Gameplay: 9/10
This game is just too fun. I know videogames aren't supposed to be fun this generation, but this one is. You'll actually play this more than once. In fact you'll have to. Lots of people bitch and moan endlessly about the single save slot. Those people are goddamned pussies. This really didn't bother me in the slightest. When you "Save & Quit" you automatically go back to the beginning of the game no matter what, but you keep your level and status. I don't think you can get a good ending by playing it through without restarting at least once or twice. The game counts your zombie kills for your current playthrough and when I first beat the 72 hour mode I had killed over 8,000 zombies. The second time through I killed over 55,000 which is more than the entire town's population. But then again I imagine the town has a lot of "illegal immigrants" who are not counted in the official census because there were still thousands and thousands of zombies left after my 55,000th kill. You can use almost anything in the mall as a weapon and that totally rawkz hardc0re d00d! You can use a giant stuffed bear (yes, you can eventually kill a zombie with it if you keep hammering away), a bench, a katana, an UZI which just happens to be lying around the mall, a sickle, a motorcycle, a baseball bat, an HDTV and much, much more. It's great fun to see what the different items do. You can even bust open trash cans to find items and weapons. It is crazy what people seem to throw away (loaded handguns, bowling balls, etc). All items eventually run out of ammo. For example a baseball bat can only be used 20 times or so before it runs out of ammo and suddenly you can't use it anymore. If you have certain books in your inventory, the ammo of many different items is increased. That's pretty messed up. I don't like books.

Later on in the game you'll be attacked by crazy raincoat wearing cultists. Zombies have no interest in attacking the cultists for some reason (and I really want to know why that is), and they are much harder to kill than the zombies. Why there are cultists in a zombie-filled mall (and convicts, for that matter) is never explained and their inclusion is kind of retarded, like Tom Clancy. But it just gives you a new challenge so it doesn't get too repetitive. Amazingly enough, the last day of the 72 hour mode is September 22, which is the same day I first beat the 72 hour mode on. Unfortunately the game doesn't quite have the daylight hours right since I can look out my window (I am in Colorado, after all) to see when it starts getting dark on that same date. It gets way too dark too early. And around 6:00pm it is much harder to see in Leisure Park than it is at midnight. And at 10:00pm all of the lights inside the mall shut off completely, which is just stupid. Real malls keep their lights on 24/7 for cleaning and security reasons. If they ever go off, they need to be shut off manually at the breaker box. That said, I want my lights! But even when this game gets frustrating, I keep coming back for more. And more and more and more. This is unusual for me, because usually when a game defeats me, I turn it off and do something else. But this game retains my interest. The game takes about 6 hours (72 game hours) to complete and then there is an Overtime mode where you must hunt for certain things. After that there is an infinity mode where all you do is try to survive. These modes are a bit tacked on, but they add a little bit of value. Did I mention that as a photographer you can take pictures, too? Yup. You earn "prestige points", or experience by doing this. For example a cleavage shot gives you more experience than a picture of someone being eaten. Go figure. Overall the game is fantastic fun to play and you suck if you don't agree with my assessment.

Cletus here is typical of certain Americans who "love their guns" more than just about anything. He loves
the booze, too. Take advantage of his alcohol addiction to shoot him in the face as he chugs away.

Wrap up:
Hell yeah! You must own this game. It is probably my favorite game of the year so far. I can't think of anything else that was released this year that even approaches the fun and quality of this game. Dressing up as Mega Man is a blast, especially once you unlock the real Mega Blaster! Way too cool. I can't wait for Lost Planet!

09-26-2006, 09:18 AM
I watched my brother play this. Looked ok but not as incredibly fun as you seem to think it is. He retruned it not too long afterward. He owns an HDTV and I don't. I don't count as a real human being and therefore am a zombie. Itchy. Scratchy.

09-26-2006, 12:27 PM

Thats an amazing screenshot, I'm already planning to buy the 360 just for Lost Planet, but I think I'll buy it sooner if this game is good.

You said that you can drive in this game, how does it control? I hope its better than that Forklift in Shenmue.

Joe Redifer
09-26-2006, 01:25 PM
The driving controls OK but the GAS and BRAKE buttons are backwards. X is gas and A is brake.

Looked ok but not as incredibly fun as you seem to think it is.
I don't "seem to think" it is fun. I know it is.

He retruned it not too long afterward.
Does he get full refunds? If so, from where? Your brother seems to like shitty games and not like good ones from what you've posted. He should get a job so he can keep games instead of having to return them. Dead Rising is just a random zombie-fest full of violence and not much more. It doesn't need to be more. Perhaps you and your brother require a super-involving story. Screw that! Arcade-style games are the best!

George Foreman
09-26-2006, 10:14 PM
I gotta get to play'n this game. I actually own it but I haven't been able to stop playing Oblivion. I only have (or already have[however you look at it]) 60 or so hours into the game and have only completed a few quests. Also my dude is only good at hand to hand combat and marksmanship so I've been getting my ass handed to me. Hopefully, I'll get bored of Oblivon and be able to play this game.

Joe Redifer
09-26-2006, 10:28 PM
Is there a demo for Oblivion? I hear peole talking about it, but I've never seen a single screen shot. Also I am not into online games. Is it one o' them massively online multiplayer games?

09-26-2006, 11:35 PM
I honestly don't think this game could be done on the NES, Genesis, SNES or even the TurboGrafx-16!

oh im sure it can with a little bit of moddifications!

also does this game have cussing in it? people say no but i dont believe them.

another question...... i dont like there bieng one file because then my brother will want to play it... but bieng a 360 he wont want to play it!:D... he gets mad if i find a good 360 game :D

also i HATE how ui make the 360's play list!! its the most horrible thing of my life!! is it POSSIBLE to add songs to a play list or do u have to make a new one every time?!?!

and how is the multiplayer on this game? what would u rate it on a scale from 1-100? cuz i like multi-player and if u give it more than 40 i'll try it

George Foreman
09-26-2006, 11:43 PM
Is there a demo for Oblivion? I hear peole talking about it, but I've never seen a single screen shot. Also I am not into online games. Is it one o' them massively online multiplayer games?

No there's no demo as far as I know of. Also its not online at all(well besides downloading a few extras) and completely single player. It plays almost like a FPS in medevil times and has tons of quests, caves/fortresses/shrines to explore, characters to create, and..... oh yeah.. the main quest. Honestly you'll get so wrapped up in exploring that you may forget about the main quest.


also i HATE how ui make the 360's play list!! its the most horrible thing of my life!! is it POSSIBLE to add songs to a play list or do u have to make a new one every time?!?!

Since when was there a play list? All I do is burn my songs to a CD and rip them to the hard drive. They all are sorted by song, artist, ect. and are pretty easy to access.

Joe Redifer
09-26-2006, 11:54 PM

There is a decent amount of cussing. Games can't be good without cussing.

You can have more than one save file if you have a memory card and a hard drive. It will let you choose which to load and save from.

The 360's custom music feature will always suck (compared to the way it was done on the Xbox 1). It's built into the system and it was designed to suck.

There is no multiplayer in this game, so people like me with no friends will greatly enjoy it!

09-26-2006, 11:57 PM
boooo! this game goes off my christmas list, sadly...... my parent will return it if its has cussing :(

George Foreman
09-27-2006, 12:00 AM
boooo! this game goes off my christmas list, sadly...... my parent will return it if its has cussing :(

My parents are pretty strict with video games too. My parents almost made me return MGS3(a year ago) cause my mom walked in during the torture scene and thought I was actually doing the torturing. Luckily my dad isn't as strict and just told me to use my own judgement.

09-27-2006, 12:02 AM
my mom and dad dont mind violence too much... my dad just says, as long as your the good guy... it just isnt as fun though.

but my aunt and uncle on the other hand... they let my 4 year old cousin play san andreas :D

George Foreman
09-27-2006, 12:07 AM
my mom and dad dont mind violence too much... my dad just says, as long as your the good guy... it just isnt as fun though.

but my aunt and uncle on the other hand... they let my 4 year old cousin play san andreas :D

My aunt is the same way... my cousin saw his first rated R movie at 3 and knew the plot better than his parents. :lol:

09-27-2006, 12:10 AM
yea my cousin just finished seeing all the chucky movies :D but now he's not afriad of the dark and he just says that chucky is a bad doll!

09-27-2006, 02:23 PM
Is there a demo for Oblivion? I hear peole talking about it, but I've never seen a single screen shot. Also I am not into online games. Is it one o' them massively online multiplayer games?

Oblivion isn't an MMORPG, although no doubt you will find yourself investing alot of time into this game to level up skills, explore, etc, if you delve into it. You could put 40 hours into oblivion and not even scratch the surface of the open-ended spell making system. I honestly havent picked the game up in a while due to the time consumption it requires. Definetly a niche game, and doesnt appeal to everyone. It's a pretty similar interface to morrowind, with obvious improvements in graphics and gameplay.

09-27-2006, 03:23 PM
this game isn't like fable is it?

Joe Redifer
10-19-2006, 11:53 PM
Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney
Nintendo DS

The game has been rereleased. Buy it now.

I love me some text adventure games, or "digital comics" as they're sometimes called. Phoenix Wright definitely fits into this category along with the likes of Snatcher, JB Harold Murder Club, Willy Beamish and other such nonsense. Translated from a Japanese Gameboy Advance game that nobody cares about, Phoenix arrives on the DS with style and even a few polygons here and there in order to justify its existence (it is illegal for games not to have polygons these days).

Wouldn't you rather have this chick helping you out instead of the retarded
little kiddie girl who normally follows you around? Of course you would.

Story: 8/10
This game takes place in the future. The stories are geared a bit towards the younger crowd due to the fact that you'll always have an annoying little girl following you everywhere you go except for episode one. The Japanese love their underage girls, and that is a fact. Of course the main character in the story is Phoenix Wright, whom the game refers to as "Nick" for some screwed up reason. Then there is Phoenix's rival and flaming homosexual, Edgeworth. My "gaydar" goes off on red alert whenever this guy appears onscreen with his frilly homosexual clothes. Then there is dipshit detective Gumshoe who is a clutz. Gumshoe and Edgeworth seems to be having (or have had) a homosexual affair with each other. Gumshoe all but admits it throughout many of the episodes. Anyway you'll see these two gay dudes quite a lot in the game. There are 5 cases and only one disappointed me with its story, and that was the Turnabout Samurai or whatever it was called... the story with the Steel Samurai. It was kind of boring and so where the characters in it. The court system in the game is pretty weird. Prosecutors control the detective's salaries and there is only one judge in the world. There is a hole in the plot regarding Meekins in Episode 5 that I can't figure out. The first time you see him onscreen is in Edgeworth's office after the crime, but then he later says he got knocked out during the crime and woke up in jail, where you meet him later. He's not lying, either. I think the game just made a boo-boo regarding this. The game's translation is pretty good and even has a Zero Wing reference and makes fun of cosplayers. I found only two typos in the text (such as "threw" instead of "through").

Chick's with big 'uns are all over the place in this game. Well they're
not in the Steel Samurai episode, that's for damned sure.

Graphics: 8/10
The graphics are mostly 2D hand-drawn art. I feel I have to explain this for current gamers. Hand-drawn graphics are actually drawn by hand. Really! They aren't 3D polygons at all. I know this is difficult for today's gamer to comprehend, but it's true. If you stay with the game until episode 5, I promise you'll see some polygons. The artwork is well done along with occasional animation applied and whatnot. There really isn't much else to say about the graphics other than that they fit the game perfectly.

Sound: 8/10
The music in the game, for the most part, is great! It sounds just like a TuboGrafx-16/PC Engine but with better drums... and that's OK with me! There are a few minor voices here and there and a sound effect or two. The music for the Steel Samurai kind of sucks as do a couple of other tunes, but the music that plays when you present case-changing evidence in court is pretty damned awesome! Unfortunately a sound test is not offered in the game.

Everybody in the game has a winning personality which adds to the fun.

Gameplay: 8/10
Ah yes, this game reminds me of 5 tiny JB Harold Muder Clubs, except that I get to go to court as well. JB Harold was simply awesome, and this comes close. It's played like an RPG but evidence is used instead of special attacks. The screen is always bumping and shaking when information is presented, just like attacks in an RPG battle. You have a life bar and it decreases when you present the wrong evidence or even the right evidence on the wrong statement. If you do this enough times, you'll die and have to start over. At least I assume, as I never lost in this game. Speaking of which the game is pretty easy, and the entire thing feels almost like a tutorial as it almost walks you through everything. It is harder to lose than it is to win. Like all real-life lawyers, you play detective as well. These investigation scenes are pretty fun for me, but the game makes navigation a pain in the ass. Whereas JB Harold just had to press the SELECT button to choose a place and suddenly you are there, Phoenix Wright forces you to navigate step by step, and you can't get to some places from others. It is aggravating and a waste of time. For some ultra-retarded reason the game rolls the credits after episode 4 is over even though the box and instructions both tell you there are 5 episodes. I cannot comprehend why Capcom did this. Credits are shown again after episode 5 as well. Maybe they should be shown after every episode, or perhaps between every chapter! Once the game is finally over, there is nothing unlocked. But this would be a great game to play through once every few years or so, just like JB Harold.

Nipples? Too bad she won't show any.

Wrap Up:
A great game to have for the DS. Playable and fun. Although playing the DS hurts my neck after a while because I am constantly looking down at it unlike I do when I play a real game system. DS hurts me. But this is a great game for this painful system.

10-20-2006, 09:28 AM
So I have to say you got a nice line up and some decent reviews. My only complaint is. out of all of this talk about mad love for Sega. I have to ask were is the love for Streets of Rage, Shing Force, Jet Set Radio, The Guradian Heros and The Gunstart Heros. Some of the all time great sega games. Other than that nice line up.

10-20-2006, 10:10 AM
Cool. I didn't know that the music in Phoenix Wright rocked. You can still record the music by playing up to the points where the music is good and then start recording through your PC. If it's too much trouble, just send me it and I'll do it for you, then send back the game along with the CD. Then you'll have both the game and the soundtrack (as will I if it sounds good).

Oh yeah, the game. Never played anything like what you described it as being. At 5 episodes, how long does the game take to complete?

Joe Redifer
10-20-2006, 06:20 PM
Coldnightmare - I will review more games in the future. All is not done.

Icarus - Yes I have thought of this, but most of the music starts with a sound effect of the text drawing onscreen ("dit-dit-dit-dit-dit-dit") and I don't like sound effects in my music. The beginning of the music is never looped otherwise it wouldn't be a problem. There may be a point in each case where this doesn't happen or is minimal, but it'd be at only one point in the game and finding it would be tough. I'd have to keep saving every single step of the way just in case one of those opportunities pops up. I'd say the game is around 8-10 hours... hard to say because I took lots of breaks due to my neck hurting. The final 3 episodes have to take at least 2 hours each, minimum. Probably more.

10-20-2006, 10:29 PM
Great but get to the important part... is there any nudity?

Joe Redifer
10-20-2006, 11:43 PM
Every person in the game is nude at all times.

10-21-2006, 12:22 AM
I'm sold. Boobies please!!!

10-22-2006, 02:00 PM
Icarus - Yes I have thought of this, but most of the music starts with a sound effect of the text drawing onscreen ("dit-dit-dit-dit-dit-dit") and I don't like sound effects in my music. The beginning of the music is never looped otherwise it wouldn't be a problem. There may be a point in each case where this doesn't happen or is minimal, but it'd be at only one point in the game and finding it would be tough. I'd have to keep saving every single step of the way just in case one of those opportunities pops up. I'd say the game is around 8-10 hours... hard to say because I took lots of breaks due to my neck hurting. The final 3 episodes have to take at least 2 hours each, minimum. Probably more.

Let's put it this way. You already know what a pain in the ass it was for me to record the music in Mushihimesama. Set, record, play, not get hit, accidentally get shot, restart, play, intentionally die and let the continue screen sit there up to a certain point, start, don't get hit, repeat about 100 times per stage, then copy and paste portions of the song, including little sub-sections, and make the entire song sound clean without perceptible breaks anywhere. To get the five tracks I wanted took six hours -- a complete nightmare. There's no way that Phoenix Wright could be that difficult.

10-22-2006, 02:17 PM
Great review of a great game Joey. Kudos to you.

10-22-2006, 03:29 PM
Yep, Phoenix Wright is all kinds of awesome.

11-09-2006, 08:05 PM
That game is like soft-core porn, AWESOME

11-29-2006, 07:38 AM
Hi there. I'm new, and I just wanted to say you have so many reviews and of such quality that they are absorbing hours of my day as I catch up. Damn you.

Phoenix Wright plays the credits after episode 4 because that's where the Japanese GBA game originally ended. The 5th episode was added as a bonus to the DS version, which is why it has those 3D segments.

Also, forgive me if this has been asked, but why no [B]Strider PC Engine [Arcade CD/B] review? I know it's not the best version, but it does have the best music and cinemas, plus an extra stage. Please try it out sometime.

Paper exe
11-29-2006, 09:19 AM
I agree about the Steel Samurai episode, it simply sucked!

Joe Redifer
11-29-2006, 03:36 PM
Phoenix Wright plays the credits after episode 4 because that's where the Japanese GBA game originally ended.
I figured as much, though I have never seen the GBA game nor heard how many episodes it has and I didn't want to look even more like an ass than I usually do.

Also, forgive me if this has been asked, but why no Strider PC Engine [Arcade CD review?
Because I didn't have access to it at the time. I probably didn't even know it existed. It's hard to say because I don't remember exactly when it was that I got my Arcade Card. When I looked through my Strider reviews a few weeks ago, I was surprised it wasn't there as well.

11-30-2006, 12:30 AM
An interesting story about that revolves around GameFan's one-page review of PCE Strider, written by Nick Rox (Nick des Barres). He claimed that the cinemas were 30 fps full screen (which would imply FMV) and that 2 extra levels were added. In the end, the cinemas really aren't very animated, not that they look bad, and there is only one new level, the dessert level. I caught up with him in the GameFan chatroom a few years later. I miss that place! Anyway, I told him about those inconsistencies in his review and he apologized, though he noted review copies were often a little different from the retail versions. I was appeased.

Joe Redifer
11-30-2006, 12:35 AM
Yeah, Nick, I'm sure they had working full screen cinemas and decided to take them out. I've met Nick online myself, and at one point I was to make a MiniDisc of ActRaiser Symphonic Suite for him. The desert level looked horrible (Strider's skin is orange in that stage), but a dessert level would be really cool, too! Kind of like inside the milk carton in Castle of Illusion, but with Strider! Damn NEC Avenue! Anyway, I'm pretty sure the game was made in a hot-shit hurry.

11-30-2006, 12:58 AM
Damn English language with its similarly spelled words... I do love ice cream though.

Hey, it was NEC Avenue. They had it in their contracts not to push the hardware in any way or utilize parallax scrolling (faked or not) ever. Anyway, Strider was originally going to be an awesome SuperGrafx game, but that sure didn't happen, so hence the ACD version. Still, the music!

11-30-2006, 06:16 PM
BTW, I know of another method to have multiple Dead Rising save files. Say you and your non-cussing, but perfectly fine with violence brother both wanted a file. Well, on 360, save files are mostly associated with Gamer Profiles/GamerTags. Your blood-lusting brother should have his own profile if he plays your system much at all, because you don't want him falsely earning achievements for you. That would be a sin. So, if he plays on his profile, his save file will not overwrite yours.

Everyone who said Oblivion rocks is right. It's utterly fantastic and engrossing. So close to actually being in a mideivil fantasy world. It really does require a lot of your time, though.

12-01-2006, 11:10 PM
Yup, it's the one thing that annoys me with otherwise excellent rpgs and mmos. (the amnt of time)

GF has a great little trick for infinite loot, which trust me, you'll want to do as it eliminates grinding for money throughout the game, saving time. there's two cheats for that in the game actually. one involves infinitely looting this npc and the other involves infinitely selling items via a merchant while on horseback. Again, it saves alot of time w/ chars.

I'm quite the oblivion newb especially since i started over, but around the web there are some crazy vids of high end chars taking out over 9 guards on screen, probably 19 mobs total, with one spell. Also, the guide is really helpful and ensures you will eventually accomplish everything.

Be careful though. I know someone who's invested like 300 hours into this game. It can be enjoyable to not take the game so seriously and also just fenerally **** around as well.

12-02-2006, 11:23 AM
Cheating wouldn't ruin the game, but it's certainly not needed to enjoy it. As a thief character, I looted every single house I came across for 50 hours or so (one entire town) and made a ton of money. It was fun. I'm thinking of taking up breaking and entering in real life now. :evilsmile

If you just level up your character (which many people choose not to do for some reason), the weapons and armor dropped by enemies will make you pretty rich on its own, too.

12-03-2006, 12:49 AM
Hey Joe, please review Bebe's Kids for the Super Nintendo.

Thanks! :o

Joe Redifer
12-03-2006, 01:24 AM
I don't even know what that is!

Drunken Savior
12-03-2006, 01:59 AM
Bebe's Kids? No way man...Cool World!

12-03-2006, 03:03 PM
Actually, Cool World is pretty out there and taboo. Would be a great review if to just re-watch the film.

12-03-2006, 04:26 PM
Drunken Savior, that is exactly what I was thinking when I read Bebe's Kids. Them's Bebe's kids! Oh, and all white people except for Abraham Lincoln are evil. (The message taught by that movie.)

Joe Redifer
12-13-2006, 03:37 AM
Popful Mail
Sega CD

Now available for your Sega CD!

Popful Mail is a side-scrolling action-RPG designed by Falcom, creators of stuff like Ys and whatnot. Sega reprogrammed this for the Sega/Mega CD themselves and would turn out to be Sega/Falcom's only collaboration of what was supposed to be many. Oh well, do you really care? No, of course you don't. All you care about is what's coming out for the Wii, PS3 and Xbox360. You only care about military shooter games, crime games and games where you wave a wand around like a retard having a seizure. Good for you. But for everyone else, Popful Mail is a game that plays very similar to Sega's fantastic "Monster World" games which star Wonder Boy. This time the infamous company Working Designs translated the game and released it in the US. How does it hold up? Let's find out!

The game graphics scream "play me!" I had to take all of
these pictures from my TV screen with my awesome camera.

Story: 5/10
The story certainly isn't anything special. It's about some guy who is trying to do something. You are a hot elf chick and you want some cash so you try to catch him, but instead end up saving the world. Ooops. The story has been told a million times in Japanese-programmed games. Big bad guy is coming soon. Only you can stop him/it. You get help along the way. Evil characters have evil laughs. You know the drill. There certainly isn't anything special about the story, and Working Designs tried their hardest to make sure every single conversation is tainted with their not-so-honed sense of humor. The writing kind of sucks, as do most Working Designs games. They do not take anything seriously. As a result, it feels like you are playing a comedy game written by former Saturday Night Live writers that takes itself about as seriously as a Saturday morning cartoon. It won't kill you, but you probably won't be driving to Victor Ireland's house to shake his hand for such a wonderfully funny game, either. All in all it's... average.

Want to know what the dialog in the game is like? Try listening to these samples:
Sample conversation 1 - Glugg and Tatt (http://www.joeredifer.com/reviews/Popfulvoice1.mp3) - 144K
Sample conversation 2 - Mail and Sven (http://www.joeredifer.com/reviews/Popfulvoice2.mp3) - 584K (Yeah. The dialog is THAT awesome).

The cinema intermissions are pretty cool, and Mail has a nice chest.

Graphics: 7/10
The graphics are fairly colorful, plenty detailed and scroll smoothly and all of that crap. Certainly nothing to complain about at all, but it doesn't have a ton of special effects or anything like that. The bosses are often quite large and everything animates well and moves damn fast thanks to Sega's awesome Blast Processing, which not even ten PS3s can replicate. The animated cut scenes are fairly impressive, especially considering that they are traditional sprite/background animation and not FMV. These scenes are animated very well and can last quite a while blah blah blah. The characters look older and more mature than the PC Engine (TurboGrafx-16) and SNES versions, which sport the young and cutesy giant-eyed look. I prefer the slightly more realistic look of the Sega CD characters. Only losers like the giant-eyed "Super Deformed" look better. And I hate losers. Anyway there isn't any slow down or flicker or any of that kind of nonsense and there are multiple layers of scrolling (like just about every other Genesis game). If there was an Xbox360 version of this game, this version probably wouldn't look as good as that one.

The boss fights will piss you off. They all have patterns you must figure
out. Once you do, they will piss you off significantly less.

You'll slide around like a little bitch in the town of "Icycal" and that will
piss you off unless you buy the spiked shoes, which don't last very long.
That will also piss you off.

Sound: 8/10
Well hopefully by now you've heard the two voice samples above. You get a lot of that in this game, and despite its extreme cheesiness it can indeed be quite entertaining. It has about 2 and a half hours of speech and over 1,000 different lines voiced by 39 different losers you've never heard of. Sega and Working Designs used space-age technology to get all that to fit on a single CD. This proves that BluRay is not needed for games and CD is the future! And yes, there is an option to turn the voices off, but if you do there is no indication of who's speaking when the text boxes pop up. The music is comprised mostly of chip tunes generated by the Genesis itself. There are only 3 CD audio tracks... the intro speech, the title screen, and the ending song. The music is very good much of the time and is as good as if not better than the PC Engine CD (TurboGrafx-16/TurboDuo) music which was all redbook audio (aka: CD quality). Check out the samples below for a comparison. As since this is a Working Designs game you can bet your life that there is a horribly written song at the end sung by someone who has absolutely no business whatsoever singing. I'm not sure if I should blame the singer or the person who wrote the lyrics for how much the song sucks, so I blame both. If you like crap, you'll like the ending song. The music is all in stereo. Wow.

PC Engine CD - First Level (http://www.joeredifer.com/reviews/Popful_PCEngine.mp3) - 1.1MB
Sega CD (music done by the Genesis sound chip) - First Level (http://www.joeredifer.com/reviews/Popful_segacd.mp3) - 1.6MB

Slick (the green-haired dude) is an annoying character and even
his voice will piss you off after awhile. He is a whining little fanboy
who will make you want to inflict physical harm to his face.

Gameplay: 7/10
Like I said earlier, the game plays similar to Sega's "Wonder Boy" games, and that is a good thing. It's an action RPG, which means you run around like a meth addict killing things and you also buy stuff to become better, plus there is a story and stuff like that. There isn't any leveling up in this game, but you'll be going through the same process of killing beasties over and over just to get enough money to buy new armor and weapons and other junk that you really, really need. There are a few things that piss me off, though. First of all, the player is not allowed to re-assign button placement to their preference. You are forced to use A to attack, B to jump, and C for the menu. This pisses me off because a lot of the times when I jump I accidentally open the menu. I want to jump with C and attack with B. I'd prefer the menu be accessed with START. Once you get past this shortsightedness on the part of the developers, the control is pretty much fine. Another thing that gets in the way is that your character always runs very close to the edge of the screen, with very little visible space in front of her or him. As a result, you'll often run smack dab into a monster. You have about a third of the screen in front of you and that's it. This is just stupid. I would like to smack the goddamn retard who decided it should be this way. There is no reason for it. Working Designs also decided to make the game harder and more annoying than the Japanese version, because Working Designs hates US game players. It is beatable, but you will become increasingly annoyed since you die after about 3 hits or so. But overall the game is fun to play once you get past the foolish design flaws.

You'll never believe this, but you can buy things in the shops.

Wrap Up:
This game is more of a 7.4 than a plain "7" if that helps you in any fashion. Not quite as fun as a true Wonder Boy game, but still a must-own if you have a Sega CD and worth your time to play it. My game time was 8 hours and 45 minutes. Working Designs wants you to rush through the game as fast as possible and not savor it as evidenced by the fact that they give you more voice outtakes the faster you beat it, and then urge you to beat it even faster. Screw them. I'll take my god damn time and have fun doing it my way. The outtakes aren't funny anyway. Ask your local retailer about this game today! And slap him when he says he has no clue what it is, because he won't.

12-13-2006, 04:33 PM
Popful Mail is pretty fun. Did you know they had a PC-98 version? Basically it sucks. Horrible framerate, lousy controls, and slightly above 8-bit sound quality. Then again it came out beforehand and it's on a weaker system (computer), just like Ys I & II.

Joe Redifer
12-13-2006, 05:36 PM
Yeah, I saw pics of it and the graphics were extremely dithered.

George Foreman
12-13-2006, 09:59 PM
I was gonna buy it off of Ebay over the Summer but, someone outbid me at the last second(it went for $9.95 too). Damn Michigan Fanatics kept me from getting M.U.S.H.A. and El Viento too. :(

12-17-2006, 04:02 PM
Popful Mail now thats something I thought everyone forgot about.

12-17-2006, 10:46 PM
Popful Mail is pretty fun. Did you know they had a PC-98 version? Basically it sucks. Horrible framerate, lousy controls, and slightly above 8-bit sound quality. Then again it came out beforehand and it's on a weaker system (computer), just like Ys I & II.
Pssh, What more can you expect from the PC-98, a computer with a gaming libarary that consists mostly of porn & hentai games.
Falcom games are practically the only good non pornographic titles released on the PC-98.
Brandish 3 is thy only reason to cop a PC-98.

It took untill the 3rd game,but Alexis is finally playable in the 3rd installment.

Hardcore Action Rpg dungeon crawling & T&A at it's finest... damn they just don't make 'em as ILL as Brandish 3 these days.
As with all Falcom games the soundtrack kicks ass.
(Typical Falcom rock, but typical Falcom rock is phenomonal when compared to all the BS bgm I hear in todays current games.)
I would've posted gameplay shots,but I don't have an f'ng install disk.

Wrap up:
Urban Reign is not made by Rockstar or any of those lame companies who make all of those crime games. It is made by Japanese developer Namco, so that alone should be enough to warrant a second look. It's why I took a second look, and I'm really glad I did. Definitely the best beat-em-up of this generation.
It's about goddamn time somebody in the world recognized how ILL Urban Reign was.
This game only got hated on, because most mainstream reviewers are f'ng cry babies who whine everytime they die in a video game.
(They also don't understand how to play beat em ups/fighting games.)

12-17-2006, 10:55 PM
Pssh, What more can you expect from the PC-98, a computer with a gaming libarary that consists mostly of porn & hentai games.
Falcom games are practically the only good non pornographic titles released on the PC-98.
Brandish 3 is thy only reason to cop a PC-98.

Actually, there are a few others, not by Falcom, which have some semblance of gameplay.

Joe Redifer
12-17-2006, 11:06 PM
typical Falcom rock is phenomonal when compared to all the BS bgm I hear in todays current games.
Hear hear! Or is that "Here here"? Either way I completely agree.

It's about goddamn time somebody in the world recognized how ILL Urban Reign was.
Ill? Hell, it's downright bedridden, hospitalized and incurable!

12-17-2006, 11:12 PM
Yes, it's "Hear, hear!" which is an abbreviation for "Hear, all ye good people, hear what this brilliant and eloquent speaker has to say!"

P.S. It's still hard to load pages in here.

12-17-2006, 11:24 PM
Actually, there are a few others, not by Falcom, which have some semblance of gameplay.

True, I was just exaggerating the superiority & godliness of FALCOM & Brandish 3.
(IMO they were a prominent player in the PC-98)
I'd post a link to Tokugawa Corp. since they had a whole archive of PC-98 titles that looked interesting but the site seems to be down.
I think I even saw Snatcher up in there, but it was probably a MSX scan.

(Any other PC-98 related site that I can think of, all happen to be rom sites.
Tokugawa Corp. was the best PC-98 information site that I'm aware of.)

12-17-2006, 11:30 PM
Well in most cases where a game became popular on the PC-98 and was worth porting (read: improving), it was done to maintain popularity and name brand interest. That's why not just Falcom but others such as Cocktail Soft made transitions in that sense -- it was the logical thing to do. PC-88/98, in a way, were a good starting point for many companies which weren't as well off financially as others.

01-02-2007, 11:50 PM
Great Popful Mail review. The references to modern goings-on were nice.
I never did like WD's Americanizations - there's some fan translator out there doing PCE stuff like Cosmic Fantasy 3 or whatever, and he takes it a step further by hating on democrats and other inanities. Also, back when we were organizing SegaCon, we wanted to promote RayEarth, WD's final Saturn game, but Victor never would return my calls. That's because he doesn't know how to run a company, and probably has STDs.

Joe Redifer
01-03-2007, 04:07 AM
Castlevania - Portrait of Ruin
Nintendo DS

Yes, ANOTHER Castlevania game just like all of the last ones.

ENOUGH ALREADY!!!! Damn, I love Castlevania and all, but about 10 or 15 minutes into the game, I realized I was playing the same exact game for the billionth time. It's time for Castlevania to take a nice, long rest. The most that this game has going for itself is that it's the direct sequel to Castlevania: Bloodlines on the Sega Genesis. Other than that, you've played this before, many times. You know exactly what to expect.

Story: 6/10
I give the story a "6" only because it ties in directly to Castlevania: Bloodlines. If you haven't played that game, then the score goes down a notch or two in this category. Anyway John Morris, the tough, rugged star of Bloodlines decided to have a pussy anime kid and name him Jonathon, and that's who you control in this game. The Morris family was included as an attempt to get back to the roots of the Dracula story and give it some authenticity, as Quincy Morris was the star of Bram Stoker's original book. Anyway Jonathon is the typical whiney teenage anime character that Japanophiles cream their jeans over in RPGs. "Ohhh if only I could use the full power of the whip" -- whine whine whine -- "Ohhhhh my father!!!!" -- whine whine whine. What an emo. As in most games out of Japan these days, everybody still has "teen" attached to their ages, except for non-playable characters. You can unlock Richter (which is spelled in-game as "Richiter", WTF?), but not during the normal game. There is an opening animation sequence which shows the characters jumping around and doing nothing of any importance.

Typical screenshot. Not much to say.

Graphics: 8/10
The graphics are the same quality as last year's DS Castlevania game. There are a few polygon elements in the background here and there... again. The same enemies come back with the same sprites... again. Nothing new, really. The character art is all anime, and it is a mixed blessing. For one Jonathon looks like a total n00b and like he needs a boot planted in his face, and soon. But if they had used the artist who used to work on stuff for the series, he would be a total fem-boy and it would be hard to determine if he were male or female. But anime is everywhere these days and certainly isn't unique, so therefore the art is generic. The scrolling is nice as is the character animation. I like the fact that there are very few polygon enemies. Polygons on the DS suck ass.

Combining magic powers justifies making another game.

Sound: 7/10
Once again the music is good, but not overwhelmingly great. This time Yuzo Koshiro had to help out because Michiru Yamane was getting sick of doing music for Castlevania games over and over (and it is starting to show in her work). She keeps dropping Yuzo's name all over the place in interviews and out of the blue. I think she has a crush on Yuzo. I bet they will get married and have babies. I like that a tune from Bloodlines is in here, and it sounds great. A tune from Rondo of Blood is in here as well and it sounds like crap. Oh well. The sound effects are average. but this time they used a lot of voice effects for common enemies and bosses. Sometimes you'll hear stuff like "Yahoooo!!" They all pretty much sound out of place, and the voices will keep playing until the sentence is finished, even if the enemy is dead.

And of course right before you combine magic powers,
you get two anime faces that slide onscreen and shout the
name of the magic you're about to use, just like every
other game ever. Japan is so generic these days.

Gameplay: 7/10
Don't get me wrong, I had great fun playing this game, but it's the same stuff all over again. Oh sure, this time you go into paintings and other such nonsense, but it's still all the same. You gradually earn the same abilities and items, you can practically play this game with your eyes closed. This time you can control two characters simultaneously and hook up for some cool combos, but this really doesn't add much to the overall game. I spent most of my time playing with that bitch off of the screen. I even beat Dracula without her sorry ass. This game takes a different approach on the whole "percent complete" thing. Since each painting is 100% unto itself and there are 9 total paintings plus the castle, there is a total of 1000%. I completed the game with 1000.0%. The standard mish-mash of things are unlocked after you beat the game. One thing I really found frustrating (besides the huge increase in medusa heads in the clock tower) was the shop. You can sell things that are equipped! I accidentally sold an awesome found weapon. Pissed me off! Also, this game has some sort of online mode, but who the hell cares?

The multi-segmented creatures are kind of cool.
Still, there is nothing amazing about this game.

Other stuff:
If you are a true American who gives your cash away so that corporations can line their pockets even more, you'll be sure to get the Collector's Edition of this game or the Deluxe Edition (I forget what it is called). It comes with a small art book, a timeline which shows when all of the different Castlevania games take place and Castlevania IV isn't even listed since it is a "retelling" of the first game or something, a small empty white plastic box, a stylus with "Castlevania" written on it, some clear plastic for who-knows-what glued onto the cardboard and a music CD wth some music from the Castlevania series. Unfortunately these are tracks taken from the typically horrible quality Konami OTSs from Japan where they screw with the music to give it added reverb and tons of treble. They also have "Bloody Tears" listed as coming from Castlevania 1, when it was first heard in part 2. Overall it's a decent addition to the package. I was worried that the game would come in some super-odd box and I wouldn't be able to store it with my other DS games. This is not the case, as the game itself comes in a normal, sane DS box.

Wrap Up:
If you enjoy "Castleroid" games, you'll like this one, but surely even the most diehard of Castlevania fans are getting a bit sick of the genre. I know I am.

01-03-2007, 10:04 AM
I love the review. I agree that there are way too many Metroidvania games now, I got that feeling while playing DoS and this looks the exact same.

Does the chick do anything cool or did you play as Jonathon the whole game because she sucks?

01-03-2007, 11:49 AM
If I may answer, she's good for magic and for when you need to use team work for things like pushing a train to a stop (don't ask) and reaching high ledges (which is negated within a relatively short time since you'll get the double jump). Her attacks are useful against a bare minimum of enemies. Therefore, you'll opt to use Jonathon.

I agree that the whole Metroid influence has been overused. Since SotN, there's been five CVs with a Metroid-ish layout, if I'm not mistaken (not counting the 3D ones because they suck). Before I bought PoR I thought that the castle was the layout and the paintings were like stages with a boss at the end. Konami has to change the formula for the next installment.

01-03-2007, 03:18 PM
Yes, it's kind of sad that fans would have to stop buying the game in order to get them to really change anything. You can bet the next sequel will be just as unoriginal as the last few have been.

Joe Redifer
01-03-2007, 07:03 PM
I will not buy the next sequel if it's the same style of game, and you're right, I bet it will be.

Joe Redifer
01-11-2007, 06:33 AM
Magic Knight Rayearth
Sega Saturn

The box is shiny, but not embossed!
Working Designs fans riot worldwide!

This is the last game released in the USA for the Sega Saturn, but ironically it was released within the first year of the system launch in Japan. Working Designs wanted to bring the game over, but some data was missing because Bernie Stolar of Sega hated Victor Ireland of Working Designs, so he hid it in a special, secret place. He then used the excuse that a hard drive crashed and that some of the data was corrupt. Victor didn't want Bernie to get the best of him, so he took on the project anyway. Some of the data had to be reprogrammed from scratch here in the USA, and as a result the game does have a lot of bugs and some major slowdown. Slowdown is not allowed in Japan, so logic demands that Victor added it as a special treat for US gamers.

Awesome color and many layers of scrolling and transparency
are used throughout the game. Graphic whores rejoice!

Story: 7/10
To be quite honest, the translation is pretty good. Working Designs didn't go totally overboard with their low-level humor as in past games and for the most part remains enjoyable. They do sneak a few quips in, though. The story itself involves some girls who have to do some stuff in order to accomplish something. It's pretty hokey, and it subtly speaks out against the death penalty, though it certainly never makes a direct reference to it. After you do some stuff, you do more stuff, and keep doing stuff until you are finished. That's pretty much how it goes. There isn't much of an ending story-wise... it's just a few quick words and BAM the credits are rolling. But the story is plenty good enough and it's fun to see how the characters react when they do stuff. And doing stuff is required to progress in this game.

The razor-sharp and winning humor of Working Designs
pops up now and again. The players lose.

Almost a dozen hours will be added to the game due to the amount
of time you will spend rolling on the floor laughing uncontrollably!

Graphics: 8/10
This is your typical 2D RPG, but it looks really, really good. Lots of detail has been provided everywhere. Transparencies are all over the place, multi-layered scrolling is abundant and tons of colors are used. There is some scaling and rotation that will blow your mind! OK maybe not, but it is cool, especially for an RPG. I like how when going up the stairs in a home or some type of building, the new floors fade/dissolve in over the old ones. When you go back down they fade away, no more black screen between floors. This is space-age technology being used here, truly. There is full motion video (FMV) throughout the game, and it is compressed fairly well for the Saturn, except the ending which looks a bit blurry. The characters are drawn with a (surprise!) anime style. Japan does not know how to draw any other way, sorry.

Apparently they do the wild thing like crazy in Rayearth-land.

Sound: 7/10
All of the game music is played by the Saturn sound chips themselves... no streaming music, no CD audio, just music the same way the Genesis and SNES produced their music. But it does sound really good, and many tunes are very enjoyable. There isn't anything that really stands out or will blow your mind, but it is better than adequate. The voices are a bit "trebly" though. Bad recordings, perhaps? Some of the sound effects, such as when fireballs come crashing down, are too loud for the Saturn's preamp to handle and end up being a bit distorted. This doesn't happen too often, fortunately. Then there is fact that towards the very end of the game, the same tune that normally only plays on the overworld map when you switch towns ends up playing for that, the last town, Zagat's palace and whatnot. You keep hearing the tune over and over again, and it's not really a great tune or anything. I blame the missing data for this. A song or two had to have been lost. That makes me sad, and I do not enjoy being sad. Of course since this is Working Designs, there is a horrible song in the game with lyrics by Victor Ireland and sung by the same skank who sings all WD's songs. The lyrics are provided in the instruction manual under the false presumption that anyone would actually care.

The game uses anime. That means the eyeballs of everyone are HUGE.
Anime is supposed to impress you and/or look good... or something.

Gameplay: 7/10
This is an action RPG, kind of like Zelda in many senses. Control is good... very smooth and precise. You run around and talk to people in towns, buy a limited amount of items and run off to dungeons, solve puzzles and beat bosses. You can jump, swim and run like you've got a load of diarrhea ready to burst out and the nearest toilet is far away. Actually there are no toilets in the game, and that is even mentioned. You control three different bitches, and each has their own was of fighting as well as her own magic. One of the whores can shoot arrows which will be required to hit things from a distance. Ingenious, eh? Of course. One thing I like is the ability to move and attack in diagonal directions. I don't think any other Zelda-type games allow this, but what the hell do I know? The puzzles are all pretty easy. There is one puzzle that is almost kind of tough, but it's not required to beat the game, only to get some extra life and magic. Speaking of easy, the whole game is a little on the easy side, I'd say. You may die here and there, but you'll always quickly figure out what the hell you're supposed to have the little wenches do next. Overall it is pretty fun and kept me coming back for the few days it took me to beat it. I'd say it offers a bit under 20 hours of good ol' fashioned fun.

I'm wondering how this kid even knows who Greedo is, and how
he was able to see the Star Wars Special Editions. He doesn't even
live in the same dimension as George Lucas. Lucky kid.

This is definitely a good game to have in your Saturn collection, if a bit short and easy. Trying to collect all of the hidden amulets in the game is a true challenge, though. I couldn't find them all. But the game remains recommended. And maybe Bernie Stolar and Victor Ireland will get together and have the first gay marriage in the game industry! They're made for each other.

01-13-2007, 02:56 PM
Thanks Ill add MKR to my list of WD games to pick up.
In in regards to Castlevania, the collectors edition was free (atleast on launch)

Joe Redifer
01-13-2007, 08:35 PM
I received the game as a present.

But the regular edition still cost money? I'll take the free version of the game, thank you.

01-13-2007, 08:50 PM
Nice. (I read it before I signed on.) WD's "humor" was always absurd, a fact which I'm glad GameFan picked up on with Lunar 2. Also, releasing a game near the launch of a console on one shore and localizing it late in its lifecycle on another is just plain bad business. That's why they got one crappy booth at E3 in the corner. Good. They deserved to be treated that way.

01-13-2007, 08:54 PM
Yeah, Working Designs really didn't have their act together back in the Sega Saturn days... I guess it takes a lot of extra time to not only translate a game and write a bunch of irrelevant pop culture crap for it, but also screw with the game's mechanics and make it harder whenever possible.

01-13-2007, 09:21 PM
Not to mention more time consuming, like that friggin' "pay to save" feature in Lunar 2. Want to save your progress? Fight extra battles. How genius. You'd think there's a VERY GOOD REASON why nobody else used that idea up to that point. It takes brain damaged people to ruin a great game like that. They also made Alundra's bosses take more punishment and deal more damage, but I can't complain about that because it was a somewhat good idea since the bosses don't tend to have challenging patterns.

01-14-2007, 05:24 AM
I received the game as a present.

But the regular edition still cost money? I'll take the free version of the game, thank you.

I ment all the extra stuff was free, the game is still $30 or $35

And as for WD changing the game mechanics, its usually for the better. A lot of the time, the games they make harder really need it, seeing as they are easy enough after the changes. However Lunar 2 on Sega CD is a pretty poor job done by them.

01-20-2007, 11:10 PM
And as for WD changing the game mechanics, its usually for the better. A lot of the time, the games they make harder really need it, seeing as they are easy enough after the changes. However Lunar 2 on Sega CD is a pretty poor job done by them.

You are the only one who felt that way. And how about Thunder Force 5, where they simply removed the easier difficulties? I mean, they were an option in Japan, but in America, you're just going to suffer and like it.

BTW, in Lunar 2 for Sega CD, I became permanently stuck in the ghost house when my magic dude refused to learn the healing spell required to kill some of the enemies. I never could find an explanation in the FAQs and what have you.
So, as far as I am concerned, Lunar 2 is only half a game or so. :)~

Joe Redifer
02-07-2007, 02:56 AM
Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney - Justice for All
Nintendo DS

Whoever designed the logo needs to go back to design school.

Here we are with what is sometimes called "Phoenix Wright 2". It is a port of a Japanese GameBoy Advance game that was released only in Japan, but you shouldn't care. Be sure to read my review of the first Phoenix Wright game on the DS (http://www.the-magicbox.com/forums/showthread.php?p=357601#post357601) to get a general feel for the series. This game is basically more of the same, and fortunately that is a good thing!

This game makes a lame excuse for not being
in Dolby Digital or DTS 5.1. Pathetic!

Story: 8/10
Every episode has the word "Turnabout" as part of its title for some reason. They really love this word over at Capcom as it was prevalent in the first game as well. Anyway the writing is pretty good just like last time, and the final episode definitely reels you in. The content seems more geared to those who are a bit older than those who were targeted by the last game. Yes, the little girl still follows you around this time, however you'll be joined by an even younger girl as the game goes on. Rumor has it that a fetus will follow you around in Phoenix Wright 3. Unfortunately a couple of the WORST characters from the first game come back and spend a lot of time in this game, namely Lotta and Oldbag, two characters which everyone hates. I'm sure they'll be there for all future games as well. Fortunately the writing is good enough to keep you interested, even though one of the episodes deals with a circus. Yes, a circus! Everyone hates the circus and clowns and the like. You'll get to deal with it here, and a brand new flaming homosexual as well! You haven't seen flaming like this before, even though the character claims to have a crush on an actual female. Japan is weird. I bet they are all gay over there. They sure love their fem-boys.

Unlocking the "Psyche-Locks" can be a pain,
and often you'll have to go get more evidence.

Graphics: 8/10
More of the same, with more great hand-drawn 2D art. I like the style, it's not quite anime so that's good, though some of the expressions are overly exaggerated just like anime. Also, unlike the last game there are no polygons in this game. EGM wasn't able to handle this. I can. And so can you.

Sound: 8/10
Many musical passages return, and that's fine, but there are a ton of new tracks as well... in stereo! It still sounds like the TurboGrafx-16, but that's OK. And yes, since the Steel Samurai was the lamest episode of the first game, it's music definitely returns in full force here. Does Capcom think we like what it fails at?

This guy will die very soon. Death
always happens wherever Phoenix goes.

Gameplay: 8/10
There are only 4 episodes as opposed to the 5 that were in the first game, but the final episode is pretty damn long. In fact most of the episodes are fairly lengthy. This time you can present profiles of people as well as evidence. And there is also a new "Psyche-Lock" thingy that enables you to see when people are hiding something, and you have to wean the truth out of them. These sequences can be tough and can take awhile. I'm not a big fan of these new sequences, but I don't think they really hurt the game, either. You never have to use your stylus in this game, and that's good. There are a few times when you've gotta touch the screen, but a quick tap of the finger works just fine. I wish more developers would realize that just because a game is on the DS doesn't mean that stylus control must be used exclusively.

In order to play this game, you must be able
to read, which disqualifies most people under 18.

Wrap Up:
A great follow-up to the first game that I definitely do not regret buying. I heard there is a Phoenix Wright 3 in Japan for the GBA, and I hope we see a DS version of that somehow. I know they are making a DS-only adventure which will surely have tons of polygons and feature ONLY stylus control. I hope that they don't wreck the series.

02-07-2007, 05:44 AM
I still haven't played a Phoenix Wright game. My brother just got Hotel Dusk. Haven't heard what he thought of it yet. Most text games turn me off for some reason, not that I've played a lot, mind you. An 8 is a pretty high rating for a game involving mostly text, though, so I wonder if it's really as fun and replayable as people are making it out to be. It seems like a short ride.

Joe Redifer
02-07-2007, 06:01 AM
You can only really play through the game once every 2 years or so, but it is definitely a good experience.

02-07-2007, 06:12 AM
Hmm, that's not terribly convincing, but I should try at least one of them for the hell of it. BTW, your second in-game picture doesn't work for some reason.

Joe Redifer
02-07-2007, 07:44 PM
They're all there. I just didn't put one between the graphics and sound sections.

02-08-2007, 12:28 PM
I still havent tried the franchise. I havent found that extra "push" ive needed to just go buy the game.

if you would be so kind Joe, if you could perhaps make a comparision for me. Such as "If you liked suchandsuch then you will love Pheniox Wright".

02-08-2007, 12:38 PM
"If you like anything that's good and pure in this world, you'll love Phoenix Wright".

Joe Redifer
02-08-2007, 07:56 PM
Yes. If you like JB Harold, you'll like Phoenix Wright. Oh, you weren't born when the TurboGrafx-16/PC Engine existed? OK then if you like most RPGs you'll like Phoenix Wright. There's just none of that constant battling and leveling up and shopping. But like regular RPGs it is hard to just turn around and play it again right away. But once enough time passes and you don't have everything memorized any more, then it will be fun again.

George Foreman
02-13-2007, 04:04 PM
Yes. If you like JB Harold, you'll like Phoenix Wright. Oh, you weren't born when the TurboGrafx-16/PC Engine existed? OK then if you like most RPGs you'll like Phoenix Wright. There's just none of that constant battling and leveling up and shopping. But like regular RPGs it is hard to just turn around and play it again right away. But once enough time passes and you don't have everything memorized any more, then it will be fun again.

I just started Phantasy Star III and I'm wondering if it is worth it to buy a Master System to play the first Phantasy Star.

Joe Redifer
02-13-2007, 08:10 PM
Definitely. But you can also play it on the Genesis via a power base converter... if you have a Genesis 1. If you have a Genesis 2 you'll have to disassemble it (the PBC, not the Genesis) to fit.

George Foreman
02-13-2007, 10:32 PM
Definitely. But you can also play it on the Genesis via a power base converter... if you have a Genesis 1. If you have a Genesis 2 you'll have to disassemble it (the PBC, not the Genesis) to fit.

Any difference between playing on a Master System and playing with the power base converter?

Joe Redifer
02-13-2007, 11:31 PM

Joe Redifer
02-13-2007, 11:49 PM
Hotel Dusk - Room 215
Nintendo DS

The box artwork isn't as good as the game's.

It's games like Hotel Dusk which make me cherish my Nintendo DS even more. I have heard many people talk about some other DS game called "Touch Detective" when referring to this game. I'm not sure why as I looked up Touch Detective and it looked like some sort of lame furry alien adventure. This is nothing of the sort. This game is good. Sure, it can be called a "point and click" type of game, but it is much better than The Manhole (Mac, PC Engine CD).

This is the first time the word "idiot" appears in a Nintendo game.
And pothead Louis sure seems happy about being called an idiot.

Story: 8/10
The writing in this game is superb. Characters are very human and have realistic dialog. The game takes place in the fabled year of 1979 in a hotel. That's right, it takes place BEFORE Shenmue. The story can seem a bit slow to unfold, but it is worth it. The amount of coincidences are a bit crazy, however this is a fictional game. That means there are actually NO coincidences. It's like a good book, but unlike books Hotel Dusk requires thought and at least some mild brainpower. I really like the main character, Kyle Hyde. I'm not sure how there could be a sequel to this game, but I like the character & the way he interacts with everything and I'd like to see more games of this style with him in the future.

Here's what it looks like as you wander around the hotel. Yay!

Graphics: 9/10
This game uses a graphic and animation style that is exactly like A-HA's "Take on Me" music video from the 80's. It doesn't get much cooler than that, I say. Each character has many animations and crap like that. Worry not as there are polygons in this game. Most gamers these days can't live without polygons, so they have been included to ensure your survival. However the polygons here are worse than a slightly-below-average Sega Saturn polygon game. But beggars can't be choosers, and I know you're begging for some hot polygon action.

You can write yourself notes so you don't forget things, that is if you actually know
how to write. Well, do you? Most people only know how to type or hw 2 txt lol.

Sound: 7/10
The tunes were provided by T's Music and most are very good and appropriate and all that crap. There are a few that are average/dull. I wish A-HA would have provided the music instead. But then my brain would be confused because A-HA did not exist in 1979, so I'd get the 80's music video feel for a game that took place in 1979. Maybe the Bee Gees should have done the music. There are a few sound effects in this game as well. The game is in stereo, believe it or not. Did stereo exist in 1979?

Kyle Hyde likes to quiz himself at the end of each chapter.
If you get ANY question wrong, all save files are deleted and the
DS refuses to power back up for at least three days!

Gameplay: 9/10
This game really draws you in. Very addictive. You can play with the touch screen, pad/buttons or both. I recommend the touch screen. It also has setups for both right and left handers. Of course I played in right-handed mode since I am not a criminal. There are many minigames/puzzles to solve and even a bowling game that completely destroys Wii Bowling. One thing I really like is the ability to write notes in the notebook. I also like the multiple save slots (Phoenix Wright are you listening?). There is no way to get completely stuck in this game. If the story is not advancing, it is because you are doing something wrong and/or are not very skilled at life. It's not that the game is not super easy or anything. In fact I bet you'll see the Game Over screen more than once in your journey. Some people complain that the text advances too slow. I really didn't find this to be a problem. But once you've read a certain block of text, you can really speed through it the second time. After you beat the game and start again (from the same save slot) almost all of the text really flies by superfast as a result. But like most games that have a story, it's best to only play it once every few years or so. It could be a bit tough to turn around and play it right away again unless you're just trying to fill in holes in the story that you didn't realize the first time around. Unfortunately there is no way to unlock the arcade version of Golden Axe in this game, which really is quite odd.

There are many little minigames spread throughout. Yay again!

Wrap up:
I like this game and you should, too. Expect to spend between 17 and 20 hours your first time through. The language in this game is not geared towards kids, and I am glad to see that Nintendo is finally starting to grow up. A definite worthwhile purchase.

02-14-2007, 04:27 AM
My brother traded back four games (including Zelda TP!) and got this game. I'll have to try my brother's copy. That is, considering he didn't already sell it back.

Joe Redifer
02-14-2007, 04:30 AM
Buy a game for $50, trade it in for a value of $7.50. Your brother is most definitely not a smart man.

02-14-2007, 04:40 AM
I believe he got back more than what Hotel Dusk is retailing for, but then it's his decision to make. He buys a lot of games but only keeps a few.

Joe, I have the perfect request review. Download this w/ the patch and the other thingie. It's the Streets of Rage remake (maybe you're already aware) ~ http://www.bombergames.net/sorr.htm
It's actually pretty good.

Joe Redifer
02-14-2007, 04:47 AM
I've played that and I dunno. The best thing about it is the music. But I don't review PC games.

02-14-2007, 05:01 AM
Oh, that's too bad. I'll review it right now.

Streets of Rage Remake - PC - Rating 7
It's pretty fun.

There you go.

Joe Redifer
02-15-2007, 12:37 AM
Wii Play
Nintendo Wii

The game comes in an actual DVD
case you can put on your shelf with
your other games, unlike Wii Sports.

Here I am with a review of the most eagerly awaited game of the decade, Wii Play! This is also my first review for the Wii system. This really isn't a game on it's own, but actually just a bit of software that happens to come with a Wii Remote. I wanted a second Wii Remote and the Wii Play version is just $10 more, so I figured "Why the hell not, god damn it?!" Plus, stand-alone Wii Remotes sell out fast, but not Wii Play! It is easy to get and each store has thousands upon thousands of copies.

"Shooting Range" is not as cool as Sega's "Gangster Town" or "Missile Defense 3D".

Graphics: 3/10
The graphics pretty much suck ass. There are a lot of Miis in the game, and Miis look like dogshit. I can't get my Mii to even remotely resemble what I might look like since the options for hairstyles and facial features are so limited. But Nintendo thrives on being limited. At least the graphics are 16:9 and 480p, but like all Wii games in 480p, it's jaggy-city. For some reason even the Gamecube had less jaggies. What's up with that?

Sound: 2/10
I don't think there is much sound in this game. Certainly nothing noteworthy. There might be some title screen music and some victory music and some such bullshit. You'll hate it.

This is "Laser Hockey" or "Wii Pong". It is pretty cool. Pong rules!

Gameplay: 5/10
The game presents itself as an instruction manual for the Wii Remote. There are 9 little games you can play, some of them are actually worthwhile. Let's take a look at each and every god damn one of them!

This wannabe light gun game is OK. Instead of shooting at living creatures, you shoot at things like balloons and cans. Nintendo hates it when anything dies, so shooting living things is a definite no-no. Fucking pansies. In order to appease Duck Hunt fans, a duck will fly by every once in awhile. But animal rights activists will be happy because they are super tough to hit. I have a feeling that everyone who works at Nintendo is a woman or an effeminate male. A REAL man would be shooting things that are cool to shoot at, like people. Also the Wii Remote is super-sensitive and that makes it tougher than playing with a real light gun. Michael J. Fox would have a bitch of a time with this game. Unlike a real light gun, you are forced to use an onscreen cursor.

This is possibly the lamest event that I have ever participated in. All you do is find the two Miis that match, the Mii you are using, or the Mii(s) that don't have doubles. That's it. You have a time limit. Anyone who likes this game also likes a hot spiky vibrator spinning up their ass.

Fucking gay. Just look at the limp-wristed way the paddles are held. Jesus Motherfucking Christ. The goal here is just to see how many times you can hit the ball. You can't win. All you do is move the paddle left and right. That's it. Burning diarrhea is more fun.

Here bubbles are falling. Yes, bubbles! Each bubble has a silhouette of a Mii in a certain pose. You must take your insipid little Mii and make it match the pose and place it over the bubble to keep it from falling. If a bubble falls off of the screen, you die. God damn retarded, I say. This is further proof that no real men work at Nintendo.

This is probably one of the best games on here. But it really should be called "WiiPong" because that's what it is. But I imagine Nintendo simply couldn't afford to license the name "Pong". Who could? Anyway it plays just like Pong except you can twist the remote to angle your thingy and whatnot. It's really cool with two players. The graphics try to have a "Geometry Wars Advanced" (Xbox360) look to them with neon glow and whatnot. They even tried to have a techno soundtrack like Geometry Wars. Obviously they failed.

This isn't too bad, and in fact it's kind of fun. I don't really understand the game of pool/billiards in real life and never really cared for it. You are required to hit the "target ball" first on every shot for some fucked up communist reason. You use the remote kind of like a cue stick, but it isn't very responsive. I feel like I have to move the remote from my back wall all the way across the room to my TV just to thrust it forward. Not as good as Side Pocket.

More fun than real fishing, but still extraordinarily gay, just like your dad and his brother. At least you don't have to sit on your ass for hours on end doing absolutely nothing waiting to get a nibble. In real life, fishing is the only "sport" that can make golf look like an action-packed thrill-a-minute adventure ride. You dip your hook in the water (without any bait) and the nanosecond you get a bite, the thrust upwards and the fish is yours. If you catch a small fish points are deducted and the game shuts off without saving.

In this game you ride a knitted cow in an effort to rid the world of scarecrows while occasionally jumping over hurdles that are out to ruin your world. I do not like the "rotate forward" method of applying acceleration. It feels so unnatural. But I guess the bitches at Nintendo couldn't think of anything better. I could have. You tilt the remote left and right to turn and hop up to hop up. Unfortunately the remote has zero resistance and no center axis so steering also feels unnatural and if you want to go straight you must hold the damn thing perfectly level. Hard to do when it doesn't recenter itself like a real steering wheel or, I dunno, an analog or even a d-pad. That's right, traditional controls destroy the Wii Remote when it comes to driving.

This is also one of the best games on here, and the only one to use the nunchuck (why the living fuck do they call it a "nunchuck"? Anybody know? It should be called the "Cock" because that's how you grab it). You can also play it with the Wii Remote by itself if you are a crappy human being. Anyway, drive around with the ANALog thumbstick and point the remote to aim your turret. You can shoot and drop mines. It kicks ass with two or more players. It's even really fun playing by yourself with your Wii (LOLOLOL haven't heard that one before I bet LOLOLOLOLOL!!!) According to the manual, only white people are allowed to play.

You can achieve medals. That is the only incentive to keep playing in one player mode.

Wrap Up:
This game costs $10. Is it worth it? Yeah, I don't see why not, especially if your family ever plays with you and your Wii. Also, the box, manual and all included literature is in many different languages like games in the UK. It seems Nintendo is trying to be the first in the US to do this. This sucks ass, and there is no need for it!

02-15-2007, 03:06 AM
When did you get a Wii??? I was thinking about making Monkey Ball:BB my next review.

Good Wii Play Review. I havent gotten it myself yet, as I really have no need for another controller. If they were asking full price for the game I would say hell no, but since its only $10 why not.

I really want to try lazer pong.

02-15-2007, 05:46 AM
I'll never buy this game, but....

(why the living fuck do they call it a "nunchuck"? Anybody know? It should be called the "Cock" because that's how you grab it)

Quote of the month.

02-16-2007, 01:45 AM
Is it worth getting the add-ons for? lol? I saw the add ons on attack of the show.

And speaking of trade-in value. I saw Sneak King and the other Burger King 360 games selling for 7.50 used. I paid 3.50. How the heck did they go up in price. I thew all mine away. Dang. I should of traded them in.

02-20-2007, 01:49 PM
I saw Sneak King and the other Burger King 360 games selling for 7.50 used. I paid 3.50. How the heck did they go up in price. I thew all mine away. Dang. I should of traded them in.

It's the King, man, why even question the staying power of such an Adonis-like demigod? And you had the audacity to get rid of them? That's equivalent to shunning the King himself, and adopting false idols, such as the Noid, or that annoying Hamburgler; you go burn in Hell.

George Foreman
02-20-2007, 05:15 PM
It's the King, man, why even question the staying power of such an Adonis-like demigod? And you had the audacity to get rid of them? That's equivalent to shunning the King himself, and adopting false idols, such as the Noid, or that annoying Hamburgler; you go burn in Hell.

Avoid the Noid 4ever1!1!

Joe Redifer
03-15-2007, 05:11 AM
Mike Tyson's Punch-Out
Nintendo Entertainment System

Nintendo later tried to get Tyson
to endorse their rape simulator.

Mike Tyson's Punch-Out is a game that every Nintendo fanboy creams themselves over at just the thought of. They have tried to pass laws to make it illegal to say anything about the game that is even slightly less than awesome. Well I'm about to break the hearts of many Nintendo fans and make them cry with my review since I didn't give it above an 8. Watch in horror (or amusement) as they are unable to cope with an opinion of the game that does not lavish as much praise as they think it should have. Ninja Gaiden Xbox fans are the same way. Of course Sega fans are perfectly OK and cool all the time.

Mario (right) makes an appearance to encourage
violence as a solution to every problem.

Graphics: 8/10
The graphics are pretty damn good for the NES. Sprites are big (especially since all of your foes are 12 foot giants), there is little if any flicker or slow down at all. The scrolling in the "training" scene is really cool and the Statue of Liberty looks so real you think you're watching an HDTV documentary on its significance to the New York area. The NES should not be able to pull this stuff off. Actually, I doubt it can. I'm sure it cheats by using some sort of assistant chip in the cartridge. Regardless, it does look and move great for an 8-bit game.

Nigga stole my bike!

Sound: 8/10
The sound of the crowd, while repetitive, does sound good for a low-meg 8-bit cart. It would have sounded more like running water if it had been on the Sega Master System. The music is engaging and gets me pumped, especially when an opponent falls to the mat. I like it. I wouldn't record it and listen to it in my car, but it fits the game well. Mario has little PSG buzzes for his voice, but it works out pretty well.

If you lose this match, Mike Tyson will eat
your face and poop it back out onto your head.
And you will likely lose, yes.

Gameplay: 3/10
First off, let me start out by stating that I hate the sport of boxing. It is fucking retarded. I also don't really understand (or care) how it works with the rounds and different jabs and such. The rounds certainly don't work like Street Fighter, but they should. Nintendo makes it even more jacked up by adding stars and hearts. I have no fucking clue what they do, although my number of hearts seems to decrease for no reason at a constant pace and when I press the START button I go into to some super-massive-combo mode or some dumbshit crap like that. A star will often appear over the head of my opponent when I hit them, not sure why. Sometimes I will randomly turn pink and lose all control of my character. I can't block, I can barely move, and I can't recover. Seriously, when this happens you might as well just put the controller down. It's bullshit, I tell you. Many of your opponents have varying ethnicities. And your character is white. You get to beat up on a ton of people who chose not to be white. You have to fight a few whities as well just to prove that you're their king. Nintendo is saying that they do not support races other than white people with this game, as you can only choose a white guy to beat everyone else up. You block by pressing DOWN, but this rarely seems effective when someone throws a color-flashing punch at you. You can throw punches to the gut or the face, but your opponents block most of your attacks. The control pretty much sucks shaved balls (with stubble). It's not very fun and actually pisses me off. I don't know where people are finding the "fun" in this game. I looked at looked and I could only find a good presentation, but not much enjoyment. I have more fun and ambition forcing out turds that have been sitting in my rectum drying up for 5 days. My NES deserves better games than this. **Plugs in "Kid Kool"** Yeah, that's better.

A 107 pound 17 year old? When I was 17, I was really
skinny and I weighed 135. This kid must be tiny. How
is it that he is able to fight 38 year olds (and older),
some who likely weigh three times as much? Asswipe.

Wrap Up:
I'm sure by now I've caused some very strong emotions with Nintendo loyalists as well as many bitter tears. But I will not change my opinion on this game.

Paper exe
03-15-2007, 05:24 AM
It sound like you really aren't trying to enjoy it.

Joe Redifer
03-15-2007, 05:47 AM
I tried Paper, I really did. I guess I had to have grown up with the game to enjoy it.

03-15-2007, 07:23 AM
I should suffocate you in your sleep for daring to write that!

But in reality, I can sort of see where you're coming from. You grew up on the SMS moreso than the NES, and since Punch-Out! is an old launch game and not modern like Arena Football: Road to Glory, it's harder to get used to. I don't have a problem enjoying it. In fact, out of the older NES software, it remains one of the most replayable.