View Full Version : Joe Redifer's Super-Awesome Reviews!!!!

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Joe Redifer
04-18-2005, 09:02 PM
It's an Easter Egg that Sega talked them into doing just for the Nomad. The game knows which system it is being played on.

04-19-2005, 01:27 AM
:haha: Those images are great! I especially loved that last picture where you've got everything attached with the 3D glasses on and the light gun. F'n rules! As you might say, it's teh OwNz!

04-19-2005, 12:03 PM
I don't know why it's only available for Nomad. All I know is that it KICKS ASS!!! I remember talking about it with my friends in 1994 saying "Check this out yo!" "This is one of the levels for a Castlevania game that will be released 3 years from now on a new console by Sony called the PSX." and they said "no way!" and then I said "way". Then it was all foggy after that.

04-27-2005, 04:17 PM
joe redifer, what will you review next? ::points to gradius V::

Joe Redifer
04-27-2005, 09:01 PM
I thought I already reviewed Gradius V.

I dunno. Maybe Shenmue 1 and 2.

04-28-2005, 01:30 AM
for some reason i thought you did too, but it isn't in your index. oh well... you can review nintendudes :lol:

04-28-2005, 02:19 AM
Shenmue = :thumb-up: :thumb-up: :thumb-up:

Joe Redifer
04-28-2005, 05:51 AM
I just beat Shenmue 2 yet again tonight (my 3rd time through the Dreamcast version, only been through the Xbox version once so far). I've been through the first Shenmue 3 times as well. And after I am done with my forum browsing in a few minutes, I will partake in the Shenmue Orchestra CD, which has the orchestral music from the game! Now if only I could find my Shenmue OST CDs which has all of the rest of the music.

04-30-2005, 05:25 PM
nobody cares, joe. we want a review of nintendogs.

Joe Redifer
04-30-2005, 09:32 PM
True dat yo.

05-01-2005, 06:36 PM
How about a review for my favorite game...Super Metroid. I heard a rumor Samus was a woman but I think it's bullsh**

Joe Redifer
05-01-2005, 07:35 PM
Problem is that I sold that one 10 years ago. It is not the greatest game of all time like EGM says.

05-02-2005, 01:13 AM
no it's not the greatest game of all time but it is one worth holding on to. You sell games like you need the money! WTF? I know you are a rich bastard!

Joe Redifer
05-02-2005, 03:35 AM
Well maybe 10 years ago I needed some money to buy the 32X or something. I agree that it is one worth holding on to. Too bad I didn't. Soon my SNES will be all one shade of grey instead of 1/2 grey and 1/2 nicotine.

05-02-2005, 08:43 AM
How could you do something so EVIL? Then again, I once traded Phantasy Star II for Space Harrier II. :D

05-02-2005, 11:44 AM
So you will soon have 2 SNES' What about the games? Remember me?!!

05-02-2005, 05:54 PM
joe, what are you reviewing next?

Joe Redifer
05-02-2005, 07:40 PM
Like I said, I want to do Shenmue, but I am having a difficult time figuring out how to get screen caps from the game, since all my files are CLEARED files. All my pics would be of the beginning of the game or the credits.

Joe Redifer
05-03-2005, 05:09 AM
Sega Dreamcast

4 GD-ROMs of pure awesomeness! Are you worthy?

Apparently AM2 frontman Yu Suzuki began creating Shenmue's world early in the days of the Sega Saturn. He finally got the go-ahead to produce the game and started working on it. But the Saturn began to die before he could even get halfway through completing his opus. Shenmue never saw the light of day on the Saturn. Then came the Dreamcast, a system which was also made by Sega believe it or not (the internet says I am right). Yu started from scratch making Shenmue for this system, except this time, the whole story wouldn't be settled in just one game. It would take place in 16 different "chapters", with each game covering a few. Shenmue is chapter 1. And it is a game like no other, and I must admit it's not for everybody. But to me it is one of my favorite gaming experiences of all time.

It's raining, so don't forget your jacket when wandering around looking for
sailors. In fact, it might be a good idea to never ever remove your jacket.

Story: 9/10
The story really draws me into the game and is very well presented. You guide Ryo through his virtual 1986 world, trying to get revenge on Lan Di, who whacked (killed, you perv) your dad. You find a mirror and Lan Di stole the another mirror. If you get both mirrors together, you can unleash some holy hell and supernatural powers and take over the world and those kinds of things. Lan Di really wants this to happen. He is one sinister mofo. You just want revenge and are blinded by it. But there is more, including Shenhua (mis-typed as "Sha Hua" in the game) who shows up in your dreams after you find the mirror, which insinuates that your role is much greater than one of revenge. But how do you get to Lan Di? Why did he murder your dad? Did your dad kill someone in the past? WTF? You are also hoping to obtain answers to these questions as well. But first you must find a place where sailors hang out. I really want to see how this all ends up.

Oooo! Space Harrier! Hell yeah! Nobody can beat my high score.
Darts is another fun game that is strangely addicting.

Graphics: 9/10
For the Dreamcast, Shenmue's graphics are outstanding in every way. The detail, the textures, the layout of everything, and especially the massiveness of it all. The city is quite large and most shops let you walk inside of them and talk to people and look around. You can even play arcade games like Hang-On and Space Harrier which look identical to the real arcade machines both in-game and the cabinets themselves. Each character has their own unique face and animations. The buildings, structures, and paths all look outstanding. You can search through drawers and find crap to use. The main characters have more detail than the common person on the street, and the characters on the Passport Disc have even more detail! There is no FMV at all in Shenmue. Everything you see is rendered via the game engine in real time. Every picture you see in this review was captured directly from the game by me. Since this is a Dreamcast game, 480p is supported, but unfortunately 16:9 is not. Once again, the detail in this game is amazing.

The 70 man battle kicks much ass! During the game, you have a little help,
but once you beat the game, you can take on all 70 dudes by yourself. This is
as close as we will ever get to a 3D Streets of Rage. Way better than Spikeout.

Sound: 8/10
I really want to give the sound a 9, but I can't due to the quality of the compressed voices and some of the compressed digitized music. It is minor, but I must knock the score down because of this. Every character speaks and often has many different things to say. Each shop even has its very own music. Most of the music is incredibly good. Many musicians worked on the music for this game, including the famous Yuzo Koshiro. True story: I recently asked Yuzo about which tunes he was responsible for in the game and he said: "Hmm.. Sorry, I don't remember for the most part. I created a rapper's music and 10-15 bgms, and did some orchestral arranges." Speaking of the orchestral music, it is outstanding. The official soundtrack release sounds better than the game itself due to the game's lower sampling rate, but it is still outstanding stuff. Most of the music is actually generated by the Dreamcast's sound hardware and are not actual recordings. As for the Yuzo's "rapper" music, I am betting that this is actually Cool Z's theme from Shenmue 2, as they didn't use ALL of everyone's music just for the first game. The voice acting can be pretty stilted at times, with some unnatural pauses and overall goofiness. Some of it is quite funny, like Goro. Chai sounds EXACTLY like he does in the Japanese version, only here he speaks English. Oh, and everyone likes to pronounce Ryo's name as "deeyo". WTF? I don't see a "D" in his name. We should all start a letter-writing campaign to Jayfilm, who provided the voice acting. There is some swearing in this game, so cover your ears and call your Senator!

Nozomi has a crush on Ryo. But she is always nagging at him to stay
out of trouble and can be kind of annoying. This is not a render...
these are actual Dreamcast graphics in motion here.

Gameplay: 9/10
Oh wow. This truly is a game like no other. It is more of an RPG than "true RPG's" in the literal sense. You actually play the role of Ryo, doing everything from fighting to petting a cat to sleeping. No RPG has this kind of interaction with its world. That said, it is quite different. A lot of people find the game boring. I say those people are the ones that are boring. I've played through this game at least 3 times now, and I am a person who finds most RPG's exceedingly boring to begin with. That really says a lot. There is a lot to do in Shenmue: You can hang around and waste days upon days playing video games, raising a kitten or practicing your moves. Or you can charge into every situation and finish the game right after Christmas. You can collect little Sega capsule toys or even drink a refreshing cola you buy from a vending machine. It may seem mundane, but it is actually fun! The programmers could probably even make something like clipping your toenails seem fun. There are free battles in which you fight an assorted cast of characters in a 3D Streets of Rage style but with Virtua Fighter moves. There are Quick Time Events (QTE's) which urge you to press a series of buttons in time. A lot of people hate the QTE's because they fail the first time they pop up (and they can appear suddenly). But if you fail, you can always try again, and it is kind of fun to see what happens when the wrong button is pressed. There is also a Metal Gear Solid-style part of the game where you must avoid being seen by guards and sneek into a warehouse. This was the most difficult part of the game for me. But the game helps you out if you suck too badly. You even have "magic weather", where the weather changes depending on the day. It is pretty cool (pun not intended) and makes it feel like you are experiencing real life or something absurd like that. It can rain, snow, or be sunny. Things happen at night that won't happen during the day. It's all crazy up in here! Once I first beat Shenmue, I immediately began playing through it again. That's how good it is. The only other RPG that I have played through more than once was the original Phantasy Star, and that was years and years between play-throughs. The game is over a bit soon, so perhaps that prompted the immediate replay. I really didn't want the game to end.

Mark is your supervisor during your job driving forklifts, which is actually
really fun. Everyday after work you must give Mark a big wet kiss on
the lips if you want to get paid (which is NOT fun)!

Wrap up:
An outstanding effort for the Dreamcast! An absolute must-have and must-play. Everything about this game is pure Sega. If you don't like it, then I imagine that there is something wrong with you. You really should try suicide if that is the case. Nobody will miss you, so don't delay! Seriously though, this is not a game everyone is capable of appreciating, and that is truly unfortunate because of the detail poured into this game and how fun it really is. You don't play Shenmue, you live it. Buy 28 copies today!

Joe Redifer
05-03-2005, 05:09 AM
Shenmue II
Sega Dreamcast - Xbox

4 more GD-ROMs or 1 DVD of gaming bliss. The artwork sucks on the Xbox cover.

I love it when the sequels are better than the originals, especially when I love the originals. Shenmue 2 certainly does not disappoint! The game is MUCH larger than the first one and in fact it was necessary to provide maps to help keep the player from getting lost, which is still possible even with the maps. You even go to 3 completely different places in this game. Shenmue 2 covers chapters 2-4 of the 16-chapter Shenmue saga. Some people like to say that chapter 2 happened on the boat before the game starts. Nope. The game begins on chapter 2 marked in the notebook. Sega really outdid themselves with this game and really pushed the limits of the Dreamcast. Unfortunately Microsoft gave Sega a ton of money NOT to release the game in the US and instead make a version of the game for the Xbox which Microsoft themselves released here. Oh well, at least the Microsoft folks are Shenmue fans! Either way, you are in for a great game!

The Xbox version is a little softer, but overall both versions look pretty much the same.

Story: 9/10
I give the story a 9 and not a 10 mainly because it has not been completed. It really leaves you hanging. But it is still damned good. Ryo starts his journey in China. Ryo doesn't know a lick of Chinese, so fortunately all of China quickly became fluent in Japanese (or English in the Xbox version) to better accommodate Ryo when he arrives. That was mighty nice of everybody. There is one point in the game where Joy says something in Chinese and Ryo clearly does not understand, so my theory about everyone learning Ryo's language is 100% correct. Ryo wanders around the giant city of Wan Chai and eventually heads off to the much more sinister Kowloon. Here he has to wander around old buildings and get in street fights. Then he's off to Guilin for further adventures. Lots o' fun is packed in here. It's not necessary to have played through Shenmue 1 first, but it certainly helps and gives you a better emotional bond with the story. But don't fret, as a "digest movie" full of Shenmue 1 spoilerz is included so you know what is going on. The Xbox version comes with the poorly edited "Shenmue the Movie" to explain the first game. Just try not to get confused by all of the Chinese names you are presented with. They are much harder to remember than "Jim" or "Bob" or "Ben Affleck".

If you haven't played the game before, you can easily get lost since the game area is so freakin' HUGE!

Graphics: 10/10
I'd say that this is probably the limits or thereabouts of the Dreamcast's graphics abilities. The graphics are actually much more detailed than the first Shenmue and there are a lot more people and animated things on the screen at once. I can't stress the level of detail in the Shenmue games... you just have to stop and smell the roses to truly appreciate everything there is. The Xbox version eliminates the occasional slowdown that is in the Dreamcast version and adds some anti-aliasing, creating a softer and slightly more pleasing look to everything. The Xbox version also adds a warm glow to things during the evening and night scenes. But otherwise the graphics are pretty much identical. Both versions support 480p and neither runs in widescreen.

The street fighting in this game is surprisingly fun and easy to get into once you master your moves.

Sound: 9/10
Once again you have tons of fantastic music and lots of voices. The Dreamcast version is voiced in Japanese, but doesn't sound *quite* as compressed as Shenmue 1 did. The Xbox voices sound very clear, but they come out of the left and right channels instead of the center channel of the 5.1 mix. Speaking of 5.1, a few of the cut scenes on the Xbox version take advantage of the better sound. As expected, the Xbox version is voiced is English and uses many of the semi-talented voice actors from the first Shenmue. At least this time it sounds like they got actual children to do the voices of the kids... at least most of the kids. The Dreamcast version has one lady who must have smoked 20 packs a day for 40 years, as she sounds deep and gravelly in her speech. It's hilarious! Did I mention that most of the music is great? It is.

If this lady doesn't know a place where sailors hang out,
then it's an elbow to the abdomen for her!

Gameplay: 10/10
There is just so much to do in Shenmue 2 that you may have a hard time sticking to what you are SUPPOSED to be doing. There are tons of diversions here, from Lucky Hit (sounds like something a pot-lover would play) to arcade games like Space Harrier, Out Run, After Burner and Hang-On. It is really interesting where you find Hang-On. There are also 1 and 2 round street fights that you can participate in, more free battles, QTE's during battles, balancing acts, the list goes on. The game itself is awesome without the diversions. You still have to work to make money. Your job this time is moving crates with the local moron. Instead of just picking up the crate and moving it across the room (for whatever reason is beyond me), your partner feels the need to zig zag all over the place causing you to drop it, slowing you down. Congo, who helps you move crates in Kowloon, is a real piece of work. The game is a bit harder and less forgiving this time around, with QTE's ending some battles. Miss a button and you have to refight the entire battle. Mess up on a regular QTE and get set back further than you'd think you would. The fight with the final boss Don Niu is awesome. When I finally won, my thumb was shaking and nearly numb. After such an intense battle, disc 4 is really a breath of fresh air. It is relaxing and you can let your thumb heal for the most part. You get to know Shenhua and that is even fun. This time you can even play any minigame or fight you've already encountered in the Shenmue Collection right from the title screen! The Xbox version of Space Harrier is messed up, though. It controls very poorly. The other Xbox differences are that you can take a screenshot and save it to the hard drive at almost any time. You can also change the colors of the screen, but that is a useless feature that some people actually enjoy. Other than that, the Xbox version runs a bit smoother than the Dreamcast version, and loads quicker as well. I don't want to spoil it too much, but this is one hell of a game. Buy 93 copies today!

Ryo finally meets up with Lan Di, who is hanging from the helicoptor.

Wrap up:
Like Shenmue 1, I started playing through this game right away once I beat it, even though this one is over twice as long as the first. The only difference is that I've only been through Shenmue 1 three times completely, and Shenmue 2 five times. Freakin' awesome. Please Sega, bring us a nice, long Shenmue 3 and let us know how it all ends!

Paper exe
05-03-2005, 05:27 AM
Buy 28 copies today!
That if it released here. :(

05-03-2005, 08:58 AM
Awesome reviews, Joe. I think I enjoy Shenmue 1 over 2 but both are great games anyway. The Dreamcast truly is a powerful machine when put in the right hands. I've got the Dreamcast version of Shenmue 2 and my brother either has or had the Xbox version. Shenmue just works better with the Dreamcast controller. The only question is, when's part 3 coming out?

05-03-2005, 01:19 PM
Good Shenmue reviews, Joe! Everyone should get these great games and jack the prices up on ebay to crazy levels and hopefully Sega will take notice. Either that or hopefully Microsoft throws a bunch of cash in Sega's direction agian, to make Shenmue 3. How geeked would you be if Sega showed a Shenmue 3 teaser at E3? :spinface:

05-03-2005, 01:29 PM
Good Shenmue reviews, Joe! Everyone should get these great games and jack the prices up on ebay to crazy levels and hopefully Sega will take notice. Either that or hopefully Microsoft throws a bunch of cash in Sega's direction agian, to make Shenmue 3. How geeked would you be if Sega showed a Shenmue 3 teaser at E3? :spinface:

heh that's alot of price jacking up (not sure if that's the correct way of saying it) because I just got Shenmue 1 on Dreamcast for $11 with shipping and Shenmue 2 on Xbox for $10.

05-03-2005, 02:46 PM
heh that's alot of price jacking up (not sure if that's the correct way of saying it) because I just got Shenmue 1 on Dreamcast for $11 with shipping and Shenmue 2 on Xbox for $10.

It's slang and horrible english, bit it sounds cool and it's in the dictionary. :D
Enjoy the games. :cool guy:

05-03-2005, 03:04 PM
Great reviews Joe. I also enjoyed the 4th disk in Shenmue 2. It was a change of pace like the calm after the storm. It was a marvelous touch. Besides introducing a much longed for character. :D

05-03-2005, 07:30 PM
i never really got into shenmue. i did play it for a little bit; it was neat

Sinful Sam
05-03-2005, 09:23 PM
Shenmue rocked. Very underated series.

05-04-2005, 01:31 AM
Shenmue rocked. Very underated series.
whatcha talkin bout willis? when shenmue came out all you did was trash on it. why the sudden turn around?

Joe Redifer
05-04-2005, 02:22 AM
Maybe he played it.

Joe Redifer
05-04-2005, 03:53 AM
I was bored so I made this little tribute to the Shenmue 70 man battle theme. I only spent a few hours making it, so don't give me ther 3rd degree!

Click to download and listen (http://www.joeredifer.com/reviews/shenmueshort.mp3)
3.15 MB.

Sinful Sam
05-04-2005, 04:51 AM
I don?t really remember trashing it.

I remember watching my friend playing Shenmue for the first time and he didn?t do anything in the game just walk around and buy items from the machines and talk to random people and I found it boring, but when I played it for myself I thought the game was really well done. I do remember my friend joking around saying that the game is so real it?s boring.

Thanks for Shenmue Sort, Joe. :cool guy:

Joe Redifer
05-08-2005, 10:20 PM
How about a review for my favorite game...Super Metroid.
OK I reacquired Super Metroid, but it seems to be nothing but a maze game. It is not as addictive as Castlevania Symphony of the Night. EGM said Super Metroid was the best game ever made.

05-09-2005, 03:43 PM
Very nice review of Shenmue man.

Well written and well thought out. My only complaint with Shenmue is that the last disc feels a bit like padding. I mean, it was interesting doing all the day to day things in a game but the drudgery of a crap job in a video game was just a bit too much for me.

05-11-2005, 10:09 AM
Joe Redifer watched me beat Gunsmoke on Monday so I feel he is writing a review as I type this. It will be a review from a 3rd person perspective as he didn't actually play the game. :)

05-11-2005, 12:54 PM
Joe Redifer watched me beat Gunsmoke on Monday so I feel he is writing a review as I type this. It will be a review from a 3rd person perspective as he didn't actually play the game. :)

hmmm... trying to undermine his review are we :lol: :D

05-11-2005, 06:23 PM
I love both Shenmue games. And they have one of the best mini-games of all time, Darts


Paper exe
05-13-2005, 07:02 PM
Joe, why did you not reivew any SEGA GameGear game?

Joe Redifer
05-13-2005, 11:39 PM
Well I might review the Game Gear Space Harrier later someday.

Joe Redifer
05-13-2005, 11:51 PM
Phantasy Star 2
Sega Genesis

Some of the WORST box art EVER!!

Not long after the Genesis came out Sega followed up their biggest hit ever with a sequel, and thus we got Phantasy Star 2. The same team made this game who made the first, so it should be outstanding with all of that extra power the brand new Genesis affords, right? Well, not really. They did tack on a bit more memory and gave us the biggest console game EVER MADE at a whopping 6 megabits, which was unheard of. That's almost a freakin' megabyte! Phantasy Star 1 was only 4 megabits AND it was on the inferior Sega Master System, so the sequel should pound its ass into the ground! But it doesn't even come close.

Story: 6/10
When all is said and done, the story is fairly good. It's just not told very well. You pick it up in extremely scattered bits and pieces. There are never any clear objectives and that's why the game comes with a 110-page walkthrough. You will see a few things from Phantasy Star 1, such as the Motavian natives, the Dezorians, and even Noah. The planets have all been renamed because the Genesis is not powerful enough to handle words with more than 4 letters in them. Palma has become Palm, Motavia has become Mota, and Dezoris has become Dezo. Motavia, which was a desert planet in the original game, is now lush and green thanks to the mother brain which controls everything. But it has been screwing up lately, and now you must save the ENTIRE UNIVERSE. Even though you are saving worlds, merchants still feel the need to charge you for weapons and services, even though they will die if you don't succeed. I never understood that about RPG's. Also, Phantasy Star 2 kills off a major female character midgame. Square ripped off Sega when they killed that Aeris b!tch in Final Fantasy 7. Sega did it first, and Sega is better.

Amy talks to the people who are responsible for the box art.

Graphics: 6/10
The graphics are inferior in every way compared to Phantasy Star 1 except for overall resolution. The overhead maps are about the same quality here, but the dungeons which were really cool and smoothly animated in 3D on the 8-bit system, are limited to overhead scrolling with a bunch of pipes in the way here. And then there are the battles. Every single battle in the game without exception takes place on a boring blue grid. In Phantasy Star 1, the battle graphics changed depending on where you were, and they were richly detailed and animated. Even the enemies seem smaller and uglier in this game. It is sad that the graphics in this 16-bit 6-meg game are bested by its 8-bit 4-meg prequel. And how!

Yup, all of the battles look this boring.

Sound: 7/10
The music is probably the best part about the game. Scored by Tokuhiko "Bo" Uwabo just like the first game, the music sounds fairly high quality here and is, for the most part, enjoyable to listen to. Tokuhiko "Bo" Uwabo also did the music for Space Harrier II, so if you just happened to trade Phantasy Star 2 for Space Harrier 2, then at least you will still have music that originated from the same guy, and that's all that matters. The sound effects are AWFUL, though. They are extremely scratchy FM and sound very, very thin. Cover your ears whenever a sound effect happens. It is worst during the battles. Fortunately there is a sound test in the game, but they only let you listen to tunes that you've already heard. I think I liked the music in Phantasy Star 1 just as much as this game, for the most part, if not moreso.

Here is a scene from Phantasy Star 1 to remind
you that Phantasy Star used to be awesome.

Gameplay: 7/10
Run around. Fight. Level up. Buy more crap. Run around mazes and find something. Repeat. That's about the extent of it. You also encounter and recruit tons and tons of different individuals this time around, each needing to be leveled up and shopped for. ANNOYING! I liked how in Phantasy Star 1 I only had the 4 characters to worry about, not a crapload which need to be rotated out and upgraded! Now if I could travel with all of them at once, then maybe I would like it. They all seem to be there at the end of the game, how I do not know. The characters are also really poor fighters, too. In battle, they miss A LOT! It seems that almost half of the attacks register as "MISS". It really pisses me off. Another thing that pisses me off is that I have to enter my name each and every time I want to save! I also do not enjoy that each character has their own inventory, so you must cycle through tons of different screens instead of just one giant inventory collection to get to an item. They definitely took a step backwards in the gameplay department from the original game as well. It gets pretty boring because all you do is roam around and fight. That's it. Somehow Phantasy Star 1 made it seem so much more interesting. Phantasy Star 2 could be better, but it does have value and is entertaining. It also has a certain addictive quality to it that keeps you coming back.

Look! Straight ahead... giant lettuce or cabbage!

Wrap up:
Well I wouldn't recommend trading this straight up for Space Harrier 2, but it isn't the best Phantasy Star ever, either. If you really want to go back to the roots, pick up Phantasy Star 4, even though that game STILL doesn't have the cool 3D dungeons. I guess the Genesis wasn't as powerful as the Master System or something.

To read my review of Phantasy Star click HERE (http://www.the-magicbox.com/forums/showthread.php?p=155729#post155729).
To read my review of Phantasy Star 2, print out this page, scan it into your computer, then print it out again.
To read my review of Phantasy Star 3 click HERE (http://www.the-magicbox.com/forums/showthread.php?p=262502#post262502).
To read my review of Phantasy Star 4 click HERE (http://www.the-magicbox.com/forums/showthread.php?p=258969#post258969).

05-14-2005, 05:05 AM
Tokuhiko "Bo" Uwabo also did the music for Space Harrier II, so if you just happened to trade Phantasy Star 2 for Space Harrier 2, then at least you will still have music that originated from the same guy, and that's all that matters.

C'mon man, do you need to rub it in? :D

Anyway, thumbs up on another good review, though I disagree with you about it deserving a 6. But different strokes for different folks. Do you also have those arranged PS music CDs? They're great.

Joe Redifer
05-14-2005, 05:36 AM
They are absolutely fantastic! Perhaps I am a bit hard on PS2 because I was judging it on my 2nd time through. There was nothing new for me to discover anymore (this did not seem to affect me playing through PS1 again, nor Shenmue 1 or 2). The first time was much better, though still not as good as part 1 by a long shot!

05-14-2005, 06:39 AM
Yeah, those albums are amazing. Then again, it's Sega -- go figure.

05-14-2005, 09:25 AM
Does anyone know if the PS2 release of PS1 and 2 will have new translations?

Joe Redifer
05-14-2005, 04:38 PM
I'm sure they will. It would be impossible for them to use the old text since the entire games will be reprogrammed.

05-17-2005, 06:14 PM
i would have to say that the graphics in PS2 are much better than the master system's phantasy star.

overall, PS2 is a good game, not amazing or anything, just good. PS4 is much better, yes.

Joe Redifer
05-17-2005, 09:21 PM
You're gonna have to back up that claim of Phantasy Star 2 having "much better" graphics, Gearhound.

Below are some comparison shots between Phantasy Star on the Sega Master System (left) and Phantasy Star 2 on the Sega Genesis (right). Obviously the Genesis has more resolution, so those pictures will appear larger.

The towns in Phantasy Star 2 are a bit cleaner and ever-so-slightly more detailed
than Phantasy Star, but it is definitely not as bold or as colorful.

In Phantasy Star 2, you must walk around EVERYTHING on the overworld map. Annoying.
Phantasy Star 1 is more colorful and you can walk through the forest.

The dungeons are a huge difference between the two games. Phantasy Star 1 has a nice,
smoothly scrolling dungeon that mimicks how a first-person shooter moves. Phantasy Star 2
had boring mazes with pipes blocking your view. You moved very slowly.

Another huge difference in graphics are the battle scenes. Phantasy Star 1 had detailed
backgrounds that would change depending on where you encountered the fight, and they were often
animated. Phantasy Star 2 has a boring blue grid for every battle in the game. The monsters all
animate poorly as well. You get to see your characters fight, but it doesn't help the boredom.
Phantasy Star 1 also has quick and efficient battles, whereas Phantasy Star 2 was very slow and made
even worse because of how often the characters missed when fighting.

The last boss is also cooler in Phantasy Star 1. In Phantasy Star 2, you fight a giant
chick with very large hips and the only thing she does is color cycle.

As you can see, Phantasy Star 2 is kind of a graphical let down after the visual brilliance of Phantasy Star 1 on a much lesser game system.

05-17-2005, 11:24 PM
Are you going to review Samba de Amigo? amigo?

05-18-2005, 03:31 AM
Let me tell you a little tale. I had the Phantasy Star Collection for the GBA, bought it when it first came out. Cool GBA game, one of the best on the system. I was about 80% of the way through Phantasy Star. I took my GBAsp on a little trip with me and lost my GBA in a case with my Phantasy Star Collection, Iridion 2 and Iridion 3D carts inside....total bummer. I even went old school with PS and used graph paper to map the dungeons out. All of it wasted. :thumbdn: I replaced the GB, and Iridion games, but was too bummed to get PSC agian. :( Just won a cart only auction of PSC a few weeks ago, as I still had the box and instructions. Back playing PS agian :cool guy: and I'm up to level 8 with Alis and almost have enough money to buy the lamp, to go dungeon crawling. This time though, I'm going cheap and using the dugeon maps on the internet. Oh well, just a stupid little tale to tell that probably know one cares about, but just thought I would share. :P

05-18-2005, 04:20 PM
eh, still doesn't look as good.

Joe Redifer
05-18-2005, 07:43 PM
You're gonna need to explain that one, Gearhound. I'll give you the towns and the overhead map, but that's it. The battles and dungeons (which you spend the majority of time in both games) look clearly better on the SMS.

AtariX, I can understand not wanting to play through all of that again. That's the problem with RPG's and games these days... they just take so much damn work to get anywhere and if you lose a save file or whatever, it is daunting to restart before you've finished it. Of course Phatnsy Star is worth it.

05-18-2005, 11:33 PM
Ok Joe Galmish............I mean Redifer. Are you going to review Samba de Amigo or what???????

Joe Redifer
05-19-2005, 02:57 AM
I'll get around to it.

05-19-2005, 10:33 PM
You're gonna need to explain that one, Gearhound. I'll give you the towns and the overhead map, but that's it. The battles and dungeons (which you spend the majority of time in both games) look clearly better on the SMS.

how can you say the dungeons look better in PS1? they are first person. also, the battles really don't look better. look at the enemies; the world map looks better on the genesis as well.

Joe Redifer
05-19-2005, 11:46 PM
The dungeons in PS1 had a really cool 3D effect (and were much easier to map). Not even the Genesis was able to pull of the PS1 dungeon effects in Shining in the Darkness. It ended up being choppy as hell. Only Shin Megami Tensei for the Sega CD compared.

The enemies in the battles on Phantasy Star 2 are quite small compared to most of those in Phantasy Star 1. The battles look MUCH better in part 1. Leaps and bounds better. But if you like a boring blue grid used in EVERY battle no matter where you are, land, sea or space, then I guess you probably think that Solaris on the Atari 2600 looks as good if not better than StarFox 64.

05-20-2005, 12:03 AM
yeah, that blue grid was really stupid.

Joe Redifer
05-20-2005, 04:12 AM
They should have at least had different color grids. Or maybe a rainbow sparkly grid.

05-20-2005, 08:35 AM
I don't prefer the graphic quality of PSII over I but rather the visual design. I dunno. There's something sophisticated about the way PSII is presented which seperates it from other games.

Joe Redifer
05-20-2005, 10:15 AM
Maybe because it's the first time seeing an RPG in a "higher" resolution and that sticks with ya? To me the game looks sharp for that very reason. It actually does run in a higher resolution than most Genesis games. Most Genesis games are stuck at 256 pixels wide, where as PSII goes the full 320, as do the Wonder Boy games on Genesis and several others, but not enough.

05-20-2005, 10:18 AM
I never knew that (about the resolution). Then again, when I had my first encounter with PSII I was pretty young so that made me more impressible.

Joe Redifer
05-20-2005, 11:05 AM
Yeah check it out yo:

Castlevania runs in low res mode.

Phantasy Star 2 runs in "high res".

Both screens are stretched to the full width of the TV screen, but as you can see, Castlevania has less overall detail to work with due to the lower resolution. Too bad most Genesis games only run at 256 pixels wide like Castlevania.

05-20-2005, 11:07 AM
I'd imagine the only logical question at this point would be ...why? Why didn't more companies utilize the Genesis' resolution, especially after PSII?

Joe Redifer
05-20-2005, 11:12 AM
That is a damn good question! My guess would be to save on memory. Of course the 2 player mode in Sonic 2 was the highest resolution console game ever, going up to 320 x 448. It looked squished, but the resolution was high. I found myself wishing that they had incorporated that resolution for the single player game as well, but without the squishy-squish. It seemed to move fast enough in the high-res format even with two players. It was so sharp (for the time).

05-29-2005, 08:46 AM
So what's up next Joe? I know -- you're gonna review Barbie's Magical Vacation. I predict an overall rating of 9. :cool:

Joe Redifer
05-29-2005, 02:32 PM
I was gonna review Samba De Amigo next, but my computer has been so busy with this Comcast video project that I haven't had time to capture any game footage to get the pics for the review from!

Joe Redifer
06-11-2005, 01:16 AM
Samba de Amigo
Sega Dreamcast

A Sega game with monkeys? Hell yeah!

I usually hate music and dancing games and whatnot, despite my fondness for music in videogames. I guess that I feel that videogame music should be original, not imported from "artists" like, ummm... hell I don't even know who's popular these days. Doesn't matter. I'm sure they suck. And if you listen to them, you suck too! But Samba de Amigo, as simple as it is, is pretty fun! You can play with the controller or the maracas. I have never played with the maracas, but it has been insisted to me that it is a horrible experience and will eat your soul. So I stuck with the controllers.

You play a monkey who is on serious drugs in this game.

Graphics: 8/10
The graphics are made up of fairly simple polygons, but there is a TON of color onscreen at any given moment. Unfortunately you are so busy staring at the little blue balls to which you must sync your button presses to that it is often hard to even notice the graphics at all. But I will say this: this game looks absolutely fabulous in VGA or in 480p (progressive scan) with component cables! The colors really come alive, especially when you are doing well and everything (including the sun) starts to have a visual orgasm. When I played this game to capture the screens for this review, I had to use S-Video, and everything looked so blurry and much more dull. It was the first time I had ever played the game in a non-progressive format, I think. So be sure to play this either in VGA or component. Otherwise please shoot yourself and do the world a favor.

Looks like the sun has been neglecting his trips to the dentist.

Sound: 7/10
This is a tough category to rate being that the game has very little original music and some of the songs are redone by generic musicians. But most of the songs here have a bit of a Spanish flava, except Take on Me... what the hell is that song doing here? It was a crappy song in the first place and is made even crappier in this game! Some of the songs are actually the real versions. They fit well within the game, except of course the duet song from NiGHTS which still sounds worse than a wet fart here. There are lots of other songs, including After Burner, Out Run, Rent A Hero, Fantasy Zone, Sonic R, Sonic CD, and crap like that. I don't think Julio Iglesias or his metrosexual son is featured, though. I think they should be in here because they are Spanish and for no other reason. Ethnicity should be the ONLY factor here.

Everyone has an orgasm when you get up to an "A", and
the gay people come out and dance, hence the rainbow.

Gameplay: 7/10
Basically all you ever do is press the appropriate button(s) when the li'l blue balls get to the over circles. That's it. Oh yeah, and sometimes you have to "pose". The posing can be kind of tough because if you get the pose just right at the last second or two, it does not register. Also, the blue balls will still be moving while you are trying to pose, bringing on confusion. And I am very easily confused. It will be funny when Paper exe burns in hill. As you go through the game you can unlock more songs (except in Arcade Mode, which you only get the same 4 songs ever), including stuff mentioned above like music from Afterburner, ActRaiser, Burning Rangers, Super Mario World, and Halo 2. Well OK maybe not some of those. Some of the songs can be "downloaded" via Sega's now-defunct online service which was available ONLY to dial-up users of this game. It's funny how the world used to be, as we all know that dial-up users are now the most hated people on the planet, along with their friends, families, and pets. The game is strangely addictive, though it is pretty easy to put down. It's just so kooky. I love how mispronounced the male voice is in the game. The first voice that comes up says "Presented by Sega, heh heh". The next voice says something (http://www.joeredifer.com/reviews/WTF.mp3) that simply cannot be deciphered. It's this overall kookiness that adds to the game's charm. And it needs charm, since music games like this inherently suck ass. Actually are they really "music" games? I think they are just timing games and nothing more. Can anyone prove me wrong?

For some reason, the monkey always has this expression on his
face when the cover of "Take on Me" is playing. So will you.

Wrap up:
A neat game to borrow from your friend every once in awhile. But be sure to play it with the VGA box, OMG!

Paper exe
06-11-2005, 03:56 AM
I usually hate music and dancing games and whatnot, despite my fondness for music in videogames. I guess that I feel that videogame music should be original, not imported from "artists" like, ummm... hell I don't even know who's popular these days
That?s just what I think. :cool guy:

It will be funny when Paper exe burns in hill.

Now I get it, "hill" is the word that I missed spilled.

which was available ONLY to dial-up users of this game. It's funny how the world used to be, as we all know that dial-up users are now the most hated people on the planet, along with their friends, families, and pets.
Dose that mean every one hates me. :crying:

06-11-2005, 06:32 AM
Oddly enough, my uncle has Samba de Amigo, though I've never played it. Cool review, as usual. "It will be funny when Paper exe burns in hill." ...Am I missing something here?

Joe Redifer
06-11-2005, 07:33 AM
Just seeing how closely he (and others) read my reviews.

06-11-2005, 07:35 AM
Ah, I see. It's your private test to check whether or not people actually read through your reviews. No worries about myself, I trust? I've read every review you've ever written.

Paper exe
06-11-2005, 08:24 AM
Just seeing how closely he (and others) read my reviews.
Huh!?! Why do you want to test me? Did I say something that made you think that way or you just wanted to say something that have nothing to do with the review and the "hill" word, that I said was just on top of your mind?

06-11-2005, 12:43 PM
A off topic question. What do you use to capture movies and screens Joe? You able to do any decent DVR with it?

Joe Redifer
06-11-2005, 07:08 PM
I use a Sony DVMC-DA1 to convert the signal to DV and I capture with Final Cut Pro.

06-11-2005, 09:50 PM
So it connects to your computer through Firewire then? I'm going to have to get me one of these.

Joe Redifer
06-12-2005, 12:47 AM
Correct. Unfortunately I can only use S-video or composite, not component.

Joe Redifer
06-29-2005, 11:05 PM
Sega Genesis/Mega Drive

I didn't have access to the box, so you get the title screen instead!
Don't like it? Then you can suck it, freak!

First of all, you should know that this game was released ONLY in Japan. Sega is racist and hates other countries. Even when we threatened to drop a 3rd A-bomb on them, they still wouldn't release the game here. Since we Americans hate going to war, we decided against the A-bomb. That only left importing available. When I saw this game for rent at my local game store, it was labeled as "Mr. Hatsumatsu". That's a fairly close translation from kids who only made $4.00 an hour. So I rented it because I loved renting import games for my fabulous Sega Genesis, which was physically (not electronically) modified to play import carts. Yay me!

Many of the characters are designed to resemble Nintendo frontman Shigeru Miyamoto. The woman in the above pic
has been found to be irrelevant not only to this review, but to the rest of the world and all existence itself as well.

Graphics: 5/10
The graphics are fairly decent for an early (first-gen... 1988) Mega Drive game. There is tons of muti-layered parallax scrolling. The Genesis was POWERFUL! But there wasn't a lot of variety. I am surprised they weren't able to cram a little more into the 2 MEGA power of this cartridge. That's twice the mega power of Alex Kidd in Miracle World for the Sega Master System, and over 4 times the mega power of most NES games. Otherwise the graphics get old quick, especially after meandering through a dozen or so stages, most of which look the same.

You can buy crap like an octopus or ointment for herpes from the
little girl at the random shops in the game. And who in their right
mind WOULDN'T want some fish bones?? Useful AND yummy!

Sound: 3/10
There is definitely nothing special at all about the sound. No voice or standout sound effects (except for some weird noises some enemies make when they get hit) The music is decent with a couple of catchy tunes that you will quickly forget. Heck, the game is also entirely in mono. This game was probably made before Sega realized that they made the Mega Drive capable of true stereo sound. Those crazy Sega people!

Oh noes! The evil lord has turned Shiggy into a bunch of crabs!

Gameplay: 4/10
Well it's set up like a typical platformer, and for the most part it is, except that if you fall through a hole or go through a door you can find yourself back at a stage you've already completed. The whole game feels like one giant loop without any real progress ever (or rarely) taking place. You use a slingshot to shoot down the evil baddies. The game takes place in Japan, I am gathering. There are shops where you can buy stuff that I haven't really figured out yet since it is all in Japanese and Yuzo wasn't around to translate for me (that selfish bastard). But there are a few useful items that allow you to "fly" or do other retarded things nobody cares about. The control feels pretty solid, surpisingly. However I'm not sure what the point of the game is. You just keep going and going and going.

This enemy must be based off of Tomonobu Itagaki. Notice the oversized
mouth to shoot off about how great he is as well as the god hand. And
the gullible player is buying every word of it hook, line and sinker!

Wrap up:
Blah! It is worth the $1 it costs to rent this game at your local dedicated videogame store. If you can't find this game for rent, then you are a horrible human being. But somehow, just somehow, I think that your life will manage to go on.

06-30-2005, 10:12 AM
I didn't have access to the box...

Nor the actual cart? :D C'mon Joe, did you actually purchase this turd? Or are you playing it on emulation? (Yup, I've played this game. It truly does SUCK.)

The Genesis was POWERFUL!

Was it ever! People these days with their blu-ray discs, their 128-bits and their 3D mumbo jumbo know nothing about such power as BLAST PROCESSING or CD/32-BIT ADD-ONS. W000000T!

Joe Redifer
06-30-2005, 07:27 PM
Nor the actual cart? :D C'mon Joe, did you actually purchase this turd? Or are you playing it on emulation?
If you read the review you'd know how I played it. Plus that was a long time ago PLUS rental carts usually have a giant sticker with a number taped on them PLUS I didn't have a scanner or a computer all those years ago. The game was replayed on emulation. The box was yellow. Did you know that?

06-30-2005, 10:17 PM
What the hell made you review this game? Were you looking through your catalogued list of "rented games"? All though this review was very enjoyable to read we(I) want you to review a game that atleast some of us have heard of. Say Samba de Amigo or Columns per say.

Paper exe
07-01-2005, 12:15 AM
I don't get the point?
He already reviewed Samba de Amigo.

Joe Redifer
07-01-2005, 01:14 AM
I already reviewed Samba De Amigo right after I gave it back to you.

I reviewed this game because it is obscure. Did you know that there were exactly 786 games released for the NES in the US? Did you know that statement has nothing to do with anything?

07-01-2005, 09:16 AM
Know that the box was yellow? Nope, I played it on the Dreamcast. BTW, nowheres around where I live did they allow people to rent imports. You could buy imports but not rent them. Lucky you. ....Or maybe not in this particular case.

Vicviper, better yet, how about Ys Book I & II? I betcha Joe would give it a great score, just like it deserves.

07-01-2005, 04:39 PM
W00t I love your reviews Joe =0

The mega man 2 review was awesome!

If there's something I want to look up on I always look on companies reviews and I always want a good person's review quickly. So I look at your thread.

That's how I decided if I wanted to buy WarioWare Touched or Feel the Magic XY/XX and you made do the right decision :thumb-up:

07-01-2005, 10:29 PM
I already reviewed Samba De Amigo right after I gave it back to you.

Where the hill was I? How come my buzzer didn't go off telling me you had completed another review? Oh to hill with this damn buzzer!
BTW, good review of Samba. You hit da nail on da head with this review. It is a very enjoyabe game and yet so easy to put down when you want to.
Anyways Ys book 1&2 would be great as I remember playing that game from beginning to finish with Joe. Except for the part where you leveled up our charachter a bit.

Joe Redifer
07-04-2005, 11:34 PM
Thunder Force AC

Oh hellz yeah! Insert a coin, you fool! Now play!

When Thunderforce III came out for the Mega Drive in Japan, it was an immediate success. Technosoft was going to bring this out in the US themselves, but they did not have the resources that they thought they did. So while cool people like me were busy enjoying the living hell out of Thunder Force III, most US players were sitting there bored with Last Battle. Eventually, Hot-B released the game in the US, loooong after the Japanese version was available. The only changes from the two versions was a black and white instruction book for the US version. I laughed at the US players because I felt superior and elite since I had (and still have) the import. It really made me a better human being. Better than you, wouldn't you say? That's right. Anyway Technosoft released an arcade version of Thunder Force III, which is what is being reviewed here. It ran on the Thunder Force III engine (which ran at 224 horsepower and preferred synthetic). The arcade was only released in Japan, but it was translated into Thunder Spirits on the SNES which introduced a lot of slowdown since that machine could not handle intense games like this. There is also a perfect arcade port on the Saturn in Thunder Force Gold Pack 2.

6 stages from Thunder Force 3 are here in RGB glory!

Graphics: 7/10
On the Genesis, the graphics were freakin' awesome! We got to see line scrolling for the first time and we were all stoked! We didn't know what to do with ourselves. Who is "we"? The ENTIRE PLANET, of course! The ending also had some real scaling in it and again there were a few days where the entire populace just sat there, stunned in disbelief. The colors were great and so was the scrolling, detail, and all that other crap. Those graphics are preserved perfectly in the arcade. But for an arcade game, even back in that day, the graphics weren't as good as most other games (except for Midway games, which always had crappy graphics). The new stage looks pretty neat, but nothing mindblowing, and I actually prefered Thunder Force 2's graphics of the stages from that game which are included here. They moved the HUD from the top of the screen to the bottom, probably so they could tell which version of the game they were looking at immediately, since the graphics were the same as the Genesis, barring a few tweaks here and there. Not disappointing, but not a real arcade upgrade.

The new, exclusive stage has awesome music, even better than
the music from Tetris on the Gameboy, if you can believe that.

Sound: 8/10
For the Thunder Force 3 stages, the music was ported straight over from the Genesis version and sounds the same, with the exception of improved percussion sounds. Suffice it to say, it rocks! The music from the Thunder Force 2 stage does not sound as good as the real Thunder Force 2. The new stage has incredible music which, again, set the world on fire with its sheer awesomeness. It took several years to fully put out the blaze. Reforestation continues to this day. As a package, the music is quite superb, just like you'd expect from Technosoft. As for the sound effects, most are the same as they were in the Genesis (though lots of stereo effects were removed and turned into mono), but explosions sound much better and there is A LOT more voice. Each stage is announced along with its name, you are asked if you want to continue, the copyright date of the game is spoken to you, and lots more. The voice is the same barely understandable Japanese bitch-whore that Technosoft loves to use in most of their games. It doesn't sound as scratchy as Thunder Force 3 or 4, and it doesn't stop the music like Thunder Force 2. Overall a great sound package.

This stage took two stages from Thunder Force 2 and combined
them into one stage, but you get to use Thunder Force 3 weapons!

Gameplay: 8/10
Hey, it's Thunder Force, it's gotta be awesome! This game is still fairly easy (unless you happen to lose all of your weapons), but it is definitely the thrill ride of the summer! This game is fun to play, and to play the game is to have fun. What more is there to say? It's a fast paced side-scrolling shooter. Hmmm... what else? Nothing! It's Thunder Force, it controls well, you can choose the speed of your ship, you can input your name on a high score list (and it saves it forever and ever on the Saturn version), you can continue, you can die, you can choose not to play it at all, or you can even watch someone else play it, believe it or not! It's Thunder Force! I enjoy playing this game even more than I enjoy having sex with your mom. Though your mom is pretty good, though she's not very tight.

The awesome Orn Base from Thunder Force 3 is back, along
with the accompanying music which is fantastic!

Wrap Up:
This is a great game! I recommend the Saturn version. Also, why does Technosoft sometimes spell their own company name as "Tecnosoft"? They are probably the most Engrish-infruenced company ever, as seen by any text that happens to appear in their games. This game is worth burning in hill for!

07-05-2005, 12:41 AM
"I enjoy playing this game even more than I enjoy having sex with your mom. Though your mom is pretty good, though she's not very tight."

yes! :clap:

good review. i first played thunder force 3 about 15 years ago, and, yes the music is superb. i wonder where my thunder force 6 is...

Thunder Force 6
07-05-2005, 01:19 AM
good review. i first played thunder force 3 about 15 years ago, and, yes the music is superb. i wonder where my thunder force 6 is...

He's right here!



OK. Bad joke. :P :D

07-05-2005, 08:44 AM
Cool review. If I remember correctly, you prefer TFIII to IV, right Joe?

Next up.... Ys Book I & II?

Joe Redifer
07-05-2005, 06:40 PM
I dunno. Comparing TF3 to TF4 is difficult. TF4 was much more challenging, but I didn't like the "death metal" approach to the music, even though I still love the music.

Joe Redifer
07-10-2005, 09:21 PM
GI Joe

All rights have been reserved, thankfully!

GI Joe, who is a Real American Hero (not fake like those other American heroes) is now playable at your local arcade. "What the flying hell is an arcade?" you probably ask. An arcade is one of those fabled places of long ago where many, many games were assembled into one big room. You would have to play these games standing up, and most arcades didn't use screens that were bigger than 25 or so inches. Not only that, but all arcade games cost 25 cents PER PLAY or sometimes even 50 cents or more. You are probably overcome with disbelief and you may also be wondering how we ever survived such a barbaric era. Think of the arcades as a movie theater where you go to see movies in glorius 35mm and 70mm before you watch them at home on crappy VHS with your RF connection and mono TV. Arcades had games that would eventually show up on home systems, mostly much worse, with a few exceptions, of course. Not all arcade games were translated for a home system, unfortunately. Anyway, GI Joe was an arcade game. That is the entire point of this paragraph.

Scarlett, who has a nice ass, shoots town the Terror Drome with
a gun and a few bombs. A giant base is no match for a gun.

Graphics: 7/10
GI Joe seems to use a majorly tweaked engine from the arcade game Devastators (http://www.the-magicbox.com/forums/showthread.php?p=162529#post162529), which means there are a lot of scaling objects all over the place at any given time. In fact there is so much scaling going on that you might think that you're playing a Sega CD game! It's that intense. Of course the engine should be tweaked since this game is from 1992 and Devastators was a 1988 game. Huzzah! Anyway the graphics are fairly good throughout and move quickly. But I do have one big beef. Snake Eyes looks NOTHING like Snake Eyes. In this game he has blue trim and a very weird mask. Most of the other characters look like they are supposed to look. Colors are bold and bright and all that.

When a whole bunch of Cobras team up on you (more than in
this picture) they all yell "Cooobraaaa!!!" Kind of cool. Here
Roadblock blasts up Cobra and prepares to run through a cave.

Sound: 6/10
I'm not really sure, but I think there might be a song in this game. It is really hard to tell because arcade games always have the music played at an incredibly low volume while the sound effects are blasting. That is one thing I hate about arcade games. But if there is a song in here, it certainly isn't the same one from the TV show. All of the characters shout "Yo Joe!" as often as possible. It's basically the same as saying "Go team!" at a football game. Even Snake Eyes shouts and screams, even though he never had the ability to speak. I guess this game brought out the best in him. Lots of loud explosions and stuff like that going on and they sound fine, but there certainly isn't anything exceptional here. I wish I could hear the music, as it might be good, but we'll never know.

An orange Duke fights Destro. Only 1992 technology was
powerful enough to make the cave green. Amazing.

Gameplay: 6/10
The game plays basically the same as Devastators (http://www.the-magicbox.com/forums/showthread.php?p=162529#post162529) but much faster. You run forward and tons of objects appear on the screen (far more than you see in these screenshots). Each level is continuous, meaning there is no cutting or switching to a different stage. You start out in the middle of nowhere and you run all the way inside and up a hanger or base or something like that. There are only 3 fairly long levels. When you beat the game, it starts back over from level 1 until you run out of quarters. Yee ha! Control is fairly easy with a regular shot which is just a cursor (more control and accuracy that Devastator's non-cursor shooting) as well as a bomb which blows up real good. You can't jump or turn around, but you can lay on the ground and shoot low. When you continue you can choose another character, of which there are four (Roadblock, Duke, Scarlett, and Snake Eyes). All four of you can play at the same time if you happen to have 3 friends (a rarity). You get no help from the rest of the GI Joe team or their extensive battle hardware. They must have all gone AWOL or something. Damn hippies!

A goofy looking Snake Eyes runs towards a Cobra base.
Yes, he will run ALL THE WAY there, and inside as well.

Wrap up:
GI Joe arcade is a fun diversion, but it is very short and has no lasting impact and that is probably why it was never brought out for a home system. Still, I'd like to see this game on some sort of Konami collection for the Xbox360 or PS3, both of which finally have just enough power to almost handle this game.

07-10-2005, 09:46 PM
I remember playing the GIJoe game for the NES the first one that came out, that game was fun to me for some reason haha

Joe Redifer
07-11-2005, 10:19 PM
Project Altered Beast
Playstation 2

Even the box art kinda sucks.

Since I reviewed every other version (http://www.the-magicbox.com/forums/showthread.php?p=162976#post162976) of Altered Beast, I figured I should also review the PS2 version if only for the sake of completeness. Other versions of Altered Beast which has you brought back to life from Zeus in the olden days in order to rescue his daughter who has been captured by the notorious Neff, and you must collect power orbs to slowly transform into a particular beast. With the exception of Zeus, Zeus's daughter, and Neff's absence, the lack of power orbs, the fact that the game takes place in modern times with lots of technology, crappier music and that the gameplay is completely different in every way, this version is exactly like every other version of Altered Beast. So let's take a closer look.

You are the only survivor of a helicopter crash (of course) and can run
around, jump and act like a dumbass just like a normal human.

Graphics: 6/10
The graphics aren't bad per se, but they just don't really have anything going for them. Just about everything seems really dark in the game, the bosses are large and some of them look pretty cool, but overall the graphics are barely above average. There are a lot of video clips when you transform into the Altered Beast and they look very, very painful. But they are fun to watch and there are many of them. The game runs at a constant 30 frames per second which made for some crisp hi-res screen captures as I played the game, but alas I had to shrink them down and JPEG them for this review. Don't like it? Well you can shave your balls and eat your pubic hair, because I don't care!

Translation: "What the hell does this game have to do
with Altered Beast, and why do I have to be in it?"


Sound: 2/10
The music in this game ranges from nearly mediocre to godawful. Don't buy the soundtrack for this one. You've been warned. The sound effects are fine, with lots of growls and creature noises and stuff like that which you would expect. There are no surround sound modes as far as I can tell, so you'll have to put up with plain ol' stereo. Nothing seems to matrix itself into the surround channels. The voices are all in English, so language is not a problem in this game. Most of the menus are in English as well. Key word being "most".

The werewolf (center) fights the first lame boss.

Gameplay: 4/10
You've played this game before, I guarantee it. How so? Well see if this sounds familiar: You start out with minimal powers. You use that power to wander around, collecting a few items and defeating enemies. There are areas you cannot get to. You fight a boss and gain a new power. You can use this power to gain access to a new area and work your way up to the next boss and gain yet another new power. Repeat. See, you've probably played a thousand games like this. An example of a good version of this gameplay style would be WonderBoy III: The Dragon's Trap for the Sega Master System. An example of a bad version would be this game here. Anyway you run around fighting enemies in order to get a new "chip". Each chip will let you transform into a new beasty. You can transform into any beast at any time as long as you have the chip. The transformations are painfully violent, with your skin tearing off and flying away as the beast emerges from within. Of course when you traansform back into a human (at any time except underwater) you are perfectly fine and without damage, and even your pants are restored and not even ripped. The first time you turn into the werewolf, your shirt gets ripped off but it never comes back for some odd reason. Each beasty (there are 6) has its own unique power which you must use to progress through the boring game. The game also features a boss mode and other boring options. You can even save your progress at checkpoints.

The merman is incredibly difficult to control and fight with.

Wrap up:
Every once in awhile a game will come out that engrosses you with its highly enjoyable gameplay and will be remembered fondly throughout the rest of gaming history. This is not one of those times.

Sinful Sam
07-13-2005, 05:00 AM
The game runs at a constant 30 frames per second which made for some crisp hi-res screen captures as I played the game, but alas I had to shrink them down and JPEG them for this review. Don't like it? Well you can shave your balls and eat your pubic hair, because I don't care!

Your evil, Joe!

07-13-2005, 09:23 AM
No Sinful Sam, that Altered Beast is evil. Why must they ruin classic series? They know full well that what they're doing is simply wrong. We can only fight back by not purchasing these crappy products.

Joe Redifer
07-13-2005, 10:04 PM
We Love Katamari (Minna Daisuki Katamari Damacy)
Playstation 2

Namco has a crappy building.

That zany Katamari Damacy is back! For the most part, it is pretty much the same as the first game, right down to making me queasy! Your goal is still to roll around collecting a bunch of junk until your ball gets so big that an entire planet can be made out of it (all of which resemble disco balls). Then you must roll up the planets themselves to collect the sun. Wacky wacky. I like wacky. Unfortunately this game doesn't seem to be as amazingly gay as the first, which makes it less funny.

Once again you roll up balls of crap as big as possible.

Graphics: 7/10
The graphics are pretty much identical to the first game. Props must be given to all of the polygons that must be onscreen at any given time just in the ball of junk alone, but detail is fairly scarce as are textures. I haven't noticed any slowdown or frame rate droppage. This game makes me queasy, whereas games like Super Monkey Ball which have far more motion do not. I blame the inferior designers here. To reduce the risk of motion sickness, play on a smaller TV. Also, this game does not run in 480p as reported in some places on the web, nor is 16:9 widescreen supported. It's plain vanilla, just like the first, but with some damed kooky designs. There are lots of graphics and text that will need to be translated into English for the US release.

The King as a punk teenager kicks some ass!

Sound: 7/10
Looking back at my Katamari 1 review, I did not assign a rating for the sound (brain fart). I would have given it an 8. I give the sound here a 7. While some of the music is really cool, it doesn't have all of the charm or kookiness of the original. OK it does have a decent amount of kookiness, but overall it isn't as crazy the original. You are able to select the music you listen to this time before you begin a stage. Some extra money was spent on the music as it has a full blown orchestra at times. You can unlock a sound test with 24 tracks. HERE (http://www.joeredifer.com/reviews/WeLoveKatamari-KuruKuruRock.mp3) is a short sample of my favorite tune from the game, full of high energy (916KB). Yeah, it kind of sucks, but I laugh at it. The sound effects are similar to the first game, with people and things making bizarre noises all around and the such. WARNING: There is one music track that will make you think your Playstation 2's laser is dying (easy to think since the laser in the PS2 is CRAP). This is the way the song was recorded, so don't worry!

Walk up to one of your "fans" and they will give you a mission.

Gameplay: 7/10
This game offers nothing that is really new that I could detect, aside from a few minor twists to the formula such as trying to keep a burning katamari on fire. When you are playing, it mostly feels like you are playing the first game except now there is less money in your wallet. Thankfully this game is cheap, so that's OK. It retains the dual-stick method of steering the ball which I have come to dislike. It is easy to know what you have to do to steer your ball, but it is slow and is about as smooth and responsive as driving a twenty-story tall mech. Again, I prefer the controls of Super Monkey Ball much more. But then again, Sega has always kicked Namco's ass. The cut scenes in this game aren't as outright bizarre as the first game, and that makes me sad, but we do get to see the King as a kid (I think it's him, anyway) and that alone is pretty damn funny, which makes me happy. JoeTip: Be sure to try and fail at least once when trying to roll up the sun. The king won't get pissed and shoot eye-lasers at you, I promise. But you must fail at least once. You can try to collect the sun by talking to the black dog. Sometimes as you are playing, the king will appear in the center of the screen and start mouthing off as you play. This is very annoying because it blocks what you are doing.

A burning katamari! Keep collecting things that burn and don't
touch the water! This stage takes place in Waco, Texas.

Wrap up:
This game is basically an expansion pack for the first and not much more. Fortunately the first game was pretty good.

07-14-2005, 09:39 AM
Good review, Joe. This part was especially memorable ~ "Again, I prefer the controls of Super Monkey Ball much more. But then again, Sega has always kicked Namco's ass." I'd get the import but I suppose I can wait for it to come out here later this year.

By the way, I'll finish work on the Game Music Mix #5 CD today and PM you the tracklisting. It will kick mucho grande ass, that's a promise!

Joe Redifer
07-14-2005, 10:51 AM
Also, there is voice in We Love Katamari that will need to be translated into English. Of course they may leave the narration out completely. But all of the FMV needs to be re-compressed as there is Japanese text in that.

Joe Redifer
07-15-2005, 07:57 PM

Real life Katamari!

07-15-2005, 10:18 PM
Real life idea for making Katamari Damacy

Joe Redifer
07-17-2005, 12:17 AM
This post that I am typing right now and that you are reading right now (God knows why... that is if there is a God) is only here to finish off the page so I can post my next review on the next page instead of this one. That way I won't have 10,000 reviews on a single page and it will take less than 1/2 and hour to load. I don't know why you are still reading this post, as there are no hidden gems or prizes here. It is just filler!

Joe Redifer
07-17-2005, 12:26 AM
OZ / Over Zenith
Playstation 2

Konami's new logo is so unmemorable.

I had never heard of this game until a little over a week ago. Fellow forum member Vicviper INSISTED that this game was Konami's version of Grand Theft Auto. Happily, Vicviper was wrong (as usual) and this game is a hack and slash combo/juggling action game! Vicviper was right in that this game was made by Konami though. And it's a great game that is actually fun to play!

You go up for the slam as Almira goes back to hit the enemy
again, juggling and increasing your deathblow meter. Can you
increase it all the way to "Over Zenith"?

Story: 5/10
Fellow forum member Vicviper ABSOLUTELY INSISTED that this game was about saving a princess. It took days and days, but I convinced him otherwise. He was sad because he wanted to score some poontang at the end of the game. Well, maybe! Since I am playing the Japanese version, I have no God damn idea what the story is. I don't know why everyone can't just speak English. The UN should enforce this when they establish their one-world government. From what I gather you must defeat some kind of enemy who goes against the common good. You pick up two companions whom you must defeat first. Yay! Even though I can't understand too much here, the story is still more entertaining than Hollywood crap like Sideways and that Hillary Skank boxing movie.

Almira is hot, and quite obviously a pirate as well!

Graphics: 7/10
Some of the graphics are designed with sort of a "Zone of Enders" look, especially when you see the characters in their armor. The graphics are pretty nice, but they aren't anything tremendously exceptional in the ocean of games for the Playstation 2. The Genesis could put 80 sprites on the screen, the Neo Geo could put even more than that. What does that have to do with this game? I have no idea, but there can be so much going on onscreen that you can get confused about where your character even is. I haven't noticed any slowdown and certainly no flicker. Everything runs at a constant 30fps. Since this is Konami, 480p and widescreen are NOT supported (like Nintendo, Konami either hates that kind of stuff and the gamers who appreciate it, or are completely ignorant that such features even exist). Most of the enemies are your size or about twice your size, with a few being much bigger. Many of the stylish anime cutscenes are compressed so much that artifacts are clearly visable as the screen turns into a mess of pixels. I'm not sure why they compressed it so much, as the game is only 3.41GB. Regardless (or "irregardless" for all you peeps who dislike proper English), the anime cutscenes look cool and are really neat-o to watch.

Unleasing your deathblow causes "hella" damage!

Sound: 9/10
There is quite a lot of voice, and the characters like to gab and gab ad nauseum. The sound effects are average and aren't anything to write about beyond this very sentence that you are currently reading now. The music is, for the most part, outstanding. Composed by Michiru Yamane of Rocket Knight Adventures fame (and some odd game called Symphony of the Night) along with the help of two other asswipe musicians, the music really brings you in to the game with amazing tracks, and even some (Japanese) vocals sung to the tune of Alexander Borodin's "Polovtsian Dances". I hope they don't translate the singing into English. This music is much better than Lament o' Innocence was, and I found myself running around the levels wasting time just to listen to the music. It is rare that a game has good music. Usually it is licensed nonsense like Grand Theft Auto or some crap that nobody wants to hear. I highly recommend purchasing the soundtrack which will be released on July 20, 2005 (3 days before my b-day). Here's a track (http://www.joeredifer.com/reviews/OZ.mp3) from the game, but don't download this if you'd rather hear the music unfold as you play the game! I hope the next Castlevania game will have music this good, but I doubt it. They seem to find more and more ways to wreck Castlevania these days. The programmers must hate people who buy videogames. Ah well, I must keep hope alive! Free Nelson Mandela!

In this cutscene, your dude looks in the mirror, realizes that he is
a "metrosexual" and therefore super gay. Just look at that eyeliner!

Gameplay: 8/10
I am actually surprised that I enjoy this game. Maybe it is because I am playing the Japanese version before anyone and that makes me feel elite and better than everyone else. Actually I am just kidding... I feel like that all the time! But in this game you control a dude and have limited control over some chick and some other dude who fight with you after they join your religious cult. You can tell your comrades to attack certain enemies while you attack others. Special attacks can be gained when you "juggle" enemies, that is bounce them back and forth between yourselves. The more you do this, the higher your "deathblow" meter becomes. Using your deathblow you can unleash a single devastating attack, or combine with your friends for an all out melee. Your deathblow meter decreases quickly, so use the attack while you can. Some enemies and objects can only be defeated with a deathblow, so you'll have to power yourself up again and again just to get past a certain room. This is also a combo game, which means that if you press the attack button a couple of times and stop, your characters goes through move after move before you are allowed to control him again. That kinda sucks. You try to turn your character away but nope, gotta swing the sword two more times for no reason! There are a few times when the camera is an issue as well. But overall the game is surprisingly enjoyable, and with 19 chapters it'll keep you busy for almost a day. You can even unlock a sound gallery if you beat the game with 10 or more intelligence fragments!

Oh yeah, get ready to deal some metrosexual punishment
on the monsters and some blue/green stones!

Wrap up:
A very good game with no current US prospects. However I am betting that it will find its way over here soon. If it does, snap it up, and tell 'em Joe sent ya! Ignore the funny looks they give you when you tell them that, though.

07-17-2005, 01:37 AM
Hey wait a minute... Noones allowed to play a Konami game without my freakin approval first.

07-17-2005, 01:55 AM
You sure are putting a lot of words into my mouth! "Vicviper said this!" "Vicviper said that!" aaaahhh bull****!!! I never said anything and you can't prove it. I think the public trusts me more than you!
Anyways nice review and I look forward to playing this game.

Sinful Sam
07-17-2005, 02:51 AM
Oz sounds good. Konami better release it here!

Joe Redifer
07-17-2005, 05:55 AM
I never said anything and you can't prove it.
Yes I can. Here is the e-mail about OZ you replied to:

Hey Joe OZ is basically just Grand Theft Auto done by Konami with
unique Japanese twists. You also have to save the princess, but you get
to nail her at the end of the game. Also, please stop siphoning gas out
of my car as I sleep, or I will call the police on you again!!

-Authentically and officially signed in the presence of a notary,

On 7/10/05 9:48 PM, "Joe Redifer" <JoeRedifer@film-tech.com> wrote:

> Hey Vicviper have you ever heard of the game called "OZ" by Konami for the
> PS2? Also can I borrow some money again? Thanks.

> --Joe

Paper exe
07-17-2005, 07:52 AM
If it has great music then I am surely going to get it.
Thanks Joe, I would not know this if you did not review the game, because all the other reviewers (AKA IGN and GameSpot and the likes) don't know what good music are, and they don't even care as will, in fact they don?t include it in there review, there reviews are also for the mainstream idiots that deserve to be locked in a room until they learn there lesson.

07-17-2005, 09:11 AM
Great music, eh? I'll have to listen to it sometime. I see that you're reviewing games more often than usual. Good job. :cool guy:

07-17-2005, 11:09 AM
OMG OMG OMG!!!!! You have no right to post that e-mail!!!
Since you posted that e-mail I will only let you borrow $500 instead of the usual $1000. And I expect re payment soon!

07-17-2005, 01:28 PM
I messed with it a little at a friends place today. Not sure what I think of the gameplay since I've never been big on action button fests, but the music seems to definately be lush.

Joe Redifer
07-17-2005, 07:11 PM
To be fair, the game does take a little bit of getting used to, and there is a learning curve. The learning curve would be decreased if it weren't in JAPANESE!

Joe Redifer
07-18-2005, 02:53 AM
Well I was going to review Alien Hominid tonight, but the game is so boring that I can't play it to capture screenshots. Here is a quick run down:

Nonexistent, but for some reason an unlimited supply of FBI guys want to kill you.

Crap. I hate Newgrounds, even though I did contribute a bit of content to it. I think if you're over 14 years old, Flash animation starts to lose its appeal. But as is common with a lot of Flash animation, the graphics in this game are overly animated just for the sake of being animated. It is hard to tell what the hell is going on and you often die without knowing why. Everything looks the same, and the same boring FBI guys never stop coming. Gay.


Crap. It tries so hard to be a good game like Metal Slug, but it cannot. It was made by somebody who knows Flash, not games. The game is hard, but not in a good way. Mostly it is just stupid. Most importantly, though, it is EXCEEDINGLY boring. I think I fell asleep by stage 1-10,000. I kept thinking to myself "How many god damned stages do I have to go through to get past stage 1 for *****'s sake?" Extremely gay.

Wrap up:
Avoid. Get Metal Slug instead.

Paper exe
07-18-2005, 03:37 AM
And I was thinking of buying it. Thanks again Joe.

Joe Redifer
07-18-2005, 03:46 AM
I'm always happy when I help someone avoid a boring game, even if it is cheap.

07-28-2005, 06:02 PM
gah, alien hominid was horrible! after i bought it i gave it to sinful sam as a birthday present.

Joe Redifer
07-28-2005, 06:07 PM
Why do you hate Sinful Sam so much?

George Foreman
07-28-2005, 10:23 PM
Hey Joe, can you review Toy Commander?? :sweat:

Joe Redifer
07-29-2005, 03:22 AM
No I can't being as that I don't have access to that game. I rented it once ages ago, and I remember flying around a room in a plane. I also know that the game runs in 480p 16:9 widescreen.

George Foreman
07-29-2005, 08:44 PM
Since you mentioned TV's, do you know the best 20 or so inch HDTV for the cheapest price?

Joe Redifer
07-29-2005, 10:36 PM
Well, no. I'm not sure they make them that small. Try searching Google with the term: HDTV 20 inch.

07-30-2005, 07:16 AM
Word through the grape vine is SCEA rejected OZ joe :crying:

edit: Sony has turned it down in the US (3 times), supposedly because it would hurt sales of their Genji which is coming out this fall, which by most all accounts doesn't hold a flame to Oz.

Joe Redifer
07-30-2005, 03:46 PM
That is ridiculous. It makes me angry. Did OZ hurt Genji sales in Japan? I hate US companies and their mentalities.

Joe Redifer
08-04-2005, 10:59 PM
Kirby Canvas Curse
Nintendo DS

Such an odd title. I would think that "Kirby's"
(possessive) Canvas Curse would be better.

Hal Laboratories has never been known for great games. Since they are a lab, they are more used to cloning monkeys and dissecting rats than making games. But when Nintendo tells them to make a Kirby game, they do because they need to keep the money coming in for their monkey cloning! And thus we have Kirby Canvas Curse for the DS.

Hail screens stolen from the internet! You must touch enemies
with the stylus before Kirby can touch them to defeat them.

Graphics: 6/10
Hal has never been known for great graphics. They don't like to spend too much time making the game. The graphics here are fair but not often much more. The game is presented 2D style! There is some rotation and multiple layers of scrolling, but the far background layer never scrolls in any direction ever, and there is only one layer on top of that. There is nothing here that the Gameboy Advance could not do with extreme ease. The game is played on the bottom screen and the top screen is used for a map and vital statistics. The map is very helpful, but it is NOT a good idea to ever take your eyes off of the bottom screen in the later, hectic stages! You'll know exactly what I mean once you get up there. The sprites are drawn well, but a few of the backgrounds themselves seem kind of sloppy, as in poor artwork. That's what happens when you ask scientists to draw.

Why do the internet pictures have a
much bigger life bar? I WANT!!!!

Sound: 5/10
Hal has never been known for great sound and music. The music here is typical Kirby, which basically means crap. Nobody on the planet likes Kirby music, nobody. Not even one individual. No one at all. If you think you like Kirby music, then you are probably possessed by the devil or maybe Bill Cosby. Actually some of the music is decent and almost even good, but others sound like notes just randomly thrown together without structure of any kind. The sound effects are adequate and get the job done and there is even a SURROUND setting in the options screen if you want to hook your DS up to a Dolby Pro Logic II sound system. You can unlock more music with medals, and the special music sounds much better than the game music. I don't know why they just didn't use that stuff for the game. The Gameboy Advance could easily do all of the sound in this game with ease, with the exception of the DS's unique stereo effect.

Kirby can do loop-de-loops, which automatically makes
this game the best game ever made starring Kirby.

Gameplay: 7/10
Hal is usually known for its mediocrity, but at least the gameplay is fun! You must guide Kirby where to go by drawing lines, popping blocks and lots of other crap I don't feel like describing. Kirby is a lame character, the lamest ever to come out of Japan ever. OK not as bad as Dragon BallZ, Gundam or Naruto, but still pretty bad. Everyone hates him (except again, Bill Cosby). But if the game is fun people like Clint Eastwood and myself will play even if the main character is unappealing to the average sane individual. Kirby is designed to appeal to 1-3 year olds. But this game is much too difficult for 1-3 year olds. I'd put this one in the TEEN category on difficulty. The first few levels are easy, but the upper levels demand that you concentrate on many things at the same time and be ultra-fast and accurate with the stylus. Sometimes when the screen is scrolling by itself you can accidentally draw Kirby into a corner and you have to wait for your line to disappear before he can escape, and he usually dies when this happens. Kirby can get abilities that he uses when you touch him, like a lightning bolt or a rock to sink, and even a super mega combo attack from God (use this one on level 6 where the screen scrolls itself and you must pop a bunch of bomb-walls without the luxury of time). Sometimes when you want to touch him and activate his power, you draw a line instead, or vice-versa. It can be annoying when Kirby's mode is enabled (such as the rock) and you want to draw a line but accidentally touch Kirby instead, turning him back to normal, floating Kirby.

Most of the levels seem too long for me. I hate long levels in ANY game, really. That's not to say that I prefer short, tiny levels. Medium is perfect. And of course there are bosses. Why must every game have bosses? There is one boss which will remind you of that one Castlavania game for the DS which made you draw lines in order to defeat bosses. You have to do the same thing here as you did in that game, so it will feel familiar. That is the only boss in this game that I actually like, by the way. There is also a fun rolling jump which you do after you complete a level. It's very hard and I haven't even made it to 1000 feet (or whatever units they measure it in) yet. I would like to see that as an unlockable minigame, but I guess I suck too much. You collect medals and use them to unlock music and other crap like that. I don't really care about that kind of stuff. There are also your typical speed runs and boss modes and stuff like that. You'll be cursing like terrorists do at America when Kirby is underwater (the developers LOVE to implement this all over the game as much as they can) or when you have to keep torches lit to see what you are doing (the terrorists... err I mean developers love this as well). It is pretty fun to play, but it sure can get hectic! You need to try this game, or you are BANNED for a day.

And here's how the game REALLY looks on my DS.
Notice the tiny life bar. I got the shaft!

Wrap up:
Hal has never been known for great wrap ups. This is a good game and even better if it is a gift! Out of the 10 or so DS titles that are actually in stores, this is one of 3 or 5 you should own! Also be sure to play Hal's Hole-in-One Golf for the Super Nintendo, which is Hal's best game ever! Their worst might be Hyperzone or one of the other Kirby games.

08-05-2005, 08:25 AM
Hal used to excel at music (Arcana, Alcahest, etc.) because over 50% of their school training was devoted entirely to the process of composing music. I'm sure that it wasn't originally in their best interests to become acquired by Nintendo only to drone out one Kirby title after another. It would've been awesome if they'd been allowed to forge their own concepts. But you saying that Hal has always sucked at composing is just wrong and the right thing for you to do would be to write Hal an apology, send them your paycheck, your DS, and your girlfriend as well.

George Foreman
08-05-2005, 11:01 AM
I thought that the Kirby game was great(exept for the music :annoyed: ) and have gotten every medal but three. The bosses pissed me becasue I can never get an A on them.

08-05-2005, 11:20 AM
Kirby music's great: http://kirby.ocremix.org/

I like 04.

Joe Redifer
08-05-2005, 07:28 PM
That CD is awful, Xander. Awful. Ask fellow forum member Vicviper for the authoritive opinion. 04 is one of the few decent songs on there.

Nintendo RUINED Hal? Nintendo likes to ruin a lot of things, it seems.

08-05-2005, 07:58 PM
I agree that most of it isn't that great, but there are a few songs that really take me back to my childhood when I used to play Kirby Super Star, the Dreamland series, Kirby's Avalanche, Kirby's Dream Course... Man, they really weren't that great, but some of those tunes just stuck in my head for years. Most of all 04.

George Foreman
08-05-2005, 09:53 PM
All the songs took me back expecially the old school track which I just recently beat the game on. However, now the songs are boring and are really short.

Oh yeah, and 04 was pretty good.

08-05-2005, 10:01 PM
yes, that CD is aweful. I only listened to it to make Joe Redifer happy. But he is never happy so it was a waste of time. We could have been listening to Shooting Battle II instead. It is so bad that it is sitting on the floor of my car without any protection. I dare say it will be in my garbage the next time I clean my car.
Anyways this game is more fun now that I've played passed 5%. I do like it and it can be frustrating at times but still fun. I hope HAL makes a Smash Bros for DS. Or maybe a Kirby's Dream course II. Or even better a new Kirby block ball or Kirby pinball.

08-05-2005, 11:05 PM
Sorry, I'll be sure to post a better CD next time just so you guys can have more fun in your lives.

08-06-2005, 12:03 PM
Hey Joe, can you review Toy Commander?? :sweat:
I have that game for DC. I thought it was entertaining. I like how you can drive around and shoot random things such as eggs. And somehow and apple can catch on fire by firing at it a couple of times :confused: :confused:

George Foreman
08-06-2005, 07:46 PM
Toy Commander was great. Not only could you shoot at things but, you could knock stuff over to use in coverage in multiplayer.

Joe Redifer
08-13-2005, 02:55 AM
Road Avenger
Sega CD

Cool artwork, bad packaging.

Back in 1985, Data East made a Laser Disc game called Road Blaster, though they had to change it to "Road Avenger" in the US to avoid confusion with Atari Games' "Road Blasters" which had nowhere near the crazy amount of fun and hilarity this game has. Anyway Road Avenger is probably the best full motion video game ever made, and most definitely the best cartoon Laser Disc game ever. It stomps all over the likes of Dragon's Lair with it's coolness (though Dragon's Lair does remain #2). The minimalist company Wolfteam sought fit to bring this game to the Mega CD along with a few other Japanese LD games, and Renovation released it in the US for the Sega CD.

Sulu announces that this game is from Wolfteam.

Story: 9/10
For absolutely no reason whatsoever, a gigantic group of thugs decide to start trashing everything in town on a particular day. Of course this is the day that you just married your super-fine whore. As you and your new whore-bride are driving to the No-Tell Motel, the thugs cause you to crash your car, killing your new wife. And now you are PISSED! You walk back to your garage and get your other car, and by God you will cause as much destruction as humanly possible all over the city! Tales of revenge are always fantastic!

Everyone tries to stop you. EVERYONE! Even
lowly workers who are simply building roads.

This fuel tanker tips over for NO REASON other
than to try and kill you with the explosion.

Graphics: 8/10
This is a hard category to rate. On one hand, the graphics are very grainy and don't have a high frame-per-second rate, and they don't fill the entire screen. On the other hand you have the style of the artwork, which is completely awesome. There are so many crazy scenarios in this game that I originally captured 72 different screenshots as I played through for this review. I wanted to show them all! But then I narrowed it down to about 30 or so, then 22, then 11, and finally to the screens you see here. It was a tough choice, I tell ya! This game is great even just to watch.

At the end of a stage, you often turn around and
admire the death and destruction you've caused.
Burn, baby, BURN!!

Sound: 7/10
The sound is pretty darn cool, with sparse music provided by Motoi Sakuraba of those Tales games. The stereo effect is very cool but the sound is a bit fuzzy since it has to share the bitstream with the digital video. It doesn't sound quite as clean or as impressive as Cobra Command did. But it gets the job done. The Genesis makes sounds when an icon appears onscreen indicating what you should press. These noises are pretty loud in comparison with the rest of the sound. Fortunately if you have a Genesis 1 and a Sega CD 1 and you have them hooked up the correct way, then you can just lower the volume slider on the Genesis a little bit and everything balances out perfectly.

You'll drive through hotels with zero regard for innocent
bystanders. That is what makes this game so great!

The intro song to the game by J-Walk (who the hell is that?) is hilarious, mostly because it is largely unintelligible. In fact, I offer $5 to anyone who can correctly decipher the lyrics! It doesn't count if you find them online (and I will find out, as I will Google your lyrics and variations of them). If you want to try for the free $5, I have recorded a 7.2 MB Quicktime video of the intro which you can DOWNLOAD HERE (http://www.joeredifer.com/reviews/RoadBlaster.mov) to listen to and watch. If you don't want to try, then at least you can be amused and entertained. **note: offer has long since expired**

One of at least FOUR helicopters that you must destroy.
If you time it right, you can make the helicopter crash
into the building and destroy that as well!

Gameplay: 7/10
There really isn't much in the way of gameplay here. You turn left or right when prompted or put on the turbo or brake. That's basically it. But still, it is crazy fun due to the rambunctious action which is going on nonstop. It is awesome! I've played though this game many times and each time I do I have loads of fun and laugh. Some of the scenarios, like driving on a pier, driving in the sewers (which just happen to be densely populated with traffic of all sorts, even a Lamborghini), to flying off of a building are so over the top that you just can't help but love this game. It is a must have for the Sega CD, that's for sure.

Even the farmers gang up to kill you!

No one is safe from your rampage. NO ONE!!!!

Wrap up:
A great game that makes use of video. You don't hear that too often. A highly enjoyable game for the Sega Mega CD.

08-13-2005, 04:07 AM
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!

08-13-2005, 11:11 PM
I would expect no more from someone with a rubber soul.

Great review, Joe.

08-13-2005, 11:14 PM
A wonderful inside joke that only Joe and I will laugh upon. But yeah, great review.

08-14-2005, 08:06 AM
As you own most every Sega CD title, Joe, what do you think of Time Gal?

"Time shhhtop!" :cool:

Joe Redifer
08-14-2005, 08:08 AM
Time Gal sucks!

08-14-2005, 08:16 AM
:lol: I remember renting it. I thought it was pretty funny. Do you have a favorite Sega CD game? Mine is probably Shining Force CD or Dark Wizard (I love strategy games).

Joe Redifer
08-14-2005, 07:27 PM
Ummm, not that I know of. I'd have to get back to you on that.

I take it that nobody wants the free $5?

08-15-2005, 03:37 AM
Im gonna survive (sounds like revive?). Where I hide on the road. Ive got nowhere to hide. Im gonna use a weapon, weapon?. Make it feel like burning road..(something, something).. Oh im gonna make it...

Thats about all I got and I know that most of what I have isnt right but thats what it sounded like. :lol:

08-15-2005, 01:30 PM
"Virtua Quest-7"
mmm, yeah I stopped reading right there. Divide that by two, then multiply it by zero. Then divide the zero by two and set it on fire.

Joe Redifer
08-15-2005, 02:41 PM
Have you even played the game for more than 10 minutes? Obviously since you stopped reading right there, you don't care to read what's right with the game.

08-15-2005, 02:50 PM
Question: Did you rate We Love Katamari lower than Katamari Damacy because it felt like an expansion pack?

Joe Redifer
08-17-2005, 05:43 AM
Yes, mostly. And the music wasn't as good.

Anyway only one person tried to win the $5 (I would have paid, too!). Disappointing. I honestly don't think people read the full text of my reviews, and that proves it. Anyway here are the full, correct lyrics courtesy of Karen Safran at Renovation:

"The Road Avenger"
English version
Written by King Reguyth
Music by J Walk

I know I'm gonna revive
When I am on the road
I've got nowhere to hide
When I am on the road

There's no use in wondering what
Made you feel like parting from me then, girl
How many more tears must I shed
So as to melt the frigid wall of time

So I'm gonna break it
Have no fear on the road
You know I'm sure to make it
No matter what's on the road

I know too well it's very hard
It's just barking for the silver moon
But I don't care how long it takes
As long as she lights up my way in the gloom

Until the very moment
When I see you again
I'll keep speeding along the road to the sun
The burning sun!

Hear the roars of my car
I'm nearly 'round the bend
Searching for the love that we did share
There's no one who can stop me now

Nobody gets the $5. Contest over.

More Road Avenger trivia. Did you know that Road Avenger attempted to corrupt the minds of society? IT'S TRUE!!! Check out the packaging below:


Can you feel your hormones raging and the desire to commit evil acts which will send you to HELL? Well check out the enlarged picture below to find out why:



Joe Redifer
08-17-2005, 09:44 PM
Metamorphic Force

This is the title screen.

Metamorphic Force is a Final Fight type brawler that was released by Konami exclusively to arcades in 1993. Hooray for them and everyone else in the world.

Even with fur you can see muscle definition on each and every
one of the beasts. Also, as you can see you play in Isreal.

Graphics: 7/10
The graphics are fairly decent, but the color scheme might give some people headaches, and many strong and conficting colors are often used. Bright pink on bright blue? Ouch, my eyeballs! Looks like a typical Neo Geo game.

The game lets you know when you are about to die so you
can start looking around the room for other games to play.

Likewise since the programmers know that you are about to
fall asleep, they put ATTACK signs with arrows on the enemies.

Sound: 5/10
The sound and music is of pretty good quality, but none of the tunes are anything you'd want to listen to on their own. No strong melodies here. There are some voices with the typical reverb they like to add to arcade games. Sounds like a typical Neo Geo game.

Watch out for the giant ice man who spits a bunch
of bee/crab/scorpions at you! Ouch my eyeballs!

Gameplay: 4/10
The goal of the game is to win and not die. You start out as a human and then turn into Altered Beast, only not as cool. You are even awakened by a God(ess) just like All-turd Beast. And just like Golden Axe some dude runs around with a baggy and drops stuff when you attack him, and then comes back for more. This game does not have one original thought. It is very repetitive and I can see why they never bothered to release it on a home platform. Don't be surprised if this shows up in some sort of "Konami Memories" compilation, though. Plays like a typical (early) Neo Geo game.

The werewolf has decided to jump off a cliff and commit suicide
in order to end the boredom and repetition of his world.

Wrap up:
If you ever wondered what Konami could do on the Neo Geo, look no further than this game! It swear it uses the same engine as Ninja Combat. The only thing is that this ISN'T a Neo Geo game, if you can believe that.

08-17-2005, 10:40 PM
aww man! Now is one of those times I wish I could rewind the clock to 1993 and go play this sweet ass game at my local arcade. Damn!

George Foreman
08-18-2005, 08:03 PM
Since you are reviewing arcade games could you review The Simpsons Arcade Game? :D

Joe Redifer
08-18-2005, 10:01 PM
I will try.

08-19-2005, 12:21 PM
this game used to be at my local arcade before they closed it down.sadly they closed all of the arcades down at once,one right after the other.

now all that we have is a pitiful excuse of an arcade that has one tekken(number whatever) machine and a dance dance revolution of some sort.ahhhhhhhhhh the good ol' days *gets all misty eyed* anyone here who still has a local arcade that gas a good selection of games should be thankful.

Paper exe
08-19-2005, 02:39 PM
So that was what my dream meant. We don't have any Arcade kind of places here, but I did dream that they all where shut down. My dream maybe was about every one in the world and how a lot of these Arcade places where shut down in a lot of countries.
I am so awesome and important; I get dreams about all humanity. :cool:

08-25-2005, 10:39 AM
review Nanostray Joe because ZI know you have it and you will review it!

08-26-2005, 08:52 AM
And then sometime later do a review of Phantasy Star Generation 2. :cool guy:

Paper exe
08-26-2005, 11:02 AM
Joe, how could you ignore my PM? :( :mad:
For your punishment you will have to answer this as well.
My SNES AC Adapter has water in side it (I don't know how it gets in) what to do? We have the strongest sunlight here, so I can easily make it dry, but would the extreme heat that US and Europe will never even feel may be a little too much for the Pal SNES AC Adapter?
Is it too late? Is the only SNES AC Adapter that they no longer sell here and I no longer have the chance to buy it is gone forever!? Would I ever play my SNES again? :( :(

Joe Redifer
08-26-2005, 02:42 PM
Paper, I do not answer all PMs. Don't feel bad. As for your SNES adaptor the obvious solution is to get a new one. I bet even Nintendo would sell you one brand new. Or look on eBay if that is not ilegal in your country for a PAL SNES adaptor.

Paper exe
08-27-2005, 02:46 AM
It seems you don't have an answer to that problem, but I am sure that you have on this question.
I am confused and doubting what I heard. I heard that the US version of Sonic DC has Sonic 2 music, but the Japan version has new music. In Sonic Gem Collection (US version), Sonic CD has music that I never heard before, but I hate it, so which is right?
A) Was what I heard was wrong and Sonic CD in US has new music, only that they are bad.
B) This is the Japan version music, that why it is new.
C) Both.

Joe Redifer
08-27-2005, 02:59 AM
What? NO! Sonic 2 music only exists in Sonic 2. Sonic CD Jap has music composed by Sega of Japan's in-house musicians. Sonic CD USA and PAL has music composed by acne-scarred Spencer Nilsen and it features soul singing and a song called Sonic Boom which is even more limp than soft rock.

The most recent shot of Spencer

Paper exe
08-27-2005, 08:24 AM
........... Ok. I am actually talking about the zones music, which is what important to me. Is the Japan and US and PAL version has the same Zones music in Sonic CD or Japan version is different?

Joe Redifer
08-27-2005, 08:15 PM
I do not have any clue as to what the hell you are talking about. Really. I'm talking about the music in the game.

Joe Redifer
08-27-2005, 10:09 PM
Nintendo DS

This is the box for Nanostray

Nanostray is a shooter. You shoot things. The goal of the game is to win and not die, just like Final Fantasy 7.

Graphics: 8/10
The graphics are pretty good for a portable system. The graphics are better than any of the current shooters on the PSP by far. There is some slow down and even some flicker, I swear.

Here is a game screen for Nanostray.

Sound: 7/10
The game does not seem to have as good a stereo effect as most DS games do. The music is probably the best on the DS, but that's not saying a whole lot. Sound effects are fair.

Here is another screen for Nanostray.

Gameplay: 6/10
There are horizontal shooters, vertical shooters, and meandering shooters. Nanotstray is a meandering, meaning it goes all over the place without purpose, just like Raystorm. These are by far my least favorite type of shooters. Game has 8 stages and is fairly easy. You collect coins and shoot things. Stuff unlocks when you beat it. Stuff nobody cares about. The touch screen is useless. Stick with a single weapon through the entire game (the 3rd from the top). The 2nd screen and touch screen are a complete gimmick in this game and actually detract from play. Game is pretty fun for a non-Japanese programmed shooter.

Here is the last screen on this page for Nanostray.

Wrap up
This is a shooting game for the Nintendo DS.

George Foreman
08-27-2005, 10:54 PM
I thought Nanostray was alright but, after the first playthrough I stopped playing the game altogether. I wish they would make a shooter like Solar Striker. That game was so difficult it took me about a year to get past the fourth level.

08-28-2005, 10:52 AM
Nanostray is pretty good for a portable shooter. I might play it again down the road but I feel like there isn't much to go back to. The unlockable stuff is mighty boring and the way the game grades you is lame. I got all F's and 1 D. It discounts points if you shoot to much! that is lame since this game is a "shooter"!!!!

Paper exe
08-28-2005, 12:33 PM
I do not have any clue as to what the hell you are talking about. Really. I'm talking about the music in the game.
OMG, first my brother then you!?
Forgot about the songs. I am talking about the level/stages music, you know, the music that you hear when playing the game.

Joe Redifer
08-28-2005, 01:57 PM
Yes, that is what I am talking about.

08-28-2005, 07:44 PM

man, that is one short review. i take it you thought the game blew, huh, joe? :)

Joe Redifer
08-29-2005, 03:19 AM
Naw people just don't read what I write, so I decided to write less. This was proven by my Road Avenger review. You think more people would have wanted to try for an easy $5, but only one person even mentioned it and that was after I posted about it again. I figure: "why bother"? Simple reviews for simple minds, I guess.

Sinful Sam
08-29-2005, 03:44 AM
I probably would have tried to decipher the lyrics in Road Avenger but I probably give up search on the net instead.

Paper exe
08-29-2005, 04:00 AM
Joe, I read it, but I don't take money from people therefore I did not replay, it is as simple as that.
Even I can read a tall review in a minute or even less, just don't make it oversize.

Joe Redifer
08-29-2005, 05:18 AM
LOL there was no rule that said you HAD to take the money! However your belief will become quite the predicament when you get a job and you refuse to accept the paycheck!

08-29-2005, 10:21 AM
Prince Paper has a kingdom to rule when the King dies so he will never receive a paycheck. He sits on piles of gold and jewels and has 50 people going all over the world buying him games and slaves and pretty white women. Paper reminds me of the prince in Katamari. Not the story line but the way he looks. Just like paper.
Oh and just because nobody answered your $5 question doesn't mean they don't read your full reviews.

08-29-2005, 04:01 PM
yeah, joe...

i need to post some screen shots like you do because it makes the review much better and more in-depth, but i don't have a way to take a picture like you do and post it. i could just grab a pic from a game site, but then i would have to site it... or i just could say **** it and do it anyway :D

08-29-2005, 04:33 PM
Oh and just because nobody answered your $5 question doesn't mean they don't read your full reviews.

Yeah, to be honest I don't read the reviews on the forum often but I do tend to check yours Joe, heh they amuse me. I was disapointed in the lack of wit in your screenshot captions this time!

08-29-2005, 05:06 PM
I would've tried to win the $5 if I understood anything that guy was saying in that song.

Joe Redifer
08-29-2005, 08:09 PM
I would have liked to know that people were at least trying. It's like being a comedian on stage, telling a good joke and not having a clue whether anyone laughed or not.

EDIT: Evil typo

08-29-2005, 08:11 PM
i am sure many do not read my reviews. so, sometimes i feel it is pointless to write one, but i do it anyway.

08-30-2005, 08:20 PM
joe, review gradius V or i will suicide bomb your review thread. you don't want that...

Joe Redifer
08-30-2005, 08:26 PM
Didn't I already review that? I thought I did. Maybe I just read Icarus' review and thought it was mine or something.

08-30-2005, 09:20 PM
hah... no, you have not reviewed it.

Paper exe
08-31-2005, 07:53 AM
Prince Paper has a kingdom to rule when the King dies so he will never receive a paycheck. He sits on piles of gold and jewels and has 50 people going all over the world buying him games and slaves and pretty white women. Paper reminds me of the prince in Katamari. Not the story line but the way he looks. Just like paper.
Oh and just because nobody answered your $5 question doesn't mean they don't read your full reviews.
Why did you have to say that and show me how jinx I am for not being a prince and not living in a kingdom.

08-31-2005, 01:44 PM
paper, you take things too seriously.

Joe Redifer
09-02-2005, 07:36 PM
Nintendo DS

It is almost embarrasing having a box like this
sitting on my shelf. It makes me less of a man.

Nintendogs really isn't much of a game, but nonetheless I found myself spending quite a bit of time with it... in bursts. You can only really play for short bursts, and then suddenly there is nothing to do but wait. So here we go with the review!

Graphics: 7/10
The dogs look and behave (mostly) like dogs. The graphics and animation is well done. But dogs are the only things that move in this game. The backgrounds are alright. As you are taking your dog for a walk, the background scenery dissolves into a different scene as you go. You ALWAYS walk to the right no matter what. This game has no sense of direction. I was a little disappointed in the dog poop... it's not as dark brown as it should be and there are no flies that circle it. Oh well. Also, everything in the game from your house to outdoor parks seem to have some weird kind of white barrier all around the ground. What the hell?

You can pet your dog anywhere, you can even rub its
genitals and it LOVES it and wants more! Seriously!

Sound: 5/10
The sound and music is really nothing special at all. Dogs bark constantly. You can record your own voice and if you link up with another Nintendogs owner wirelessly then your voice will be played out loud on the other person's DS, so be sure to say something nasty and vulgar! I was also disappointed in the lack of little farting sounds as the dog takes a huge dump on the sidewalk.

Look at the white dude with the black cap. Fellow
forum member Vicviper thinks that guy is a man of color,
but he's not. I have three dogs all with different names,
but they all seem to have the same name as his duck.

Gameplay: 7/10
Nintendogs, as mentioned above, is good in short bursts. If you already have a dog or more than one dog, you can feed and bathe them, take them for a walk, and enter contests. The problem is that you can only take them for a walk once every half hour (real time) and only enter them in 3 contests per day (real days). It uses the DS's internal clock, so I guess you could cheat if you wanted to by setting the clock way ahead. While going for a walk, your already-housetrained puppy pees and poops, and the map marks everywhere it pees for some reason which I can't understand. The poop leaves no marks, just like real life. Your dog will bring you presents like boots, hats, sticks, and dildos. You can sell them for some money. Speaking of that your character has NO JOB WHATSOEVER and the puppies are your sole source of income. You win money by winning contests and selling presents. Otherwise you will starve to death and you will all die. Yes, you are a slacker. The disc competition (re: Frisbee) is fun. The agility and obedience trials are really boring and not much worth playing. You can play in the park with other dogs, but they get in the way. When on walks, your dog can meet up with other dogs and fall in love (it doesn't matter if the other dog is a boy or a girl, Nintendo promotes homosexuality in a BIG way here.) This makes your dog happy but won't make you any more money so screw it. No homo-lovin' for my dog unless I get some $$$ from it! There is also a wireless mode which you can enable to hook up with other Nintendog owners, unlocking breeds and whatnot. I put my DS into wireless mode and carried it all throughout downtown Denver last Wednesday and I didn't meet anybody. Oh well. You can also unlock breed just by kicking ass and getting a high score at the game. You can teach your dogs tricks, but that is boring and completely pointless unless you want to enter the obedience trials. The game seems to have LOADING TIME for some reason, and the conversations between the two morons at the competitions in painfully slow and cannot be skipped. All breeds are unlockable in every version of the game, and I have already unlocked two breeds because I kick ass at playing this game.

You can tell where your dog has peed by all of the blue
"spots" on the map on the top screen. What purpose this
serves is beyond my comprehension. You can also go to
the secondhand shop and buy used dog food.

Wrap up:
Nintendogs is a good diversion away from real games, but it can't captivate you for hours on end, only in short bursts.

09-02-2005, 07:54 PM
joe actually reviewed nintendogs. way to go! unfortunately, i won't be reviewing it. your review was pretty funny as always.

George Foreman
09-02-2005, 08:37 PM
Great review! :clap: Have you played Advance Wars: DS?

Joe Redifer
09-02-2005, 09:05 PM
No, I'm not really into the strategery games like that and that one game on the Saturn, Dragon Wars or something like that?

09-02-2005, 09:07 PM
Your dog will bring you presents like boots, hats, sticks, and dildos. You can sell them for some money. Speaking of that your character has NO JOB WHATSOEVER and the puppies are your sole source of income. You win money by winning contests and selling presents. Otherwise you will starve to death and you will all die. Yes, you are a slacker.

Hah, basicaly the dog is a magical genie type mutt who can materialize objects out of no where, or maybe his ass, and gives them to you as presents, you of course do the most sensible thing and give away his presents that he magicaly pooped or dug out of the ground for you with all his love, all for money. Hilarious. I never understood why some of those dogs had presents in the screenshots I've seen until now.

09-02-2005, 09:22 PM
i especially like how joe points out the flaws in the game. you know, like the lack of pooping sound effects and the lack of real-life dog poop. :lol:

No, I'm not really into the strategery games like that and that one game on the Saturn, Dragon Wars or something like that?

dragon force? have you played it? i have been meaning to pick it up. i watched my friend play it years ago and it looked awesome.

Joe Redifer
09-02-2005, 09:27 PM
Yeah Dragon Force. I rented the Saturn version and wasn't too impressed. I played the recently released PS2 version and I was like "WTF?" so I deleted it.

09-02-2005, 09:30 PM
where did you get it?

'cause i don't think it's coming to n. america.

George Foreman
09-02-2005, 11:20 PM
I hate strategy games too(except Advance Wars).

09-03-2005, 12:41 AM
Well Joe's dog and my dog met tonight. One of Joe's three dogs gave me a Luigi hat for a present. I was impressed. So was my dog. My dog gave him a white boot. Joe wasn't impressed. The game is a fun diversion and since Joe actually is enjoying this game I let him borrow Animal Crossing. Do you think I will get it back? I hope. Now that I have Castlevania DS I will be spending more time with that than my dog. But no worries I won't let it starve to death.

Joe Redifer
09-03-2005, 12:52 AM
Yes you will, especially all that time you spend drawing on the screen in Castlevania DS. Where you able to see how I drew my name on YOUR Castlevania DS?

Sinful Sam
09-03-2005, 04:20 AM
You guys have Castlevania DS! :8): I expect a review soon Joe.

09-03-2005, 11:12 AM
You can tell where your dog has peed by all of the blue
"spots" on the map on the top screen. What purpose this
serves is beyond my comprehension. You can also go to
the secondhand shop and buy used dog food.
I think the spots or so if another person has nintendogs on their ds and their dog sniffs around where your dog pissed then it'll do like any normal dog and overwrite(lol) their piss.

Joe Redifer
09-03-2005, 01:00 PM
But when our dogs meet, they don't go for a walk in each other's cities, they stay in one room. My spots remain, no new ones appeared.

Joe Redifer
09-03-2005, 01:44 PM
Gradius V
Playstation 2

When I asked for "Gradius V" at my local Gamestop,
they thought I wanted "Gladius" instead. Morons.

Wow, the 2D shooter sure has come a long way! Unlike the completely uninspired R-Type Final, Gradius V blows us away with great graphics, good sound, and a fun game. It's amazing what all those elements can do together, eh? My biggest gripe about Gradius V is that it comes on a CD and cannot be loaded to the PS2 hard drive. Anybody with a brain knows that Sony electronics with moving parts tend to break down rather quickly, so I don't like having my drive spin this game nor the laser read it. Sony is a horrible manufacturer. If only I could play this from my hard drive I would be even happier. For now my PS2 still works fine, though. But you KNOW that won't last, even with my reduced drive and laser usage. I hope Sony gets AIDS.

This part of stage 1 is an homage to Gradius II, which
none of you losers probably ever played. For shame.

Graphics: 9/10
These are, by far, the best graphics ever in a shooter. Tons of color, animation, items moving around on screen at once in many different directions, detail, etc etc etc. The graphics here are nothing short of outstanding, and the designers use it to their advantage to cram as much stuff onscreen as possible in order to kick your ass. The aliens in this game seriously do not want you to win! They must be guarding the secret of where Jimmy Hoffa is buried or something. Of course since this game is from Konami, we are not treated to progressive scan (480p) or 16:9 widescreen. Konami hates gamers who have good TVs. Apparently so does Treasure, who programmed the game. Seriously though, Konami is still living back in the Playstation 1 days when it comes to taking advantage of the television set. This game could have easily supported at least 480p, and probably widescreen as well. Can you imagine how awesome that would have been (and how many game magazines would not have even noticed)?

Stage 4 is my favorite stage. It reminds me of what
happens to my innards after I eat a spicy hot burrito!

Sound: 7/10
The sound effects are good. Nothing spectacular but certainly not disappointing. The music is very good, though NOWHERE NEAR as good as Gradius III on the SNES (arcade Gradius III sounded like ass). This game has very little melody. It's mostly futuristic techno by Hitoshi Sakimoto, who is not exactly known for captivating music. But he does OK, even if he can't hold a melody. Welcome to the future, and the future is techno! Amazingly, the optical out port of the PS2 works for this game. It didn't in Gradius 3 and 4. No Dolby Digital or DTS is happening here, but that's all right. Sometimes after I go diarrhea, I must use excess amounts of toilet paper which can clog the drain, and that in itself is quite exciting.

This boss is easy. Anyone who can't beat it on their
first try without dying probably has giant anal warts.

Gameplay: 8/10
It plays like a Gradius game, only this game gives you much more control over what you can do with your options, and it actually enhances game play. Another thing that most definitely enhances gameplay is the fact that you reappear right where you die instead of getting set back to a certain point like inferior games. That alone increased my enjoyment of this game tenfold. You can turn that feature off if you hate good gameplay, though. But the game is hard enough as it is. Even Jesus Christ Hisself could not beat this game without continuing many times, and Jesus ROCKS as side-scrolling shooters! But although this game is tough, it actually makes you want to keep playing, as you get an additional credit for every hour you play (no you can't leave it on pause, you have to actually play) which enables you to get even further in combination with practice. Genius! When playing other games that are hard just for the sake of being hard like Ninja Gaiden, my attitude was "Screw this, who cares anyway?" but with Gradius V it's "More more more more I can do it!!!" There is no real ending to this game as you'll just start from level 1 again once you beat it. There is one point in the game where the Vicviper (the ship in the game not the fellow forum member) comes back from the future to help you, and then later in the game you play the Vicviper from the future. OMG! Fanboys everywhere will faint over this incredible plot twist.

This rotating stage of green goo is a BITCH!
Not even the SNES Mode 7 could dare handle this stage!

Wrap up:
A great shooter that is probably one of the best games in existence on the Playstation 2 platform. Yes, it kicks the hell out of Grand Theft Auto, Gran Turismo, Final Fantasy (any of 'em) and even Jak and Daxter. If you like any of those games I just mentioned, well then you had better like Gradius V even more or else you are a typical wannabe loser. You are no different than anyone else on the internet. Please commit suicide. Thank you.

Paper exe
09-03-2005, 02:10 PM
I own the Japan version of Gradius 3 and 4 for PS2. :cool:
Konami hates gamers who have good TVs.
I think they just care about people like me who never even seen a wide TV and doubt that there is a wide TV in the world.

09-03-2005, 05:38 PM
Paper, have you heard the saying "ignorance is bliss"? This is why you enjoy your current TV. If you played a proper game on a wide screen TV you would probably get a boner and never want to go back.

I creamed in my jeans when I was able to play the VicViper. I also did when I saw the VicViper in ZOE2.

09-03-2005, 06:10 PM
freakin' sweet review, joe. it is also about time! :D

have you heard the soundtrack for vagrant story? i know you have tactics... but i think that sakimoto is a damn fine composer even if he doesn't use too much melody.

Joe Redifer
09-03-2005, 07:00 PM
That's the thing, I'm kind of partial to melody (re: actual music). But Gradius V had some good stuff. I remember being bored by the other OST's you mention.

And Paper, if the game was in 16:9 widescreen and/or 480p, it's not like you couldn't play it the same exact way you do now. Crazy how that works, eh?

09-03-2005, 07:14 PM
yes, i love me some melodies. actually, there are a few in VS and FFT.

Joe Redifer
09-03-2005, 07:15 PM
Perhaps so, it's been forever since I listened.

Paper exe
09-04-2005, 05:11 AM
And Paper, if the game was in 16:9 widescreen and/or 480p, it's not like you couldn't play it the same exact way you do now. Crazy how that works, eh?
But in that way it doesn?t count that I played the game fully and I don't want that to happen.

Joe Redifer
09-04-2005, 06:24 AM
So you want games to cater to the lowest common denominator... YOU? Is that what you are saying? That is the most stupid comment I think I have probably ever read.

Paper exe
09-04-2005, 04:37 PM
Anyway, Joe, how could you forget reviewing Super Mario Land 3!? I doubt that you actually own the game, but if you do, then can you review it?

Joe Redifer
09-04-2005, 05:53 PM
I don't own ANY Gameboy games.

Paper exe
09-04-2005, 06:14 PM
I knew it.
Joe, you should really try Super Mario Land 3 it is just that great. Knowing that you can actually buy it easily and cheaply and that you own a GBA, why not go and buy one?

09-04-2005, 06:49 PM
Hey Joe can you review Shinobi Legions.

Or if you don't have it would you recommend it or would you say it sucks?

It goes for like $10-$15 on Ebay, I was thinking of getting it.

Joe Redifer
09-04-2005, 06:53 PM
Get it. I'll try and review it soon. It's better than most people will lead you to believe.

Joe Redifer
09-04-2005, 09:19 PM
Shinobi Legions
Sega Saturn

Ugg... A giant plastic box with crappy art.

Despite the beautiful "VIC TOKAI, INC" logo proudly and loudly displayed on the box, this game was actually programmed by Sega of Japan. But in the typical fashion of Sega of America not wanting to bring over more than 2 or 3 games from Japan at most, they passed this one up, and Vic Tokai of America published it here. Now where the hell was Vic Tokai with other forgotten gems like Parodius Forever with You, Radiant Silvergun, and hardware like the 4MB RAM cart? The US Saturn sure needed more love god damn it!

You've just unclogged the enemy's lower intestine!
What is with that getup you are wearing? Seriously.

Story: 2/10
No Joe Musashi in this game, unfortunately. Instead you get an awesome story about a pair of adopted brothers, one good and one evil, both skilled ninjas. The evil one predictably kidnaps their only sister, who is skilled in "peace". Hooray! She's not blood related to the brothers, so they both want to bone her something fierce. And she's kind of cute as well. The story unfolds in a very cheesey asian movie between rounds. If you like hokey, poorly compressed kung-fu movies you will be all over this.

See? You can still do the multiple shuriken toss.

Graphics: 7/10
Part of me wants to give the graphics an 8 because they are very detailed, but then again everything in the game is digitized and I hate digitized characters (like Donkey Kong Country). The graphics come off being much better and far more acceptable than Donkey Kong Country, though, most likely because Sega doesn't suck as much as Rare does. Ample sprite rotation is used throughout, and there is even a wee bit of scaling and transparency here and there. Lots of people say that no Sega system can do transparency but they are wrong (and morons). There are up to 5 layers of independent scrolling here depending on the stage, and the backgrounds all look very nice. The sprite animation is very good as well. The digitized video is extremely grainy.

Defeat the giant dinosaur and save Jurassic Park!
They digitized a real ninja and a dinosaur for this game.

Sound: 6/10
Yuzo Koshiro got delayed in traffic on the way to Sega to make music for this game, so they had to use the talents of someone else. Suffice it to say, this game does not have the techno "feel" that a few of the previous Shinobi games had. Instead it relies on a much more Asian-themed tunage, and it is slower paced as well. All of the music is produced by the internal Saturn MIDI, not streamed off of the CD. Word has it that this was going to be a Saturn cartridge game only, but then at the last minute they decided not to release any cart-only games, and they dropped in some FMV cut-scenes and called it a day. Still the music is kind of catchy and I do enjoy quite a bit of it, even if it does sound like a Saturn cartridge game.

One thing they have never perfected in all of Asia: ACTING!

Gameplay: 7/10
Don't listen to the naysayers, this game is actually fun! It plays mostly like a Shinobi game, except that the emphasis is MUCH more on swordplay than shuriken throwing. You still have shurikens and can toss 8 of them at a time in a couple different directions, but they are weaker here and are mainly a secondary weapon. You have a TON of different moves you can do with the sword, usually resulting in a bisected enemy. You can use your sword to block and deflect enemy shuriken as well, and this is very nice.. just press the "Y" button! You can double-jump and even bounce of vertical walls which is a very welcome feature. The pace is fairly fast and sometimes the screen may scroll too quickly for your slow ass. One thing I miss is ninja magic, which is strangely absent from this game. You can summon some giant dude who appears every time you swing the sword, but I'd rather have the 4 ninja magics. Unfortunately, there isn't a large variety of enemies and some of the bosses are a bit lame. But the game does pack quite a show if you can play all the way through. It is a worthy addition to your collection.

You can summon this guy up to assist for no reason.

Wrap up:
Everybody was expecting this to be exactly like Revenge of Shinobi or Shinobi III or something. Since it was a bit different people hate it. The same thing happened with Shadow Dancer on the Genesis (which I still play far more often than both Revenge of Shinobi or Shinobi III). When things stay the same people bitch. When things change people bitch. You can't win. Don't listen to the morons! This is a pretty good game!

George Foreman
09-05-2005, 10:52 PM
Hey Joe, have you played Mercs? Cause I'm thinking about getting it once I finally get my Genesis.

09-06-2005, 03:12 AM
Mercs is awesome on the arcade and is going to be on the sega arcade classics, too. the game is only decent on the genesis.

09-06-2005, 08:29 AM
Damn, I have Shinobi Legions but haven't played it in quite some time. The FMV in this game kicks ass! It's like watching an epic motion picture.

George Foreman
09-06-2005, 04:46 PM
Mercs is awesome on the arcade and is going to be on the sega arcade classics, too. the game is only decent on the genesis.

Is it like Icari(sp) Warriors?

09-06-2005, 08:56 PM
Is it like Icari(sp) Warriors?

somewhat, yes, it is top down. if you have never played mercs before, pick up the arcade collection from capcom because mercs is there, and it kicks ass. pick it up for genesis, too.

Joe Redifer
09-07-2005, 09:58 PM
Radiant Silvergun
Sega Saturn

Japanese Saturn games had such cool boxes.

Can you say "Overrated"? Of course you can. You are probably very familiar with the word "overrated" if you have any experience with the following: Xbox Live, Naruto, Dance Dance Revolution, iPod, cell phones that take pictures, anything manufactured by Sony which contains moving parts, Monster Cable, and most other games made by Treasure. On the internet this game is selling for like a billion dollars or something. I got my copy for $59 I think... brand new upon release. It's still in mint condition with spine card (that's my box scanned up there). Yeah. So on with the review.

Just one of about 10,000 bosses you must fight in each stage.

Graphics: 8/10
While the graphics in this game are generally pretty good, I can't help but get the feeling that this is what Sega CD games should have looked like with its much-ballyhooed scaling and rotation functions. But still this game looks pretty nice with no flicker and slowdown only when bosses die. Japan fucking loves slowdown as bosses die. What's up with that? I think it's their way of asking us to give 'em a 3rd nuke or something. Anyway the colors are good yet bland, whatever the hell that is supposed to mean. Straight lines are straight. If this game were on the Playstation, it would look FAR WORSE as all of the straight lines would be crooked, jumbled messes. The Playstation sucked.

Same stage, another boss which requires you hit it a billion times.

Sound: 4/10
Minimalist composer Hitoshi Sakimoto comes through once again without providing us with anything memorable. He hates interesting music. As with most of his other stuff, Radiant Silvergun's music is "just there". How this guy keeps getting hired is beyond me. People like Spencer Nilsen leave the industry but this guy stays? Even the sound here is very low key. The weapons barely make any sound at all, the explosions are all very quiet and unbecoming and there isn't anything really here to draw you in except for the voice acting at the beginning of the stages. When the voice acting is going on, it does make it seem fairly dramatic, as you are actually playing when it is happening. Other than that, you won't notice the difference at all if you happen to shut off your sound system while playing.

People who are losers will love the fact that there are anime drawings
of the characters here & there. People can't get enough of this crap!

Gameplay: 7/10
This is a vertical shooter, not a meandering one. This game stole the concept of individual buttons for each weapon from Thunder Force 5. There aren't any powerups in this game, and each button does a different thing. The pace is medium and the difficulty average. Since this game is made by Treasure, there are tons upon tons upon tons upon tons upon tons upon tons upon tons upon tons upon tons upon tons upon tons upon tons upon tons upon tons upon tons upon tons upon tons upon tons upon tons upon tons upon tons upon tons upon tons upon tons upon tons upon tons upon tons upon tons upon tons upon tons upon tons upon tons upon tons upon tons upon tons upon tons upon tons of bosses in this game. Treasure likes bosses, especially those with mediocre design. Treasure doesn't make too many games that I truly enjoy, and I do not agree with their retarded boss overkill concept, especially when they take tons upon tons of hits. Other than that this is a fairly basic shooter, and I don't really see the connection between this and Ikaruga. I do like this game much better than Ikaruga, however.
A blue transparent grid overlays this part of stage 2. Waitaminute...
Did I say "transparent"? On a Saturn game? That's right. Deal with it.

Wrap up:
A pretty good shooter that won't blow you away, but is worth having as part of your collection.

This review took me 1 hour and 15 minutes start to finish, and that included playing the game to capture the screens here, scanning the box, proofreading and correcting typos.

09-07-2005, 10:12 PM
I got Shinobi Legions off Ebay today.


Paid more than I wanted, $25.49 including shipping.

If it sucks I demand a check from Joe Redifer to Justin Mathis in the amount of Twenty-Five and 49/100's--------------

09-07-2005, 10:37 PM
yeah, joe, i really don't see why people think radiant silvergun is so awesome. my friend paid $175 for it. when i played it i didn't think it was THAT good! it is a good shooter, but paying 175 bucks for it is CrAzY! i would rather pay $150 for rondo of blood than radian silvergun. i also didn't think the music was really that good. sakimoto could have done better; the music was boring.

09-08-2005, 03:20 AM
True story about the Genesis version Mercs here. A long time friend of mine was in town recently and we used to play Mercs at the local arcade all the time, back in the day. The local used movie/music/video game store by my house had a complete copy of Mercs for the Genesis that had been tempting me for weeks. When my buddy got into town, we stopped by the used video game store and picked up the copy of Mercs, all excited to relive the great two player co-op goodness of Mercs. We got home, grabbed a few beers, inserted Mercs into the cart slot and powered up the Sega CDX. I then proudly placed the Mercs box on the bookshelf, along with my growing collection of Genesis and Sega CD games. I grabbed my two six button controllers, placed one in my buddies hand and the other remained in my hand. We sat down on the couch, took a few sips of beer and then I hit the start button. Hmmm....where is the 2-player option? Well, I told my buddy that I'll just start the game and that he could probably hit start and join right in, just like in the arcade. Hmmm...that didn't work. I turned off the CDX and powered it up agian, as I just must of missed the 2-player co-op option in the menu. Hmmm...still couldn't find it...I better check the instruction booklet. I picked up the Mercs box and there on the bottom left hand corner was a little 1-player only logo... :irked: ... :angry: ....
<fists raised in the air>Noooooo! Damn you Sega and Capcom!!!!!

Sinful Sam
09-08-2005, 03:46 AM
Japan fucking loves slowdown as bosses die. What's up with that? I think it's their way of asking us to give 'em a 3rd nuke or something.
I don't like the slow down either. It?s not even anything spectacular to look at.

09-08-2005, 10:51 AM
I, too, have Radiant Silvergun for Sega Saturn import. I've played it once.... Don't remember what I thought of it, but can certainly play it again and find out. I don't remember it as being outstanding, as you've obviously noticed, Joe.

There was another Sega Saturn import which I don't remember the name of offhand which is an action game and it's one of the rarest SS title ever made. Furthermore, if my brother is to be believed, normal converters won't allow you to play the game on a US Saturn. I'll look up the name later, if necessary.

09-08-2005, 01:00 PM
This review took me 1 hour and 15 minutes start to finish, and that included playing the game to capture the screens here, scanning the box, proofreading and correcting typos.

That's because your Joe "Mac/Multimedia/Audio Visual Master" Redifer. Seriously, I wish I had those skillz. Good review of Radiant Silvergun, Joe. :cool guy:

Joe Redifer
09-08-2005, 01:34 PM

Icarus, I do not use "converters" to play imports on my Saturn. I actually installed a switch to flip back and forth between regions. The unit literally IS a Japanese Saturn when that switch is flipped. I could play your rare game. And yes, I use the actual Sega 4MB RAM cart when I play X-Men vs Street Fighter. I can also play King of Fighters '95 which requires its own ROM cart (which I also own). I should review that game sometime. Remind me.

09-08-2005, 08:40 PM
yeah, man, that extra 4 meg ram turned xmen vs street fighter into arcade perfection. how much do those cost now? i really want one along with xmen vs street fighter.

how did you install that region switcher? i need to do that.

hey, joe, i think you should review king of fighters '95 for sega saturn... you know, that one with the ROM upgrade... :)

Joe Redifer
09-08-2005, 09:08 PM
You have to solder 8 jumpers or so on the Saturn PCB and wire the jumpers to some switches.

Joe Redifer
09-10-2005, 11:24 PM
So Icarus, you gonna tell me what that Saturn game is?

09-11-2005, 06:27 AM

It's called Shinrei Jusatsushi Taromaru (Psychic Force). It looks pretty cool.

Joe Redifer
09-11-2005, 03:39 PM
Oh crap I remember that game! I wanted to buy it but couldn't get hold of it. I bet my Saturn could play it, though.

Joe Redifer
09-15-2005, 03:37 AM
Upcoming games I hope to review soon in no particular order:

Burnout Revenge (Xbox)
King of Fighters '95 (Sega Saturn)
Shinrei Jusatsushi Taromaru Psychic Killers (Sega Saturn)
Spikeout Battlestreet (Xbox)
Urban Reign (Playstation 2) - Tentative
PC Gengin (Bonk's Adventure) (Playstation 2)

09-16-2005, 10:03 AM
Oh yes! You're gonna review Psychic Killers, and KOF '95! (I own '95-'97 for Saturn.) I'm curious how the Bonk's Adventure remake is seeing as SCEA is racist against 2D graphics, therefore preventing Hudson Soft from releasing it domestically. Those deceitful bastards!

Paper exe
09-17-2005, 05:28 PM
Joe, you talk about MotoGP3 a lot and you actually made me a little interested in the game, so can you review it? You don't have to if you have something better to do.

Joe Redifer
09-17-2005, 05:31 PM
I'll try to get around to it, but I've got a lot in the que right now. I've actually written two reviews so far but I haven't posted them yet because I haven't had time to capture screenshots.

09-19-2005, 09:32 PM
joe, have you checked your PMs?

Joe Redifer
09-19-2005, 10:06 PM
Yes, I get notified when I get a PM.

09-22-2005, 01:22 PM
Hmmm...I go an e-mail saying that you wrote another review, but it isn't here. :???:

Can't wait for the Spikeout review. :)

Joe Redifer
09-22-2005, 03:01 PM
I have written two reviews. One of them (Urban Reign) I accidentally submitted when I was proofreading it, so I quickly deleted it (it was up for maybe 10 seconds or so). The Spikeout review is done with the exception of capturing images from it. As I have no access to a composite or S-video hook-up for my Xbox, the reviews will have to wait until I can get images for that game and caption those pics. Spikeout will be first and I'll post two reviews simultaneously.

Joe Redifer
09-27-2005, 06:09 AM
Spikeout Battlestreet

I guess this game is kind of rare.

Everyone wanted another Streets of Rage game, maybe even in 3D. Sega was not so sure. Ancient Corp of Japan even programmed a 3D Streets of Rage demo to show to Sega, and it was working on the Dreamcast. Sega said "No way, fools!" Instead we got nothing until now. An arcade beat-em-up called Spikeout Battlestreet emerged made by Sega themselves, and it is now on the Xbox and it is a fairly rare game. Made by the same people behind Super Monkeyball and F-Zero GX for the Gamecube, we finally get a 3D arcade style beat-em-up.

Those pink pants aren't doing my manliness much good.
I must overcompensate by beating the city to a pulp!

Graphics: 7/10
The graphics are surprisingly good. The pictures I had seen of this game online left much to be desired in just about every area. Well looking at it on my TV it's pretty cool lookin'. The textures are fairly detailed, at least for the backgrounds anyway. The characters themselves look alright, nothing insanely detailed. Everything is bright and very sharp. Progressive scan is obviously supported since this is an Xbox game, and true 16:9 is supported since this was a game made by Sega proper. No stretched HUDs or menus. If I have one beef with this game it is the way each and every single character runs. It looks exactly like they have a corn cob stuck up their ass and couldn't get it out. Pretty funny stuff. Everything moves at 60fps... I counted on my fingers and toes.

I don't have a witty comment for this lame picture.

Sound: 5/10
Certainly not too much can be considered special in this category. The cut-scenes in the story mode sound cool with well-mixed Dolby Digital 5.1. The game itself sounds kind of weak. There are surround effects here and there, but nothing outstanding. Shinji Horseshoe composed a rather bland musical track to this one. All I can remember are light drum beats and lots of repetition. The offscreen narrator which lends many intelligent and insightful comments based on your actions like "Cool", "Bingo", and "Here comes the boss" sounds like the narrator guy from Mortal Kombat, which automatically makes me not like him. There really isn't much else I can say about the sound... average.

The game politely lets you know when a boss is coming since
they really don't stand out too much from the regular enemies.

Gameplay: 6/10
Well, it's a beat-em-up translated from an arcade game. First off, don't get your hopes up for another Streets of Rage, because the control and gameplay are nowhere near as good as that. You have your basic punches, kicks, and holds, plus you have a charge attack which does lots of damage but you rarely have the time to use it because you get attacked while you are charging. You can pick things up off of the ground, but I found that it was really hard to pick things up! Every time I tried I used up a special attack (of which you can also collect) or started charging my meter. If you manage to actually pick something up, you drop it the first time you are touched by an enemy. So basically I just ignore everything on the ground. There are 4 fairly long stages each broken up into about 5 areas. If you are playing in the story mode, prepare for frustration as you only have one life. Oy! You will die many times. Yes, more than 3 or 4. But there is another game mode which offers unlimited continues, but then it doesn't let you see the story scenes. Who cares about the story, anyway? Not I. The game progresses pretty much seamlessly through each stage, stopping for several seconds to load the next area now and again. There are online modes and a LAN mode and crap like that, but who cares? Yes, it gets really repetitive just like Streets of Rage with many duplicate enemies and whatnot. I am getting bored writing this review. It ends now.

If you can pick it up, this barricade does some nice damage.

Wrap up:
Once you play through it once, there is never a reason to power up the game again. Sure you can unlock lots of characters and stuff, but who cares?

Joe Redifer
09-27-2005, 06:09 AM
Urban Reign
Playstation 2

This game is Namco's take on America.

Urban Reign is a game I would have passed by without so much as a thought due to its typical "street" style graphics and that whole attitude in it. If you had shown me a picture of the game, I'd have probably said that the game was most likely a Grand Theft Auto rip off or something along those lines. But then I heard it was a beat-em-up style game, like Streets of Rage and Spikeout. That got my attention. I'm glad I took a second look. I'll mostly be comparing this game to Spikeout which is reviewed above.

You lost a quarter in the pinball machine and now somebody must PAY!

Graphics: 9/10
Despite being ridiculously dark (brightened for the benefit of the pictures here), the graphics comes off as extremely good, especially for the PS2. Hell, they're good for ANY system, and the graphics are far better than Spikeout for the Xbox. The animation is what really sets this game apart, as everything performed looks like a real human is doing it with regard to the physics and all of that crap. Not only that, but we're given both 16:9 and 480p which is pretty rare for a PS2 game, and it all runs great. Another thing that is great is that in 16:9 mode there are no stretched HUDs or menus or anything half-assed like that. It's all true, perfect widecreen. Since it is so dark it doesn't look quite as sharp as Spikeout, but I still think that anyone in their right mind would find the graphics much more enjoyable in this game. There is also much more variety in the characters and textures.

Here Grimm rudely shoves you into the tables.

Sound: 7/10
You've got your typical voiceovers of people trying to sound tough. Surprisingly there isn't much in the way of profanity. A lot of losers won't buy this game since it doesn't have profanity or ass-raping of hookers. Sure, there are some "not suitable for children under 7" words like "ballsy", "cajones", "hell", "damn" and the like, but this game relies on gameplay instead of shock value to make it good. The music is pretty good, but doesn't seem to have much in the way of variety. There is a very Akira Yamoaka-ish sounding guitar that you hear alot, and you think your next stop will be in the town of Silent Hill, but no. Hell I'm just happy that there isn't a rap soundtrack and instead they opted for actual music!

Here Grimm apologizes for shoving you into the tables earlier.

Gameplay: 8/10
The gameplay takes a slightly different turn on the typical beat-em-up genre, and for the better I think. Instead of throwing you into a stage and having you beat your way to the end through hundreds of enemies, it puts you into what I like to call "micro missions" with just a few enemies you need to defeat in a rather small area. This can be a barroom, a parking lot, an alley, or some other nonsense like that. Beat up all the guys there and it's time for the next mission (of which there are tons and tons). You can upgrade your character's abilities between missions and you learn new moves automatically as well. The control works pretty well with your basic strike and evade, but you can also run up walls and land on multiple enemies with your feet which is REALLY cool. There are times when the control does seem a bit unresponsive and you simply have to sit there and wait until your enemy finishes beating you. Due to the micro missions the game doesn't suffer from the extreme repetition that games like Spikeout and Streets of Rage do. And unlike Spikeout it is easy to pick up and use items! The RUN button takes a bit to get used to. You would assume that you just hold it down and press the direction you want to run in and let go when you are done running. If you thought that then you would be extremely wrong just like you always are 100% of the time. So actually I'm not surprised you thought that. You always think wrong things. You really should try harder to be a better human being. Anyway the run button basically acts as an ON/OFF button. Press it once and you'll be running until you press it again to stop. Kind of quirky but easy to get used 2 if u be extremely bright like I is.

Put down the controller for now. There's nothing you can do until
your face is finished being bashed in by this guy.

Wrap up:
Urban Reign is not made by Rockstar or any of those lame companies who make all of those crime games. It is made by Japanese developer Namco, so that alone should be enough to warrant a second look. It's why I took a second look, and I'm really glad I did. Definitely the best beat-em-up of this generation.

Sinful Sam
09-27-2005, 06:30 AM
Thanks for the interesting comparison, Joe.

I would have ignored Urban Reign just on the title itself. I also didn?t expect much from a 3D beat-em up game.

09-27-2005, 08:55 AM
I had heard from my bro that Spikeout for Xbox was pretty tame. He returned it the day after he bought it. Urban Reign looks jazzy, but I'm waiting for Streets of Rage 4 to reignite my interest in the beat-'em-up genre. I don't trust Capcom with the new 3D Final Fight. Hey, I wouldn't mind being proven wrong.

09-27-2005, 10:06 PM
I should like to try Urban Reign. Will you let me try it Joe Refidered?

Joe Redifer
09-27-2005, 10:54 PM
Yes, I would like to watch you get your ass whooped (though it may take awhile because the first part of the game is generally easy).

09-28-2005, 03:01 AM
:lol: You two crack me up sometimes. Good review-duo.

09-28-2005, 02:30 PM
I'll put the difficulty on normal and not easy.

Atari, I've known Joe Red WAY too long for my own good.

Joe Redifer
09-28-2005, 06:11 PM
Put it on HARD. I dare you to try and make it through all 100 missions (trying to remember if there is even a difficulty select or not. Can't remember).

Joe Redifer
09-28-2005, 07:22 PM
Shinrei Jusatsushi Taromaru (Psychic Killers)
Sega Saturn

This was made by Time Warner Interactive and is a
Japan-only game. I thought TWI was a US company.

First off I'll be referring to this game simply as "Psychic Killers" in this review. If this is something you don't think you'll be able to handle, then I suggest you invent a time machine, go back in time before you were born and suggest to your soon-to-be parents that they quickly get an abortion. Now that that's settled, this game is extremely rare. I've heard that there were less than 10,000 copies made or something like that. Regardless, it usually fetches upwards of $300 on places like eBay. Is it worth that much? Hell no. But if you are a collector (an X-TReMe collector) then you simply must have it. So what will you get for your $300+? Let's find out:

This game could have been so much better if, well, it was better.

Graphics: 8/10
This is 2D goodness. Dark goodness, that is. You will find no bright or happy colors in Psychic Killers. There are tons upon tons of layers in the scrolling, with a polygon 3D layer on top of that most of the time. There are transparencies (which many complete losers say are impossible on the Saturn) and lots of other crap like that. It really is pretty impressive to watch in motion, especially for a game back in the day. It's nowhere near as good looking as Astal, but it sure is nice. One thing that's not so great is the size of the main characters. They are smaller than some 16-bit sprites. And sometimes the screen zooms waaaay out and you are just 4 or 8 pixels high. Nonetheless it is a cool game to show off the Saturn's macabre graphics abilities, and the various demons, skeletons and ghouls in this game are drawn awesomely!

Scenes like this are awesome, with the skeleton destroying the town back there.
Can you see the player? Look on the back of the ship, on the left.

Sound: 6/10
There really isn't much to the sound. You get some stereo effects depending on what side of the screen you are on when you shoot, but the sounds themselves are really ordinary. The music all has a feudal Japan feel with some tribal overtones. It definitely gets better as the game goes on. I love the music when fighting on the rooftop near the end. But there's nothing else to talk about concerning any sounds that this game makes the Saturn produce.

For some incredibly stupid reason which I simply cannot comprehend,
you turn into a log when you die for a few seconds. A freakin' log!
I think another A-bomb just might be necessary. What the hell?

Gameplay: 6/10
The closest game this resembles in play mechanics is probably that one game. You know... it was on the Genesis. No, not that one, the other one. Yeah, that one. Thanks, I was drawing a blank. Anyway this game is perhaps even a bit more quirky than Alisia Dragoon (which I barely remember). You can't shoot unless your target is locked on to something, and it has a limited reach. There can be times when tons of enemies are on the screen and your target keeps moving to something else instead of where you want it. You can change targets by pressing either the L or the R buttons, but it is kind of a pain. You can hold down the shot button to charge up your attack, but the effect is minimal. I highly recommend button mashing your way through this game. The A button sends a shot that can convert certain enemies to your side and they help you, but it is pretty worthless I find, even when they blow up at your command. By pressing Y you do a shield attack thingy, which can deflect some attacks and it also causes damage if any enemies are right next to you. You're gonna get hit no matter what, so I rarely even bother trying to dodge enemy attacks. Still the game is pretty easy and takes less than an hour to complete. What's really cool as that the game is not divided into stages, rather it is almost completely seamless from beginning to end. It's like playing one GIANT stage. There are tons of bosses and things like that. A ranking mode opens up after you easily beat it, but who cares? Not too much in the way of replayability with this one. With 2 players simultaneously, we found it was a bit harder in the platforming areas. I recommend kicking the 2nd player in the nuts and stealing his copy of Valis III. Since most people will never have a chance to see or play this rare game, I made a 10 MB Quicktime file (http://www.joeredifer.com/reviews/TamoraruPsychicKillers.mov) so you can watch a few scenes from the game seeing how it plays and moves. It lasts 1 minute and 30 whole seconds.

I love the tailed skeleton gestating inside of that... thing.

Wrap up:
Most definitely not worth $300 unless you hate having money.

09-28-2005, 11:04 PM
With 2 players simultaneously, we found it was a bit harder in the platforming areas. I recommend kicking the 2nd player in the nuts and stealing his copy of Valis III.

The game was very enjoyable for me. I only had a chance to play 2 player since Joe was in a bad mood that day and kicked me out of his house before I could ask to play 1 player.

I told you that you could have one of my copies of Valis III. You just chose not to take it. So it will be on Ebay before long..

09-29-2005, 08:12 AM
Another awesome review. I guess that people made too much of a fuss about this game. I liked that video, especially the part where you're fighting that huge fly on the rooftops. Is that the song you mentioned? If so you must stop everything you're doing and send me that song!! Thanks babe.

09-29-2005, 04:11 PM
http://www.joeredifer.com/reviews/smb_box.jpgJoe, sorry to bring up an old game you reviewed in your review post but i have a question.

I bought super monkey ball for my cube based on your review. Ive always been interested in it, and reading your review was the final push for me to buy it.

But i have to admit, while fun at first the enjoyment is REALLY draining from it right now. Why you ask? i beat begginers mode easy, and went on to advanced mode. I can clear every single stage up to the one in question without losing a life. But when i get to the stage in the music/night land where its a giant curvy S shape course like this


and each turn is angled down so your monkey wants to fall off! Ive done this stage maybe 2-3 times properly? ive gone into practice mode and dumped a few hours into it (a few hours on one stage in SMB is a LONG time). yet everytime i come to this stage a blow all my continues on it.

As of right now, im not having fun with it anymore and starting to regret my purchase. I had a blast on all the other stages, even the ones after that one. But the inability to beat Advanced mode because of one gay stage is ruining it.

Is there a trick? I think there has to be something im missing, because on other levels (like the gutair level) where you have a choice to go down all the different width strings of the guitar, i dont see how its possible to go down the thinist one.

Help me joe! for you are the monkey ball master! only you can save me from throwing this game away now!

09-29-2005, 05:51 PM
You PSP whore!

Joe Redifer
09-29-2005, 06:28 PM
I don't recall that exact stage, but I will play through Advanced Mode in a few minutes and check for that stage. I will then EDIT this post with any hints I find. The most difficult stage in the game might be stage 7 on Expert. It is a blast!

EDIT: You must be talking about Floor 15. It is definitely a stage you'd more likely find in Expert mode rather than Advanced. But it's pretty easy once you get the hang of it. First of all the game starts you out facing a certain way. Do NOT turn left and go that way!! Press UP as hard as you can (slightly up-left, actually) and aim for the center of the "S" curve. Doing it this way will give you some extra speed which makes it easier to negotiate the turns. Speed is the key. Try not to slow down too terribly much and stay towards the center (upper) part of the corners. If you find yourself at the lower edge of the platform, just let go and die. If you are not quite all the way at the bottom and are facing in the direction you need to go, you can try rocking back and forth (left and right-ish) to get some momentum going. But keeping your speed up is key, but if you happen to slow down a bit too much, don't fret as there is still a chance!